Chapter Twenty-Three
Cammie
I knew my way in and out of a beekeeping suit. You didn't spend as much time as I did with Dorrie without getting suited up often, but Mel and I needed to talk, and it felt like she kept trying to put space between us.
If she waited outside, who knew how long it would take for her to start talking to me, especially if she gave me time to lose my nerve to start the conversation.
She stepped in behind me and met me in the corner where the suits were stored and reached for one.
BANG!
We both jumped at the noise, turning around in time to see the door slam shut.
The door sometimes closed on its own when it was windy, but I hadn’t noticed even a light breeze walking over here.
“That’s weird,” Mel said, going over to the door and twisting the knob. It didn’t turn.
She tried it again, harder.
Nothing.
And again, even harder.
Still nothing.
I moved closer to her as she started to put her shoulder into it.
It still wasn't budging.
"Is it locked?" I asked. It wasn't a helpful question, but it was the only thing I could think to ask since if the door was just stuck, it would have opened by now with the force Mel was applying.
She stopped ramming it with her shoulder and paused, thinking.
She jiggled the doorknob a couple more times with no luck before saying, "It shouldn’t be. Dorrie’s the only one with a key, and it's never kept locked. But yeah, it's probably not stuck."
"So, what do we do now?"
She reached for her pocket before groaning. "Phone's still on the couch. Can you call Dorrie?"
The reality of the situation dawned on me when I reached for my phone and realized it was still nestled in the basket for safekeeping from my walk over to Dorrie's.
"It's in the basket..." I said slowly. "On the counter... in the house."
"...Shit."
"...Shit is right," I agreed.
"You could say..." she said slowly, "that we're in a bit of a...sticky situation."
A surprised laugh burst out of me, and she started chuckling too. It was like a breath of fresh air to be sharing a laugh with her, even if the situation wasn't ideal.
"Dorrie should be back soon, but until then, I think we're stuck," Mel said when she caught her breath.
"There are worse places to be stuck," I offered.
"And worse people to be stuck with," she agreed.
It was enough to push me into saying what was on my mind. I wasn't going to get a better opportunity to get things off my chest.
"Can we talk?"
"Sure. Better than just sitting here."
I chuckled at that, before saying, "No, like talk talk."
"Okay sure, shoot," she said, but she looked less sure of the situation than she did a minute ago.
"I know things have been weird between us, and that's super not what I wanted, but I promised Dorrie I'd talk to you tonight, and this seems like as good a place as any."
"I mean, I could think of some better-" she stopped short, probably noticing how nervous I looked. "Sorry," she added. "Please keep going."
I took strength from her small, but encouraging smile and continued, "I like you - a lot. I've liked you a lot for a long time, and I don't know if things would work or if you feel the same, but I'd be crazy not to tell you I care."
"About me?"
"Yes, about you, and if there's any part of you that cares about me like I care about you, I have to ask if maybe it would be worth it to try?"
She was quiet for long enough that I felt like I had to fill in the blanks. "I know I said it wouldn't work, and it might not, but maybe you might like me enough to try anyway."
"Wait," she interrupted, "how do you know it won't work?"
I wasn't sure what she meant. I'd been convinced we were on the same page when she agreed that this wouldn't work. "I mean, because you're you and I'm me," I offered.
"I mean, I know I'm Mattie's best friend, but maybe that's a good thing?"
"Wait- I mean yes, of course it's a good thing - what does Mattie have to do with anything?"
She cocked her head at me and raised her eyebrows. "Okay, we're not on the same page here. What is it exactly that you're worried about?"
"Doesn't leave us?" I asked.
"Definitely."
"Not even Mattie?" I clarified, still hesitating. It was the one thing I never told him, because I knew it would hurt him and that he wouldn't get it.
"Not even him."
I nodded, took a deep breath, and said, "I'm worried that if you get to know me, something about me will make you leave. There's something about me that pushes people away."
The silence hung for a moment before she said, "You can't be serious?"
"I can and am. First, my parents went to Florida-"
"Because they hate the snow-"
"Doesn't matter, they still went. Then Mattie left for the city-"
"For a job opportunity that had nothing to do with you. He loves you so much, you know that."
"Of course I do, my parents do too, but none of them stayed, then my fiancé left-"
"That asshole did you a favor."
"Maybe I can see that now, but that doesn't change the fact that he promised to love me forever and still left."
"He was a huge idiot to leave you."
"If that's true, then why do I always end up alone?" I asked, feeling the emotion creeping up my throat and willing myself to get through the rest of the conversation without crying.
"Hey, hey, come here," she said, pulling me into a hug. Her kindness broke what little I had left of my composure. She held me tightly to her and let me sob into her shoulder. When I managed to regain control of myself, I pulled away.
She was still watching me, and I felt the urge to look away, but I fought the embarrassment and kept eye contact with her. I didn't have anything really to be embarrassed about. Sure, I'd just cried in front of her, but that was the real me.
"He was the world's biggest idiot," she said softly, "…right behind me."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that only an idiot would be stupid enough to turn you down because of what your brother might think."
"You turned me down because of Mattie..?" I asked tentatively.
She nodded. "I was worried that if something happened between us, it might damage my friendship with Mattie, so I cut things off before they even had a chance."
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at that. "Mattie? My brother Mattie?"
"Yes...Mattie..." she answered slowly, confusion lacing her words.
"Mattie has only known I've had a huge crush on you for ages… and apparently never actually told you."
"He what??" she burst out. "You what?" she added a moment later.
"He's always known. He teases me about it a lot. He told me he never told you, but if I'm being honest, I didn't actually believe him. I thought for sure he'd told you."
"He definitely didn't," she confirmed in a tone that had me sure she was going to have words with him over that, eventually.
"It's not his fault. I begged him not to."
"Do you think he'd be upset if he knew we kissed?" she asked.
I paused for a moment to consider the question. "I don't think so. He loves us both and obviously wants us both to be happy. I don't think he'd be upset if we were happy with each other, but I don't know if we would be happy, though."
"Why not? I thought you were saying you wanted to give this a shot?"
"I do," I said quickly. "I really do, but it might destroy me when you leave, too."
"Who said anything about me leaving?"
"I did. Maybe not right now, maybe not even soon, but eventually you'll leave me like everyone else does."
She pulled me into another hug and said quietly, "I hate that anyone was ever stupid enough to make you feel disposable, but that's a thousand percent a them-problem, not a you problem."
"I don't know, maybe some people just aren't built for forever."
"If you're about to say you're one of them, that's too bad cause I like a challenge."
"I'm a project," I said, trying to emphasize just how bad of an idea this was to her before I actually got my hopes up.
"Lucky for us, I'm good with my hands. From where I'm standing, you look like a project worth the time and effort."
She planted a kiss on the top of my head, making me smile.
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"Definitely sure," she said as she put her finger under my chin and tilted my head up to meet her lips in a kiss.
It wasn't our first kiss, but it was the first one that felt right. The others were great too, but this time, my anxiety had finally quieted enough for me to enjoy this… until I heard the door handle rattle. We jumped apart in time to look over and see Dorrie wrench open the door.
"There you both are!" she said with a huff. "Dinner's ready, and I was wondering where you'd run off to."
"The door got stuck," Mel explained.
"That's odd," Dorrie said, opening the door and examining it. "I'll have to get that looked at."
If I didn't know better, though, I would've thought she looked pleased with herself, especially during dinner when the tension had visibly eased. She kept giving us both smiles that felt a little too knowing.