13. Cas
Chapter thirteen
Cas
I ’ve come to the realization that Will may actually like me. Maybe even more someday—like love. Yet, what startles me the most about this is how badly I want all of it. I want him to love me madly and to be the sole object of his desire until the day he dies. And really, that’s something even I always considered unachievable. It’s how my bad habit started. Meet the right guy. Feed our obsession. Then end things before he loses interest. He stays mine forever that way.
But with Will, it’s different. I’m still not sure how or even why, but usually when a guy I’ve fixated on wavers even slightly, I get annoyed. Almost enraged, even. With Will, the feeling builds in complexity. I start to fret. I never do that. Never before have I given a damn aside from the waste of time and effort on my part. And yet, with Will…
I feel myself slipping. Caring more than I should. Making idiotic decisions fueled by emotion. And instead of being annoyed when he doesn’t respond the way I want to me jerking his chain, I become jealous of whatever distraction is breathing in the same room as him. I want him—need him—focusing solely on me. Not having that just may be what tips me over the edge.
When Will doesn’t attempt to call on Friday night, my stomach churns. Not so much from missing out on a good time or even wondering what he’s doing, but convincing myself this is it. He’s lost interest. Can’t expect him to stay satisfied with our exchanges forever. He’s going to want more, eventually. That much is not only natural and expected, but inevitable. He will want more. And when he can’t have it, he’ll fade away. Maybe I really do need to move on sooner than I want.
My phone in my hands, my fingers hover above the screen while I consider my words. Not that I’m going to send anything past midnight, but I like drafting these things ahead of time. Rehearsing conversations and interactions is something I often need to do, which makes communication over a phone all the easier. My phone dings in my hand.
Purple Puppy: I’m sorry I didn’t call again.
Purple Puppy: And I’m sorry I didn’t warn you ahead of time like I usually do.
Orchid Mantis: It’s okay.
Purple Puppy: Is it, really?
No, not really. Never going to admit that, though. Not to myself, nor to him.
Orchid Mantis: Everyone gets busy. Stuff slips their mind. It happens.
Purple Puppy: I didn’t forget. I could never forget something I look forward to all day.
Purple Puppy: Busy comes closer to what happened.
Orchid Mantis: Smart best friend, again?
Purple Puppy: Yeah…
Purple Puppy: He’s staying over. I’m hiding in the bathroom of my own home so I can text you.
Purple Puppy: I’m trying to do what you said, but… do you still want me to?
No, of course not.
Orchid Mantis: I want you to do what you want and have what you want.
Purple Puppy: In that case, how soon do you think you can be here?
And a winking emoji.
Purple Puppy: Don’t worry. I’m mostly kidding.
Purple Puppy: Why don’t you tell me what it is you want to do and to have?
Oh, if only he knew. Nix that, if only I knew. I can’t very well explain any of that to him, especially if I don’t even know anymore.
Orchid Mantis: I tend to want things I can’t have.
Purple Puppy: Like me?
Orchid Mantis: Especially you.
Purple Puppy: Name the time and place. Not even pretending to joke around this time.
Purple Puppy: I don’t care who you turn out to be. I want you and wasting my time with anyone else isn’t working for me.
Purple Puppy: Have you ever even considered that maybe the only thing holding me back from loving the version of you I already know is this one right here? Seems like we’re needlessly torturing ourselves.
Orchid Mantis: I don’t think you like the guy you know. Never mind love.
Purple Puppy: I bet I do.
Purple Puppy: No, scratch that. I bet I like the guy I know. You’re definitely sexy and we’ve probably flirted plenty. And I bet I want more with that guy. Except you’ve said yourself that’s not you. The real you.
Purple Puppy: This is the real you, and I want you so fucking bad I can’t stand it.
Orchid Mantis : But what would you say to the other me?
Purple Puppy: STFUATTDLAGB
Orchid Mantis : Someone’s horny.
Purple Puppy: Yes.
Purple Puppy: I am.
Purple Puppy: Literally, just the thought of you gets me hard.
And even though I’d never been the type, same here. He wakes my cock up better than anyone ever has. So even though I shouldn’t, yet again, I take a page out of his book.
Orchid Mantis : Show me.
Purple Puppy: Gladly.
Not even thirty seconds later, the picture comes through and seeing the bulge in his pajamas gets me from twitching with interest to rock hard.
Orchid Mantis : How quiet do you think you can be while hiding?
Purple Puppy: Baby, don’t tease me this way.
I smile to myself and slam the call button. Sometimes, the best move is none at all. This is not one of those times.
Will accepts my request, of course. Nothing more than a shaky gasp comes through the line when he answers, but he can’t speak as much as he wants right now.
“Sorry, but I need to get off right now and after seeing how hard you are, I couldn’t leave you like that,” I whisper.
“Why’s that?”
“Because you’d just go sticking your cock in your friend again,” I snicker. “Actually, you still might, but I want you replaying every second of this when you do.”
Will curses while he suppresses a groan. “You’re not even here . Why is it always so good with you?”
“I’m good for you. And you are for me. Talking with you never fails to get me hard.” Which is why I happen to be stroking my cock as we speak. Most of the time I can’t even get off on my own, but with Will it’s different. The attraction flows freely with him and it’s close to instant arousal every time. “Same reason I never bottom. I can’t get into it.”
“Except we know that’s a fucking lie.”
“It’s not. Unless I’m talking to you, then I want nothing more than to fuck myself.”
“Yet, you’re not now.”
I smile to myself. “You haven’t asked me to.”
“Cas, you’re killing me.”
My cock jumps at his complaint and the sigh that escapes me sounds especially… pleased.
Even now, I can’t help thinking about it sometimes. The rest of the time, I’m thinking of him. Watching him. Talking to him. Being alone with him. And more than any of the rest, doing this in person. Which, again, sex usually isn’t even in my top five things that I think about day-to-day, but with him, everything has been feeling different. I’ve been different.
“You’d know if I were killing you.” My voice suddenly becomes raspy, and I am so turned on.
“You are. I’d literally do anything to meet you, Cas. I mean anything,” he whispers.
And that gets me closer to coming than anything sexual he could’ve said. So much so I whimper right into the phone while my whole body shudders. Will’s been rendered speechless, save for panting my name. The thought of his whispering lips and the sound of my name in his voice never fails to get me to finish. From the sound of it, I have the same effect on him.
“Anything?” I ask once I catch my breath again.
“Maybe not cut off my cock. That would sorta defeat the purpose.” He snorts a laugh and I join him only for a moment.
“I’d still fuck myself with it, if you did.”
Will curses at my teasing yet again. “Don’t start. We’ll be here all night.”
“Not a problem for me.”
“Some of us have work tomorrow.” He sighs. “Who am I fucking kidding? Like I give a damn about that when I’m talking to you.”
How sweet. “Get some sleep. Call me tomorrow. Or else.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
And I smile to myself when the call ends.