54. Darcy
FIFTY-FOUR
DARCY
I haven’t sulked in a few months. I’m due for a good sulk, and I’m trying to pack all my negative emotions into one concentrated sulking session. I know my former therapist would tell me that’s not how feelings work, but she’s not here, is she?
I wander down Paint’s Main Street and it’s maybe the most pathetic thing I’ll ever say, but my hand feels empty without Jake’s in it. I ball it into a fist and remember the way his hand fit with mine.
I stand in front of the soda fountain and lament that I never brought Jake here. His sweet tooth would have loved it. He always ate two more scoops of ice cream than I did, and he always snuck an extra one into my bowl—his way of ensuring I was indulging along with him. Extra ice cream was one of the ways he found joy. And always mint chocolate chip.
My chest fucking aches. God, I miss him.
Okay, it’s not like he’s dead, but I’m grieving him like he is. There’s always the chance he’ll come back and say he’s taken time to think and he wants to keep going. But I can’t count on that.
That stupid phrase “if you love something, let it go” is really fucking annoying right now.
I know I’m being dramatic. I hate it. I don’t like being dramatic.
I’ve been staring blankly into the soda fountain for so long that one of the waitresses waves at me. Add being a weirdo to things I’m checking off. I wave back and move on.
I don’t even think I’d taste ice cream right now.
I make it to the end of Main Street. There are no bars on the main drag, probably an attempt to keep things wholesome in Paint, but the Legion Hall’s about half a mile down the road. There’s not much traffic right now and it’s unlikely anybody’ll dare to do me any harm.
I only get a few stray honks as I walk along the side of the road. It’s still plenty hot here on Labor Day weekend, sweat rolling down my spine.
I pry open the door to the Legion and get blasted with half-functional air conditioning and that stale beer smell familiar to almost every dive bar in America. Bar flies are scattered around, and I find a seat between everybody else. I’m examining the state of my fingernails when a coaster appears in my line of vision. I look up to find Becca’s Stone.
“Darcy, right?”
I smile. “Hey, Stone. How ya been?”
“Can’t complain. You?”
“Seen better days.”
He nods. “What can I get ya?”
I came in here with the intention of getting lit on whiskey, but practically, how would I get home? “Just a Coke.”
“You got it,” he says, scooping some ice into a ribbed plastic cup and picking up the soda gun.
“How’s your woman? I haven’t talked to her in a few weeks.”
“Should be here any minute,” he says. “She’ll want to tell you all about the ducks.”
“Ducks?” I ask, and Stone grabs his phone off the bar, scrolling through his photos. He holds up a picture of Becca with a broad smile and a duck tucked under each arm. “Oh my gosh, I’ll have to tell Brianna. She always wanted to have ducks. But just baby ducks.”
Stone’s face darkens for a moment and his Adam’s apple bobs. He slides the Coke across to me, puts his phone face down on the back bar, and walks to get somebody else’s order.
Uh oh. Looks like I pushed a button.
“Do my eyes deceive me?” comes a loud voice from the doorway. I grin, turning toward who I know to be Becca. “Oh, you look like shit!”
I sigh. “Thanks? Where ya been?”
Becca slides into the bar stool next to mine. “Cleaning houses with my mom. Something to hold me over while I get things going with the farm.”
“Better than a coal mine,” I say, and she looks at me curiously. “You know, like my great grandpa had to when he was getting the peach farm going. You’re cleaning houses to get your farm going.”
“Oh, right.”
“So, why ducks?”
She grins, pulling out her phone to presumably show me duck pics. “Tractor Supply won’t have chicks again until fall and I wanted to get my bird enterprise going.”
“I love that. You’re seriously the coolest person I know. Also,” I lower my voice. “I mentioned Brianna, and Stone didn’t seem to like it.”
She rolls her eyes. “We’re fighting about that. He doesn’t like that I still talk to her sometimes.”
“That’s odd,” I say.
“Dummy wants to have his cake and eat it too, but I like to treat the cake like a human. He’s just being a jealous little bitch.” She taps her pack of cigarettes on the bar top.
I grimace. “Sorry.”
She shrugs. “He’ll either get over it or he’ll lose me. His choice.”
“Wish I could be so casual.”
“Oh no, what did Daddy do? Do I need to go talk some sense into him?”
I shake my head and blow out a breath. “I broke it off, or put a pause on it. He’s ready to throw away everything to be with me.”
Becca’s head cocks back and she shrugs again. “You’re a catch. He should.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I chuckle. “I just want him to be sure about me before he does something drastic.”
“Who says it’s throwing it away?” she asks, her deep blue eyes piercing into mine.
“You and my aunt Maggie with that stuff,” I scoff. “He put a lot of time and money into his degree.”
“Yeah, hun, and you’re more important than a piece of paper. How’d he take it?”
“He was upset, but he respected my choice. We still love each other. At least, I still love him.” My eyes start to water.
“You know what I think? You’ve been sold this whole bill of goods about getting a good education, and you’re real smart, both of you. But what’s it all worth if you’re miserable and far away from each other? Would you go wherever he goes?”
I press the backs of my fingers under my lashes and sniff. “Yeah. I think I might. But I’m going to inherit the farm.”
She raises her brows. “First off, congratulations. Lucky girl. But second, I bet he’s willing to go wherever you want too.” She clasps my hand on the bar. “You two have the important part down. Now you’ve just got to figure out how life works around the important part.”
I can’t speak, so I just throw my arms around her neck, letting out a sob. She wraps me up tight, the plastic on her cigarette pack sticking to my shoulder as she rocks me from side to side. “Love ya, sis. It’ll be alright. I bet you he’ll be back before you know it. That boy never could stay away from you more than twelve hours.”
My laugh is watery as I pull away. “He might be a little clingy. Though to his credit, he’s been quiet since I broke things off two weeks ago.”
She waves a hand. “You fuckin’ love it. You love how that boy crawls after you like a lost puppy dog. Y’all are disgusting, but I’m happy for you.”
I sigh. “Well, how ‘bout be happier when we’re back on.”
She shoves me. “Jesus wept, you are a storm cloud, Darcy Rossetti.” She snaps her fingers at her boyfriend. “Stone, get this girl a shot. She needs to let loose.”
“I have to drive!”
She waves a hand. “Stone’ll drive us home, won’t you, baby? Come on. You deserve one drunk breakup night.” She lowers her voice. “But if he dumps me, you owe me one. Deal?”
I put my pinky out and realize I usually only do that with Brianna. But Becca picks it up like this is normal for us and links her pinky with mine. “Deal.”