Chapter 12 Ashton
ASHTON
Someone once told me the right women don’t let you disappear in your hard seasons of life.
I didn’t understand that before. I do now.
—Ashton’s Secret Thoughts
Dillan
Ashton, are you dressed?
Ashton
Umm . . . Do leggings and an old T-shirt count as dressed?
Lexie
How old?
Kaleigh
Like can you see through it?
Ashton
It’s Friday night. I didn’t know there was a dress code for pizza.
Dillan
There isn’t. But you might not want to wear something with holes in it to dinner.
Ashton
I’m not going to dinner.
Lexie
Yes you are. We’re in the driveway, and you’re coming with us.
Kaleigh
So switch shirts and let’s go.
Ashton
And what am I supposed to do with Kyrie?
Kaleigh
Bring her with you.
Ashton
To dinner?
Lexie
Unless you’re planning something else we don’t know about.
Ashton
I shouldn’t.
Dillan
You should and you are. Now hurry up, I’m hungry, and Lexie is bordering on hangry. Trust me when I say she gets mean.
Lexie
I do not.
Kaleigh
You do.
Ashton
Well I wouldn’t want to be the reason Lexie gets mean.
“You okay, Ash?” Finn asks from the other side of the kitchen counter, his black glasses making him look like a hot Clark Kent as he studies something on his iPad. Life would be so much easier if I was just attracted to my best friend. “You look—”
I look up from my phone, glaring. “If you say pale, I’m going to cut you, Finnegan Murphy,” I warn, as I slide my phone back into my pocket. Not even a spark of attraction between us. “I’m fine. I just—”
“Geez . . . You just what? Lost your mind? No cutting the messenger, Ashton. I’m not Jamie. Put the claws away.”
That doesn’t help his case.
He’s lucky Kyrie chooses then to slam her palms happily against the tray of the highchair, sending puffs flying everywhere, or maybe I’d show him just how annoyingly similar to his brother he can be.
“Seriously . . . You look confused. You okay?”
I flick one of the puffs at his face and huff out a breath. “The girls are in the driveway. They want me to go to dinner.”
“What girls?” Finn asks, and I consider for the first time that maybe he didn’t send them here as a good deed. Maybe . . .
“The book club girls.” When he doesn’t say anything, I remember Finn isn’t in book club, and as much as I love my best friend, he’s a little oblivious to the world around him sometimes. “Your cousins. Lexie and Dillan and Kaleigh.”
“Kaleigh’s not my cousin, smart-ass.”
I stare at him, waiting for him to get the point he’s apparently missing, but he just smiles instead.
“Whatever. You should go.” He closes his iPad, and I want to tell him to stop looking at me with what seems a whole lot like pity in his big, green eyes. “You might have fun.”
Maybe . . .
Kyrie’s already been fed and bathed, and really, all I’d have to do is throw on another shirt. Fuck it. Why not? A girl’s got to eat, right? “Can you watch her for me? Just for a minute while I change.”
“I can do better. How about I watch Kyrie for you while you go out and have a drink with the girls?”
“Really?” I ask, a little shocked and a little nervous.
I’ve never left Kyrie alone with one of the guys. Alone in a room—yes. Alone for a night—not so much.
I trust them completely. It’s not that. But I’ve never left her, period. I just haven’t wanted to. I guess maybe my abandonment issues are showing.
“We’ll be golden, won’t we, princess?” he asks Kyrie before smiling at me. “Go. Have fun.”
I mean . . . I would only be a quick car ride away, and I’d probably be back in two hours. I can do this. Right?
Finn’s a doctor, and he’s great with her. She’d be in perfectly capable hands.
I watch for another beat as he turns to my sister and works on her high-fiving skills, determined she’s going to get it. I can do this. He can do this. Okay, dinner with the girls. I’m going. “Thanks, Finn.”
He says something else, but I’m already halfway out of the room, rushing to get dressed before I change my mind. I pull out my phone and shoot off a text.
Ashton
Give me five minutes to change and I’ll be right out. Finn is keeping Kyrie for me.
I yank open my closet and stare at clothes I haven’t bothered to wear since my former roommate boxed them up and sent them to me.
Throwing on a sundress and sweater, I decide to ditch the leggings.
I already washed my hair this morning and let it air-dry, so it’s not too bad, and a little mascara and lip gloss later, that’s as good as I’m getting.
I can do this.
I am doing this.
It’s just dinner.
Adinner that turns my stomach the minute I smell the appetizers.
I am so over my new aversion to food. I swear every time I smell anything remotely garlicky or spicy—something I’d normally think would be delicious—now, somehow turns my stomach lately.
“So, what’s the latest CPS drama?” Kaleigh asks as she pops a stuffed mushroom into her mouth, and I’m pretty sure Dillan kicks her under the table for it.
“Ouch. What the hell? We all want to know.” Yup.
She definitely got kicked. “I’m not being nosey.
How else will we be able to help if we don’t know what’s going on? ”
Valid point.
“I appreciate it, but I don’t need any help.
At least not yet,” I offer, softening my response.
“Things are kind of just there at the moment. I’m waiting to hear whether or not my mom’s taking the plea deal before I can make my next moves.
Sabrina’s friend is working on the case for me, and she’s assured things moving slowly is what’s to be expected. ”
“Have you talked to your mom yet?” Lexie adds, knowing the last time they peppered me with questions, the answer was no.
“Not yet.” I don’t share that I’m not sure I want to, afraid they’ll judge the hell out of me for that little fact. “But I did finally speak to my dad last week. We were supposed to do lunch, but he had to reschedule.” Again.
Kaleigh rips a piece of bread and dips it violently in the oil. “Family sucks.”
“Not all family sucks,” Dillan sighs as she tugs the oil away before Kaleigh can somehow turn it into a weapon.
The woman looks a little scary right now.
“No, you’re right. Not all family. But most of us aren’t as lucky as you two.” She points her bread between Lexie and Dillan. “Your family is the exception, not the rule.”
“I could see that,” Lexie agrees. “But we also get to choose the family we surround ourselves with, and I for one am grateful for the three of you.”
“You big sap,” Dillan teases, and I laugh.
These women make it seem simple. Opening yourself up. Something that’s been anything but simple for me for years now. They make me less afraid to try.
The waiter stops by the table and sets our dinners in front of us, and my stomach immediately flips.
In through the nose.
Out through the mouth.
“You okay over there, Ashton?” Kaleigh prods, and it takes me a moment to decide whether I am actually okay.
I open my mouth to say yes but jump out of my seat and run to the bathroom instead, where I empty what little I have in my stomach into the sink, not even making it to the stall.
By the time I’ve stopped retching, all three women are standing behind me.
Dillan holds my hair off my face as Lexie leans her back against the door, giving us a little privacy from any prying eyes.
“Holy shit, Ashton . . .” Kaleigh murmurs as she passes me a damp paper towel. “You’re not pregnant, are you?”
As if in slow-motion, I turn to look at her. “Absolutely not.”
“Good. You reminded me of my sister for a hot minute. She spent the entire nine months she was pregnant with my nephew puking any time food was placed in front of her.”
A knock at the door has all four of our heads swinging that way. “Occupied,” Lexie calls out and makes sure it’s locked, before sharing a look with Dillan.“Are you sure you’re not? Because you just reminded me of Dillan’s sister at the beginning of her pregnancy too.”
“Seriously,” I wipe my mouth, wishing I had some mouthwash on hand. “I’d have to be having sex to be pregnant.”
Jamie
The cool night air sticks to my sweaty skin as I step out of the carriage house I transformed from a guest house to a training facility before we moved in.
Gotta say, it was one of my better design ideas.
At least it was before my cousin flies down my damn driveway, nearly running me off the path. The little shit.
“What the fuck, Dillan?” I grumble, watching her stop the car in front of the house and throw her middle finger up through the window.
She steps out of the front of her SUV, ignoring me, and opens the back door.
My little honey badger emerges, looking fucking beautiful in a red sundress with a white sweater thrown over her shoulders. Her dark hair is down and her face—
Ahh shit.
Her face is fucking green.
I jog over to the girls and wrap an arm around Ashton’s waist without waiting for permission she probably won’t give. “Hey, Ace. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she snaps, but it’s less nasty, eat your face off vicious animal and more bear with a splinter in its paw. “I’m fine.”
“She’s not fine.” Dillan pushes Ashton’s hair away from her shoulders like they’ve been friends for years, and I’m pretty sure she just became my favorite cousin. “Want me to help you inside?”
“No, really. I’m fine. But thank you.” Ashton sticks her head back in the car, where Lexie and Kaleigh are both waiting. “Sorry for the early night.”
The girls say something I can’t make out before Ashton straightens and starts for the door, completely ignoring me.
Before I can follow her, Dillan grabs my arm. “Keep an eye on her if you can. She just threw up so hard she broke the capillaries around her eyes.”
“Shit. Thanks, D.” I kiss the top of her head and jog up the walk to catch up to Ashton.
“Slow down, Jameson. That girl is not your biggest fan, and if you chase after her, she’s going to be pissed. You need to play it smoother than that.”
“Who says I’m playing?” I snap and look to where Ashton’s nearly at the door.
“I knew it.” She snickers. “You’re so screwed, dude. You’ve got a lot of work ahead of you. That girl makes my trust issues look like a walk in the park.”
“Easy’s boring,” I remind my cousin before catching up to Ashton. With my hand covering the front doorknob I turn to Ashton under the porch lights. “Slow down, Ace. Let me see your eyes.”
“Why? Do you think I’m drunk?” she deadpans and flutters her long lashes. Tiny freckles dot the corners of her gold-flecked eyes. But they’re not freckles—this girl threw up so hard, she busted every capillary.
I drag the pad of my thumb over the small red splotches and wince. “Ashton. . .”
“I just ate something that didn’t agree with me. I’ll be fine.”
Gently, I brush her hair from her face and drag the back of my palm along her forehead and cheek. “No fever.”
“Pretty sure Dr. Murphy is inside,” she taunts, but there’s no real malice there as she waits for me to drop my hand. “You can let go now, charmer. I’ve got to go check on Kyrie.”
“Kyrie is fine,” I tell her as I drag my hand down the curve of her jaw and along the column of her neck, remembering what it was like to have this woman beneath me, warm and pliant. “Finn put her to bed an hour ago.”
“Open the door, Jamie.” Her words are weak, and I give in, dropping my hand.
“Can I get you anything?”
“I’m fine, I swear.” She pushes into the house, and I follow her up the stairs, unwilling to let her out of my sight.
I stop outside Kyrie’s open door and watch as Ashton steps up to the crib.
She presses a kiss to her fingers, then drags them down the sleeping baby’s cheek, and damn if seeing them together doesn’t do something to my chest. Something that’s getting harder to ignore.
This beautiful woman—well shit. She runs by me with her hand over her mouth and dashes into her room, then slams the bathroom door shut behind her.
Finn hits the top of the stairs in time to see Ashton run from Kyrie’s room into hers, but I ignore him.
“What did you do?”
“Fuck you, man. She’s sick.”
He shoves past me into her room, and I let him like a dumbass because unlike me, she might actually want to see Finn. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna move though.
Ten minutes later, when he finally walks the hell out of the bathroom and sees me by her doorframe, the look on his face is murderous. “You need something, brother?”
I wait for him to step into the hallway and close the door behind him before answering. This conversation has been coming for months. “Just making sure she’s okay.”
Finn’s eyes flinch, and I’m pretty sure the fucker wants to hit me. “You know, I told myself you weren’t going there. I mean, you wouldn’t. She’s my best friend. She’s Evan’s sister. There’s no way you’d put the moves on Ashton Carmichael.”
“Put the moves— Seriously? What the fuck, brother?” I keep my voice calm, so much calmer than I feel. “Is there something between the two of you?”
“More than her being like an actual sister to me?” He vibrates with anger, and I’m not sure if he’s being honest or if he’s just seriously this fucking pissed at me. Not the first time. Won’t be the last, either. “No, you fuck. I love her like I love Dillan or Lexie or Lilah.”
Thank fucking God.
“What are you thinking?” He takes a step closer, lowering his voice, and I’m pretty sure this is the first time in years Finn’s been ready to step up to me. “Just because she’s here and you have easy access, you’re what? Suddenly interested?”
“It’s not like that,” I clench my fists at my sides. “It’s never been like that.”
“She’s forbidden fucking fruit, Jamie. You’re going to get bored. You always do.”
This is my brother, I remind myself, and resist the urge to pick the asshole up and toss him over the fucking banister like yesterday’s trash. But the urge is there, all the same. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Move on before you hurt her,” he urges me through gritted teeth, not backing down.
“I tried that once.” Fuck . . . I tried. “I stayed away, and I hurt her anyway. I’m done hurting her. She’s a grown woman. If she wants me to stay away, she’s going to have to tell me that herself.”
Finn looks at me like he’s never seen me before. “And what if I tell you to stay away?”
“You can try . . .” It’s a threat and a promise.
“If you hurt her—”
I stop him before the words are out of his mouth. “I won’t.”
“Yeah . . . We’ll see about that.”
Fury rolls through me as I watch him walk the fuck away, fuming.
He’ll get over it.
She may have been his to take care of till now, but that’s about to change.