Chapter Twenty-Nine – Laina #2
But it’d been useless, and that’s okay. I could now accept the fact that I was a different girl, that I would never be that girl ever again, and that meant I had to say goodbye to the things and people that reminded me of that girl. If I didn’t, I’d never move on.
And that’s what this was about, wasn’t it? Moving on. Taking a full step forward. Accepting who I was and who I would be and never looking back. The past was the past; there was no changing it.
“It’s good to say goodbye,” Fang said.
“I don’t want to see her,” I said. “Just leave this for her. She’s probably in classes now, anyway.”
“Then let’s do it so we can get this show on the road,” Kieran remarked dryly. “Who you want to ride with there?”
I was about to say it didn’t matter, but Mike grabbed my hand and pulled me toward his vehicle. All three had packed trunks and backseats; it was quite clear at a glance we were bringing along with us a shit ton of stuff.
Hey, you never knew what you might need.
“Oh-kay,” Kieran muttered. “I guess you’re going with Mike. I call next.” He shot Mike an annoyed look before heading around his car and getting in. Fang only shrugged and grinned at me, totally okay with whatever.
Mike opened the passenger side door for me, only releasing my hand so I could get in. Within thirty seconds, we were on the road, the lead car in the caravan of sleek black vehicles. By now, he knew exactly how to get to Kelly’s place, so he needed no directions and no GPS.
When he pulled us out onto the road, he tossed me a lingering look before he asked, “Want to tell me what the hell that was about?”
“What was what about?” Again, I sounded innocent.
“What Lola was saying.”
“Oh, I just mentioned to her that I’d like to get a beach house next summer.
” Again, he tossed me a look, and this time, that look told me he knew there was more to it.
I shrugged and gave him my best puppy dog expression.
“She just mentioned she’s been itching for a certain kind of party, and now that she mentioned it… I might have the same itch, too.”
“Do I even want to know what kind of itch that is?”
I grinned hard. “I’m sure you can imagine. I think it would be fun, as long as you’re not a party-pooper like you were that one time Lola and Maddox were going at it and they invited me to watch—”
He groaned. “Are you ever going to let that go?”
“Depends, are you ever going to let me watch?”
All he did was grumble his response, and I couldn’t tell if it was a yes or a no.
“You know, if we get a beach house together, watching might only be the first step…”
Mike shook his head. “You’re going to drive me insane, you know that?”
“But that’s why you love me, isn’t it? I drove you insane from the get-go.”
The sound he made right then told me I wasn’t wrong, which was enough. It was also something that he didn’t immediately shut down the idea of a shared beach house and what we’d possibly do while inside it.
He probably knew by now that when my mind was set on something, he couldn’t do anything to change it, but I’d still take it as a win.
The college was beyond the river, and even though it’d been a while, driving up to that house still felt familiar to me, almost like coming home—but not quite. It was early in the afternoon. All the curtains in the house were drawn. I couldn’t see if anyone was home.
Didn’t matter. I didn’t want to come here to talk to her. Kelly might never be ready to speak with me again, let alone see me. I just wanted to give her a little something, something I hoped would bring closure to us both, even if she never read it.
“I’ll be right back,” I said, getting out of the car, envelope tight in my hand.
Two things were inside it. The first was a hand-written letter telling her how sorry I was that she got mixed up in my business, how I wished things were different for us, how I never meant for any of this to happen to her.
It was good to get the words down, to put them out there, even if she never glanced twice at it. Cathartic without being too descriptive.
The second thing was a check, written to her name, meant to help ease her stress since she’d lost her roommate halfway through the semester.
Again, whether or not she cashed the check and used the money to help pay rent didn’t matter.
As soon as I put this envelope down, Kelly would occupy no more space in my head.
Just as I was leaving behind this city, I would leave her and her memory behind, too.
Goodbyes were never easy. I learned that. You’d think they’d be easier when they weren’t done face-to-face, but you’d be wrong. No matter how you spun it, goodbyes were always hard.
I walked up to the front door, alone, well aware Fang, Kieran, and Mike all watched me. A welcome mat rested on the ground near the door, and I bent down to tuck the envelope beneath it, leaving a few inches sticking out.
Straightening up, I gazed at the house one last time before I drew in a deep breath and turned away from it.
I didn’t look back once. I marched right toward Mike’s car, got in, buckled my seatbelt, and then said, “Let’s hit the road.
” Just like that, the house became just another house to me, nothing special about it.
Cutting ties wasn’t something I was used to, and I didn’t know that I would ever be used to it. I sure as hell hoped I never had to leave a place behind like I was leaving this city.
But, I thought as I glanced at Mike, then at the two cars in the rearview mirror, I wasn’t leaving this city alone. I wasn’t leaving empty-handed, nor was I running. I had my guys, and we were heading toward a new beginning, to join Jason in Montana for a while.
This wasn’t an ending, but a new beginning.