Chapter Not Today, At Least
Am I a terrible driver who doesn’t deserve his seat?
Strangely enough, no.
Not today, at least
Well that’s good
Totally unrelated…
Have you been gay this whole time and not told me?
What???
What the fuck is online??
Who is Jabert?
‘Jabert’ and ‘Rovier’ are words fans use to tell other fans they believe Javier and Robert have a very real—very secret—romantic relationship. Incredibly, the girl at the bar just so happens to be one of these people.
The reason Matt’s name is anywhere near this phenomenon is because he crushed the hopes and dreams of thousands of fangirls by daring to be in the bar that night. His crime? Being the third—albeit, mostly cropped out—driver in the viral photo.
of course matthew ruins it all
rip rovier girllies
Who is Robert leaning on?
Matthew, his teammate
ew
But why would it make him gay? Why would Laurent even ask that? Matt isn’t the one commenting on Robert’s flexed biceps or Javier’s ‘sculpted lips’.
Matt keeps scrolling until he stumbles on the full, uncropped image.
It’s… um.
Huh.
In reality, it was probably a pained face, since the flash was bright and his eyes are sensitive. Yeah, that’s all it was.
Still, it looks a little bit like Matt is flushed, giddy to be pulled up, under Robert’s arm. Tucked into his embrace. His eyes closed in what looks like laughter.
The way his shoulder is pulled up makes him look almost dainty, smaller than big, burly Robert, with his strong shoulders and possessive arm.
His stance seems even wider than normal, the way he’s turned.
Protective, even. He’s got this supermodel smile, the flash reflecting off his teeth like the star of a toothpaste commercial.
Together, they almost look like a couple. A gay couple.
“Fuck me.”
There’s an image comparison floating around where someone placed their half of the bar picture next to an old karting picture, one from their preteen years.
Matt doesn’t even recognize the older picture. How did anyone find it so quickly? They’re in nearly the same pose as the bar picture, but they’re both smiling at the camera and far more sober than either had been last night.
Rovier girlies big mad that Matbob BEEN that girl from day one.
Matbob supremacy
I knew I wasn’t crazy! their fighting was too obnoxious to be real
Matt takes a screenshot of the post along with some of the weirder comments and sends it to Laurent.
What the fuck does this even mean?
It means I’m a fucking idiot.
You’ve loved him this whole time, haven’t you?
That’s not true. Not even a little bit.
Matt pulls his knees up and hides his face between them, reminding himself to breathe. Maybe it’s just Laurent. Laurent knows him well and he himself is gay, so it makes sense he would eventually figure it out.
Or maybe Matt has seriously, royally, completely fucked everything up.
The pictures and comments and articles about them swirl around in Matt’s head until he can’t take it anymore. Before they’re shuffled out onto the fan stage, Matt pulls Robert aside.
“Do you know what Jabert is? Or Rovier?”
“Fuck…” Robert laughs without a care in the world. “What kinda websites are you on? Why do you know those words?”
“A lot of people think you’re gay.” A lot. Like, a lot.
“So?”
“And you’re just… okay with that?”
“If I officially came out and told everyone ‘I’m bi’ that would probably make things worse for Javier.” Robert just shakes his head. “It’s fine. I tell my partners and that’s really all that matters.”
All that matters? That’s definitely not all that matters. How many of these partners has he had? How many people all over the world are walking around, carrying this knowledge about him?
“There are people out there who think you like men.” Rumors like that can kill a person’s career. Any person—even the golden boy.
“I do like men.” Robert doesn’t even whisper. Doesn’t even try to conceal it. “But Javier and I aren’t like that, we’re just friends.”
“Shhh!” Matt glances around and takes note of anyone who might be within earshot.
Their PR person can definitely hear them. Would she be more interested in selling Robert’s story or in protecting Andes? How large of a payout could she get? He is a very popular driver.
“Hey, man, it’s okay. You can let go of me.”
Matt hadn’t even noticed his vice grip on Robert’s arm. He pulls back, shoving his hands into his pockets so it doesn’t happen again. “You need to be careful about that sorta stuff,” he whispers. “You don’t want to lose sponsors. Or worse, your seat.”
“My seat?” The corner of Robert’s mouth pulls up into a smile. “Yeah, I’d like to see them try.”
Why is he treating it like a joke? Why did he always treat everything like a fucking joke? Even the great and mighty Robert isn’t infallible. One day, someone with a grudge is going to find out, and his world will crash down around him.
“Seriously, what’s up with you?” Robert’s eyebrows draw together. “You aren’t, like, homophobic now, right? Cause I have some pretty bad news about Laurent, if that’s the case.”
“No! No, but—y’know. The racing world is old fashioned. You should really—you shouldn’t say these things so loud, so flippantly. You never know who could be listening.”
“Jesus, you sound just like Dad.”
Matt nods, relieved that it’s finally sinking in. “Yes, exactly!”
“What do you mean ‘exactly’?”
“Like your dad said—the racing world isn’t exactly ready for change. It isn't open or accepting. You just—” Matt nods to the side and lets the rest of the sentence hang in the air.
“You just what?”
Matt huffs, keeping his voice low. “Y’know, just keep it to yourself.”
Robert pulls back, his eyes widening.
Oh fuck, Matt might have overstepped again. “Not forever! Just until we’re done racing. Then, you know, it’s fine. ‘Cause you don’t need like, sponsors and companies and stuff when you retire.”
“My dad told you that?”
“That’s…” Where did he get lost? “That’s what we’re talking about, right?”
Robert stands in silence, his face twisting into confusion. “When did he say this? Like, recently?”
Matt shakes his head. “When we were all on the road. Back when he was still my manager—before Form 4.”
“Fuck.” Robert pats his pockets, his hands scrambling. “Fuck, I left my phone in— I don’t— Fuck.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah, uh—I just need to make a call real quick.” Robert looks between Matt and the back of the stage. “Can you go on without me?”
“Right now?!”
It’s past time for them to be on stage. The announcer is just waiting for the applause to die down before calling their names.
Robert looks like he’s about to bolt, so Matt grabs the bottom of his shirt and begs, “Please, don’t make me go out there alone.” Robert is popular enough to hold down the fort by himself, but Matt? He’ll be booed off the stage. “Please.”
“I’m so, so sorry.” Robert pries Matt’s fingers off until he’s free. “I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”
Robert jogs over to their PR person and then runs off, leaving Matt horribly, horribly alone.
A stage manager ushers him towards the stairs with, “Where’s Robert?”
“Uh… sick?”
She looks around—probably because Robert was literally just here—before corralling Matt up the stairs and staging him behind the curtain.
“And joining them is Robert and Matthew from Andes!” The emphasis sounds uneven, like ‘Robert! And Matthew from Andes!’
Even backstage, it’s already going about as well as expected.
Still, Matt takes a breath and walks out on stage to more applause than he’s used to receiving by himself. It dies down as people realize it’s only him.
“Sorry, yeah…” His microphone’s off when he starts talking, but it switches on to a horrible feedback sound as he says, “Yeah, it’s just me right now. Robert—” Matt shouldn’t say Robert’s sick, because it’d worry everyone. “He had a family emergency.”
The crowd literally boos him. Boos. Loud enough to hear from the stage.
“Hey, now…” the announcer says, obviously at a loss for what to do.
The Mercenary guys look shocked too, which is nice of them.
“No, I get it.” Matt is nothing if not aware of how disappointing it is that he’s not Robert. “I don’t want me to be here either, so…”
A girl screams, “Woo! Matthew!!!” loud enough to hear clear as day.
“Oh, um. Thank you, to that person. At least Santiago and Finn are here! What a run they had last week, right? Let’s talk about them.”
Matt switches off his microphone and tries to slink off and blend into the stage curtains. Blinking, he wills away any moisture threatening to gather in his eyes.
It’s fine. He already knows he’s disliked. That’s what he gets for making an enemy out of one of the most popular drivers in the sport.
Facts can’t hurt him.
This is actually really sad
Matthew’s not even bad at driving, people just don’t like that he’s so short.
Where was Robert tho?? We waited for hours to see him
If no one else will be Matt’s fan, I will
bobby
Room number? - Robert
Matt stares at the text for longer than necessary. He received it on his personal phone—the number Robert had blocked years ago. What does that mean for them now?
Matt has just enough foresight to pull on sweatpants and a shirt before he replies. Instantly, a knock sounds at his door.
“We’re neighbors this time.” Robert points to the room next to him. It’s weird to see him be so nonchalant when he abandoned Matt to finish all of their PR duties by himself just hours earlier.
Still, Matt steps back to let him in. “I don’t have any more racing advice for you, so you’ll just have to beat me yourself this time.” He smiles, but Robert doesn’t return it.
“I actually have something to talk to you about?”
Despite the questioning lilt, Robert stands straighter, his expression almost somber.
“Yeah, alright, sure.” Matt can’t remember the last time the two of them had an actual serious conversation. “Let’s… you can sit anywhere.”
Robert chooses a corner of the foot of Matt’s bed. He pulls a leg up under him, while the other leg hangs freely off the edge, like he’s ready to run at a moment’s notice.