24. Becca
24
BECCA
B ecca sat opposite Zane at The Moose Bar & Grill that night, feeling like she had to be dreaming.
Zane always looked very handsome, but tonight he was wearing a white button-down shirt with jeans, and his hair was a little damp, like he’d showered right before picking her up.
They were both a little awkward so far, but she supposed that was to be expected after the difficulties they’d had this week.
The restaurant was nice, but not so fancy that it was intimidating. The moose head over the bar was draped with garland, and there were miniature Christmas trees at every table, complete with little twinkling lights. Some instrumental, jazzy carols drifted to them from overhead speakers, and everyone seemed to be in a very festive mood.
Now that Becca was feeling a little more positive about things, the whole upbeat atmosphere of the place seemed just right. And if the smells coming from the kitchen were any indication, atmosphere wasn’t the only thing this place did well.
“Here we go,” the waitress said. “Two ice waters, and two of our famous hot chocolates. And your meal will be out soon.”
Becca smiled as the lady placed two steaming mugs of fragrant chocolate on the table, followed by two glasses of ice water.
“Wow, looks great,” Zane said.
When the waitress asked what she would like to drink, Becca had panicked, answered honestly, and then immediately felt like a child. What adult woman asked for hot chocolate? It probably would have been more normal to ask for a glass of wine or something.
But when Zane said that sounded awesome and ordered one for himself, she let herself relax a little. With the flurries drifting down outside, and the music in the air, a little hot chocolate seemed like a great choice.
“Well, we had quite a week,” he said. “I’m very sorry again for not trusting your instincts.”
“It’s okay,” she told him. “I get why you’re protective over them. They’re such special kids.”
“To new friendships,” Zane said, grinning and holding up his mug.
She touched hers to his, feeling a little shy.
Zane took a sip and then held his hand up to stop her.
“Don’t drink that yet,” he told her. “It’s very hot.”
She couldn’t help giggling a little.
“Are you giggling at me?” he demanded playfully.
“Maybe just a little,” she admitted. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he told her. “I like seeing you like this.”
“Like what?” she asked.
“Free,” he said. “Relaxed.”
She nodded and stroked the handle of her mug thoughtfully. He was right, she didn’t let her hair down often. It was just that her studies and her work took up so much of her focus.
“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I like that you’re a hard worker.”
“It’s just that the kids are so important to me,” she said. “Teaching isn’t just a job for me, it’s more like a calling.”
“That’s very clear,” he told her right away. “Anyone can see how much you care about the children, and how much good you do for them—my boys especially. But I ran into Lorelei Jensen, and she told me that you spent your lunch break helping Aubrey with some make up work.”
To Becca, that was all part of the job. But it still felt nice to be recognized for a job well done sometimes.
“I do my best. And Nick and Cal are such incredible young men,” she told him, smiling fondly at the thought of the two of them smiling and laughing this afternoon. “Thank you for bringing Nick’s glasses into the classroom and sharing that moment with us. How did you know he wouldn’t be embarrassed about it?”
“I guess I didn’t really know for sure,” Zane admitted, looking a little horrified.
“You go on instinct too,” she said right away. “You know him better than anyone but Cal, so of course you were right.”
Zane gave her another of his rare smiles and she felt it down to her toes, and couldn’t help smiling back.
“I worry sometimes that I’m not enough for them on my own,” he said, scrubbing a hand over his jaw. “It’s really nice to hear you say I’m doing a good job.”
“Of course you are,” she said right away. “They’re amazing. There’s not one thing I would want to change about either of them. They’re enthusiastic and bright, but they’re also kind, and that doesn’t happen by chance.”
“I can’t take all the credit for that,” Zane said right away. “My parents and siblings have always been around to spend time with them. It’s made all the difference.”
“A big family is such a blessing,” Becca agreed, thinking of her own family. “What about their mom?”
The question hung in the air for an awful moment. Becca put her hand over her mouth, but she couldn’t cram the words back in. They were already out.
“I’m sorry,” she said right away. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to ask about her. I’m awful at this. You can probably tell I don’t have a lot of experience going on dates…”
“So, this is a date?” Zane asked, arching a brow.
It took her a second to realize he was teasing her, but when it landed on her she couldn’t help smiling with relief.
“Do you want it to be a date?” she asked quietly.
“Are you kidding me?” he said, reaching across the table to take her hand in his. “Of course I want to be on a date with you.”
His hand was warm, and so much larger than hers. She felt a wave of rightness wash over her, like she was wading in a calm lake with the sun warming her face.
“Okay,” she said shyly, her eyes on their hands.
“Two cups of creamy potato soup,” the waitress said brightly. “And the rest of your meal will be out in just a bit.”
Zane let go of Becca’s hand to allow the waitress to place their soup on the table.
“Thank you,” Becca said.
“My pleasure, sweetie,” she replied and headed off.
“This looks great,” Becca said.
“Go on and eat,” Zane told her. “I think I would like to tell you a little about Brandy.”
“You don’t have to,” Becca told him right away. “I don’t ever need to know.”
“There are rumors in town,” Zane said. “I know about them. It’s better for you to hear the truth from me. I’m not blameless in this situation, as a lot of folks would have you believe.”
That wasn’t what she had expected. But she nodded and kept listening.
“Brandy wanted to be a flight attendant or a cruise director,” he said, the corners of his mouth ticking up slightly. “She wanted to see the world. She never really wanted to settle down around here.”
“Wow,” Becca said.
“We were high school sweethearts, and I guess you could say opposites attract,” he said. “Because the last thing I would ever want to do is leave Sugarville Grove.”
He shook his head and took a sip of his water.
“Anyway,” he went on. “After we graduated, we agreed that I would work at the farm and she would work at the old diner, until we had enough money to move to the city.”
Becca nodded.
“I think my parents hoped she would change her mind,” he said. “When we got married, they gave us the house the boys and I are living in now. But Brandy wasn’t impressed. She knew what she wanted.”
“I can relate to that,” Becca said.
“You sure can,” Zane told her. “At any rate, we had decided not to have kids until later, until we had our new life set up.”
Becca nodded.
“Well, our plan didn’t exactly work,” Zane admitted, looking down at his hands. “And that was probably the beginning of the end.”
“She didn’t want a child yet,” Becca said, nodding. She could understand that.
“On the surface, yeah,” Zane said. “But I think we might have survived just that. The problem was me.”
That didn’t ring true, Zane was a kind and patient man. Becca couldn’t imagine him reacting resentfully to an unplanned pregnancy. She searched his eyes, but he was looking out the window into the distance.
“I really wanted children,” he said softly. “And I didn’t want to leave home. I was so happy that I was going to be a dad. And it was so hard to hide it from her.”
“Oh,” Becca said.
“Me trying to cover up my own feelings, at the time when she needed me most was the end of us,” he said, his voice so deep and sad. “She saw through me anyway. And I felt awful, like I had made it all happen on purpose, or that I didn’t care about her dreams.”
“But you would never do that,” Becca said suddenly.
“Thanks,” he said, his eyes moving to hers again. “There were times when she made me doubt myself. And when we found out it was twins… Well, to me it was a miracle, like a sign that it was all meant to be. And of course, Tripp and I are close in age, so we’re very tight with each other. I could just see our two children going through life having each other’s backs like we always did.”
He stopped for a moment, his eyes haunted again.
“But she told me her life was over,” he went on after a moment. “It was devastating. The ultrasound tech left the room, and I didn’t know what to say, or what to do.”
Becca nodded, tears stinging her eyes.
“But we did what we had to do,” he said after a moment. “We went on. There was a baby shower and she smiled and played along, but I could feel her pain. She felt trapped and there was nothing I could do to make her feel better. Then one night she went into labor early—way, way too early.”
Becca put a hand to her mouth, feeling his fear even now, years later, when they both knew the boys were fine.
“She was so brave at the hospital,” he said. “They tried to stop her labor, but the boys had other plans. They were so tiny, they hardly seemed like babies at all—so tiny and pink, and so frail. But they were ours, and to me they were beautiful. All I wanted was to do whatever it took to help them grow up healthy and strong.”
Becca nodded. She didn’t have to tell him that he’d done all that and more.
“It must have been hard for her to see them like that,” she said after a moment.
“I’ll never know,” he said. “She was in her bed for a day or two. I went back and forth between her room and the NICU. The boys needed so much extra care, so I spent most of my time with them. The nurses said skin to skin contact would help them regulate their body temperature and breathing. I held them as much as the nurses would allow.”
Becca pressed her lips together, trying not to cry.
“Then I came back to see Brandy after the second night, and she just wasn’t there,” he said simply. “She had left a note for me with one of the nurses when she was released. She said she was sorry, but she just couldn’t do it and she hoped I understood.”
“Oh, Zane,” Becca sighed.
“I thought maybe it was the stress of the pregnancy and knowing the boys were at risk,” he said. “I called her again and again, but she never picked up. So, I focused on the boys, and… well, I guess I never stopped. Anyway, she didn’t ask for anything, and I didn’t contest the divorce. When the boys were ready to come home, every trace of their mother was already gone.”
A tear slid down Becca’s cheek in spite of her effort not to let him see how his story was affecting her.
“Everything is okay now,” he said gently. “More than okay, really. The boys have a big extended family. And when I think of Brandy, I’m mostly just grateful—grateful that she saw that difficult pregnancy through and gave me my boys. And I’m glad she didn’t stay if she would have been unhappy.”
“Is she a flight attendant now?” Becca asked. “Or a cruise director?”
“She’s a travel agent,” Zane said with a faint smile. “And she lives in the city, just like she always wanted. I keep in touch with her parents, even though she doesn’t want contact with me or the boys. Obviously, if she were ever in any kind of trouble, I’d help out. But it sounds like she’s happy, and that’s all I could ever want for her.”
“That’s really great,” Becca said. “I’m glad she could follow her heart after all.”
“I’m sure it wasn’t easy for her,” Zane said, shaking his head. “And of course I worry about the boys a lot. I try hard to be enough for them, and I’ve got the whole family. But that’s not the same thing as having a mom. Sorry for dumping all that on you. I clearly don’t know how to act on a date either.”
“You’re doing just fine,” she told him. “With the date and the boys. And I’m glad you told me those things. It helps me understand you better.”
She didn’t want to say it out loud, but Zane’s fierce protectiveness over his boys made a lot more sense now. She understood why he was so quick to put his foot down when it came to them. He was all they had, and in his eyes they had been betrayed before.
“Well, I do my best,” he said. “But I really dropped the ball this time. When the boys were born so early, I knew that impaired hearing and vision were a risk. I should have thought about Nick’s eyesight long before you came along.”
“That’s not your job, Zane,” she told him simply. “You took him to all the right doctors, he was tested at school, and you had no reason to think anything was wrong.”
He nodded, but his lips were pressed together, like maybe he wasn’t quite convinced.
“The reason I caught it is that I was the one in the position to pick up on it,” she told him. “I’m his teacher, so I notice where he sits, what his schoolwork looks like, and how he feels about it. That’s my job.”
“Well, we’re all glad you’re so good at it,” he told her, gratitude in his eyes again.
“I really do love it,” she said simply. “In fact, I love it enough that I expected I wouldn’t have much of a life outside of it until I’d had a class of my own for at least a few years. And I was okay with that. I didn’t have much of a life when I was working hard in school, or when I was running around as a substitute teacher, and it wasn’t so bad. But… the other day in class, I was feeling so down, and I could see the effect it had on me and on the students. And I realized that if I really want to do the best by them, I don’t just need to be focused, I need to be happy.”
Zane nodded, looking thoughtful.
“I never thought I’d want to date again,” he said. “I put my boys first, always, just like you do with your students. And after all, they ran their own mother off when they were too tiny to cause any trouble. How could I expect a woman who isn’t their mother to want to wrangle them now?”
“That’s not true,” Becca said, blinking at him.
“What’s not true?” he asked.
“They didn’t run their mother off,” she said, horrified at the implication.
“She ran from taking care of them,” he amended.
“No, of course she didn’t,” Becca said, shaking her head. “She wasn’t running away from them. She was running toward something—toward her dreams and the city and the life she wanted. It had nothing to do with them. And it had nothing to do with you.”
Zane opened his mouth and closed it again, then shook his head.
“I never thought about it that way,” he said after a moment. “But I think you’re right.”
“You told me the story yourself,” she said. “And what I heard was a story about a woman who had a firm idea of the life she wanted to live. And she did. You should be proud of yourself. You let her go with grace.”
“She gave me the greatest gift of my life,” he said simply. “I could never ask anything more of her.”
“Then it all worked out just like it was supposed to. It really was meant to be, just like you thought,” Becca told him. “It might be a story with some sad moments, but mostly it’s a beautiful story.”
Zane grabbed her hand from across the table again and gave it a squeeze.
The look in his eyes was indescribable, but Becca knew deep in her heart that he was feeling that the rest of his story was meant to be too.
And that maybe there was room for one more person in it after all.