Chapter Twenty Nine
Hannah
Chris gets back a little over an hour later, his eyes shining with tears and his arms crushed to his chest, balancing bags with cans of soup and pregnancy tests.
His eyes are wild with an almost guilty look in them. “Hi, I’m sorry I took so long, I’ll make it for you now.”
He drops the bags on the counter, his hands shooting out desperately to catch a couple of cans as they roll towards the edge.
“Chris, what’s wrong? Is this about...those?” I point to the mountain of pregnancy tests.
“Oh! No. It’s about Sarah.”
“Sarah? Who’s that? Another ex-fiancée?”
I smile at my own joke and stand up to make my way toward him, stepping over Lucy, who’s fallen deeply asleep on the ground.
“No, actually.” He pulls at the tab on the top of a soup can and slaps it down. “Sarah’s the one who’s been stealing from the gym. Stealing from me, I guess.”
“Chris, wow, you actually confronted her about it? Hey, I feel okay right now. How about you just sit down and talk to me?”
I reach for his hands before he can pull a soup bowl out of the cabinet.
I interlace our fingers and pull him over to the dining room table. I pull out a chair for him and gesture. “Let me get you a glass of water.”
He chuckles, shaking his head. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you,” he says quietly.
“You are! You’re distracting me. That’s priceless,” I tell him, pulling down a glass for him and filling it up with the water from his fridge.
When I was a kid, I thought that the pinnacle of achievement, proof that your family was rich, was having water come out of the front of the fridge.
“Maybe I should make you soup.” I giggle a little and kiss the top of his head as I set his water down in front of him.
Chris gulps his water down, and I sit next to him, seeing his desperation as he drinks, his Adam’s apple bobbing with each swallow.
“It was crazy, Hannah. I never really thought…I mean, didn’t suspect her at all, although clearly I should have. Even though there really wasn’t anyone else to suspect; no one else made sense or had access to the finances, the records, or the money.”
I think about what Tyler told me about Sarah working all alone in the back office, completely in charge of the finances with no supervision.
Chris is right when he realizes it couldn’t have been anyone else but Sarah, but I imagine it was a shock all the same and the betrayal isn’t something he can just shrug off.
Chris runs his index finger over the rim of the glass.
“It’s like…when Julie left me, when she didn’t show up?”
He looks up at me, his eyes clear now, “I kept thinking something must have happened, you know? A car accident maybe, or something even worse, something truly mystical.”
“Mystical?” I ask, confused.
“Oh, sure. Maybe there was an earthquake that only affected her and also all the cell towers. Something like that. I didn’t expect the truth to be as simple as it was. I couldn’t imagine that she just…didn’t show up.”
“Ah. Your brain was protecting you.”
“It was. And that’s how this feels. It’s so obvious in hindsight, but I guess I just assumed it was a mystery, the missing money.”
“It’s okay for you to trust the people in your life and expect that they will protect you; not betray you.”
We sit for a moment, eyes on each other.
He stands up and hugs me from behind, kissing my cheeks wildly.
“The thing is, part of me thinks that I chose bad people after Julie left. That I chose bad people and put them in bad situations so that people would show their true colors and I’d be comforted knowing for sure that people are bad. Or maybe I was afraid to plan for the worst case scenario, so instead I pretended there wouldn’t be any more bad scenarios. And then, with Sarah, I got disappointed. And, in some strange way, that was comforting.”
I’ve never heard Chris talk about himself with so much stark self-awareness. His eyes are fuzzy and off in the distance while he talks. I tell him gently, “Sure, I get that. Whatever you’re used to—that’s comfort. Even if it’s bad for you.”
“Thank you for understanding. And I know I have to call the police and file this or that, but right now, I’m worried about you. I want you to take one of those tests so we can relax, and I’ll make you soup for what I’m sure is a stomach bug. Sound good?”
His kindness forms a lump in my throat. I rest my cheek on his cool hand as it squeezes my shoulder. “Chris, my mom is on her way over.”
He slides his hand out from under my cheek. “Okay? Why? What does she know?”
“everythingng, basically.”
“Why, Hannah?” His response hits me like a punch to the gut.
“Are you mad?”
“Well, it seems like something we should have talked about first, right? I mean, we haven’t even told Tyler. I thought we’d be waiting a while to tell your family.”
I swallow back thick tears that threaten to form as my throat constricts. “I needed my mom, Chris.”
“Oh, God, of course you did. I’m sorry, Hannah.”
“It’s okay,” I tell him, wiping my tears. “You’re allowed to have an opinion or be nervous or whatever.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
He leans down on one knee, and despite the sadness coursing through me in this moment, a flash of heat runs up and down my body as my heart asks my brain if he’s proposing.
My brain responds that he isn’t.
“I mean that I’m sorry for all of this. You’re so young, and you’ve only had sex a few times at this point. You shouldn’t have to worry about being a mom. You’ve got a new business to run. I feel like I should have been better about boundaries. I hate that you are in this situation when you have so much else going on and so many of your own ambitions to fulfill.”
“I’m an adult, Chris. I make my own choices.”
“I know. I know that. But I do have some years on you and I should have been more thoughtful about where you are in life right now.”
He smiles thinly as I look up at him from my chair.
“It was my responsibility to give you clarity on where those choices could lead. But, in my defense, you were extremely hard to resist. Well, impossible, really, as it happens.”
“Believe it or not, Chris, I already knew that sex could lead to pregnancy.”
I stand up and make my way to the pregnancy tests. I pick out three. “Best two out of three?”
He laughs, and the buzzer to his apartment knocks the smile off his face and the wind out of me. He goes to the front door and hits the button. “Hello?”
“Chris?” My mom’s voice has a robotic quality to it through the grainy technology. “It’s Piper.”
“Come on up.”
Unable to face my mother until I know, I head for the bathroom.