15. Cas
Chapter fifteen
Cas
H orny. Not something I’m accustomed to, but there’s no denying that feeling. Now, it’s not as if I never get aroused. It’s more like most people get excited thinking about sex and then they want… sex. Me, not so much. Sex has always been my foreplay, the lead up to the main event. Because when I’m horny, I’m not thinking about sex. And when I see someone who has that effect on me, I’m not imagining their expression while getting fucked, but the look on their face when I strangle them. Don’t worry, I’m well aware that’s not normal and I’ve come to terms with it.
The very first time I saw Will, he instantly elicited that response from me. All I could think about when gazing into his eyes was my version of the throes of passion: basically someone fighting for their life. Luckily for him, I always go out of my way to find people I don’t know. After hovering around him for as long as I have, I’ve never made a move.
After unintentionally picking him as my next target online, I should only be wanting that even more each time I see him. I don’t. Actually, I find myself thinking of it less and less with each interaction. I mean, the urge is still very much there, but… he just may be the first and only person who can reliably get me sexually aroused. The intensity of the urge has begun shifting to a different focus around him and, like a greedy puppy, I only want more .
So whenever I hear from Will, regardless of the hour or what I’m doing, I need to use all my remaining focus to hide the fact that I’m dropping everything for this man. He cannot have me thinking I’ll be at his beck and call, even if it’s really looking that way on my end.
Purple Puppy: I’m sorry, I know it’s late, but I couldn’t help myself.
Orchid Mantis: It’s okay.
Purple Puppy: Really, really?
Orchid Mantis: Really and truly.
Orchid Mantis: Did you have a good time, at least?
Purple Puppy: I was helping a FRIEND.
Purple Puppy: And yes, I did. Not my fault he understands gratitude.
Orchid Mantis: Most of your friends seem to.
Purple Puppy: Appreciation is something I’ve never complained about.
And a smiley. Which makes my eye twitch again. Even if one of those friends he’s referring to is me, it’s not Cas. Is it possible to be jealous of oneself? Because irrational as it may seem, that’s exactly what I’m feeling right now.
Purple Puppy: And really, it’s only the two friends currently. And you. Who I actually want the most and not only because I can’t have you.
Well, that helps pull me away from the edge just a bit.
Purple Puppy: I don’t think anything could turn me off you at this point. Except for you not being gay, but I highly doubt that.
Orchid Mantis: Funny you say that, actually.
Purple Puppy: Oh. Oh no.
Purple Puppy: Don’t you do this to me. My dick can’t take it.
Purple Puppy: I’ve always wanted to be someone’s bisexual awakening, and I know you’ve had a boyfriend before. Don’t tease me.
Orchid Mantis: I have. A few, actually. Never really considered myself gay , though.
Purple Puppy: Well, I’m not biphobic or anything. Probably the exact opposite. I love the idea of a guy choosing dick because it’s not even a choice for me.
Orchid Mantis: And why is that?
Purple Puppy: Dunno. I’m a card-carrying gay with a lifelong membership. I don’t mean to fetishize it, but the idea of converting someone who’s sexually curious is hot. Judge me all you want.
Orchid Mantis: Interesting.
Purple Puppy: My turn to ask why.
Orchid Mantis: Not telling you.
Purple Puppy: I get it. You’re judging. Go ahead. It’s like you said. At least I acknowledge it’s kinda fucked up.
Orchid Mantis: That’s not it.
Purple Puppy: It is.
Orchid Mantis: It’s really not.
Purple Puppy: It’s fine. I deserve it.
Orchid Mantis: Fine. I’ll tell you.
Orchid Mantis: I’ve never really thought of myself as gay even though I’ve always preferred men.
(Killing men, also, but I’ll leave that part out.)
Orchid Mantis: Mostly because even with men, I can’t get into sex normally.
Purple Puppy: Normally meaning there’re exceptions or meaning the sex has to be abnormal?
Orchid Mantis: Probably a bit of both, if we’re being totally honest.
My phone starts to ring in my hand, so I hit the accept button. I can’t even manage a greeting right now. Will hasn’t given me much and I need to gauge his response first.
Thankfully, Will skips the greeting and gets right to the point. “Cas, be honest with me, okay? Am I an exception for you?”
“Yeah,” I admit.
Will bites off a hiss of obvious pleasure. “That is so fucking hot .”
“Doesn’t feel that way for me,” I huff.
“And what does it feel like?”
“I don’t know. A lot of things. Mildly frustrating. Isolating. Embarrassing. But also, right somehow? Like there’s no point in fighting what comes naturally. Feels that way with you, too. Closest I’ve ever come to normal, I suppose.”
Will pauses for too long, making my guts twist. “You do realize that’s not totally abnormal, right?”
“Um…” Not really, no. I’m not so sure what normal should be, only that I’m not it. “How… do you mean?”
“Okay, so, there’s a lot more nuance to sexuality and attraction than straight or gay.”
“Yeah, I know. You already told me you’re not biphobic, but that’s not the case here.”
“Cas, there’s nothing wrong with being asexual or whatever. You don’t have to beat around the bush.”
“I’m… not?”
“Fucking hell,” he mutters. “Look, I’m not trying to label you or anything. I just don’t want you thinking you’re alone. Other people are like this, too.”
“It never occurred to me there was a word for it. Never mind that other people might be the same way.”
“There are. Way back when I first began dating, my first serious boyfriend was demisexual. It’s not completely unheard of.”
“And what is that, exactly?”
“They don’t experience sexual attraction unless they form an emotional connection.”
“That… uh… might explain a few things, actually.”
“No wonder you can’t get into fucking yourself without me, baby.” And despite the lust dripping in his voice, he manages to stay so sweet somehow. “Do you remember what I told you?”
“You’ve told me a lot of things,” I chuckle.
“How I’m a possessive freak who wants complete control over someone? And now you’re basically saying that aside from me, you’re not able to muster any sort of attraction to anyone.” Will takes a deep breath. “And you told me you want someone entirely to yourself, so much so you’d do anything to keep them focused on you.”
His arousal makes his voice deep and gravelly and… I start palming my swelling cock. Happens every damn time. Every time with him, that is.
“So, basically, I give you something only I can do for you, which means you’ll have a level of reliance on me only you can offer. You feed my fixation and it’s exactly what yours needs.”
“Sounds toxic and codependent.”
“No, more like you and I were made for each other, baby.” Will softly sighs on his end. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to enjoy sex again knowing you’re out there. Hope you’re happy.”
“Extremely,” I say, with a wide smile. Suddenly, I feel thankful I’m the only one who can see.
“Good. I like hearing you happy .”
“You like hearing me moan your name,” I snicker.
“Fuck, yes, I do.” He pauses. “But what I like best is that it’s you. I mean that. I’m not going to give you an ultimatum, but Cas, you have got to know how much I want you and no one else. No one. And I’m not going to be satisfied until I have you.”
I groan into my phone and he cackles at me this time.
“Thought you’d like that, but it’s all true.” He takes a deep breath. “I’ve been rock hard since you picked up the phone. Even more now that I’m wondering if you can even get it up without me.”
“I can, but not reliably. And even then, I’ll lose interest unless I start fucking something.”
“What about right now, Cas?”
“So hard that I’ve been doing something about it.”
“Yeah?” Will purrs. “Can you get off on your own?”
“Not really. A lot of times I get really close and then nothing. Same goes for sex with someone else. Made me a great top, though. So long as I had a cock ring, I could rail a guy all night and not get tired.”
“Fuck,” Will gasps. “I think the only thing as sweet as knowing only I can make you come will be turning you into a bottom.”
“Good luck with that.”
“Oh, it’s happening, baby. So at least let me hear you fuck yourself in the meantime.”
After lots and lots of phone sex, I don’t need to scramble like I did the first few times. All I need is him ushering me in that direction and I can start using everything that’s ready and waiting. While I open the lube, I tease him further. “You won’t even give me the chance to plow you?”
“I would. I wouldn’t enjoy it, but I would.”
“Now if that’s not true love, I don’t know what is, sweetheart.” A pleased sigh escapes while I play with my ass, but I quickly grow impatient. I need more and I crave the fullness, but thinking of Will filling me instead builds my panting into a moan.
“Cas,” he sighs. “We have to do this in person sometime. Can’t you do that for me?”
The corners of my mouth twitch. “I can.”
“Don’t break my heart. Only agree if you mean it.”
“I do.”
“I don’t need vows,” he chuckles to himself. After listening to me and responding with a long breath, he says, “Be honest, baby.”
That gets my heart to gallop like a fucking stallion, but the whimper that comes out of me sounds downright pathetic. “I—”
“You can say no.” Will eases into that sensual yet unmistakably resolute voice of his. “But I want to hear you screaming yes.”
My first yes may be unintelligible when the pleasure builds to a dangerous level, but that doesn’t stop me from repeating myself louder and louder while riding out my orgasm. After making me come almost nightly, I can’t imagine how it continually gets better, but it does. And right now, I’m coming harder than I ever have while Will moans in my ear over the phone.
Once we both shift our breathing back to a steadier rate, all Will says is, “When?”
“Soon.”
“I’ll take it.”