Chapter 21 #2
The doctor was on the younger side and black.
Fit, with short hair and a deep voice. There were the perfunctory introductions and the doc performed all those simple tests that had already been done to him a thousand times that day—he listened to Ray’s heart, took his blood pressure, and looked over his chart.
“Well, Mr. Van Zeller, you seem to be past your scare and everything checks out. Your system has had quite the shock, though, so feel free to relax for a few days. I’ll have your discharge papers written up shortly. ”
So, still not free. “Do you think I could get this fucking thing out of my hand?” He waved his hand with the IV.
The doctor didn’t even blink. “I’ll have a nurse come and take care of it.” He breezed out with the same speed he’d come in.
Of course. Which meant it would take another fifteen hours. Ray closed his eyes. “I’m never getting out of here.”
“You will,” Zavier said. He patted Ray’s leg again.
“God, I like that. You touching me. Feels like I can take on the world when I know you’re there.”
Zavier grunted. “Here.” He picked at one of the leather bracelets that always seemed to be tied around his wrist lately, except in the shower, and freed it. Next thing Ray knew, it was tied around his ankle. “A little reminder of me for when I can’t touch you.”
Like the string that was gone, but better. Fire was chased by calm, and Ray settled back against the bed. “I like that.”
“Like a tiny cuff.”
“Exactly.”
Didn’t take fifteen hours, but it did take nearly forty-five minutes before a nurse came to remove the IV catheter from his hand, and then another forty-five before Ray was handed his discharge papers.
He’d also been prescribed a medicine to take to help counterbalance the shit Carl had given him.
Getting that took time, too. But eventually he was allowed to leave.
Thank god.
By the time they got a cab and drove back to the hotel, the medicine had taken effect and Ray could barely keep his eyes open. “Not fair,” he murmured as he leaned against Zavier as they rode up the elevator. “I spent most of the day in bed.”
“But it’ll be a giant hotel bed with no machines and no IV.”
“You won’t stick any needles in me.”
A laugh. “No needles. No. Not at all my kink.”
“Good.” Ray couldn’t be happier about that. That kind of pain wasn’t his thing. “Join me in bed?” He missed Zavier. Wanted him near. Needed to feel his warmth.
“It’s still pretty early. I’d be a mess in bed. Tossing and turning.”
True. It had been after five when they’d left the hospital, far too early for most people to sleep, unless they were hopped up on drugs.
When they reached their floor, Zavier maneuvered him—really half carried him—to their joined rooms. Ray had trouble seeing straight enough to walk. His head was mush and all he wanted to do was close his eyes. “Holy shit, this stuff is strong.”
“Well, they gave you something pretty powerful. I bet Benadryl knocks you on your ass, doesn’t it? This is worse.” Zavier keyed them in.
“Yeah. I just don’t want to sleep.”
“Best thing to get your system back in shape.”
When they made it into the room, rather than being alone, both Mish and Dom were there.
Surprisingly, Dom was dressed down, even for him. Shorts and a T-shirt. “Dude, did you spring him and go to a bar to celebrate or something?”
Ray groaned. “Fuck you. I’m not drunk.”
“They doped him up with some powerful stuff to counteract anything left in his system.” Zavier sounded like he was laughing.
“Bastard,” Ray murmured. “Why is everyone here?”
“Mmmhmm. I am a bastard.” A moment later, Zavier deposited Ray on the end of the bed. “And they wanted to see you. Same as me, last night.”
“Hey, kiddo. You look better.” Mish patted his knee.
Dom snickered. “Except for that goofy smile.”
“’S not goofy. I’m happy. I’m here.” Ray flopped his arms out, and man, the bed felt good. Cool. Soft. “With everyone I love.”
He did love them all. Especially Zavier. Head over heels. Hard enough that it scared him and if it scared him, it would probably terrify Zavier. Still, he should tell him, explain that he didn’t expect anything in return—but Zavier should know how he felt.
That was only fair. Tell the truth. They’d said they would.
Mish and Dom both said their good-nights. The next few minutes—hours? Whatever. They were a blur of movement and commands and getting undressed and under the covers. So perfect. Crisp. Clean. The bed was heaven.
He cracked his eyes open and found Zavier watching him. “Stay?”
Zavier cupped his face. “I’m not leaving you.”
Good. That was enough. Ray closed his eyes and fell into blessed darkness.
Zavier had watched Ray fall asleep, then peeled off his dress wear and taken a long, hot shower before finding more comfortable clothes.
A T-shirt. Jeans. Once dressed, he stepped into the other hotel room and left the joining door cracked for when Ray woke up, because chances were he’d come looking for someone once the drugs wore off.
But right now, both Mish and Dom were sitting on the bed, waiting for him.
Mish spoke first. “How is he really?”
“The doctor said he’d be fine. The stuff Carl used should be more or less out of his system, but the drugs the hospital gave him will make sure there’s nothing lingering that will cause issues. Kind of a precaution.”
“He could use the rest,” Dom said. There was a thoughtfulness to his look, and that sharpened the longer he stared at Zavier. “What about you?”
“Me?” Zavier worked to school his features, even as his brain tried to turn the past twenty-four hours over in his head.
Dom straightened and suddenly looked nothing like either the shy musician or the imposing rock star. He didn’t even look like a twink on the prowl. No, he had the posture of an equal. A friend—a very concerned friend. “This whole thing hasn’t been easy on you, either. How are you holding up?”
“I don’t know yet.” That was the most truthful answer. “I haven’t had time to sit down and think.”
Mish rose from the bed and crossed the room. She held out her arms in invitation, and Zavier gave in, letting her hug him—welcoming the touch. If they could see he was out of sorts, he really did need to get away for a little bit and churn though all the thoughts in his head.
She brushed her hand against his hair. “You’re a good man, Zav. And Ray cares a great deal for you.”
He took the compliment, and it warmed him. “I know he does.” He pulled back. “And thank you.”
She patted him on the cheek. “Take care of yourself, too, kiddo.”
Dom chuckled. “She means that. Or you won’t hear the end of it.”
That also warmed him. Their camaraderie. Many of the musicians he’d worked with in the symphony had found him somewhat cold as he fought to prove himself as a young and talented musician in a sea of talent—and that had put up barriers, which meant that he’d never really formed friendships there.
Here, they’d had to stick together, from day one. Mish and Dom were his friends. Ray, too, of course, but in a different way.
How different? God, his whole body itched. That was exactly the question, wasn’t it? How different was Ray from everyone else, and why? His head was a fucking mess. Part of him wanted to ignore the spinning of his mind, push on, and be here for everyone.
You can’t. You’re useless like this.
“Zav?” Mish interrupted his thoughts. “What do you need from us?”
Nothing. Wait. “Give me a minute.” He rummaged through the desk and found hotel stationery.
No one sent letters anymore, but hell, they always left this stuff anyway in nice places.
He scrawled out a short, simple note, put it in an envelope with Ray’s name on it and sealed it up.
“Can you give this to Ray if he wakes before I come back? I need to get some fresh air.”
Mish took the note. “Of course.”
He made sure he had a keycard and his wallet, nodded at the two of them, and took off out the door.
I’m not running. Okay, so he was running, but not away. He’d return. He just needed to wander for a while.
Rather than the elevator, he took the stairs all the way to the ground floor, then followed a corridor in the opposite direction of the arrow pointed toward the lobby, until he found himself at a loading dock. He let the door slam closed and lock behind him.
The alley led to a main street, and he chose the direction at random and walked. And walked some more. He turned corners on a whim. Stopped and studied window displays without really even seeing what was in them.
Ray. He couldn’t get that singular moment out of his head. Ray stumbling to him, terrified. Unable to speak. Falling into his arms. The swirl of people. Time standing still.
Zavier hadn’t been able to help. Only that wasn’t entirely true. He’d made space for the people who had helped. For Mish and for Dom. For the paramedics and the police. He blinked at the store window—stationery—and turned away.
Keep walking. Don’t think. Except he couldn’t stop thinking, and that struggle led him straight to a car rental place below a garage.
Zavier slowed and stared. Driving did clear his head, or at least gave him the space he needed to puzzle things out. So much of his high school years had been filled with drives once he’d gotten his license. His parents had been understanding about that, in retrospect.
So he went in and rented a car. They took no notice of his name, and the paperwork was quick.
The rental guy pulled around the compact car that would be Zavier’s, and within fifteen minutes, he was on the road.
Didn’t take him long to find an interstate.
Then he drove and drove as his mind replayed Ray falling into his arms. The ambulance pulling away. Carl’s red face.
He’d been there for Ray but unable to help, and that bore into him like fire. If Ray had been anyone else, maybe it wouldn’t have caused such terror. Maybe that dark pit in his gut wouldn’t be there.
But Ray wasn’t like anyone else to Zavier. That was a problem.
Zavier knew who he was, knew his own tastes and needs and desires, or lack thereof.
But Ray threw him. There was so much about Ray he enjoyed, and not only the sex and the kink.
The friendship. The music. His smile. Every damn thing.
Watching him closing in on death’s door? That had been too much. Far too much.
He needed Ray. Didn’t want to be without Ray.
Zavier couldn’t find answers to calm the turmoil in his head, nor were there any brilliant insights on the road, so he just kept driving.