Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
Fallon
Every inch of my skin is buzzing when we walk into Shadow on Friday night.
Before coming here I checked with Daniel, knowing everyone who applies for membership has to list their occupation.
According to him, there are no other members who work for Belle Argo University; no teachers at all.
Only a private school principal from Beacon Hill.
“This place is out of control.” PJ appears to be in awe next to me.
I suppose I can see what he means. Daniel went all out with the decor. Everything is polished wood and warm lighting, plush seats, and well-dressed attendants. We stop at the bar for a drink in the main room. PJ doesn’t want one, but I do.
“I see you’ve found what you’re looking for.” Mistress Shanna’s honeyed voice has me turning around.
“It’s good to see you, Mistress.” I don’t kneel this time, but I do bow my head. It’s impossible not to.
Out of the corner of my eye I can see the uncertainty on PJ’s face. But he quickly recovers, thrusting his hand out. “PJ. Good to meet you.”
She doesn’t shake his hand but holds hers out, palm down. PJ takes it, placing a gentle kiss on her signet ring.
“I think you’ve got a good one here, Fallon,” she says. “Didn’t I tell you?”
“You did.” She was right.
To PJ, I explain, “Mistress Shanna is the queen of this domain.”
He raises his glass of orange juice. “All hail the queen.”
For a second I’m back in Mistress Shanna’s private dungeon, dizzy and overwhelmed. So much has changed since then. I’m practically a different person.
She lets out a warm, sparkling laugh. “I like this one, Fallon. You did good.” She nods toward the main floor. “I believe Daniel set aside the cage for you tonight.” Then she’s off, with several loyal subjects trailing behind her.
The cage. How on earth did he know?
PJ takes hold of my hand. “Are you ready?”
No. “As I’ll ever be.”
When I watched that couple in here the last time I came, the cage seemed intimate. People could see inside, but the fact that it was enclosed made it seem cozy as well.
Now that I’m up here on the platform, I feel completely exposed.
“You want me to get you naked, baby?”
“Yes, Keeper.”
“Keep your eyes on me,” he says as he unbuttons my shirt. “I’m cool with the thrill of fucking you in public, but all of you belongs to me. Right?”
“Right, Keeper.” The relief that sweeps through me takes me by surprise. When Marina shared me with her friends, I was fine with it. I didn’t complain. Still, I like PJ’s idea of ownership better.
PJ pushes off my shirt, my slacks, and everything else with the same steadiness, laying my clothing over a tufted bench at the back wall of the cage. Then he leads me to sit on the raised platform in the center while he takes off his own.
“Tell me what you want, baby.”
I think back to that night here. The couple. The tenderness between them and the ache it gave me to watch.
In the distance, someone drops a glass. The sound of it shattering reminds me of where we are. Reminds me of the people watching. Every hair on my body stands on end.
As PJ commanded, I keep my eyes on him. “Make love to me, Keeper.”
And he does. He lays me on my back on the padded platform, never breaking eye contact as he preps me, crawls between my legs, and takes me into his mouth before sliding into my ass.
“I love you, baby.”
“I love you, Keeper.”
When I saw that couple making love in this cage, I was envious. Disheartened. I couldn’t imagine having anything like that for myself. Now here I am, months later, with PJ, and it’s better than I could have imagined. It’s not some imagined fantasy. It’s him, and it’s real.
“Keep your eyes on me,” he reminds me when I close them.
“I’m focusing on how good it feels, Keeper.”
He’s good at reading me, always knowing the right angles. I love it when he talks to me during sex, reeling out a steady stream of “do you like it when I do this?” and “does that feel good?” But I like this too. This quiet knowing between us.
It’s new for me. It’s good.
He keeps his gaze on mine, occasionally glancing at one part of me or another.
“I’m okay,” I tell him quietly. “I’ll tell you if I’m not.”
“If you’re only okay, then I’m doing something wrong.”
The rhythm of his thrusts is steadier than usual—a swift push in, followed by a secondary thrust to really make me feel full. Then he pulls out and does it again. It’s not quick, but it’s thorough.
When we met I was drawn in by the fact that PJ didn’t give me what I wanted; he gave me what I needed. Tonight he’s giving me both.
What do we look like to the people watching? Do we look as fluid and intimate as the couple I remember watching? Are they tittering over a man my size submitting to one who’s younger and smaller?
I know they’re out there; it’s impossible to forget. There are murmurs and hushed whispers coming from the dark room beyond, and from the far end of the room also comes the crack of a whip. We’re not the only ones performing right now.
“I could stay buried inside you for the rest of my life.” PJ sighs as he pushes into me again. “Too bad I’m not independently wealthy, or I think I might try.”
“Yes, please.” I clutch at his back hard enough to bruise, but he doesn’t seem bothered.
We’ve never really discussed that I am, in fact, independently wealthy. He must have some idea. He knows about Marina. He’s seen my house. My car. But it’s not the sort of conversation one has in a sex club.
Probably.
We sink into each other, moving together like the tide flowing in and out. In sync. Natural. By the time I come, with PJ pinning my wrists to the platform and whispering filthy things in my ear, I’m surprised to find I actually have forgotten about the crowd.
I’ve been drowning in the ocean of PJ’s eyes. While he looks into mine.
It hits me as he smiles down at me after that I can see a future with both of us in it. I want to. Part of my brain argues it hasn’t been long enough. We need to get further down the road, at least through the end of the semester, before we decide that sort of thing.
Part of me keeps insisting we should hold back. I need to know him better. I need to be sure.
Part of me doesn’t care. He fits so well. He’s as tender with me as he is rough. He wants to protect me even though I don’t need protecting.
I could keep going.
There’s one thing I can’t let go of, even though it’s terrible timing.
“You never answered me,” I tell him quietly as he’s cleaning me up and helping me dress. “About having kids.”
His eyes go wide. He glances around, probably thinking something like, are we really doing this here?
Yes, we are. For me, the question can’t wait. I’m in deep enough as it is.
He spends an uncomfortable amount of time studying the place where our fingers are now threaded together. Meanwhile, I’m studying his face.
“I’ve never thought much about it. I had a shit childhood, so I’m not convinced I’d be a good dad.” He laughs a little. “I’m still in college.”
Which makes me laugh a little too. He’s right. I’m jumping the gun here.
“Not right now, for sure. If we make it the next semester, or maybe the next year, I’m willing to talk about it. For you. Is that enough?”
I press my lips against his. “For now, Keeper.”
PJ squeezes my fingers. “You know I’ll say yes to almost anything when you call me that.”
I do know. I plan on it.
We make our way around the perimeter of the room, heading for the door. I’m grateful that most of the members are giving us space. I’d rather not tempt things, though. We’re nearly to the exit when Daniel approaches.
“I see you’ve cast off your widow’s weeds.”
I look down at my navy suit, and then at PJ. “I guess I have.”
PJ looks confused. I whisper in his ear that I’ll explain later.
“You two looked good up there,” Daniel says.
“Thank you.” I hope he knows I’m thanking him for so much more than the compliment.
Daniel was fairly new to town when Marina passed, which is probably why our friendship was never fraught with the same history as the rest who had been in our circle.
Whatever the reason, I’m grateful for his friendship now.
His expression suggests he understands.
Daniel turns to PJ. “I’d like to extend a formal invitation for membership. A thank-you gift from me, for what you’ve done for my friend here.”
My eyes burn a little. PJ may not know what a huge deal that is, but I do. I’ve noticed Daniel likes to give gifts to his friends, but a year’s membership at Shadow would cover a year of tuition at Belle Argo University. Doubly surprising given that he and PJ have only just met.
PJ cuts a glance at me. “It’s a nice offer, but Fallon said all members have to get a background check. I doubt I’d pass.”
Daniel seems to wave him off. “Please. It’s not the sort of background check you might think. Besides, we also run one for guests.” His eyes spark with humor. “I promise, we already know everything.”
“Everything?” I manage.
“Everything,” Daniel repeats.
I think about the night we found out Eric was alive, the night PJ and I both nearly died, and the confessions made quietly under the spray of lukewarm water. Is Daniel suggesting he somehow knows about those things?
Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised. Daniel’s a good friend, but I’ve long suspected I wouldn’t want to fall on his bad side. Apparently, neither does PJ.
“Hey, Fallon.” PJ seems to be scrabbling for a subject change. “Any word from the security guy about those cameras they found in your place?”
Daniel’s eyebrows go up. “Cameras?”
My post-orgasm relaxation lifts at the memory of those little devices Everett Cartier dropped onto my kitchen counter. “Long story, but the short version is someone had installed video cameras in my house. They’re gone now.”
Daniel’s concerned gaze makes me itchy, so I keep my attention on my phone. “Now that I think about it, he said he’d follow up by email if he found any further information…”
I duck my head and open the email app on my phone. Not that I’m expecting to see anything; it’s a distraction tactic.
Which makes it all the more shocking when there is an email, but not from Everett. It’s from an anonymous address, nothing but a nonsensical string of numbers and letters, with the subject heading of “IS THIS YOUR STUDENT?”
A short line in the email body reads, I wonder what everyone would say about this if they knew?
My heart races as I tap on the attachment. Before it even loads, I regret having done so. But I have to know. I have to.
The video is taken from my bedroom. From the first date I had with PJ. It shows me on my knees. I’m sucking his cock while he tells me what to do.
Suddenly I’m standing on quicksand, and the shame is pulling me down. This is bad. This is…catastrophic. I don’t even know. I can’t fucking catch my breath. I resist the urge to look around, as if the person who has so thoroughly violated my privacy might be in this room and gloating.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I close the player and shove my phone into my pocket. “Nothing from Everett” is all I’m able to say.
PJ’s not buying it. His face is full of suspicious worry. I can’t tell him now, though. Can’t even open my mouth.
Just like that, my career is over.