Chapter 10 #2
“Oh . . .” I try to hide my disappointment, but Jamie catches it anyway because why wouldn’t he? Observant ass.
“Didn’t Dillan tell you?” The ass in question turns my way, and I get the distinct feeling I’m not going to like whatever Dillan was supposed to tell me. “Tonight’s your honorary introduction to book club.”
Well . . . I didn’t see that coming.
“Hi, sweetheart. It’s so good to see you.
” Senator Sabrina Cabot Murphy kisses my cheek and eyes a sleeping Kyrie in the baby carrier, clearly itching to pick her up but holding herself back.
“Are you hungry?” she asks as she sits down on the other side of the table at the little Italian restaurant in town.
Nonna’s is Ryker’s family’s restaurant, and it’s been delicious every time we’ve ordered takeout, but even that can’t help the way my stomach has been off all day, so I lie. “A little.”
The waitress stops by, and I opt for ginger ale and a bowl of soup instead of the eggplant parmigiana I’ve indulged in a few times and grab a piece of bread.
“How are you doing, Ashton?” Sabrina asks in that motherly way she’s always had. The way I wish my mom would have. “You’ve had a lot thrown at you over the past few months.” Her eyes stray again to Kyrie. “And my goodness, she’s gotten so much bigger already, hasn’t she?”
“She has.” I smile and agree, making a mental note to switch out the clothes in her closet that have already gotten too small.
“I’m okay. Just trying to take everything one step at a time.
We passed the initial CPS inspections, and I finished the final class I needed to take in order to keep Kyrie with me. ”
“And what are the next steps?”
The waitress drops off drinks and a tray of meats and cheese I have to ignore because they don’t help with my already struggling stomach. “The next steps are. . . complicated.”
Sabrina’s face softens. “Complicated as in you’d like me to not push or complicated as in you need help? Because I’m happy to do whichever you prefer, Ashton. Aiden and I are here to help in whatever way we can. I hope you know that.”
“Thank you so much,” I murmur, my eyes locked on my sleeping sister. “Honestly,” I hesitate. “It’s a little bit of both, I guess. Everything about this situation feels complicated.”
It’s as much truth as I have to give.
“Well, when you’re ready to talk or if you decide you need help, legal or otherwise, I’m here. We all are. You’re like family to us, Ashton.”
I swallow, nodding silently. Some days her family feels more real to me than my own.
“So tell me.” Her dark eyes crinkle in that way her sons’ do before they’re about to say something cheeky. “How are my boys treating you?”
“Honestly,” I sigh. “I barely even see Finn most days. I may have actually talked to him more when I lived in Chicago and we were forced to have FaceTime dinner dates to catch up on each other’s lives.
I know he’s only supposed to work eighty hours a week, but I swear he’s at the hospital twice that much.
I don’t know how he does it. He’s pretty incredible. ”
She sips her white wine, listening to me. “He is incredible. They both are.”
“They are,” I admit, not that I’ll ever tell Jamie that. “I’m pretty sure Jamie is Kyrie’s favorite person in the world. He’s surprisingly good with her.”
“And with you?” Sabrina pushes as she drops her hands in her lap. “Is he good with you too? You used to be so close. All four of you were.”
I push down the overwhelming emotions that threaten to drown me with those four words.
All four of us.
There hasn’t been four of us in a long time.
“He’s Jamie,” I begrudgingly admit. “Have you ever met a woman he can’t charm?”
“Oh, sweetheart—”
The waitress places my soup and Sabrina’s salad in front of us and offers me a lucky reprieve. We spend the rest of the afternoon catching up on much easier topics, and once Kyrie wakes up and Sabrina finally gets to hold my sister, I’m not sure she’s ever going to put her down.
That’s what she deserves.
That kind of mother.
The kind I want to be for her . . . But I’m not her mother.
A small voice somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind reminds me if my mother signs her rights away, that’s exactly what I’ll be. A mother. Kyrie’s mother.
I wasn’t sure that was what I wanted the first time the CPS social worker mentioned the possibility to me. But over the past few weeks, I’ve realized it’s exactly what I want. For her and for me. Something about this, today . . . it cements that fact.
I guess I better save enough money for a lawyer and a therapist because I’m pretty sure Kyrie and I will both need help working through this eventually.
And that’s the first time I’ve smiled thinking about the future.
Our future. Because we can get through this.
We might need help doing it, but there’s no shame in that.
Not when I’m finally looking at the future I want for us. Because there will be an us.
The Carmichael girls against the world.
I can do this.
I will do this.
“Sabrina . . .” I straighten my shoulders and swallow my pride. “Do you think one of your family law attorney friends would be able to help me?” I finally ask, and the brilliant smile she gives me answers me in about a million ways before she ever says a word.