Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
Fallon
For once, I’m not worrying about what I’ll do tomorrow. I let go of where things are going with PJ, or with my life. Things like if I’ll ever write again or when I’ll clean out Marina’s studio can wait for another time.
For now, I’m going to drink in the sight of this beautiful younger guy who has a smattering of freckles on his chest to match the ones on the bridge of his nose, who’s looking at me as if he wants to devour me whole.
It’s a nice feeling, honestly. Intoxicating.
“You’re so fucking sexy,” he says as he stalks toward me. “I can’t get over how every part of you turns me on. That thick, wavy fucking hair, all those tattoos, the way you look like some sexy badass intellectual when you have your reading glasses on. Everything.”
He shakes his head and situates himself between my feet, helping me pull my shoes and pants the rest of the way off. Then my boxer briefs, which are blue this time. He swallows audibly as he pulls them off.
“Mmm.” He shakes his head again. Licks his lips. “Or maybe it’s the fact that this ass of yours looks like it’s carved out of fucking marble.”
“You’re such a liar.”
PJ drags me forward and moves my leg to one side, exposing one side of my ass. He grips a handful, then lands a smack that steals my breath.
“Didn’t expect that,” I gasp.
“I don’t want to hear shit like that out of your mouth. Don’t go calling me a liar when I’m telling you how I feel about you. Tell me you understand.”
“I understand.” My heart hammers even as I say the words. The sting of the slap gives way to a gentle caress of his hands along my skin.
Is it wild to want to feel this way all the time? With him?
He pauses to drop his pants then crawls onto the bed. “I did some research. After you told me about you and Marina.”
PJ covers my body with his, caging me with his arms. His thighs maddeningly squeeze my hips, because it doesn’t quite allow me the room I need to grind my dick against his. Each of his hands wraps around each of my wrists, like a comfortable pair of handcuffs.
“There’s a million fucking rabbit holes, you know?
” PJ’s speaking so calmly, so matter-of-factly, considering he’s running his nose along my shoulder and up my neck in a way that makes me shiver.
“It’s like, I wanted to understand what you’re into, so I looked at some stuff online.
Only I didn’t understand half the words, so I’d have to search up a word in the definition of another word, and next thing I know I’m texting with my friend Ravi at three in the morning about fucking cock cages. ”
A shocked laugh flies out of me, causing me to choke and sputter. “What?”
“He’s been on some strange kink research binge lately. He’s one of those people. You know, the ones who think it’s fun to research things. Since I’m not one of them, I’m making an executive decision.”
Oh? “Am I going to like this decision?”
“You tell me.”
“Tell you what?”
“You have to tell me what you like. That’s the decision. Whatever you had going on with Marina, I can’t be her. So, if there’s something you want, or something you like, let me know. If you don’t like something, you tell me that too.”
Oh, that’s… Wow. It seems so simple. But… “Some things we might have to try for me to know for certain.”
He tips his head to the side in confusion, which makes sense. I was married for over a decade and sexually active for longer. How would I not know?
“Marina…” I take a deep breath. This feels odd, talking about sex with my late wife, but we probably need to, don’t we?
“Marina liked control. And pain. She led, and I followed. Nothing was ever against my will. I had a safe word. But I also went along with a lot because it was just easier. So, what I know I’m really into is maybe not as clear as it should be. ”
The line between PJ’s brows deepens. “Sounds kind of one-sided. Is that how things are supposed to go?”
Shame burns as I look away. “I was a shy nerd when I met Marina. I’ve been in one serious relationship in my entire life, PJ. I don’t know how anything is supposed to go.”
“Got it. Okay. That’s cool.” He surprises me by brushing a kiss across my lips. “We’ll figure it out. I like exploring. I like solving things. I definitely like touching you.” There’s another kiss—this one lands on my jaw. Then another, on my chest.
His breath fans across my nipple, and my hard cock gives a kick. A moan of pleasure slips out of my mouth.
“Okaaay, so you for sure like me messing with your nipples, yeah?” He runs the flat of his tongue over the hardening nub, then he bites down.
Gently, then harder. It’s not the sharp bite of a pair of nipple clamps, but more like a dull ache that’s once again followed by a flush of tingling across my skin.
Yeah, I definitely like it when he does that.
I don’t think I realized how much I missed this. This…connection. This intimacy. “Oh fuck, that feels good.”
“Oh!” PJ sits up abruptly and snaps his fingers. The air conditioning on my wet nipple is sweet agony. So is the way his ass presses down on my cock.
I nearly miss it when he says, “We need a safe word.”
“What?” I blink through my lust-infused fog. The way he keeps switching gears is a special form of sadism. My erection pulses angrily. My brain knows this conversation is essential. My hard dick and I would both like to skip the formalities and get down to business.
“Not one you used with Marina. Something for me. Just for us. Choose.”
“Choose?”
“A safe word, Fallon. Or we could do the whole red light, green light situation if you’d rather.”
“Oh. Uh, yeah. Okay.” I cast about in my mind for something meaningful, something easy to remember. Something I associate with PJ and not Marina. My memory lands on our first date. Then the morning after.
“That morning when you got me pancakes for breakfast. Which was sweet. I liked that a lot.”
“Sweet? Doesn’t sound like me.”
“My safe word is pancakes, PJ.”
He grins, his eyes lit up with something between humor and affection. I think so, anyway. I hope. I like putting that look there.
“All right,” he says. “Pancakes. Perfect.” The last word is punctuated by him stroking his hand along my cheek. My body flushes with heat at his tone of approval.
“You know…” PJ shifts his hips, letting my dick slide between the cleft of his cheeks. “I have to fuck you tonight. I’ve been thinking about what it might feel like to bury myself inside you since the night we met.”
Such filthy words, so why do they make me feel so incredibly cherished? He was following me tonight. My family would call it a red flag. If he hadn’t been there, though, I might not be here now.
Right now all my brain can focus on is how PJ said he can’t stop thinking about me.
I jerk my head in the direction of the bathroom. “I’d like to get cleaned up for you.” I’m pretty sure I have blood on my neck. Gross.
“Go. You want company?”
I shake my head. “Not this time.”
That doesn’t mean it’s easy to get up off the bed. He smiles down at me for a while before he slides off of me. I love it, the way he doesn’t seem to want to let go.
Before I can sit myself up, he grabs me again, pressing a firm kiss to my lips. It escalates quickly, with me parting my lips on a needy groan and him sliding his tongue against mine. Before I know it, we’ve rolled back together, pressed front-to-front like horny magnets.
I never expected this, but I feel like I could kiss him forever.
I pull away with all the effort of shoving a car up a hill. “Fuck.”
“Dammit, come back.” PJ sounds just as frustrated.
“I know, I know.” I’m panting, trying to catch my breath. “I’ll come if I stay. I want to come with you inside me.”
Tonight was huge and intensely emotional for both of us. I want more than a hurried orgasm while making out. I’m already clenching with need, anticipating the feel of him.
He waves his hand. “Get the hell out of here, then. Shower before I lose my shit.”
I manage to get off the bed, and he smacks my ass as I walk away. I yelp and smooth my hand over the spot, but I’m also laughing. The heat of PJ’s gaze follows me as I walk out of the room.
I stop in the doorway to look at him, where he’s stretched out on the bed with one hand under his head. He looks like he’s exactly where he belongs.
If I weren’t so nervous, I might be tempted to start thinking dangerous things. Ridiculous, ill-advised things.
Things like begging him to keep me.