Chapter 11 #2
I drew in a deep breath before I spoke, mentally gearing up to put Noah in his place. He interrupted before I got a chance.
“That last class with you was torture,” he said.
“What? Why?”
“Because you were sitting right in front of me. I could smell the scent of your vanilla shampoo.”
It was the last thing I expected him to say. “You can sit somewhere else, you know.”
He shook his head slowly, as though my suggestion was impossible to imagine.
“It’s not just your scent that’s driving me crazy,” he continued.
“It’s seeing you every day and knowing I can’t touch you, knowing I can’t smile with you or talk to you.
I can’t stop thinking about the forest..
.” His eyes dropped to my lips, and he stepped closer like he was thinking about kissing me again.
“Noah, you said that kiss was it. That we would kiss one last time and move on...”
“One kiss wasn’t enough,” he murmured, moving closer still.
I backed away from him, jolting as I accidentally knocked into his desk.
I’d come here to tell Noah I needed more space, and he was doing the exact opposite.
I was already struggling with self-control when it came to him, and the closer he got to me, the more he erased any ability I had to resist. Coming to his room was stupid enough, but giving in to any desire I felt for him could be fatal to my slim hopes of moving on.
“Noah...” I murmured his name in warning. “I came here to tell you that we need to stop this. We need boundaries. The looks you keep giving me, that kiss yesterday. You’ve made it perfectly clear we can’t be together, and I can’t get over you if you won’t let me go.”
“Tell me I can kiss you again.”
I swallowed, my heart racing as I tried to summon the strength to deny him. His last kiss had shattered me, but another one might destroy me entirely.
“That would be a bad idea.” It was all I could manage to say.
“That’s not a no.”
“It’s not…”
He lowered his lips to mine, and I melted into his arms as he kissed me.
His kiss yesterday had been raw and filled with hunger, but today’s kiss was different.
I could almost taste his desperation and sadness on his lips.
I could feel he was aching as much as I was in the way he grasped my body tightly in his hands, holding me to him like I might disappear if he let me go.
Everything about this felt so right. But it also felt so, so wrong.
I pulled back from him and gasped for air. “You can’t keep kissing me.”
“I can’t help it,” he gritted out. “The only thing stopping us is my grandfather. In the woods, in my room, where no one can see, we can do whatever we want.”
His words were so alluring and his lips still so close to mine I almost moved toward them again. But then I saw sense. He was talking about a secret relationship again.
“I’m never going to agree to that, Noah. I’m surprised you keep asking. You hate secrets as much as I do.”
“It would be worth it to be with you.”
Looking into his eyes, I found it hard to believe he didn’t care for me enough to tell his grandfather to go to hell. He was looking at me like he would burn the world down around us just so we could be together. Apparently, those feelings weren’t enough.
“Couldn’t we just talk with your grandfather?” I whispered. “Maybe if we explained our feelings to him, he’d understand...”
My question seemed to break the moment we’d been sharing, shattering it so thoroughly I had to wonder if I’d perhaps dreamed it. Noah loosened his grip on me and stepped back, his expression turning to ice as he looked away. “He won’t understand. His hatred runs too deep.”
“If you could just tell me what happened…”
“There’s no point.” Noah felt so distant now even though he was only a few steps from me. “You think the truth will help. You think if you understand what happened you might be able to find a way around it so we can be together. But this isn’t a fairy tale, and there is no happy ending for us.”
“I know this isn’t fairy tale,” I growled.
“Do you? The poor girl who works at a café finds out she’s truly a princess and is whisked away to a castle.
Sounds like a fairy tale to me. But how are you going to feel when you find out your father is the villain in the story?
That you may be a princess, but you’re the heir to a throne built on lies and betrayal. ”
“What are you talking about, Noah? I deserve to know the truth.”
“Perhaps.” He nodded. “But I won’t be the one to shatter your fairy tale.”
I was shaking as I stood there. Noah was deliberately keeping things from me, and his excuse was that he didn’t want to shatter my fairy tale? He had no right to decide what was best for me. Especially after deciding we couldn’t even be in each other’s lives.
“This isn’t some fairy tale to me,” I repeated. “This is my life.”
“I’m sorry, Isobel. I shouldn’t have kissed you yesterday, and I shouldn’t have kissed you just now.” My heart felt like it was imploding all over again as he spoke. “You’re right; we need boundaries. This won’t happen again.” I could see from the resolution in his eyes that he meant it.
Seeing him so certain only angered me. He’d been the one demanding more kisses from me. He was the one making things so messy. I’d done nothing wrong, and yet he was acting like this was all my fault.
“You’re right. It won’t.” My eyes were cold as I stared at him, and anger drove my feet toward the door. It had been a mistake coming here. One I wouldn’t be making again.
“Isobel...” he called after me, but I walked through the door without looking back, closing it firmly behind me. I didn’t want to hear any more of what Noah had to say. I knew he wasn’t changing his mind about us.
I was certain there was no way I’d be able to follow my mom’s advice.
I couldn’t wait for things between Noah and I to blow over because my self-control around him was feeble.
More time only meant more opportunities to make mistakes.
I kept messing up with him, and I hated to think what might transpire if he asked me to kiss him again.
I liked to think I’d turn him down, but I clearly had no restraint when it came to his lips.
My attempt at setting boundaries had ended disastrously too.
I felt a desperate need to be proactive.
To do something, anything, to get over him.
To give me the strength I needed so I wouldn’t be stupid enough to kiss him again.
There was only one way I could think to do it, and I was probably going to regret it.
But desperate times called for desperate measures.
So, I was going to have to give Anna and Norma’s advice a go.