Chapter 3
Chapter Three
Taylor left the yard and pulled out onto the road. She leaned over, turning the music back up to full volume. Anything to drown out her current thoughts and let herself feel the song all the way into her bones. She was sick of bouncing between feeling angry and sad, her mind constantly replaying the day she wanted to forget. Some days she wanted to pretend it didn’t happen; other days, she thought she was over it.
It had been eight weeks.
Eight whole weeks.
“I’m so sorry Taylor, I’ve met someone. I’m in love with her.” Ugh. How could she have been so stupid?
Too Well continued to play, fuelling her mood as she sang along to the chorus at full pitch, hands drumming along the top of the steering wheel. She sniffed, trying to stop the onset of tears that sprung up whenever she got like this.
She’d been planning to propose to Liz, her girlfriend of two years, in just a few short months for her birthday. Instead, Liz had been planning when was “the right time” to tell Taylor she didn’t want to be in her life anymore.
The irony.
Sometimes she wondered if she’d proposed sooner, if it might have saved their relationship… If she’d just done something different, maybe, just maybe, Liz would’ve stayed.
Realistically, she knew it never would’ve worked. Though her mind loved coming up with alternative scenarios for her past. Plaguing her thoughts with what-ifs, maybes and whys. At twenty-eight, she’d gone from planning to buy a house, ramping up her business, the possibility of starting a family together… The dominos of her life lining up perfectly, until one sentence had them crashing down before her eyes.
You can’t change the past, Taylor.
She pulled into her driveway, a blur of grey and a waggy tail flashing past as she opened the door.
“Belle!” she greeted, kneeling down and giving her dog a good scritch behind the ears. “What are you doing outside, naughty miss?”
She looked up to see Jess, her housemate, standing with their front door open, shaking her head and smiling. “She was SO excited you were home, she couldn’t even wait for you to get in the door.”
“Couldn’t wait to see your mum, huh?” Taylor said, grinning down at Belle as they walked up to the door together. Once inside, she kicked off her work boots beside the mat and padded into the lounge, collapsing onto the couch with Belle jumping straight up onto her lap and smothering her in kisses.
“Oof! Okay, enough!” she said, laughing between the ferocious licks, “Settle down Bel Bel, yes—mmhmph—I love you too.”
“How was work? Better today?” Jess asked, walking through into the kitchen and pouring herself a water.
“So much better today,” Taylor called back. “I’ve pretty much finished up on that caravan and gave out my card to a couple of boaties passing through the yard.”
“Oh that’s great!” Jess called out from the other room.
“Yeah, you know, it’s been a little quiet this month, so it feels good to have some more potential work lined up.” Work had been pretty spotty lately since that day Liz walked out of her life. Her energy levels and motivation were at an all-time low, so she was relying heavily on word-of-mouth to keep up the jobs—and subsequently her income—flowing in. She popped her feet up on the coffee table and got out her phone to scroll Instagram. If she happened to see an update from a certain ex, it was just a coincidence. At least, that was what she was telling herself.
Taylor stopped scrolling as she landed on the photo update she totally wasn’t on there trying to find. Liz stared back at her from the screen, that lazy smile, her hair brushed to the side just so. Taylor scowled. And there was the new cause of that smile, the beautiful blonde hanging off her shoulder, arms wrapped around her neck, looking just as content at Liz’s side as she rested her head on Liz’s. She read the caption:
Bae’s turn to cook me dinner tonight - thanks Em .
She clicked into Liz’s profile to look at the other posts. Emily is so great. Emily and I are so in love. Blah, blah, blah. They were so… so sickening. She stared some more, unable to look away.
“Oh, also! I ended up speaking to that Sam from the boat shop again today. She might need some rewiring done on her boat too.” Another possible job, at least. Plus, having them all within the same area meant less travel time too.
“Ah yes, Nauti Sam .” Jess laughed at her own joke—a nod to the whole awkward T-shirt exchange the day before—as she walked back in and plonked herself onto the other half of their L-shaped couch. “Speaking of, I did the washing for us today. Her shirt’s already out on the line, so it should be dry by tomorrow for you—Taylor Jane Scott!”
Taylor fumbled and dropped the phone straight onto Belle’s head.
Jess glared at the phone. “Are you stalking Liz again?”
“Shit, sorry Belle!” Taylor rubbed the dog’s head and swiped the phone back up. “Thank you for doing the laundry, and nooooo , I wasn’t.” She definitely was. She threw the phone on the table with a sigh. “Maybe?” she mumbled, crossing her arms.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Jess sipped from her glass, looking very smug before she turned serious. “Taylor, you know I love you, but literally checking up on her every day is not healthy.”
“It’s not every day,” Taylor whined.
Jess eyeballed her.
“It’s not.” Taylor’s shoulders crept up to her ears, her voice taking on a higher octave. “It’s maybe most days, and… and I’m just… curious,” she finished lamely.
“Well, curiosity killed the cat, and you are only hurting yourself. Don’t make me break out the second arrow analogy again.”
“Ugh,” she dragged out. “I know you’re right. I just can’t stop myself. Like, I want to know and I don’t want to know all at the same time. It hurts. Why do I do this to myself?”
Belle licked her hand, picking up on her heightened emotions.
“I know what Liz did was a super sucky thing, but do you still want her to be a part of your life anymore?”
“The old Liz, yes. But now? With the choices she’s made? I guess honestly… no, I don’t.”
“Then block her.”
Taylor’s eyebrows shot up. “I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because!”
“That’s not a reason.”
Taylor threw up her hands. “I don’t know! What’s wrong with me? I never want to see her again and yet I feel like I can’t just block her.”
Jess lunged for the phone before Taylor could stop her, holding it high and?—
“Done.”
The phone was back in Taylor’s hand before she’d even blinked.
“You can thank me later.”
“I hate you.”
“Love you too, loser.” Jess smirked.
Taylor hung her head and groaned, defeated. “I guess it’s for the best. But no more relationships for me.” She put the phone back on the table. “I’m done with all these thoughts and feelings and shit. It’s Taylor Time!” she said as she fist-pumped the air.
“That’s the spirit.” Jess leaned over and grabbed a controller. “Now, Borderlands ?”
“Hell yeah!” Taylor picked up the other controller and switched on the PlayStation. There was shootin’ and lootin’ to be had, and Taylor was grateful just to sit back and play for a while.
“Hey Jess?” she asked after a minute.
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.”
Jess smiled. “Anytime.” Taylor knew when she was being a shit, and she really was thankful for Jess having her back when it came to Liz and her inability to just let go. When would it get easier?
As they ran through a few missions in the game, Jess filled Taylor in on her day. She worked at a local restaurant as a waitress—a bonus for them, as it meant they’d usually end up with leftovers from her shift, which was perfect since neither of them enjoyed cooking. Each of them also had random working hours, so when the stars aligned, like today and they were both home early, gaming on the couch was a given.
Taylor knew she’d be best friends with Jess the first time she’d invited Taylor over after school to play Nintendo 64 back when they were ten. It was crazy to think that was almost two decades ago now, and here they were, still shooting things on a screen. She loved having Jess as a housemate and as a friend, especially in these last few weeks. It’d been a little easier since Liz had been living with them both, as she was the one who had to move out. Even though there were still little reminders of her around the house, Taylor hated the thought of how messy it could’ve been if they’d bought a house together. At least Belle was a non-negotiable; she was Taylor’s dog through and through. She wasn’t even sure Liz had said goodbye to the pup on her way out the door. That alone should’ve been a red flag.
She forced herself to concentrate back on the game, having already been revived twice from not paying attention, earning daggers from Jess needing to swoop in and save her each time. Huh, just like in real life.
“We still on for board game night next Friday?” Taylor flicked her eyes over to Jess, who was sticking her tongue out in concentration and mashing the controller to take out the last of the bad guys.
“Yep, Marie and Hayley confirmed they’re all good to have it at their place. Adam said he should be there, but he’ll be a little bit late, as he’s not sure what time he’s getting off work. He’s picking up Heath on the way.”
Their game night was once a month, and they’d take turns hosting it at different houses each time. Marie and Hayley were a couple, Adam was Jess’ boyfriend and Heath was Adam’s younger brother who tagged along to most catch ups and usually wiped the floor with his strategy skills. There also used to be Liz… but, well, definitely not anymore.
“Yes! I love it when the girls host; their place is always so nice,” Taylor replied thoughtfully. They were the friends who had their shit together—nice house, nice jobs, married for years and still swooned around each other like they were still in the honeymoon phase. Absolute couple goals.
“Agreed. Shotgun getting a seat on the blue velvet sofa this time; that thing is insanely comfy.”
“All yours. You know I love sitting on the floor anyway.”
“Yeah, I don’t get you, you weirdo, but no complaints over here. We’re on snack duty by the way, so maybe pick up a few things when you do our weekly shop on Friday?” Jess asked.
“On it. Want your cheese and onion chips again?”
“But of course. Grab the big box of Maltesers while you’re there. You know how much the girls love them.”
If there was one thing that could be said about their game nights, it was that there were always good snacks, competitive banter and Marie going into crazy host mode, no matter whose house they were at.
Her thoughts drifted back to Liz. For all that she did not want Liz in her life anymore, she did miss the loss of friendship that came along with their breakup. She thought about how weird it felt at the first games night after she’d left, the space next to her glaringly vacant. Nothing against Heath, but partnering up for certain games had just felt weird. With Liz, she’d hardly needed to share a look when they were teamed up; she just knew . They were always on the same wavelength.
“Taylor, are you sulking again?”
Taylor paused the game. She decided to be honest, as Jess would just call her out anyway. “I was thinking about games night and how it just sucks not having her there anymore.”
Jess pushed out her bottom lip. “That does suck. I hate seeing you sad, and I wish I could take that pain away.” She leaned over and squeezed her knee. “Give it time. Things will get easier. Concentrate on you, like you said—Taylor Time, yeah?”
Taylor gave Jess a half-hearted smile. “I know. You’re right.”
“C’mon, no more moping. Let’s shoot some more bad guys, and you can take your anger out on them.”
“Deal.”