36. Aarti
AARTI
Noa left after filling my kitchen with the scent of caramelized onions and my heart with a lead weight. She tried so hard to reassure me, to make everything seem manageable– we’ll make it work, I’ll make it work, we’ll have each other –but her words only made the knot in my chest tighten.
Much like sneaking an extra samosa when my mother’s back was turned as a kid, I’ve once again bitten off more than I can chew because of something so tempting, so fulfilling, so delicious, that all reason and logic flew out the window.
My mouth is full, and I’ve been caught red-handed. Do I swallow it all down and lie? Or do I spit out that damn good samosa?
From inside my room, I hear movement in the kitchen and peel myself up out of my carb coma to investigate.
Diti, not partying her night away for once, is rummaging through the freezer.
“Just in time for ice cream sundaes!” she calls out brightly.
I attempt a smile, but it’s weak. “I think I’ve had enough ice cream for my entire life.”
“Oh, come on,” she pouts. “You look like someone kicked your puppy. Sundaes fix everything.”
“Or complicate them,” I mutter, sinking into the couch.
Diti studies me closely, spoon suspended mid-air.
“Is this about your mysterious girlfriend of late?”
“She’s not my–” I say reflexively, then deflate. “I don’t know what she is right now. Everything’s… fucked.”
“Good fucked or bad fucked?”
I gesture helplessly at my general state of being. “The worst kind. The kind where someone amazing is willing to make themselves smaller for you.”
Diti finishes assembling her bowl of chocolate syrup with a side of ice cream and joins me on the couch, her familiar touch on my back loosening the emotions I’ve been stuffing down all day.
“Talk to me, Aart. I know I haven’t been around much lately, but I’m here.”
So I do. I spill everything about my mysterious not-girlfriend: our dumpster diving meet-cute. Gretchen’s ultimatum. Tonight’s dinner and Noa’s devastating eagerness to accept a life lived entirely in the shadows.
“She was ready to give up restaurants and sunlight and being seen in public,” I finish miserably. “She’d rather hide forever than lose me.”
“And that’s… bad?” Diti asks.
“It’s heartbreaking! She’s this brilliant, funny, gorgeous woman who lights up every room she enters, and she’s ready to become invisible for me. How is that not the saddest thing you’ve ever heard?”
Diti is quiet for a moment, considering. “You know what I think? I think you’re projecting.”
I blink. “Excuse me?”
“You’ve been hiding parts of yourself your whole life, Aart. Maybe seeing Noa willingly do the same is forcing you to confront how much you hate doing it yourself.”
The observation hits like a slap.
“Hey,” she nudges me. “I’m great at keeping secrets. I can help you two navigate this. Cover for you, provide alibis, whatever you need.”
Her words should be comforting, but they land like a stone in my stomach. Great at keeping secrets. The Nair family motto.
“Aarti, you haven’t picked the easiest path in life, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be happy.”
“At the expense of Noa’s happiness, though?”
My sister shifts to face me fully. “From where I’m sitting, it sounds like she’s choosing to fight for you.”
“But what are we supposed to do? Pretend we’re roommates until I retire from the show at seventy-five?!”
“With the way things are going, our generation probably won’t be able to retire until one hundred and seventy-five.”
“You’re not helping,” I whine.
“What if… you don’t need to worry about all of it right now?
” she tries. “What if you don’t have to think as far out as when you’re geriatric, and you just enjoy it for what it is right now, in the moment?
Obviously Noa cares about you and is willing to make sacrifices, so what if you just… accept them?”
Could it all really be that simple?
Diti looks at me for a long moment, then reaches over and flicks my forehead.
“Ow! What was that for?”
“You should just enjoy the fact that you’re stupidly in love for the first time in your life.”
Despite everything, I crack a smile. “Stupidly in love?”
“Ridiculously. Embarrassingly. I’ve never seen you like this before, and honestly? It’s kind of beautiful.”
I roll my eyes. “Whatever.”
“So… what are you going to do?”
I shake my head, not believing what I’m about to say. “I guess I’m going to listen to my little sister for once?”
“Can I get that in writing?”
“Don’t let it go to your head.”
But it’s too late. She’s up and twirling herself back into the kitchen.
“I’m gonna make you a sundae that restores your faith in ice cream!”
If only restoring faith in myself was as easy as a few scoops and some chocolate sauce.