Chapter 5
Chapter
Five
A HEART FULL OF SPITE
Azariel
“Love is like a brain parasite slowly feasting on your last functioning neuron until you’re left with nothing but an empty shell of what you once were.” — A
I t was a cold February night where the roses looked almost black under the moonlight. Their deep red petals soaked up the darkness, each rose like a kept secret, sharp-edged and waiting to spill blood.
I stood in the middle of my mother’s garden, the night air heavy with the scent of her roses and damp earth. The gothic arches of thorn-covered vines rose around me like a cage, and for once, it felt right. Fitting. Before, cages had made me feel like a wild animal being contained to keep the world from my destruction, but here in this garden I felt like I was home. Here I felt like I could breathe, and the voices in my head weren’t as loud.
That was why I often hid there when I wasn’t in my parents’ training room sparring with them or Vernon and Crow.
My knife spun in my hand, the blade catching the pale light as it flipped between my fingers. It was a sleek, wicked thing, its edge sharp enough to cut through even the thickest of vines or human parts. That one had been given to me by my father.
When I felt like I was drowning in my head, I came out there with my knives—I always had them on me. I didn’t go anywhere without them. No one would ever hurt me again. The weight of it steadied me, kept me tethered when I felt like the darkness would swallow me whole. I had wanted that at first. I had wanted the dark to consume me until what was left of me was everything ugly and bad in this world, but my family wouldn’t allow it. My parents’ love kept me from going over the edge, and my little sister’s trust in me kept me from giving up. Raiza. She looked like an exact replica of Mom, and she already had me wrapped around her tiny finger.
Because of them, I didn’t allow the monsters in my head to fully corrupt me.
But nights like that one, memories clawed at my mind like they always did. Faces and voices I tried not to remember, shadows that lingered at the edges of my thoughts. I had been nine when they found me—dragged out of a life I had barely survived into a world where I was no longer just a number but a prince. A mafia prince from two different families and organizations.
The adoptive son of the boss of the Parisi family.
The heir of the Solonik Bratva.
That had given me more than just powerful titles and enough to move on from my past, but five years of trying to forget hadn’t erased what had come before.
Nothing could.
My grip tightened on my knife and I broke the skin but didn’t make a sound. I stared up at the sky instead with dead eyes. The stars seemed distant and cold, like they couldn’t care less about what happened down here. The fucking stars reminded me of them.
Every single one of them.
“Shit.”
The air felt thick, pressing in around me, and for a moment, I couldn’t breathe.
Then, like magic, I felt her.
So small, so quiet but so fucking enigmatic.
The little intruder’s presence was soft but insistent, like the whisper of wind through the sharp thorns. My back stiffened, and my breath caught in my throat. I didn’t have to turn to know she was behind me. I didn’t need to see her to feel her. Poe.
She always moved so quietly, but I could sense her, as sure as I could feel the blade in my hand.
Hell, I felt her when she wasn’t there.
The quiet little fox had infiltrated herself into my world without saying or doing too much. How? I had no clue, but she had done it. She had done something most failed to. She caught my attention.
I stayed where I was, staring at the stars, pretending I hadn’t noticed her. Maybe she would give up and leave. It was for the best anyway. She had no business being around the dark, not when she shined so fucking bright.
I got a few more minutes of silence before her sweet voice broke through, dragging me out of myself like it always did. Her voice to me sounded like an enchanting melody that held me hostage every time. I bet she had no idea she did that.
“Azariel,” she said softly.
The sound came out like a ripple in the stillness, small but impossible to ignore, just like her.
I gritted my teeth, keeping my back to her. She shouldn’t have been out there. It was late, it was cold, and she was too small to be wandering around alone in the dark. But of course, she didn’t care. She never listened. Where was her father? He was probably with Mom catching up and talking business, like every time the Nicolasi came around with his little girl.
“A-Azariel,” she said again, her tone more insistent.
I closed my eyes, exhaling a long, slow breath. I didn’t know why I bothered trying to resist her. I never won.
With a low, annoyed grunt, I turned around.
Poe stood there at the edge of the garden, her hair darker than the night itself, her small figure framed by the twisted arches of roses. She was wearing a blue dress that made her eyes stand out even more than normal.
When I didn’t utter a word, she tilted her head up at me, her wide eyes gleaming with something too innocent for a world like this—for someone like me.
Run, little fox. Save yourself from my destruction.
But she didn’t run. She stayed rooted in place, looking at me as if I was someone interesting. She looked at me like my mother did.
It was odd. I hated people. I didn’t enjoy their presence, but hers was like air rushing into my lungs, filling the space that moments ago had felt suffocating.
When those green eyes turned sad, I gave up. As always.
“What?” I asked, my voice was rougher than I meant it to be.
She flinched and I felt bad. That was new.
But was it?
Every time I saw her, something in my chest ached. It couldn’t be the organ there. That had never worked. Not like most people. It pumped blood and kept me alive, yes, but that was it.
But this girl was different.
She made me feel too much, and that terrified me.
Because Poe Vaeda Nicolasi was as pure as freshly fallen snow, as good and untouchable as everything I’d never be. Even someone like me understood she deserved better. I wasn’t good. Not even as a friend.
Poe blushed under my harsh gaze, and my heart did something strange again—something unfamiliar. It was the same soft, warm ache I felt when Mother smiled at me or pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead before saying goodbye. Or when Raiza babbled nonsense at me and covered my face in snotty kisses. When Dad ruffled my head and called me his heart and told me he was proud.
It felt the same.
Only this time, it was sharper, deeper, and it lingered in a way I didn’t quite understand.
I tried to understand what was happening, but I didn’t.
Poe stepped closer, tilting her head to look up at me, her wide eyes searching my face. I looked down at her, noticing how small she seemed standing next to me.
Why was she here?
After how badly I treated her—and that was when I wasn’t ignoring her presence outside this garden.
She didn’t come over often anymore. Not like her father and brothers, who seemed to spend half their time at the house with Mom.
And then my mind flicked back to last Valentine’s Day. She’d wore a blue dress, cheerful and bright, with a silly heart-shaped headband perched on her head. She held a Valentine’s card in her small hands, clutching it like it was the most important thing in the world. I’d ruined that. Ripped it in pieces until it wasn’t the same.
I had fixed it. I tried, but she didn’t know that. She never would.
That night, she looked different. She was dressed all in black, her dark hair and somber outfit blending with the shadows of the garden and every dark corner of my mind. There was nothing festive about her now, nothing bright or hopeful.
Something twisted in my chest, sharp and uncomfortable. Did I do this? Did I hurt her so much last time that she’d changed? That thought squeezed my cold heart, leaving a bitter ache behind. It only lasted for a second before I reminded myself of why I did it.
She had no business trying to befriend someone like me. Someone as pure as her didn’t belong anywhere near the mess that I was.
I dreamed of black and blood.
Narrowing my eyes, my voice low and edged, I asked, "What are you doing here, Little Fox?"
She hesitated, her small hands twisting together, her gaze flicking to the ground before meeting mine. I noticed the way her throat moved as she swallowed, the tremble in her lips that made her look almost scared—or maybe sad.
For a moment, she didn’t answer, and the silence stretched between us, heavy with something unspoken. Then, finally, she whispered, her voice so soft I almost didn’t catch it:
“I didn’t want you to be alone.”
Thud.
Thud.
No.
Number 1. You’re always alone.
Blood.
Screams.
Darkness.
It all pulled me in every direction, and my blood boiled to the point I cut myself with my blade.
Poe.
She’s here.
I’ll hurt her too.
Gritting my teeth, I breathed through the memories attacking me before I said, “Just… go. I don’t want you here. Ever.”
With that, I gave her my back, not wanting to see her sad eyes.
Shit.
I had undoubtedly hurt her heart again.