Chapter 17
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
NATE
The warm air hangs heavy, carrying the faint hum of cicadas from the trees. The wine bottle sweats on the table between us, catching the glow of patio lights. I lean back in my chair and savor the quiet when Mackenzie steps outside, closing the door softly behind her.
“Did the boys go to bed okay?” I ask, glancing her way. Her loose curls frame her delicate face, and her glossy pink lips curve into a smirk. She’s so damn beautiful, it hurts.
“Yeah, but they didn’t want to.” She sits in the chair beside me.
“No?”
“Nope. They wanted to stay up since you’re still here. They like having you around.”
Her words hit me in a way I wasn’t expecting. I’ve grown close to both boys this past week. Those kids are awesome. But it’s more than that. I’ve gotten close to her, too. Something I didn’t see coming.
“I like being here,” I admit, my voice quieter than intended.
Her cheeks turn crimson, and I worry I’ve overstepped. But then her gaze meets mine, and a glint of interest shines in her eyes, tightening my chest. Now that’s interesting .
I pick up the half-empty bottle of wine and cock an eyebrow. “Another glass?”
“Sure, why not? I’m not going anywhere.”
As I pour, she watches the wine swirl in the glass, her expression thoughtful. Needing to rein in my sexual urges, I shift gears. “How’s Stan doing since his hip surgery?”
“Much better, thanks. He’s settled in the house, adjusting. I’m going over tomorrow to see what I can do. I’m glad Jordan’s here, even if he didn’t know what he signed up for.” She lets out a soft laugh. “It’s a miracle he hasn’t ditched yet.”
“He’s not much for helping?”
“No. Jordan’s always been a free spirit. Naperville’s too slow-paced for him. I’m surprised he even came, to be honest.”
“He didn’t move here with you guys?”
She shakes her head. “No, he lived with Dad after the divorce. Then, he stuck around San Francisco. Funny how dreams change, though.”
“Why’s that?”
She smiles faintly. “I’ve driven to the city twice now, and it’s already too much. The traffic. The crowds. When you’re younger, you look at life through a different lens. A much younger, na?ve one, maybe?”
“Okay, granny. You’re what, twenty-seven? Twenty-eight?” I cringe internally at pointing out our age difference, but she doesn’t seem bothered. Mackenzie is more mature than most people my age. She’s lived through too much, carried too much. She’s seasoned in ways that make her feel closer to me than any number could.
“Twenty-eight, but sometimes, I feel a lot older.” Her gaze shifts to the horizon, where the full moon casts a faint glow over the darkness. Her expression is an enigma, part mesmerizing and part haunting. A graceful calamity of a woman who’s been through hell and survived.
“Yeah?” I prod gently.
“Can I confess something without sounding bitchy?”
“You could never sound bitchy, but go on. ”
She lets out a hollow laugh and glances down at the wineglass in her hand. She swirls the liquid a few times before taking a sip. “Sometimes, I feel as if I’m the worst person on the planet.”
I tilt my head, studying her. “I assure you that isn’t true.”
“I’ve already told you how badly I wanted to leave this town. Do you remember the elderly gentleman you met in the café when you first came to town?”
“Your old boyfriend?” I tease.
She shakes her head, mouth twitching. “Not too far off. It was his son I had dated.” Her gaze flicks to mine. “Mark Morgan.”
The name bounces around my head before it clicks. “Wait … Mark Morgan? The same Mark I talk to at Liam’s practice?”
“Yep.” She pops the P and shakes her head. “Ethan came to visit his cousin Mark right after graduation. I fell hard and fast for Ethan. We tried to avoid each other, but it became too much. I broke up with Mark, and a week later, Ethan and I were secretly dating.”
I shift in my seat, trying hard to remain stoic. The last thing I want to hear is how much she loved Ethan. Not when all I can think about is tasting her lips. “How did Mark take it when he found out?”
“Not well. Mark’s mom hates me for it; she reminds me of that every chance she gets. Mark was sweet, but I wanted out of this town. Ethan seemed like my ticket. Two months into dating, I got pregnant.” She takes another sip of wine, her voice dropping to a whisper. “We got married, and I left when he was stationed. I followed him everywhere.”
So, it worked out? You got to leave.”
“That part of the fairy tale came true,” she says, but her tone is flat. She stares into the darkness, her shoulders sinking under the weight of something unseen. “But I didn’t love him. Not really.”
Her confession hits me like a punch to the gut. She turns to me as a single tear slips down her cheek. “That’s where the bitchy part comes in. Lust and love aren’t the same. Once the newness wore off, I found myself married, pregnant, and resentful of my choices. ”
My breath hitches, and I fight the urge to pull her into my arms. “That doesn’t make you a horrible person, Mackenzie.”
“Dumping Mark for his cousin wasn’t exactly nice. And once I run into Mark’s mom, I’ll get another reminder about how shitty of a person I am. Mr. Morgan is sweet as they come, but his wife is as mean as a snake. As you know, Mark has a son around Liam’s age. I suspect she blames me for that happening. If I hadn’t left him, he wouldn’t have been heartbroken, and he wouldn’t have knocked someone up.”
“Twisted way of looking at things, but you were young. It sounds like you didn’t love Mark, anyway.”
“I didn’t love Ethan, either.” Her voice is barely over a whisper. A single tear runs down her cheek before she turns to look at me. “Don’t get me wrong. I wouldn’t give my kids up for anything.”
“Agreed. They’re awesome kids.”
“But I wish I had done things differently. I’m a horrible person for not loving my husband.”
I swallow past the huge lump of guilt lodged in my throat, threatening to expose the fraud that I am. Now would be an excellent time to speak up, but I can’t seem to formulate words. I don’t want to betray my friend’s wish even though the thoughts I’m having aren’t too loyal.
“No. No matter how hard you try, you can’t make the feelings be there.” Believe me. I should know.
“But I feel so bad. I was waiting for him to come home so I could file for divorce. But he never made it back.” Her voice cracks, and I can’t hold back anymore. I reach for her and pull her against me as her tears soak into my shirt.
“It’s not your fault Ethan died.” I reserve that spot. “And a failed marriage isn’t your fault either. You were young. You were trying to find your way.”
She pulls back slightly, her glossy green eyes locking on mine. “Do you believe that?”
“I do.”
Her lips part, and something unspoken lingers between us. Before I can stop myself, I lean down and brush my lips against hers. She stiffens for a beat, then melts into me, her fingers curling into my shirt as our mouths collide with a hunger I can’t suppress. There’s no pulling away. No thoughts about how wrong this is or how this may ruin the friendship we’ve built. All I can think about is how incredible her body feels pressed against me.
And, oh God, does she feel good against me. Soft curves and pure desire. It’s a lethal combination.
Our bodies yearn for this.
And despite our short time together, this kiss feels like years in the making. As if we’ve been waiting for each other.
Her lips on mine.
Our tongues tango to a beat well overdue.
It feels like the most natural thing in the world.
Like we belong together.
My hands grip around her small frame, fighting every urge to cup her breasts and demand more. But sweet Jesus, I want more.
I want her legs wrapped around my waist as I drive into her and bring her over the edge.
Small groans vibrate through my body, and I can’t tell if they’re coming from her or me. My erection strains against my shorts, where it’ll have to remain. Stealing her kiss is enough greed for tonight.
I pull back and take in her rapid pants and sexy, swollen lips. If that wasn’t enough to bring me to my knees, the yearning in her eyes that screams don’t stop sure does.
“Fuck, Mackenzie. I knew you’d be incredible to taste, but that didn’t even begin to satisfy my hunger for you.”
Want and desire dance in those beautiful eyes as conflict frames her stare. I stand abruptly, needing to put distance between us before I ruin everything.
“Thanks for tonight.” I lean down and give a chaste kiss on her forehead before walking away. Each step feels like a mistake, but I keep moving. Because if I stay, I know I’ll do something we can’t take back.