Chapter Fifteen
Cammie
I stared at the door that had just swung closed, unable to believe that that had really just happened. The kissing part, anyway. Her leaving was the most believable part. It had happened with Justin and everyone before him, so why wouldn't it be the same with her?
There was something about me that made me unlovable, that chased people away. Mel being chased away in less than a few minutes wasn't surprising, but it was certainly a new record.
I let myself sink to the bakery floor behind the counter, pulled my knees into my chest, folded my arms around my legs, and let the tears come out.
I was stupid to have kissed her, stupid to have thought for one second that there was something about me she could have liked. It might have been for the best for her to rip the Band-Aid off quick, but if that were the case, why did I feel like my heart was breaking all over again?
This wasn't about Mel, not really. It was about everything.
The stress of the last few months, of Justin leaving, of realizing I didn't have any savings to fall back on if the bakery failed, of realizing how likely the bakery was to fail now that I was doing this all on my own.
I was barely keeping my head above water, and Mattie had tried to throw me a life preserver in the form of Mel, and I'd let myself get my hopes up.
It was stupid of me. You can't get hurt if you don't have hope or expectations in the first place, but I'd let Mattie and Dorrie convince me that there was hope.
I let my own hopes get up that Mel could help me stay afloat, at least for a little while longer.
Maybe she could have, if I hadn't already messed that up.
I pushed everyone away eventually, though, except my family.
I couldn't tell my parents the bakery was failing, though.
Mattie and Dorrie were the only ones who really knew what was going on, but telling them about what just happened with Mel, how badly I messed up, felt impossible.
I didn't want to hear either of them disappointed with me, but muscle memory from the past times I'd been at my breaking point had me video calling my big brother.
He picked up on the second ring.
"Cam-a-lam, how's-" he stopped short when he saw me, and I knew I must look like a mess, but couldn't bring myself to care.
Maybe Mattie couldn't fix everything, but I'd never broken my childhood faith in my big brother being able to make everything right.
Just hearing his voice helped me to feel a little calmer.
"What's going on? Are you okay?"
I didn't know how to tell him what was going on, so I chose to answer his other question.
"I'm alright, just needed to hear your voice. It's been a tough night. Mel was here, and things kind of went badly," I said, trying to skirt around the truth. "There was a misunderstanding that was totally completely my fault, and she left, and Mattie, I'm so sorry," I said, starting to cry harder.
He made soothing shushing noises, telling me it would be okay like he always did until my breathing had calmed enough that I felt like I could speak again. "I messed up."
"What happened?"
"I-I don't even really know. I just know I messed up." I could tell he didn't believe me, but that he also respected me enough not to pry, even though it was killing him.
"I can call her if you want. I'm sure whatever happened isn't that bad."
"No! No, that's okay, you don't have to. It's not Mel's fault. I'm just a bit overwhelmed, but I'm okay, really. Pride's coming up and will definitely drum up business. I just needed to vent."
"If you're sure?" he hesitated.
"Definitely sure," I said quickly, not sure if he believed me since I wasn’t selling the lie as well as I had hoped.
"Is there anything I can do?"
"No, just talking to you helped." I was glad I was able to at least give him that much truth. Talking to him, knowing he was there for me with no questions asked and no judgment, well, not a lot of judgment anyway, always helped.
"Do you want to keep talking?" He asked.
I sighed and looked up at the counter. "No, that's okay, I have a lot to do still. Thank you, though."
I could hear the frustration in his voice as he said, "I'm sorry, Cam-a-lam. I wish there was something I could do. I can come up in a couple of days if you need me."
"No! No, that's okay." As much as I wanted to see him, him coming up right now would make things worse.
There's no way I'd be able to hide the truth from him in person about how bad the bakery was doing and about how badly I messed up with Mel.
"You're coming back soon anyway, so don't worry about me, I'll be alright. "
"You know I always worry."
"Of course you do, dramatic mother hen."
He laughed at that. "You know I love you and am just looking out for you."
"Smothering," I joked.
"You love it."
"It and you."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm hanging up so you can finish stuff up there and get some rest."
"Sounds good. Talk to you soon."
I hung up and pulled myself back up to my feet, surveying the mess of flour and ingredients that was the counter. Cleaning first, then prepping. It was going to be a longer night than I planned, I thought with a sigh as I grabbed a towel and got to work.