19. Becca
19
BECCA
B ecca stood with the other members of the choir and looked out over the park. The group was supposed to be warming up quietly, and a handful of the singers were doing just that. But many were chatting over thermoses of hot tea and waving to friends as they gathered in the park.
The sun was already sinking behind the mountains, the fiery sky casting the snowy park in shades of pink and gold. Happy people wandered toward the big Christmas tree, carrying festive bags and armloads of gifts for donation.
It was beautiful, like something out of a picture book that could have been set today or one hundred years ago, if not for the handful of pickup trucks parked around the square.
But Becca just couldn’t get into the spirit of it. The events of the past week weighed on her too heavily. How could she have messed up so badly about Nick and Cal?
She had woken up this morning wishing she could just spend the whole weekend in her bed, hiding under the covers. But of course she couldn’t, because she was an adult that needed to face her problems, and she was in the choir, which had a big role in the celebration today. So she was here, trying her best to let the festive atmosphere change her mood.
Her mother would’ve told her that staying busy was the best thing for her—if Becca had actually gotten up the nerve to call and confess anything. Normally, calling her mother was the first thing she did anytime she made a mistake or felt bad about something.
But money was tight in her family, and her parents had skimped to help her with her room and board at college since she was borrowing a fortune for her tuition. The idea of telling her mother how completely clueless she had been now that she finally had a classroom of her own—well, the idea was just too awful. Maybe she had made a mortifying mistake, but at least she didn’t have to make her mother suffer too.
It was unthinkable not to notice students cheating, especially when they were sitting in the front row. Had she really been too busy patting herself on the back, or daydreaming about their handsome father to pay attention to her actual job?
But she really didn’t think that was it. No matter how many times she thought back, she honestly couldn’t remember a single time that she had seen Nick’s eyes on his brother’s work. The boy always had his gaze fixed on the board or on Becca’s face, looking engaged and enthusiastic, like he was having the time of his life.
It doesn’t feel right.
She hadn’t known the boys that long, but in her heart, she still couldn’t accept that Nick had been cheating. Even though she had to admit that there didn’t seem to be another explanation.
Even his father agrees that he was cheating, she told herself firmly, and not for the first time. You don’t know him better than his father knows him.
But the whisper of doubt in the back of her mind still wouldn’t stop.
“You okay?” Angela asked her quietly.
She looked up and saw that everyone else had gotten into their places to begin singing.
“Sorry,” she muttered, feeling more embarrassed than before as she scurried over to her spot.
Madge lifted her hands to cue the choir. As the beautiful opening notes of “The First Noel” drifted over the park, everything grew still and quiet, and the sweet peace of the song and its message lifted Becca’s worried soul.
Her voice was only part of a larger chorus, and her role was merely to do her very best to support the whole. A wave of comfort instantly filled her chest. It was the same feeling she’d had the summer her father had piled all the kids in the old blue van and taken them to the beach. The water of the Atlantic was somehow still as cold as ice, even in June. But Becca had never seen the ocean before, and standing in the wet sand, looking out over the vastness of the waves under a swirling gray sky, she’d had this same sense of being tiny in the face of the majesty of nature and the mystery of the universe.
As the song continued, she gazed out onto the crowd. Somehow, her eyes instantly landed on Zane and his boys.
How can I feel this way after only two weeks? Like an invisible string is tying my heart to theirs?
She tore her eyes away, focusing instead on the music. When they reached the final song, the whole choir walked over to the tree for the lighting. And as the last notes faded into the chill night air, the mayor of the tiny town stepped forward and spoke into the microphone, his voice echoing over the hushed crowd.
“As you know, we have a tradition in Sugarville Grove to honor a member of the community that’s gone above and beyond to contribute to the well-being of others. This year we wanted to honor Luke Hayes.”
There was a round of applause, and then he continued.
“For those of you who don’t know, Luke spends many afternoons every year delivering trees to those who can’t make it out themselves to do so. Now, I for one, don’t know how that old truck keeps running, but it sure does. And Luke Hayes puts it to good use. To thank him for his generous spirit, he and his family are going to light the tree this year. Thank you, Luke, for being our Christmas Star this year.”
A man she didn’t know joined the mayor, along with his wife and three children. Becca couldn’t help but notice how happy they all seemed, and wondered if she would ever find someone who looked at her the way Luke was looking at his family.
What if I already have, and I’m just too blind to see it?
The excitement grew as the crowd counted down, and then the sweet family on the stage did the honors. When the lights flashed to life, illuminating the massive tree and its old-fashioned decorations, Becca sighed along with the rest of the crowd.
Then, the choir joined the rest of the town in dropping gifts under the tree for families who were struggling this year. Becca was grateful that Madge had pulled her aside to explain and let her know how to adopt a family or a child.
Becca didn’t have much herself this year, but she didn’t need much, and she certainly didn’t mind economizing a little extra in order to have the pleasure of buying for an anonymous child. She focused on her gifts as she walked up to the tree to deposit them, trying not to think about the eyes of the townsfolk on her, and whether or not word had gotten out yet about how bad of a teacher she was.
But no one seemed to be paying much attention to her. They were all too caught up in the festivities.
“Come on,” Allie told her when the whole ceremony was over. “We’re going to grab some pizza. My treat.”
Becca felt her cheeks heat at the indication that the other woman had guessed the real reason she never went out.
“It’s okay,” she said quickly. “I can pay for it.”
“Not a chance,” Allie laughed. “Remember, I’ve had my job a year longer than you and I don’t even pay rent since I still live on the farm with my family. Besides, I owe you one.”
“Why?” Becca asked.
“Because you pulled my nephew out of his shell a little,” Allie said, nodding toward the southwest corner of the park, where Cal was running around with another boy. And this time, Nick wasn’t with him.
But Becca’s joy was short-lived because when she finally spotted Nick, he was practically clinging to his dad, probably still feeling ashamed about the math test.
“I’m pretty sure I made things much worse than they were before,” she admitted out loud.
“Nah,” Allie said. “It’s good to shake things up sometimes, even if they don’t land where you hoped. Come on, let’s get some food. It’s cold out here, and I’m so hungry, I could eat a woodchuck.”
“Thanks,” she told her, meaning it. Allie’s words made Becca think that maybe she really was just getting too far into her own head about the whole thing. It wouldn’t be the first time.
Half an hour later, Becca was sitting at a table along with Allie, Angela, and Emily, sipping a Coca-Cola and feeling better than she had in the last two days.
Scanning the menu, she couldn’t help noticing the prices were a little higher than she felt comfortable with, even if Allie was paying.
“What are you doing?” Emily asked her suddenly. “Just get the Teacher Special .”
“I didn’t see that,” Becca said, frowning and turning back to the menu.
“It’s off-menu,” Allie told her with a wink. “The owner loves teachers, so we can get a soft drink with free refills and a slice of either the daily special or plain pizza for practically nothing.”
“Really?” Becca asked, amazed. “But this place seems so fancy.”
“It is,” Angela said with a smile. “But I suspect having us here filling up tables and having fun helps get more people in the door.”
“Sorry I didn’t tell you before,” Emily said. “If you already thought this place was super-swanky, it’s no wonder you didn’t want to come.”
“I really did have a lot of work to do,” Becca said. “Though I guess it doesn’t matter what I do outside the classroom if I keep messing up inside it.”
“Everything you do matters,” Allie said firmly. “And we all have a lot to learn, especially in the beginning.”
“I just can’t believe I didn’t see it,” Becca admitted.
“Well, Denise did,” Angela said. “And the boys will be separated again after the holiday. So no real harm was done.”
“It just… doesn’t feel right,” Becca let herself admit. “Nick isn’t a cheater.”
Angela and Emily exchanged a glance that she was pretty sure was just the two of them feeling sorry for her. And Allie wrapped an arm around Becca’s shoulder and gave her a squeeze.
“They’re just little kids,” she told her kindly. “And they try out all kinds of things and make so many mistakes. I know I did.”
Becca nodded, something in her still resisting the idea.
“But you still have another week with them,” Allie added. “Who knows what you could learn if you’re paying attention?”
Becca nodded to herself. Allie was obviously just trying to make her feel better. But she did have a point.
Becca still had a week with the boys. And somehow, she was going to find out what really happened. If Nick had cheated, it was for a reason. And she was going to get to the bottom of it.