Chapter 18
Always follow your heart, but bring your brain along for the ride. You’ll need it!
— MATCHMAKING MAMAS
Bryson
When I answered the door, Silas threw himself forward, fingers digging into my hair as he kissed me, hot and dirty. His mouth was addictive, and it would be so easy to sink into the pleasure of his body, but I pulled back.
“Can I get you something? You probably haven’t had lunch yet. I could make sandwiches.”
He gave me a strange look. “Not really what I’m hungry for right now.”
I smiled. “No?”
He pressed up against me, arms winding around my neck. “No,” he murmured into my ear. “I’ve got a craving that only you can satisfy.”
That was flattering. At least, I wasn’t just another guy, right? Unless he said that to all the guys.
He slid his hand under my shirt, caressing my side.
My body thrummed with need, ready to get naked with him, but my mind was another matter.
“Maybe after then?”
He pulled back. “Huh?”
“We could, uh, have lunch after?” I suggested.
Silas dropped his arms and took a step back. “Okay, are you not in the mood? You could have just said.”
Shit. I’d pushed too hard.
I caught his arm and tugged him closer. “No, of course I’m in the mood.” I caught his lips in a soft kiss. “I’ll always be in the mood for you, Silas.”
He met my eyes. “I sense a but in there.”
“No. I just, um, want to know you better,” I said. “There’s no reason we can’t have both, right? Sex and lunch.”
“I guess not.” He tugged my shirt up. “How about we start with the sex?”
I knew he was probably hoping to distract me, and as he went to his knees, he succeeded. I braced my hands on the sofa behind me as he took my jeans down and licked the tip of my hard cock.
“Mm. You can feed me this anytime.”
I started to laugh, but it quickly changed to a moan as he sucked me fully into his mouth. His lips were wet and shiny, stretched wide around my girth, and I stared down at him, trying to memorize every detail of how sexy he looked.
When I got too close, I grabbed his arm and urged him up and into a fiery kiss. We stumbled into the wall, kissing and grinding like desperate teenagers.
Silas laughed. “Bry.”
I pulled back, breathing heavy. “Yeah?”
“Take me to bed already.”
“Right.” I smiled sheepishly as I tugged up my pants. I grabbed his hand and led him to my room. By unspoken agreement, we both stripped down to nothing, too impatient for more foreplay.
I drew him into my arms for another kiss, reveling in the hot press of our flesh. His cock bumped mine, making him hiss, and I wrapped my hand around both our shafts, jerking us together as I moved my lips to his neck.
“Why is it so good with you?” he murmured.
I wasn’t sure he meant for me to hear it, but my lips curved against his skin. It was good to know I was making a good impression.
I pushed him down to the bed, following him, and lost myself in finding each sensitive spot that made him gasp or moan until he was begging for release.
He closed his eyes, teeth digging into his bottom lip, as I slicked lube over his cock. “Feels good.”
“Look at me, darlin’,” I whispered. “Please.”
His eyes opened, catching mine, hazy with pleasure. “Please, Bry.”
“You want more?”
He nodded, swallowing hard.
I pressed my lips to his collarbone, and lowered my hips, dragging my slick cock against his. He clutched at my hips and widened his legs, meeting me thrust for thrust.
We could have fucked, but I was too impatient for all the prep and mess of anal. I just wanted to touch and taste and smell him, to memorize the scent of our bodies together, as we made each other feel good.
“You’re so fucking sweet,” I groaned as my orgasm neared.
Silas gave a breathless laugh. “Not eve—oh god. I’m almost there.”
I leaned back, taking us both in hand again, and stroked. Silas lowered his right hand, holding us too. He worked his hips, thrusting up into our fists.
“God, you’re gorgeous,” I said. “Come for me, Silas. I want to feel you spill.”
He went rigid, arching as his cock pulsed. As soon as his dick throbbed against mine and that hot wash of pleasure hit my hand, I was gone.
I shuddered hard, releasing all the pent-up desire I had for only this man. Silas had crawled under my skin, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever get enough of him.
Which was a problem, because he wanted this to be casual. And casual usually meant temporary.
I collapsed next to him, our legs still tangled, and breathed hard into the pillow. Silas sighed and ran his fingers through my hair. It was that gentle touch, more than anything else, that gave me the courage to persist.
I rolled onto my side to face him. “Silas, why can’t we have more?”
He immediately tensed. “You know I can’t.”
I lay a hand on his shoulder. “Easy, I’m not pushing you. I’m just asking…why? I’d like to understand.”
He went silent. I trailed kisses down his arm. “You don’t have to tell me. I just feel like there must be something I’m missing. We’re really good together.”
He sighed. “You wouldn’t accept the answer that I’m just not a relationship guy?”
“Only if it’s true.”
He smiled ruefully. “I’m not that good of an actor to make you believe that, am I?”
“You’re pretty good, but hopefully when we’re together, you’re not acting.”
He tugged the sheet over his naked body and pushed up to sit against the headboard. I sat up too, sensing this was going to get heavy.
“It’s not easy for me to talk about. It’s kind of cliche. Wedding planner meets boy. Wedding planner agrees to marry boy. Wedding planner gets jilted at the altar.”
I sucked in a breath. “Are you serious?”
His smile was mocking, but it seemed to be directed at himself. “The wedding planner who couldn’t close the deal. No wonder I ran halfway across the country, right? I couldn’t show my face there again.”
“Oh, baby. Surely people knew it wasn’t your fault. That man must have been the biggest idiot ever to let you down like that.”
“My social circle could be vicious. We weren’t nice, not like here. Rumors got out. My business was crashing. I wasn’t going to let Michael take that from me, too.”
“He didn’t take anything from you, Silas. You’re still amazing.”
He huffed. “Didn’t he? Because I can’t make myself trust anyone, even if they deserve it. It was easier to hook up and move on. This…” He gestured toward me. “I don’t know if I can—”
“No, wait.” I pressed a quick kiss to his lips before he could call everything off. “Just let me say something first.”
He gave a jerky nod.
“I wanted to know what was holding you back, and now I do. It’s okay, Silas. Nothing has to change between us.”
His forehead furrowed. “But you want more. You said so.”
“I want you,” I corrected. “I’ll take whatever you can give me. I don’t want to walk away. I’ll wait however long you need to be ready.”
“I might never be ready. I don’t know if that’s fair.”
“Screw fair.” I cupped his face in my hands, gazing into his eyes so he could see I meant what I said. “Whatever time I get with you, I want it. Okay? Even if this is all I ever get.”
He chewed his bottom lip, looking conflicted. I held my breath, willing him to agree. If he decided I wanted too much, that it was too risky, he might walk away and never look back.
“Okay, if you’re sure,” he said finally. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Fuck yes, I’m sure,” I said, relief swamping me as I pushed him down and kissed him thoroughly.
The thought of losing Silas entirely scared the shit out of me. I’d hoard these moments of intimacy like a dragon collecting shiny objects. They might be all I got to keep in the end.
Silas’s stomach rumbled, and he broke the kiss with a laugh. “You know, a sandwich does sound good.”
I grinned. “I knew you were just playing hard to get.”
We got out of bed and pulled on underwear. I led the way to the kitchen and began assembling turkey-and-swiss on wheat bread.
“I know you were kidding about playing hard to get,” Silas said, “but I can’t just flip a switch and be ready for something serious.”
“I know, Sy.” I slid a plate in front of him. “It’s just a sandwich. No strings attached.”
No strings attached for him, anyway. I already had all kinds of strings tying me to Silas Thorne. He was it for me. I already knew in my heart that I’d met the one.
If he cut me loose, it’d be like losing a part of myself.
I just had to believe it would be worth it.