Chapter Nineteen
Logan approached slowly. The fire showed evidence of having been burning for quite a while.
Had she been out here alone or had Lily insisted on an impromptu picnic?
He’d seen Lily a few times, with friends around a campfire, drinking from a huge cooler someone brought down.
There were no signs of that now. Only Emma Carter and the fire and the empty beach.
As he came into the light of the fire, she caught sight of him. She looked up briefly, then returned her gaze to the fire without saying a word.
The breeze had picked up and the air felt cooler as it buffeted gently against them.
The strong tang of salt filled his nostrils until he moved close enough to have her special fragrance mix with that of the sea.
He sat beside her on the log. The fire gave off light and warmth, but he wondered if she felt the dampness in the air.
“We hunted for driftwood, built the fire and roasted marshmallows over the open flame,” she said.
“I’ve seen your sister do that before. She seems to like it.”
Emma nodded.
“I think she finds that very primitive and so it holds a certain novelty. She’s obviously never been camping.”
He looked at her, shadows dancing in the flickering flame. The glow of the moon had dimmed since the night they’d walked along the ocean’s edge. Was it a foreshadow of their relationship?
It was over. Yet, he still wanted her. Wanted to feel the softness of her hair tangle with his fingers. He wanted to feel her lips against his, taste her sweetness, savor the fragrance that captivated him. How could he still want her when he hated what she’d done?
His desire for Crystal had vanished once he’d discovered her perfidy. Now he felt an urge for forgiveness. For clearing the air and seeing if they could— Could what? Work things out? He couldn’t trust her.
“And you’ve been camping?” he asked.
“Lots of times. We live in the Blue Ridge Mountains. My folks have taken us hiking and camping since I was about nine. My stepfather is great for that kind of thing. He loves fishing in mountain streams.”
“I know nothing about Emma Carter,” Logan said.
“I know.”
She turned away slightly, hunching closer to the fire.
Logan reached out and cupped her chin, turning her face to his. Her eyes were swollen. Had she been crying? Something loosened inside.
“Tell me something about her.”
She blinked furiously and jerked her head away from his hand.
“Lily and I are twins. Our folks split when we were seven. Since then I’ve lived with Mom in Virginia. She remarried about a year or two after the divorce. I have two half-brothers and a half-sister. I’m a librarian.”
He waited, but she offered nothing more.
“Where do you live in Virginia?”
“Charlottesville. It’s a pretty place, but miles from the ocean. I like it here, I feel like I’m on the edge of the world.”
Her voice was faint, wistful.
“I’m sorry, Logan. Sorry I didn’t tell you who I was at the very beginning. But I couldn’t believe at first that you could possibly believe I was Lily. Then I thought you only stopped by each time because you thought I was Lily. I didn’t think you’d find me very interesting.”
“We’ll never know, will we? Where’s Lily?”
“She went to see if she could find some more marshmallows.”
He heard the tears in her voice and deliberately hardened his heart. Crystal had used similar tactics to try to explain her motives, excuse her behavior. He hated a woman in tears. It made him feel so ineffective. But he’d die before letting Emma Carter know that.
When she reached out and touched his arm, he looked at her.
“Logan, I never meant to deceive you. I want you to know that. And how much I enjoyed spending time with you. I’ll have wonderful memories of my visit to California.
I never meant to hurt you. Pretending to be Lily was childish.
It started out as make-believe, and then got out of hand. I feel so badly about that.”
“I imagine everyone who gets caught feels that way.”
“No, it’s not just because you found out. I tried to tell you last night. This morning my intent was to find a way to tell you that maybe wouldn’t make you so angry. The last thing I want is for you to be upset. I want only happiness and joy for you.”
“You could have fooled me.”
She swallowed hard and met his gaze bravely.
“I was falling in love with you. I wouldn’t have hurt you for the world.
It wasn’t deliberate lies on my part. I didn’t start out thinking let’s see if I can fool Lily’s neighbor.
You thought I was her when we first met.
I’ve always thought she led such an exciting life.
I wondered if I could fool someone into thinking plain shy Emma Carter was really her sophisticated worldly sister.
And then it just kept going and going.” She tightened her fingers slightly. “I’m truly sorry.”
“You have a funny way of showing love,” he said.
“How would you have me show you?” she asked, leaning just a little closer.
His eyes narrowed. “Despite everything, I still want you, cupcake,” he said.
He could see her swallow hard, her eyes searching his in the uneven firelight.
“I want you, too,” she whispered. Slowly she leaned forward until her lips were a hairbreadth away from his.
Logan remained still. How far would she take this? When she closed the distance and kissed him, he knew he’d take whatever she offered. He wanted her with an intensity that shocked him.
He wrapped his arms around her slight body and pulled her into his lap.
His lips responded to her tentative foray with a mastery of experience.
Blood pounded through him as he sought oblivion to reality with the fiery heat of passion.
She tasted sweet and warm and desirable. Her soft body melted against his.
He would miss her. How could he let her go?
But he did. Setting her beside him on the log.
“Goodbye, Emma Carter,” he said slowly.
Emma stared at the dwindling fire.
“Goodbye, Logan Beckett. I hope you find that paragon of a woman and marry her and live happily ever after. But I bet she’ll never love you as much as I do. As much as I did.”
She corrected herself. Without waiting another minute, she headed for the stairs. Tears blinded her, but she could make out the general shape of the stone steps. Once she reached the first one, she climbed them easily.
Emma almost ran across the yard, into the kitchen. Lily sat in the living room, soft music playing in the background as she leafed through a magazine. She raised her head as Emma came into view.
“I saw you had company, so I didn’t come back down,” she said.
“It might have been better if you had,” Emma said without slowing.
She ran lightly up the stairs. In only seconds she was in her bedroom, the bright light almost hurting her eyes after the darkness at the beach.
She sat on the bed and rubbed her eyes. She had been an idiot from the get-go and had no one but herself to blame. But, it hurt. She loved him. She hadn’t meant to fall in love, but there it was. And not a thing she could do about it. The fault lay entirely with her.
“You two didn’t patch things up, I take it,” Lily asked from the door.
“No. He said goodbye for good tonight. I guess while he rang my chimes, I didn’t ring his.”
She lay back, her arm over her eyes.
“Well, no one ever said men were the smartest creatures God ever created. Now what?”
Emma gave a wistful smile.
“I don’t know. I ran from Virginia to get away from David. Now do I run from California to get away from Logan?”
“We could take a few days to see some of the state. You haven’t seen much of anything since you’ve been here and we have a lot to offer here on the West Coast. What do you say?”
Emma sat up and nodded, new found determination shining from her eyes.
“I say that sounds like a good idea. Let’s cram every day so full I won’t have time to think about some arrogant prig of a guy that...that I’m crazy about.”
Tears threatened again, but she swallowed them.
“Tomorrow, I want to go to Disneyland.”
Lily laughed and joined her twin on the bed, hugging her hard.
“Disneyland it is. After that we can drive up to Napa and spend a day or two tasting all the wine they make there, then go up to Lake Tahoe and spend a few days at Stateline and the casinos. Catch a few shows. You haven’t seen San Francisco, that’s a jewel of a city.”
“I only have two weeks left,” Emma said, suddenly daunted by the activities Lily rattled off.
“What we don’t get to this trip, we can see on another one. This doesn’t have to be your only venture to the West Coast, right?”
“Right.”
But in her heart Emma knew she wouldn’t come back as long as Lily’s next-door neighbor lived there. The memories and might-have-beens would be too strong, too painful. She had to see everything in the next few days and then return home.
Like Logan had said goodbye, maybe with a few regrets but no looking back.