18. Jillian #2
While the rest of the house still felt like an old-fashioned farmhouse, the kitchen was far too large and bright to be original.
There was a view along two of the walls of the fields and mountains beyond.
One side of the kitchen had beautiful wood cabinets and a great big stove.
The other was mostly taken up by a massive wooden table that was already half full of smiling people, all working away at what looked like a crafting project.
“Well, hello there,” an older man Jillian recognized as Daniel Lawrence said, standing. “Welcome, welcome.”
“We’re so glad you could come,” said the lady beside him with the long ponytail of silver-streaked chestnut hair. “I’m Maggie, and this is my husband, Daniel. And these are four of our grandkids—Olivia, Chance, Elizabeth, and Maya, and our son Tag and daughters-in-law Charlotte and Dulcie.”
“Hi, everyone,” Jillian said.
“I’m Posey,” Posey put in happily.
The people around the table chuckled and smiled warmly at her.
“And this is Mari,” Jillian said, after giving her older daughter a moment to introduce herself.
“Welcome,” Charlotte said, with a smile. “We’re all making Christmas ornaments for Allie and Ash’s tree. You guys can help us with that if you want, or you can go find the other kids upstairs.”
“I think they’re playing hide and seek,” Dulcie said.
“I want to make ornaments,” Posey announced, scrambling into a chair right away.
Mari went with her sister, taking the seat next to hers and scanning the items on the table with big eyes.
“You go to my school,” Elizabeth said to Mari, her eyes lighting up. “You’re in second grade.”
“Yes,” Mari said, the tension on her face relaxing a little. “I see you on the playground.”
The two of them began to chat about their teachers and what they liked to do at recess. And Jillian felt her heart warming as she watched her daughter relax and enjoy herself with a new friend.
“Do you like making decorations, Posey?” Tripp asked.
“Yes,” Posey said. “I made snowflakes for Great-Gram’s window.”
“She sure did,” Jillian said.
“Well, my sister, Allie is a newlywed,” Tripp explained. “This is her first Christmas out of this house, so we’re making her some classic Lawrence family Christmas decorations for her own tree.”
“That’s my mama,” Maya piped up importantly. “My new mama. She was my teacher last year.”
“And she’s your teacher this year, Posey,” Jillian said. “Isn’t that cool?”
“No,” Posey said, shaking her head. “My teacher is Mrs. Tailor.”
“Allie is her first name,” Maya said. “And she’s my mama now.”
“And she’s my baby sister,” Tripp added.
Posey cracked up, tossing her head back and really laughing, clearly tickled at the idea that her kindergarten teacher was also someone’s mom and someone else’s baby sister.
Mari looked around at everyone smiling, and she laughed too.
Jillian was growing less nervous by the second. It was easy to feel at home when everyone was so friendly and accepting.
Maggie Lawrence grabbed a few pieces of felt and showed Posey and Mari how to mark and cut out a bell shape using a piece of chalk and one of her cookie cutters.
The next thing Jillian knew, both girls were hard at work with the other three kids.
“Popcorn,” Tripp said appreciatively as another man came to the table with a big bowl.
“It’s not for eating, Tripp,” the man said, laughing. “This is to string for the tree outside.”
“The birds love it,” Daniel said to Jillian.
“Can I help?” Jillian asked.
“You three fit right in around here,” Maggie said approvingly, pushing a tin sewing kit across the table to Jillian.
Jillian took a nice big sewing needle and some thread, then passed the tin to Dulcie, who also seemed to want to help.
“I’m Zane,” the man with the popcorn bowl said.
“Ah, the brother,” Jillian said. “I thought I remembered you.”
“The brother?” Tag scoffed.
“One of the brothers,” Jillian amended. “The one closest in age.”
“That’s me,” Zane said. “I’ve got two boys of my own now, Nick and Cal. I think they’re upstairs playing hide and seek.”
“These are my girls,” Jillian said. “Posey and Marigold.”
The girls looked up and politely said hello, making their mother very proud.
Zane sat beside his brother, and they all got to work stringing popcorn and cutting out felt ornaments, but mostly catching up with each other, everyone laughing and enjoying a cozy moment at the big table while the snow began to fall outside.
Christmas songs were playing softly on an old radio that sat on the counter, and now that she was in the kitchen, Jillian definitely smelled something nice in the oven.
This is the life I dreamed of while we were living in the city, Jillian thought to herself.
It wasn’t just the snow outside or the nostalgic activity. It was the sense of peace, the slower pace, and the appreciation of each other’s company. There seemed to be a kind of magic in this little farmhouse, allowing people to step inside and feel good just being themselves.
“So you’re a senior this year, Olivia?” Jillian asked the older girl who was quietly making felt ornaments without using a pattern.
“Yes,” Olivia said.
“That must be exciting,” Jillian said. “Are you happy to be graduating, or sad to go?”
“Both, I guess,” Olivia said, shrugging. “I’m excited about the Winter Formal.”
“Me too,” Tripp piped up.
Jillian laughed as Olivia got a confused look on her face.
“I’m going to be chaperoning,” Jillian explained. “And Tripp is going with me.”
“Great,” Olivia said sarcastically. “Just what I need—an overprotective uncle at the dance.” But she was smiling, and Jillian could tell she didn’t really mind.
“I won’t interrupt your funky flow,” Tripp told her. “But I will be on high alert in case any guys try to get cute with you.”
Olivia laughed as her father growled.
“Olivia’s date is that nice Levi Andrews,” Charlotte put in. “He’ll behave.”
“He sure will,” Tripp said, cracking his knuckles.
“Levi and I are just friends,” Olivia said, smiling and rolling her eyes again.
“Not when he sees you in that dress you won’t be,” Charlotte teased.
“Jillian’s dress is beautiful too,” Tripp said.
“Oh, goodness, I need to feed the calves,” Maggie said, hopping up from the table. “Would anyone like to help?”
Of course Posey and Mari were happy to volunteer. Jillian quietly reminded them to be very careful and do exactly as Mrs. Lawrence said, while Olivia ran upstairs to gather the other children.
A few minutes later, Maggie headed out the back door like the Pied Piper, with the children all trailing behind her, smiling and laughing. One of the older girls brought a very small boy over to Charlotte before heading out after the others.
“Alonso,” Charlotte said, sweeping him up in her arms and placing him in the seat beside her. “Did you have fun with the big kids?”
He nodded his little head up and down, his expression as serious as his father’s.
“This must have been such a wonderful way to grow up,” Jillian said, turning to the others at the table.
Tag nodded, his normally grumpy expression lightening. Zane smiled gently and nodded too.
“It was the best,” Tripp declared.
“That’s why you never grew up, right, Tripp?” Tag teased him.
Instead of laughing, Tripp shook his head, took a handful of popcorn, and shoveled it in his mouth.
“Hey,” Zane said. “That’s for the birds.”
“This conversation’s for the birds,” Tripp said with his mouth full. “I’m going to find West real quick. I’ll be right back.”
He patted Jillian’s shoulder as he got up, reassuring her that things weren’t quite as awkward as she feared.
“You don’t always have to treat him like a little kid,” Charlotte said to Tag, giving her husband a tiny shove, as if to drive home her point.
“Well, look at him,” Tag grumbled.
“I think I like the direction he’s going in,” Charlotte said, winking at Jillian.
Daniel set the plate of zucchini bread on the table. It was hard to tell if he was changing the subject on purpose, but it definitely livened the mood.
“Mmmm,” Zane hummed appreciatively over a bite.
“Oh, Jillian,” Dulcie said. “This is delicious.”
“Alonso loves it,” Charlotte said fondly, watching her little one gobble up the slice she had broken up for him on her plate. “I’ll definitely need this recipe.”
“You know what,” Jillian said, getting up. “Gram actually sent the recipe along with me, but I think I left it in my coat pocket. I’ll be right back.”
“Oh, how nice,” Daniel said.
She hurried down the hall and saw that Tripp was chatting with another of his older brothers, probably West, in the living room as she passed.
When she reached the front door, she pulled her coat from the peg and felt around in the pockets for the little slip of paper.
“Are you sure she’s okay with it?” West was asking Tripp in the other room.
I’m not here to listen, Jillian thought to herself, focusing on finding the recipe as quickly as possible and getting back to the kitchen. They might not even be talking about me.
“Yeah, definitely,” Tripp replied. “We’re just going to keep it casual.”
The words hit her like a sledgehammer.
Here she was in his family home, falling in love with the farmhouse and everyone inside it. She had brought her children here.
And Tripp wanted to keep it casual.
She was slipping her feet into her shoes before she even knew what was happening. She headed out the front door, pulling it closed behind her as quietly as she could.
She just stood there on the porch for a minute, looking out over the snowy fields, wondering how she could feel so awful in such a beautiful place.
Because I’m a fool, she thought to herself. And I’ve always been a fool when it comes to romance.
The cold breeze felt good on her burning cheeks and she sucked in a deep breath, willing herself to calm down and praying for the knot in her stomach to untangle.
Sure, she might have broken her own heart with her foolishness, but she wasn’t going to let it impact the girls if she could help it. She just needed to find a way out of here quickly, so she could pull herself together.
As if in answer to her prayers, the sound of children’s laughter met her ears, followed by the sight of Maggie and the kids coming down the hillside toward the house.
Jillian hurried out to meet them.
“Hi there,” Maggie said, noticing her first. “Did you want to see the calves?”
“Thank you,” Jillian said. “But no, I actually wanted to just grab the girls. Unfortunately, I’m not feeling well all of a sudden.”
“Oh dear,” Maggie said. “Do you need an aspirin? Do you want to lie down for a bit?”
“No, no,” Jillian said. “I just need to get on home.”
“No,” Posey whined. But her big sister grabbed her hand and whispered in her ear, and she settled.
“I’m so sorry, dear,” Maggie said.
“Please tell everyone I’m sorry,” Jillian said. “Hopefully, we can get together another time.”
Maggie nodded, concern still clear in her eyes.
Jillian took the girls by the hand and hurried off to the car before the other woman’s sympathy unlocked the tears that were gathering.
“I’m so sorry, girls,” she told them. “I know you were having fun. Maybe we can put on a movie when we get home.”
“I wanted to eat dinner,” Posey said sadly.
“I wanted to play hide and seek,” Mari added, breaking Jillian’s heart. She was proud of her daughter for getting more comfortable with the other kids.
She only wished she were strong enough to stay. But she knew she couldn’t simply pretend that everything was fine for the rest of the evening.
Everyone was quiet on the quick car ride home. As Jillian drove onto the nice gravel surface by the back door, she thought of Tripp again and her heart ached.
People are who they are, she reminded herself. It’s not his fault. And it doesn’t help to wish for him to be someone he’s not.
But she couldn’t help the pain that weighed on her chest at abandoning the feeling she’d had all night, like she could just see her own girls’ futures playing out surrounded by family gathered at the big table of the Lawrence farmhouse.
She told herself that their future would still be great. It just wouldn’t be there, with those people. And she knew they would all be just fine.
But it still hurt.