Chapter 19 #4
That was completely consistent with what Zavier knew about Ray. Everything came back to the band and everything with the band came back to the fans.
“You’re not disappointed?” If Ray knew what aro meant, he’d know that the chances Zavier would ever fall in love with him were very, very low.
Especially since he wasn’t demi or gray or.
..well, attracted to Ray in any romantic way.
Sex, sure. Friendship? Yes, please. But hold the roses and the candlelit dinners and all that.
“Disappointed? With you? Fuck no. Last night you tied me up, beat me, then fucked me until I couldn’t think. I’ll never be disappointed with you.”
“Really?” He didn’t quite believe that.
Ray’s smile had returned. “You aren’t romantic. I mean—you just aren’t. But you like me and you care—”
“I’m your friend, you asshole, of course I care.” He didn’t know how many times he’d have to say that to get it into Ray’s skull.
“I know. Point is, you’re not pining after the one true love of your life who broke your heart or some such shit I couldn’t ever compete with.
” Ray shrugged. “I’ve dated guys like that.
Don’t want to do it again. I was never good enough for them.
They always wanted the one that got away—and that wasn’t me. ”
Zavier struggled to wrap his brain around what he thought Ray was saying. He ought to get up and make coffee, but his skin was still in that weird prickly stage after surprise and fear. “So what now?”
Ray pulled his knees up to his chest, tenting the sheet.
“I like this. Being in bed with you. The kink. Being your friend. You’ve helped me so much, and I don’t know if you know that.
” He rested his head on his knees. His eyes were soft, and so was his smile.
“I just needed to understand what was going on. Best friends with benefits is fine.”
A second wash of pinpricks cascaded over Zavier, and he scrubbed his arms. They were remaining friends. They weren’t changing anything. Holy fuck. “Best friend? I thought that was Dominic.”
“Yeah, and Mish, too. I can have more than one best friend, you know.” A little snarky smile with that.
“Yes, but you’re not fucking them.” Zavier paused. “Why aren’t you fucking Dominic?” They were obviously close and had been since high school. That was a hell of a lot longer than Zavier had known Ray—really known Ray.
Ray barked out a laugh. “You know, I’d been wondering when you’d ask me that.” He sobered. “Dom was the first person I came out to. And when I did, he came out to me.” A little shake of the head. “We were like fourteen at the time, I think? Anyway, we tried kissing and it was horrible.”
Zavier chewed on his tongue to keep from laughing. “Horrible?” Kissing Ray was nearly as good as being inside him.
“Yeah. Felt like we were siblings. Which in some ways we were. And are. Neither of us has a brother, so...we kind of filled that role. Including driving each other nuts.”
Zavier had seen that enough times on tour. Both of them irritated the other, but in a way that was kind of like siblings did. “Makes sense.”
Ray had his serious look on again.
“Please don’t tell me you have another personal question.” Zavier couldn’t cope with being out of his element a second time this morning.
“No, it’s just that all the aromantic people I’ve ever met or talked to were asexual, too.”
“And I’m very much sexually attracted to people.”
“Understatement of the year.”
Okay, that was enough snark from Ray. Zavier pulled him over, exposing his bruised ass, and slapped him hard. Ray’s yelp was rich and hot and tinged with a moan. So very good, that. He landed several more blows, enough to make Ray’s cheeks red and his body tremble.
“So, business as usual, then?” Zavier said. Ray was as hard as he.
“Ohgodyes,” Ray said. “Please.”
How could he refuse when Ray asked so nicely? “Condom,” he said. “And lube.” Another swat to that lovely ass sent Ray scrambling.
Ray’s whole body was flush by the time he returned. “Cuffs again?” A little hope in that voice.
“No, I think this time we’ll try something a little different.” He wanted to be the ropes and cuffs that held Ray. Be his pleasure and punishment. “Here’s what I want you to do.”
Ray’d fucked plenty of times before, been on both the giving and receiving ends, but never like this.
“I wish there were mirrors so you could see yourself.” Zavier’s words were hot in his ear and his cock deep inside Ray.
The thrusting, the movement, wasn’t what brought him close to breaking, it was that thought, that image, the one he could nearly see against the white ceiling.
The decadence of him splayed on top of Zavier, held tightly, one hand gripping his hip, the other on his shoulder.
Arms like ropes, those muscles corded. Ray’s own hands gripped Zavier’s limbs, body writhing with each hard thrust. Open mouth, loud moans, wide eyes. “Fuck, Zav.”
Incessant and hard, Zavier drove into him as if they could be one person, one soul.
Ray’s ass burned from the flogging, the spanking, and now this.
The sharpness was like fire, driving him out of his mind.
He arched as much as he could against Zavier, wanting more, needing the bliss and light that came when Zav slid deeper into him.
“Don’t you ever think that I don’t want you.” A whisper of air and a caress of lips. Zavier pumped Ray’s dick, stroking and pulling in time with his relentless fucking.
Ray shuddered, that peak too close, too near. “Can’t. I’m gonna—”
Hot words and teeth against his neck. “I want to feel you come around me.”
After those words, it was all light and heat and pleasure as Ray came hard, spilling himself over Zavier’s hand.
Didn’t take much longer for Zavier to follow, crying out his own release with such abandonment that Ray wanted those mirrors, so he could see controlled, calculated Zavier Demos wild and shattered because of him.
That would be almost enough to get Ray off again, had such a thing been possible.
Still, he moaned and shifted against Zavier, and then they were both still.
“God, Ray. You’re such a fucking miracle.” There was still the edge of abandonment in Zavier’s voice.
Ray had no idea what to make of that statement.
Zavier pulled out and Ray shifted. “I should—” Get up, or at least get off of Zavier. Couldn’t be comfortable for him, though he enjoyed the confinement and the burn against his ass.
“No. Stay.” Wasn’t so much a command as a plea. “I like you here, like this.” There was a softness in Zavier’s voice Ray’d not heard before. He relaxed against the hard, warm body beneath him. Somewhere along the line, Zavier tossed the condom off the side of the bed.
“Poor rug,” Ray said.
“I’m sure its seen worse, or the same. Hotels are liminal spaces.”
He snorted. Couldn’t help it. “You say the strangest things sometimes.”
“No more than you.” A press of lips and enough admiration that heat rose to Ray’s cheeks. “Singer and songwriter.”
“I’m—”
“Shush, Ray. Just let me hold you.”
Both their breathing evened out. The morning and the night before tumbled through Ray, heavy but comforting.
Zavier’s arms were loose around him, one warm hand near his cock and the other idly stroking near his nipple.
Pleasant little shocks cascaded down Ray’s limbs.
Heat and light. Splinters of color. He hummed the notes and felt Zavier inhale.
“Will you sing for me, Ray?” A rough whisper, full of those emotions Ray still couldn’t name.
“What song?”
Zavier stilled. “A new one. Something no one has heard before.”
Ray shivered in his strong arms. “You’ve heard pieces.” Helped puzzle out the beats in his head. Listened when he needed an outlet.
Zavier kissed the back of Ray’s neck. A request without words.
So Ray sang the lyrics that had been dancing in his mind for days. Chased the colors and movement and sounds.
In the heat of summer
We were gods of a thousand dreams
In the night of winter
We were dust and ash
Where did the light we held go
Strands of silver and gold
When will we meet the sun again?
Stretch out your arms toward the moon
Sing to your soul to find the room
Dare to dream
Scream out loud
Dare to be
Who you are
When the last note faded, his voice was as rough as Zavier’s had been. “That’s all I have.”
“Oh, Ray.” Those hands drew them tighter together. “That’s glorious.”
“It’s ‘Dare to Be.’”
“I know.” Zavier’s breath ghosted across the back of his neck. “Ray, what do you see when the music’s in your head?”
He found Zavier’s hand on his hip, and twined their fingers. “Colors. Shapes. If I close my eyes, I see the music dancing.”
“And what do you see when you sing ‘Dare to Be’?”
He shivered against Zavier and felt more than heard the soft moan in response.
Wasn’t sexual, but so intimate. They could stay like this forever, the two of them.
“Red. Deep red, like good wine. And blue, like the sky in summer, dotted among the red. They move and twist and everything turns to crystal and light.”
Zavier kissed his neck. “Thank you.” Such reverence and joy.
Ray closed his eyes and tried to etch this perfection into his mind before it slipped away. Because of course, it would.
That happened when the alarm on Zavier’s phone chirped. A sigh from beneath him. “Time to get up. We need to be washed, packed, dressed, and back on the bus in an hour.”
Ray groaned in frustration. But they both moved and separated as they hurried to get ready.
Still, the warmth in Ray’s soul didn’t abate, and burgundy and bright blue danced in his head.