Chapter 1
1
Sonny
Thirteen years old
T he night my parents died, I was at my eighth grade dance. My cousin, Poppy, wanted to go and impress a boy she was crushing on, and since she’s thirteen months younger and a grade below me, she needed me to escort her. I pestered my parents for permission for weeks before they finally gave in. By the time the dance came around, Poppy was already over the boy, and my parents had lectured us so much about resisting peer pressure and staying away from unsafe situations, we didn’t want to go anymore.
Of course, everything turned even more sour when a parent volunteer pulled us out of the gym and practically dragged us into a private hallway, where Uncle Graysen and Aunt Divina were waiting, their faces somber.
I couldn’t understand why until Aunt Divina vomited the words out loud in one quick sob. It’s the most emotion I’ve ever seen her display.
My mother pulled the wheel and drove them straight into a tree, killing both on impact.
It made no sense then, and it makes even less sense now—weeks later.
Orphaned immediately. Completely alone, with nothing to grasp onto. The life I knew has been obliterated, and my mind still struggles to grasp the full scope of what that truly means. It’s like I’m standing in a crowded room, yet no one else seems to feel the impact of the bomb that’s been dropped at our feet.
What would have happened if I had stayed with them that night? Would my mother have succumbed to the voices in her head, or could I have spared their lives—at least long enough to convince her to get help—by providing her with that extra layer of hope when she needed it most?
That’s what she always told me I gave her: Hope. An anchor to this world when everything inside of her screamed to leave it. I’ve known she struggled with mental illness since I could walk. I’ve seen her cycle through different medications and manic episodes—all of them a part of the regularly scheduled programming of my life.
She’s struggled with every relationship outside of the one with my father and was fully estranged from her family before I was a thought in their minds. She and my aunt were best friends once. That’s how they ended up married to a set of twins from the wrong side of the tracks of their small town. But those stories always seem like nothing more than fiction. For as long as I’ve known them, they’ve been cordial at best.
As I grew older, my dad started to explain things to me a little more clearly. Mom wasn’t always this way. Something happened to her. Something traumatic. Our job as her family was to show her we loved her beyond it all. That she was worthy of the beautiful life she had.
So, I did. I poured my heart into her. I fed her soul with little pieces of my own as often as possible in a desperate attempt to keep her anchored here, just as she always said I could.
But it wasn’t enough.
I wasn’t enough.
She still pulled the wheel and took my entire life with her.
Poppy, hasn’t left my side since we received the news a few weeks ago. She’s as confused as I am, and we keep repeating the same conversation, trying to make sense of it all.
We had just spoken to them. They dropped us off at the dance with the promise of being back to pick us up in a few hours. We were planning the rest of our weekend like we did all the time—with Poppy staying at our house because she couldn’t stand her own home.
How could my mother make such a drastic decision that completely destroyed my life? How could she lie so well?
The insecure thoughts play in my mind on repeat.
I’m to stay with my aunt and uncle until we figure out a ‘more permanent solution,’ as Aunt Divina says. As my mother’s longtime friend—a term Mom used loosely—and my father’s sister-in-law, she was the one to call their families and handle their funerals in the eloquent way that only someone without a heart could do.
“It’s all a farce,” Poppy complained one night. “She just loves looking like a savior.”
I want to agree with her, knowing what I do about my aunt. She’s never been kind to me. Never attempted to get to know the child of the woman she supposedly grew up with or the girl her daughter was best friends and cousins with. But every time I hear Poppy complain about her parents, I want to crawl out of my skin. I want to grab her shoulders and shake some sense into her.
You still have your parents, I imagine myself screaming. You still get to be annoyed with them and argue with them and hug them. I have nothing.
Taking my anger out on Poppy won’t bring them back, and my loss doesn’t mean she has to stamp out her own emotions.
There’s an odd shift that happens when you lose the source from which you came. Like, I’m just flowing around the world, untethered and alone.
No one else seems to understand.
It’s been a month since they died, and Uncle Graysen’s lawyer has finally gotten his hands on their will—a task that my uncle complained took far too many billable hours to complete. Poppy overheard him setting up the meeting yesterday, so she dragged me into his office where we can hear firsthand what, exactly, is going to happen to me.
We huddle together in the small closet of his study, careful not to breathe too loudly or make sudden movements that will call attention to the slightly ajar cabinet door we’re hiding behind. Just as we had done when we were kids, we fight each other to peer into the sliver of light to catch a glimpse of who entered the room behind Uncle Graysen. Of course, we can’t see a thing without giving ourselves away.
Aunt Divina’s heels come clicking down the hall before they go silent against the carpeted floor of the study, and a door clicks shut behind her. A flash of blonde hair passes through our line of sight, then disappears again.
“Who knows where they’ve run off to,” she huffs out in her usual irritated tone. “They’ll be too busy getting into things they shouldn’t be touching to bother us, though.”
“Divina, it’s a pleasure to see you again,” a grisly voice greets. “I wish it weren’t under these circumstances.”
“You as well, Leonard. We’re eager to hear what kind of mess was left behind from this horrible accident.”
Graysen clears his throat as my aunt’s slender legs quickly pass by the closet, and then a chair is dragged across the carpet.
“To be honest, I didn’t think my brother would have a will drawn up at all. He never expected to leave us this early, and the idea of death made him and Constance uncomfortable,” Graysen’s kind voice explains, as if he felt the need to defend his family against his wife’s cruel words.
“Well, thankfully they mustered up the strength, anyway. We would have quite a legal ordeal on our hands if they hadn’t. Between the girl and all their outstanding debt . . . ” The other man—Leonard—says, leaving the rest of the sentence unspoken.
A disgusted grunt sounds from the direction Aunt Divina disappeared into, out of view. Poppy clicks her tongue, and I don’t have to turn around to see that she’s rolling her eyes at her mother’s crass response. If I could see their faces, I’m sure Uncle Graysen would be shooting her a withering stare that matched his daughter’s.
Aunt Divina was never quiet about her distaste for my parents’ financial choices.
Ignoring her little outburst, Leonard goes on. “The will is straightforward. The house deed was signed over to you in the case that they should expire before their daughter reached the legal age. Graysen was named Executor, with all of their belongings going straight to the child once she comes of age.”
“And what about her?” Aunt Divina interrupts. “Did they name anyone to take her in? Her mother has family members who have expressed interest, and Graysen’s father resides in Colorado. He may be able to help, at least for part of the year.” There’s a hopefulness in her voice as she lists off every surviving family member my parents have, careful not to include herself or Uncle Graysen.
My mother’s family disowned her before I was even born. I would be surprised if they knew about me at all before the funeral, let alone if they expressed interest in taking me in. They’re complete strangers. Based on the few stories I’ve heard, they’re more like Aunt Divina than my mother or father. Makes sense, considering she grew up next door to my mother’s family.
Grandpa Jay is in an assisted living facility with his third wife, who has made it clear she wants nothing to do with his two sons—my father and Graysen. He didn’t even bother coming to the funeral.
There’s no one else.
After a moment where the only sound was pieces of paper being flipped through, Leonard clears his throat.
“Guardianship for Sonnet Ellery has been granted to . . . Graysen and Divina Ellery.”
“Well, that’s just not possible. We’ll have to find a way past the will,” Aunt Divina dismisses, and I swear I hear my uncle growl.
“Of course, you are not obligated to serve as the role of guardian to the child,” Leonard rushes out, and more paper shuffles. “It seems that they haven’t explicitly named anyone else. We can draw up an objection to guardianship and reach out to the other parties who are interested, then take the issue to the probate court. It may be a lengthy process, but it’s possible.”
Aunt Divina hums her approval and I feel Poppy’s hand on my back as the reality settles in. They’re the only true family I’ve ever known, and they’re rejecting me.
“We aren’t filing anything,” Uncle Graysen insists in an even, stern tone that I’ve only ever heard him use with his work.
He and my father were always casual with one another, joking around or playing random pranks. They were best friends in every sense of the term.
“Graysen, we cannot properly care for another teen-aged girl right now. Penelope is already a handful and who knows how Sonny will react once the reality of what’s happened settles in.” Aunt Divina clicks her tongue, as if the discussion is closed. “No, this is what’s best.”
I imagine her nodding once, jaw set in that stubborn way that makes her look years older than she is.
“Divina, we’re all she’s got,” Uncle Graysen argues.
“It’s not our problem that Constance isolated herself from her family the moment she left Ravenshurst,” her voice raises an octave, clearly just as surprised as I am to hear her usually meek husband arguing back at her. “They’re more than capable of taking her in and giving her everything she needs. They’re her blood.”
“ I’m her blood,” he booms. “She’s the last shred of my brother that’s left in this world. I’m not going to send her off to live with a bunch of strangers simply because you don’t want the headache. Imagine what that will do to Poppy.”
Leonard clears his throat, reminding them that they have company, and Aunt Divina keeps whatever sharp response she had prepared to herself.
“The matter doesn’t have to be decided tonight. You can talk it over and take some time to decide?—”
Uncle Graysen’s oddly calm voice cuts him off. “The decision is made. I’ll be accepting guardianship.”
Aunt Divina makes a strangled noise, but remains silent. Poppy quietly snickers into my ear, and I know she’s got to be loving the front-row seat of her mother cowering.
“And what about expenses? I’m guessing they didn’t set aside anything to help us with this new financial burden,” Aunt Divina asks Leonard, her tone a little more irritable now that she’s been challenged and humiliated.
“There is a life insurance policy for both of them that will be paid into an account controlled by Graysen. This can be used to cover any expenses the child incurs during her time with you after all the debts have been settled.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Divina. We’ve got more than enough money,” Uncle Graysen scoffs.
“You’re talking about taking on another mouth to feed. Another body to clothe. What about school supplies? Hell, what about her school tuition?”
“You’re grasping at straws.”
A chair hits the floor, the sound muffled by the thick carpet. We lean further into the door of the cabinet, widening the gap to see that Aunt Divina is now on her feet.
“How are you going to decide that we’ll take on another child without even considering everything that goes into it?”
“I’m well aware of what goes into raising a child. I also know that my brother has raised an exceptional girl, who is probably feeling incredibly lost right now. The last thing she needs is to be separated from the only life she’s ever known, simply because you don’t like who mothered her.”
“That is not true! I loved Constance like a sister once.”
“Yes, once. A long time ago. And now you’re punishing her daughter for whatever sins she committed against you.”
Aunt Divina snorts.
Graysen doubles down on his argument. “Let me ask you something . . . When has Sonny ever caused any problems for you? For anyone?”
“You know the answer to that,” she replies bitterly.
“Then, it’s settled. We’ll take her in because she’s our niece and her parents trusted us with the most precious thing they had. Because she needs family and stability right now, and that’s something only you and I can give to her.”
Rolling her eyes, Aunt Divina crosses her arms across her chest. “Fine. Then it better stay this way. She better not make any waves within our family or come between me and my daughter, or else all this . . . ” her hands flail around the office. “The job, the house, the cars . . . It’ll be taken away from you like that, Graysen.”
Poppy’s mouth pops open at the same time my heart drops. Uncle Graysen’s scoff tells me this isn’t the first time she’s used her family’s wealth against him, but that doesn’t make the weight on my chest lessen.
If I step out of line, I could cost him everything.
“Don’t threaten me, sweetheart.”
“It’s not a threat, darling.”
There’s a long, pregnant pause as they lock eyes with one another in a battle of wills.
Leonard clears his throat. “As I said, the decision doesn’t have to be rushed?—”
“I think we’re through here, Leonard,” Uncle Graysen says dismissively. “You can email me if you need anything else regarding my brother’s assets. I’ll get with my real estate agent to have their home listed as soon as possible. Thank you for your time.”
Poppy and I wait in silence for them to leave, a mix of nerves and excitement crackling in the surrounding air. I can tell she wants to celebrate, but I’m not sure if that was a victory, or a new burden placed upon my shoulders. I’m grateful for the mask of darkness as I sort through my feelings.
“You can come out now,” Graysen grumbles from the direction of his desk.
We both stop breathing, turning to stare at each other through the dark with wide, glossy eyes. Poppy is the one who pushes open the cabinet door and crawls out first while I cowardly follow behind.
We wait for him to speak first. Poppy never launches into explanation without gauging their anger beforehand.
“You shouldn’t have heard that,” he addresses me first, his face somber. Then, he turns toward Poppy and she practically withers away beneath his angry stare.
“She tried to send her off to a bunch of strangers,” Poppy whines, shoving a violent finger toward the door her mother left from.
Graysen shakes his head. “She’s just scared. Everyone is. We don’t know how to navigate this.”
It’s so odd, watching him defend her after the way she just threatened his entire livelihood.
All for me.
“We’re happy you’re here, Sonny,” he assures earnestly.
I swallow down a large gulp, then mumble my understanding into my lap.
Uncle Graysen cuts our conversation off before Aunt Divina realizes we were in the room the entire time. He sends us off to Poppy’s room with the promise that he’ll convert a spare room into mine by the end of the week.
After witnessing what my presence here puts at stake for him, I’m not sure it’s worth it to stay anymore.