Chapter 22 Autumn
AUTUMN
Back in Idaho Falls, everything felt smaller and quieter. Like I’d stepped into a place frozen in time while I had been the one to change. That was the irony. Buffaloberry Hill wasn’t even half the size of my hometown, yet somehow it had felt bigger, fuller.
Mom thought I was still heartbroken over Jimmy. She never said it outright, but I caught it in the way she watched me, how she tiptoed around the subject of swimming, and how she carefully brought up the club meets.
I let her believe it. Because it was easier than explaining the truth, which was that I didn’t care anymore. That somewhere between being abandoned on a trail and finding my way back, I’d stopped needing Jimmy Van Beek’s validation. Competing, training, winning…it all felt hollow now.
Besides, I had bigger things to worry about. Like missing Dom. Or the bigger problem nipping at my heels: Stiff-Neck.
I still wore the berry-print T-shirt Dom had given me and slept in the I Buffaloberry Hill one most nights. As if holding the fabric might pull him closer. As if I could trick myself into thinking I was still there, still wrapped up in something I hadn’t been ready to let go of.
The journey home had been punishing. I kept catching glimpses of Stiff-Neck everywhere, in every passerby, but they always vanished into nothing.
I was circling rock bottom, every mile I traveled costing me like a toll.
Alone, scared, and barely holding myself together, my mother’s calls were the only thing that kept me grounded.
And even though it meant risking everything, I had no other options. So I went home.
Fortunately, the news about me being on the wanted list, or at least the sketch of me, hadn’t made it to Idaho. Here, everything seemed normal.
Mom knew better. She saw that my injury wasn’t just an accident, and my extended stay wasn’t just about healing. But she never asked. She never pushed. Instead, she trusted Lulu to keep me safe. She even believed it was fate I found her, after I convinced her no one was out there looking.
Then, this morning, Jimmy Van Beek showed up.
I almost told Mom to send him away and left it at that. But something in me paused and turned it over. Why not hear him out?
I didn’t owe him anything, and I sure as hell had nothing to prove. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t take a little satisfaction in facing him.
So I stepped outside, keeping my expression even. “Jimmy.”
His face twisted into something sheepish. “Hey, Autumn. I…uh, thought I should come by. I wanted to say sorry.”
Lulu sniffed him like he was a power pole that had seen too much action. When he reached to pat her, she sashayed away, all class.
“Oh, come on,” I said, keeping my tone light. “That was in the past.”
He winced. “Thanks. But look, I was an idiot, okay? I panicked. You know I’m bad at serious stuff.”
First confession. Not bad.
I gestured toward the living room. “Come on in.”
He settled onto the couch. “How’ve you been?”
“Fine. Great.”
“I heard about your injury. Tough break.”
“Yeah, well.” I stretched my leg out, showing off the scar on my calf. The shorts were pure coincidence, but I wasn’t mad about it.
His brows shot up. “Geez, that’s more than a cut.”
Who said it was a cut? Classic Jimmy, always underestimating. But for once, I wasn’t bothered.
“It hurt like hell,” I admitted. “The ground was slick, so I slipped and tried to hang on, but then I tumbled, and my calf met a sharp branch. Bam. Impalement.”
“God, Autumn.”
“Tell me about it,” I said.
“You got help after that?”
I scoffed. Oh, how I’d love to tell him about Dominic Powell. But I let my face do the talking instead.
Jimmy frowned. “How did you get help?”
“I didn’t. I dressed the wound myself. And I kept going.”
“Shit!” He whistled low. “That trail’s no joke. What’d you do? Somersault your way down? Marathon swim?”
Decent line. That covered both my gymnastics and swimming glory days.
I smirked. “I finished the trail. Just as I would’ve if I’d been with you.”
His smirk twitched just a little, but I caught it. “No way. The whole thing?”
“The whole thing.” I drew out the words, savoring the moment.
“Damn. Bet that was rough.”
I shrugged. “Wasn’t easy. But I got through it.”
“Superwoman,” he said, smiling as if it were still our inside joke.
“Nah, I’m just an otter,” I corrected smugly.
Jimmy chuckled. “That’s new.”
“Yeah, well, someone else called me that,” I said, and I knew my face gave me away.
His smile faded for half a second. “Guess I’ll start calling you that then.”
I shook my head. “Nah. Don’t.”
Jimmy cleared his throat. “So, you coming back to training?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“If it’s because of me and Julia—”
“Oh, no. Not at all.” And I meant it. “I just need time. The pressure, all that. It’s a lot.”
He studied me, as if waiting for some sign that I wasn’t being honest.
“I’m happy for you,” I added. “Truly.”
“Truly?”
I nodded. It was real. The revenge list I’d once kept in my head had faded.
I didn’t need payback. Just telling him how I’d conquered that trail, alone and without him, had been enough.
Maybe I had rubbed it in a little, but not to hurt him.
Just to show I’d moved on. And maybe that was what being an adult looked like.
Jimmy then said, “Well. That’s, uh…good to hear. I’d better go.”
I waved him off, already thinking about the next time I’d wear my I Buffaloberry Hill shirt.
Back in my room, Lulu had dragged my oversized hair tie from under my pillow and was batting it around. I laughed.
My shoulders felt lighter. Maybe it was the Dom effect, or maybe it was just me finally moving on, but I meant what I said. I wished Jimmy and Julia the best.
We weren’t meant for each other. And holding on to old grudges wouldn’t do either of us any good.
“Right, Lulu?”
She gnawed on my hair tie, growling in triumph. I ruffled her head and she pounced, tackling me onto the bed in a tangle of laughter, hers and mine, in our own way.
I just wish Dom were here.
God, I really did wish that.