Chapter One – Laina #4
It happened so fast, Tod could only open his eyes and gasp—and then he was gone, just like that. He became nothing more than a body that pissed itself mere moments later, a thin stream of blood oozing out of the corner of his mouth.
Lola let out a feathery sigh as she slid off him and stood next to the bed, leaving the knife protruding from his chest. When she turned around to face me, I saw the wicked glint in her vibrant blue eyes, and I knew she was happy.
Honestly, the woman was only happy when she was with her men or doing what she did best. The over-the-top mask she wore was just that: a mask.
Inside, I think she constantly fought the feeling of emptiness.
Again, it was something I understood better than most people.
“Well, time to call the cleanup crew,” she mused as she stretched, completely unbothered that she was still in her panties and bra, the scars on her stomach on full display. And the body on the bed behind her? Not a concern to her any longer.
I divided my time between watching her dress and listening to her call whoever was in charge of the cleanup and looking at the body on the bed.
I should feel something. I literally just watched her kill the guy, and I knew nothing about him other than the fact that he handed out drugs willy-nilly and was okay with taking advantage of a woman who was high on them.
But I didn’t. As I stared at the guy, I realized I didn’t feel a thing. Not a single thing. In fact, I felt a bit of envy in that Lola was the one who did it and not me; I wanted to do it.
I wanted to kill.
This darkness inside of me refused to dissipate.
The only thing it seemed to do was grow exponentially.
Being the meek little girl who went along with whatever her dad wanted, the one who smiled and acted like the perfect child in front of cameras…
she was gone, and she’d never return. I was here in her place, and I wasn’t going anywhere.
An hour later, Lola was driving us back to her house. It was a good ways away, but the hour was so late, the highway was dead, only semis and a smattering of other vehicles drove with us. She wore a faint smile, and eventually I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to ask.
“Enjoy yourself that much tonight?” I asked.
“Yeah, I mean—you’re talking about the goofy smile?
” She chuckled to herself. “It ain’t that.
Don’t get me wrong, it was nice to go out and let loose tonight.
I don’t get to hunt much anymore—there’s always something to do.
Always someone in the city who needs to be reminded that I’m it’s fucking queen.
No, this here smile’s because I can’t remember the last time I drove anywhere before tonight. ”
“What do you mean?”
“I never officially got my license.”
“What?”
“Yeah, it was a form of control for my parents. Another one, I should say. And then… after I was out on my own, I was able to get by without one.” She whipped her head in my direction, still beaming like a madwoman. “The one I have now is completely fake, isn’t that funny?”
Considering she was driving a car on a highway going anywhere between seventy-five and eighty-five miles-per-hour, no, I wouldn’t necessarily call that funny, only frightening. Maybe I should’ve driven.
Lola must’ve sensed my unease, because she giggled and added, “Don’t worry.
I can drive just fine… mostly. It’s intuitive and all that shit, ain’t it?
I mean, don’t ask your girl to parallel park or anything crazy like that, but I got this.
Long skinny pedal: gas. Thick pedal on the right: the brake. ”
“Uh, I think you mean the pedal on the left is the brake,” I said, my heart beating fast yet again tonight, but for a whole new reason. I had no idea we might crash and burn and die on our little excursion. Call me crazy, but dying in a car crash was not on my list of things to do, ever.
She laughed again. “Look at that, you’re right!”
Now I understood why she always had that guy Harvey driving her everywhere. I’d trust this woman with my life, but driving? That was apparently another story.
“Enough about me and my awesome driving skills,” she said, glancing at me again. “How do you feel? You were pretty quiet back there. You’re making me think you regret wanting to go out with me.”
“It’s not that. It’s just…”
“Just what, girlie? Talk to Mommy Lola.”
Mommy Lola. Not what I’d call her, especially since she’s only a few years older than me. Still, I was pretty sure I knew where she was going with that: she had more experience doing this, dealing with this sort of thing than I did.
Still, nobody will ever catch me calling her Mommy Lola.
“I don’t know,” I said, frowning to myself. “I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Hmm.” Her slender fingers tapped the steering wheel.
“I have a thought. A few of them, but only one of them is related to this conversation. Man, I could go for some greasy French fries—that’s one of my other thoughts, but back to the one that pertains to you: maybe you feel a little strange because you haven’t fully embraced that side of yourself yet. ”
“Yes, I have,” I said.
The way she looked at me after that told me she didn’t believe me. “Really? Come on. Let’s be real. I had murder on the brain for a long-ass time before I finally did it. Now I’m a freaking queen of the mafia world.”
“I know who you are,” I deadpan, taking a page out of Kieran’s book.
She puckered her lips and rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, but I’m saying you’re not. You got kidnapped and held for two years.
You let loose on that asshole who kidnapped you the second time, but besides that…
maybe you’re not ready yet. There’s nothing wrong with that.
You’re going to college now, rooming with that Kelly chick.
You’re moving on, so maybe that means you’ve subconsciously decided this isn’t the kind of life you want anymore. ”
It was true, everything she said. My life had changed drastically these last five months. That said, I didn’t think just because my life had gone through some changes lately didn’t mean I was becoming a different person. A normal person.
“Or,” she said after a long pause, “you’re just scared to fully accept what it means if you really let yourself go.
Maybe you’re worried Big Mike won’t want you, or maybe you still don’t want to disappoint dear old daddy.
That Kieran guy and Fang, well, I think they’ll accept you no matter what.
The big guy’s always been a little… stiff. And your dad—”
I knew exactly what my dad would say if he found out what Lola and I got up to tonight.
Was I afraid of what it would mean, of who I’d become, if I let the darkness take me whole?
I kept saying I wasn’t the same girl I used to be, but maybe old habits died hard; it was a saying for a reason.
Maybe a small part of me wanted to be the perfect daughter…
and perfect daughters didn’t go off killing whenever they wanted.
When I didn’t say anything, Lola went on, “Listen. I don’t think you have to worry about the big guy at all.
From what Viper tells me, he’s head over heels for you.
He might voice some disproval every now and then, but you have that mountain of a man wrapped around your cute little finger—and that’s not going to change anytime soon. And as for your dear dad—”
Our car started to drift into the next lane, but I didn’t say anything because there weren’t any nearby cars. You can bet your butt if we were surrounded by other vehicles, I’d be a backseat driver and point everything out.
“You spent your whole childhood, minus the two years you were locked up by your boyfriend—still don’t get it, but whatever—trying to make him happy.
My parents were shitty people, some of the shittiest out there, so I never really saw what having good parents was like.
But, you know, even with all that, I don’t think it’s your responsibility to make him happy.
He’s the parent. He should be making you happy.
You’re the kid. He should be taking care of you, not the other way around. ”
She sighed. “My point is, girl, if you want to taste some blood every now and then, then you taste the fucking blood. There aren’t that many girls out there like you and me—I’d hate for you to spend the rest of your life fighting your urges and living in misery. What fun is that?”
“It’s not about my dad,” I muttered.
“Good. You were so pissed off at him when we first met. In reality, you don’t need him.”
I almost said, He’s my dad, but that’s not something Lola would understand, so instead I said, “He’s paying for college.” Couldn’t overlook how much money he was saving me by paying for the entirety of it out of his own pocket.
Then again, he was the mayor, so if he couldn’t afford to send his only kid to college, who could?
“So what? If you need money, I got loads of it. Hell, you can move in with me during your time off school if you need to. For you, girl, my door is always open.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. It’s not my dad. It’s… everything is just changing so fast.”
“That’s life, buttercup. Take it from me: life is one huge rollercoaster, with ups and downs and everything in between.
Sometimes it sucks ass, and other times it’s not bad.
Sometimes you can even be happy. Speaking as someone who used to wait for the police to catch her, strap her down, and stick a needle into her arm, I like to think my opinion on life actually means something. ”
She was waiting to be caught and executed? Damn. I never knew that. If you looked at things with that as a reference, it wasn’t a wonder why she acted the way she did.
“Maybe a part of me feels like I can’t really relax yet, can’t, uh, let loose, because I’m waiting for Tessa to do something,” I admitted softly.
“I told you I could take care of that bitch for you, and I bet you’d have a few other attack dogs at your service, if you so choose,” Lola said. “You wanted to do things your way, try to give her an out. Things have been quiet since then, right?”
“Yeah.” Hadn’t seen hide nor hair from her, so I’d call it a win, but even so, it still felt like I had to watch out for her. Tessa wasn’t someone you could trust. What if she didn’t leave the city? What if she was waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike?
Should’ve just killed her. Lola was right.
“I want to say you’re probably worried over nothing, but with how things have gone for me…
things don’t stay quiet for long. If you want, I can put some guys on trying to find Tessa and see what she’s up to.
If she’s still in the city, we’ll find her.
” The way she offered her services so easily made me smile.
“Maybe,” I relented. “Let me think about it.” Finding out if Tessa was still around would put me at ease, one way or another.
God, why did I want to show her mercy? I should’ve known it would come back to bite me in the ass one way or another.