15. Sienna
15
SIENNA
I f the past thirty-six hours had proven anything, it was how completely fucked up Noah had made me. I was so sure on the way out here that I could face ignoring him all weekend for the sake of keeping up appearances. It was safer that way. Besides, I had plenty of practice with it. I had honed my skills for a decade.
But then Friday night happened, and he had to go and touch me the way he did. He had to kiss me and melt all of my resistance. He had to wipe away all of my resentment and fear.
And then? He pretended none of it happened.
The push-and-pull power exchange that turned me on while we were at the club did the opposite in real life. Now, he was on top, and he let me know it by going out of his way to keep things cordial but distant in front of the rest of the group. He went out of his way to make sure we were never alone and barely made eye contact. Not because he was nervous or regretful. That wasn’t Noah. I knew him better than that.
It was because, damn him, he had to know that little orgasm had only woken up my appetite. There was no such thing as enough when it came to him and what he did to me.
He was going to make me work for more. I knew it the second I saw the raging boner jutting out when he got up from the bed. Only a man determined to torture me would walk away when he was that hard, not to mention I was so obviously willing.
Well, fuck that. Okay, so I knew he wasn’t making fun back in my office. The time we’d had together wasn’t a joke to him. Something good had come out of those wild moments stretched out on the guest bed.
But I wasn’t about to beg, not even for cock or one as impressive as his. He was dead wrong if he thought playing games all weekend would work.
“Sienna, another mimosa?” Rose held up the bottle of champagne and the pitcher of orange juice, her eyebrows moving up and down. “You need to enjoy yourself a little this weekend.”
“I’m good,” I told her, shaking my head. I was still working on my first drink, and considering I planned on driving back to the city after brunch, it seemed a good idea to stick to one. “And it’s not like I didn’t have any fun at the spa or when we were shopping yesterday.” It was safer to be with the girls only and easier to think without Noah’s presence looming over everything. A tight bandage and ibuprofen every few hours allowed me to have a good time. Wine had also helped.
This morning marked another welcome break, having brunch with the girls at my family’s house a few miles from the Goldsmith estate. I had jumped at Mom’s offer to host us this morning. She was in town to meet with a new client at their home, and Dad never missed an excuse nowadays to get in some golf out here.
Sitting in the sunny kitchen, I felt comfortable. At home. Able to relax without Noah’s presence reminding me of the huge secret we were keeping.
“You look tired, honey.” Mom took my chin in one hand, looking down at me with her usual motherly concern. “Do you need another pillow under your ankle?”
It was already propped up on three pillows on a spare chair at the kitchen table. “I think I’m okay.”
My father grumbled as he passed through the room, a pair of golf gloves sticking out from his khakis’ back pocket. “I think you should have gone to get an X-ray,” he reminded me for the fifth time since we had arrived.
Rose and the others giggled softly, exchanging knowing looks while I did what I could not roll my eyes at my parents’ concern.
“I’m fine, Dad. It’s just a sprain.”
“Are you sure you’ll be able to drive home? Let me have a car take you back. Your mother or I could drive the Mercedes to your building tomorrow.”
“Thank you, but that’s okay.” I blew him a kiss after he shook his head at Mom before heading out for his tee time. Mom only sighed deeply before returning to the French toast she was frying for us. I loved them, but there were times when it seemed they forgot I was an adult.
Valentina snagged a ripe, ruby-red strawberry from the bowl of fruit on the table. “Do you need any extra help at that sports clinic you’re holding next weekend?” she asked before taking a bite.
Aria nodded firmly, turning my way. “We’d be happy to keep those kids in line or whatever you need help with.”
“I don’t remember asking for help,” I pointed out, barely biting back a knowing smile at her transparency. “And I’m pretty sure those hot, rich, gorgeous pro athletes will be able to manage things themselves.” Because obviously, that’s where the concern came from.
Who didn’t want to spend a day with a bunch of virile athletes? And everybody knew men grew exponentially hotter while interacting with kids. It was pretty much a law of nature.
“Okay, then maybe we’ll come along to make sure you and Noah don’t claw each other’s eyes out.” Valentina winked at my wide-eyed reaction. Unlike Aria, she stuck to her natural chestnut brown hair color, now twirling a strand around her finger. “I mean, there has to be a limit somewhere, right? I’m surprised you haven’t killed him yet.”
“We all know there’s no love lost there,” Rose pointed out, offering a sympathetic look as she flopped down next to me. “Even though it happened a long time ago, you don’t forget that kind of thing.”
Mom’s phone rang, offering a distraction. “Hey, Liv,” she called out after answering, heading through the back door to take Olivia’s call on the porch.
It couldn’t have come at a better time since my head was spinning, and a sense of unease took hold of me. I looked around the table at my twin cousins and best friend, waiting for an explanation as they exchanged uncomfortable glances.
“What thing are you talking about?” I asked Rose, narrowing my eyes. She couldn’t fool me. The girl blushed at the drop of a hat, and the familiar shade of red was already creeping its way up her neck.
It was Aria who threw her hands in the air. “Enough’s enough. We all know what happened with Pierce back in high school. It’s so stupid, acting like we don’t know about it ten years later. It was a long time ago.”
“You knew about that? Oh, God,” I groaned out, covering my face with my hands. How many more uncomfortable revelations could I handle?
“Don’t be that way.” Rose draped an arm around my shoulders, squeezing tight while touching the side of her head to mine. “My brother is an asshole. We all know this.”
“We didn’t want to say anything about it because it would hurt your feelings,” Valentina explained in a quiet voice. I had always gotten along better with Aria, who was the more empathetic and caring of them. Valentina had always been much more blunt, less patient. To hear her like this came as a surprise.
“Plus, Noah threatened to make our lives miserable if we ever mentioned it.” With another squeeze, Rose added, “He felt really bad, and I’m not just saying that because I’m his sister.”
My hands dropped away from my face. Nothing about this made sense. “He admitted what he did?”
“He didn’t have to. Evan spread the word to us as soon as we got to the dance,” Aria explained, gesturing between her and her twin. “He thought it was hysterical, but he was half-drunk by then anyway.”
“He sobered up real quick when Noah shoved him up against the wall,” Valentina observed, smirking. “I swear, that boy’s life flashed before his eyes.”
“It was too late by then,” Aria concluded. “Evan had already told Pierce. Noah warned him that if he ever said anything to you about it, he could kiss his ass goodbye.”
I was still reeling when the twins grinned at each other. “And it didn’t suck telling Penny Schwartz we’d get her kicked off the student council for threatening to beat up a freshman.” Aria giggled before taking another sip of her mimosa.
They had done all that, and I didn’t have clue. All these years, I thought it was our secret. It turned out they had been keeping a secret from me.
“For what it’s worth,” Rose interjected. “I didn’t find out about any of this until after the fact from these two. I wanted so much to go to you, but Noah made me swear not to because it would mean word got out. Nobody wanted to hurt you.”
“All because Noah told you to shut up about it?” I concluded. The three of them nodded almost in unison. “That’s… surprising.”
And he had never said anything to me about it. Why? Why keep it to himself for all these years? Why let me hate him when we could’ve cleared this up? “I don’t understand why he never said anything,” I whispered more to myself than to the girls.
It was Rose who provided an answer while pouring herself fresh coffee. “You might have missed the memo, but none of these guys is good at being human. Showing feelings. Apologizing.” She rolled her eyes dramatically while we all snickered in recognition of the truth behind her words.
But for ten years?
I couldn’t tell myself he’d forgotten about it since my chilly attitude had never warmed up. I had gone through the motions for the sake of our families and friends, but that was where my efforts stopped.
Why couldn’t he just apologize and get it over with? No, instead, he had gone out of his way to spare my feelings and threaten to kick some ass.
We changed the subject once Mom came in from outside, and that worked for me. I was too overwhelmed and conflicted to stay on this topic a minute longer, so I gladly listened to Aria as she complained about the guy from our spin class who’d been giving her major attitude ever since she’d saved a bike for me when he wanted to use it. I couldn’t imagine getting mad about something that trivial.
Though I was no stranger to holding a grudge. All those years, I’d hated Noah, resenting him for treating my feelings like they were a joke. Like I was so insignificant, my humiliation didn’t matter.
I went through the motions of enjoying our meal, laughing and gossiping the way we could only do without the presence of the guys. As far as I knew, they were out on the Goldsmith family yacht. I wished I could find Noah and pull him aside, though I didn’t know what I would say if I had him in front of me. It would probably be best to let the whole thing go. Compared to the mess we were currently in, it seemed inconsequential.
After convincing Mom I’d be fine to drive home, I set off about an hour later. Traffic was light enough that I could cruise at a steady pace, music blaring. I didn’t have it in me to sing along like I usually did during a long drive. I barely heard a note, anyway. My mind was too occupied elsewhere.
I was wrong about him.
I was also wrong about me.
I told myself I wouldn’t let him get to me, but I had. He was already under my skin before I found out he was the man in the mask who made me do things I’d never dreamed of. And as soon as his hands were on me on Friday night, I didn’t have a prayer. There was nothing for me to do afterward but lie there, trying to catch my breath, fighting to figure out what the hell just happened and why I was so disappointed he left before we could continue.
It was hopeless. I would spend the rest of my life torn between craving more of what I had only ever found with him and knowing we could never go anywhere. I wasn’t sure I could maintain a casual, hookup-only relationship with him. That wasn’t my thing. I had never been able to pull it off.
On top of that, we couldn’t keep it a secret for long. It was shocking nobody figured out what happened on Friday, but then they were all busy getting drunk on the beach at the time. I doubt anybody was keeping track of how long Noah was in the house with me. Even if they had, no way would they have guessed what we were up to. Not when I hated him like I did.
Or like I used to.
It was all such a mess, compounded by what I now knew about what went down years back. He had made sure to protect me from the fallout of what he had done. All this time, I had only wanted an apology, but he had done much better. He had wrapped me in a protective bubble to make up for the pain he’d caused.
I had to talk to him.
I needed to clear the air once and for all.
No more assumptions, no more misunderstandings. There was only so much of this push-and-pull I could take.
By the time I pulled into my usual parking spot in my building’s garage, I was determined to call him and invite him over. He probably wouldn’t get back into town until later in the day, but that would give me time to practice what I wanted to say.
I was out of the car, reaching into the back seat for my bag when another car door opened a few spaces down. I hadn’t noticed the Bentley, but I wasn’t looking for it. Yet somehow, it made sense to see Noah emerge, hitting me with a hard stare over the top of the car roofs between us.
“What brings you back so early?” I asked with my heart in my throat. The question echoed off the concrete all around us.
“I suddenly remembered some work I had to catch up on.” He smirked at what sounded like a lie he’d told as an excuse to get away. “You?”
“Same.” I inclined my head toward the elevator doors leading up to my apartment. He nodded, then followed me out of the garage without another word. Like this was how it was meant to be all along.