Chapter 6 #2
“I, Sorrow Sophia, pinky swear that I will not catch feelings for Trace Saints during our three-week experiment. If I do, I will kiss the boy’s friend in front of Trace.”
“Good, that’s good.” He kisses the top of my head. “What other rules do you have?”
“Um, first, would you mind spelling out how you would eat me up for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?” A thrill of excitement goes through me.
His low chuckle gets me hot and bothered.
“And here I thought you’d forgotten my crass words.”
“They weren’t crass.”
“But you’re curious.”
“I am.”
“Are you sure you can handle what I’d like to do to you?” he says near my ear in a low, throaty timbre that messes with my insides and has the place between my thighs aching.
“Tell me,” I rasp. “Please.” My voice comes off needy. I’m needy. My sex throbs with hot need. His words have me wanting to touch myself until my juices slick my fingers and my body trembles from head to toe with my orgasm.
He brushes my hair away from my neck and presses his face to my flesh, beneath my pulse point. “I’ll worship you from head to toe with my mouth and my fingers, and when you’re on the brink of coming, I’ll slide my dick deep inside your wet cunt and thoroughly fuck you until you scream my name.”
His words . . . Jesus, his words are dirty.
“I would only give away my virginity to a boy who is my boyfriend and who is proud to tell the world I’m his girlfriend, his girl.” My words tremble.
I’m not sure if it’s the tail-end effect of being turned on by his unfiltered crass words. Or I’m scared that if I’m not careful, what he wants to do to me will come true. That I’ll have no self-control or self-respect when it comes to Trace Saints.
But I said what I said, and I’m sticking with it. I want it all, the complete package. I won’t be a casual anything.
He shrugs, and I feel the movement along my back and shoulders. “Girlfriend. Boyfriend. It’s a title. Just like husband, wife.”
“It’s more than that. It’s a commitment.
It’s two people committing to love only one another.
” I put everything out there. I have to.
The stakes are high. My heart is on the line.
There can’t be any misunderstandings. “Or at least, that’s what boyfriend, girlfriend means to me.
I’m not into open relationships.” I’ve read those types of romances, too, and avoid them. I realize I am very old-fashioned.
“To each his own.” He says the words like he’s annoyed that I’m not agreeing with him. He drops a kiss behind my ear, and the fight goes out of me. “What other rules do you have?” he murmurs on my skin. “Make them count, Sorrow. Three weeks isn’t a long time. Give me your best shot.”
The next part is difficult to ask for. Even though he agreed to the experiment, I have no right to ask, but it’s the only way I’ll know whether my body’s reaction to a boy’s is from fear or excitement.
“You can’t hook up with other girls.” Jealousy will muddy the experiment, and I never want to feel the way I did when Trace kissed Rue.
“Exclusive?”
“Yes.” My muscles tense up. I’m expecting him to say no. I mean, a guy like Trace, who reeks of sexual energy and virile masculinity, can’t go even a few days without sex, right?
“I’m up for that. Keeping this to just us will be the only way we’ll know if it works, yeah?”
I really like Trace’s answer. “Yes.” I glance over my shoulder. “Thank you.”
His eyes rove over my face, like he’s committing it to memory. “For what?”
“For agreeing. I didn’t think you would.”
“Because I’m a horn dog?”
“Because you like keeping your options open, and what you agreed to negates that.” I wince.
“I’m sorry. Negates is a dumb word to use.
” He must think I’m weird, speaking like I’m a talking textbook.
“I meant, thank you for putting aside your libido for me.” Jesus, that’s worse.
“I’m sorry, libido is a worse word than negates. ”
He doesn’t laugh. He’s silent. My body is still waiting for his judgment. It doesn’t come.
“How you talk is you, Sorrow. Nothing you say is dumb to me.”
“Thank you for understanding. I have limited experience talking to kids our age. Well, everyone in general,” I admit.
“Because your parents kept you to themselves?”
“Yes.” The one word chokes me with emotions—sadness, regret, anger. What were their reasons for keeping me away from the world?
“Don’t ever be sorry for how you were raised. We don’t get to choose our parents, do we?”
Trace keeps his gaze forward. I don’t. I glance up at him again and linger.
Dark hair beneath his ball cap. It’s always messy, like he just woke up and ran his fingers through it, not bothering with gel or whatever guys put in their hair.
Sharp nose. Full lips. A stubborn jut to his chin.
Snatched jawline. Prominent Adam’s apple.
Even in the dark, Trace Saints is sexy, a girl’s dream boy with his dreamy good looks.
I’m excited to be here with him. I’m not scared. What he does next sends a thrill of excitement through me. Trace picks me up with minimal effort and sits me sideways on his lap.
“Put your arms around my neck.” The low, sexy rumble of his voice near my ear has the place between my legs aching and my body on fire.
“Um, okay.” I do as he asks.
“Lean into me.”
I press my body against his.
His body heat seeps through my clothes and warms me like the time the sun shone in through the small basement window and I lifted my face. It felt so good to feel the heat on my skin and not be cold. My father rarely turned the heat on, reminding me we needed to save money and to bundle up instead.
I hadn’t realized how much I missed being warm until Trace put me on his lap and shared his body heat with me.
“Better?”
“How’d you know?”
“You’re too skinny. Skinny girls get cold easily.”
“Is this from experience?”
Do I really want to know? Why do I continue torturing myself by asking him questions I don’t want answers to?
“Never mind. I don’t want to know.” I skim my nose over his ball cap.
The fabric smells like the night air, sweat, and male musk. Liking his scent, wanting to commit it to memory, I move my head from side to side and inhale a deeper breath. Guys smell so good. Scratch that. Trace smells good.
“If you have your own bathroom, why do you use the one next to my room?”
He tsks. “Don’t feel comfortable just ’cause I’m sharing my heat with you and being nice. Guys love taking advantage of a situation for their benefit.”
He slides his arm behind my lower back and the other over my stomach, his fingers interlacing over my hip. Trace is big. I’m small. Will we fit if we ever make love?
Make love?
I’ve already decided we won’t.
I’m afraid of falling for the first guy I sleep with because I have a gut feeling I won’t be able to separate my emotions from the act. Translation: I would feel too much for sex to be just casual. Trace is only into casual. He doesn’t have girlfriends.
“Lesson number one. Don’t ever believe what a guy says and does when he has you alone in the darkness.”
“Like what you’re doing right now?”
“Yeah.”
He tightens his hold. I’m sandwiched between his arms. My heartbeat flutters like butterfly wings. My insides knot. This isn’t fear. It’s the anticipation of what Trace will do next. I swallow down my nervousness. Am I ready?
“Thank you for the lesson. When should we start?” Thank goodness my words are steady. I’m a mess of jumbled-up nerves.
“How about tomorrow night? My bedroom.”
“In the dark?”
“Or with the lights on. This is your experiment.”
“Our experiment,” I clarify. “How about Sunday instead? Or we can start on Monday. That’ll give you two days to do, you know, whatever you need to do.”
“I’m good with starting tomorrow. The sooner we start, the more of a head start you’ll have.”
“I do need as much help as you can give me.” I share something I haven’t even told Leigh. “I plan on saving every penny I earn from working at the auto parts store and moving to Alexandria or Montgomery after graduation.”
Trace’s body tenses.
“Those cities will eat you alive. Too many people. Too many bad people.”
“They won’t, and I’ll be prepared. You’ll teach me the hard life lessons, Trace.”
“You trust me that much?”
“What reason would you have to steer me wrong?”
“So that you’ll fail and run back to me with your tail tucked between your legs.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“Wanna try me?”
I loosen my hold on his neck, suddenly unsure about him. “Why would you do that?”
“To keep you close. To have you relying on me and only me.”
“That’s selfish.”
“I’m a selfish son of a bitch.”
“Truly, though, you want me to yourself?”
“I don’t share.”
“The other girls—”
“Can take care of themselves.”
“What you said earlier—”
“I can change my mind. We have the rest of the year.”
“You think I’ll watch you with other girls, then accept being yours after you’ve hooked up with them?” Unbelievable. “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. Other girls might, but I won’t.”
“You’re asking for a lot.”
“I’m asking for what I deserve.” It’s not too much. I know it isn’t. I’ve met Malice’s and Seven’s parents. They’re still madly in love with their spouses. I want the same. “Don’t set me up to fail, Trace,” I implore. “Teach me, then let me fly.”
“Big cities are dangerous.”
I laugh without humor. “And you aren’t, toying with girls’ hearts?”
“I make it clear the sex is casual.”
“It doesn’t make it hurt any less when they fall for you.” I hold the shield over my heart with all my strength. It’s the only way I’ll stop myself from falling for Trace.
I want to prove him wrong. I want him to stop it with the hookups.
I want to be the girl who wins over his heart, for good.
But I don’t have the kind of experience the other girls have.
I can hardly talk to a boy without being scared or nervous.
Now, here I am with one of the most sought-after guys in our school.