Chapter 23 #3
It doesn’t get past him as he watches Gene spit downward, aiming his saliva to land directly on their dicks.
Now that makes it feel better, slickening them, enabling Gene’s hand to move more freely.
Faster, faster, faster, Gene pumps and pumps them both, the friction overwhelming.
The size difference strikes a chord in Ray’s chest, amazed at Gene’s impressive length, how it feels against his own.
He kisses Gene again; he can’t get enough of him.
This is everything he’s been fantasizing about, happening in the here and now. He can hardly believe it.
“You know, I guess I wasn’t lying when I said I needed your help,” Gene says, breathing on Ray’s lips. “Fuck, I needed this, Ray.”
“Gene…”
His mind is floating, focusing on nothing but the pleasure Gene gives him.
Nothing else matters except being here with Gene, pushed up against the wall, trapped in his embrace.
This isn’t just any man he’s fooling around with—no, this is his best friend, the person he shares everything with, his most trusted companion and musical partner.
To be alone with him, kissing him, cocks pressed against each other, it barely feels real.
A high from any sort of drug would not even compare to the high he’s feeling now.
It takes him over—consuming him. Gene’s hand keeps up the pace, fast, forceful, unrelenting, stroking them both over and over and over.
The pressure in Ray’s abdomen rises. More, more, more.
He can barely handle it, writhing in Gene’s grasp, clawing onto his shoulders as the sensation keeps increasing and increasing, more, please, more—
A tidal wave crashes over him as he comes, spurting all over Gene’s hand and chest, taking him by surprise.
Gene’s hand doesn’t stop, however, continuing its movement, pumping even harder.
Fuck—the prolonged friction is overwhelming, oversensitive, extending the high even longer than Ray ever thought possible.
It’s too much and never enough all at once, pleasure overtaking his core, loving every second that Gene has his hands on him—
Gene moans as he comes, shooting his release in warm ropes onto Ray’s chest and abdomen, mixing with Ray’s own cum on his hand.
Breath after breath, they both pant into each other’s mouths; Ray feels absolutely exhausted after that.
His knees are weak from standing, yet Gene still holds him tight against the wall, helping him balance.
A pleasure so wonderful flows within him, so beautifully intense, swirling throughout his whole body in waves; Ray’s mind swims in a foggy state of bliss.
Never, never ever, have any of the dozens of women he’s been with, not even Carol, made him feel so satisfied.
That last thought jolts his conscience back to life.
Carol is right out there in the lounge, waiting for me.
The haze in his head starts to clear.
Gene gives him another kiss, a small one this time. He backs up a little, and Ray’s able to see his face better. His lips are glossy and swollen from their kisses, turned up in a smile, hazel eyes glittering so beautifully.
“Oh my god, Ray.” Gene pants. “That was amazing.”
“Y-yeah, it was…” Ray gives him a smile back, but not as big. No, something—something absolutely awful is beginning to claw at his mind, stabbing needles into his chest, shouting at him that he shouldn’t be here anymore.
Gene pulls his hand off them both, lifting it up and trying not to let any of their releases drip onto the floor. “Well, uh, I guess we better clean this up,” Gene says with a chuckle.
“Heh, yeah, I guess so.”
Gene steps away—the loss of his body heat sends a chill down Ray’s spine—and he pulls some of the toilet paper off the roll to wipe his hand.
Gene then pulls more off and gives it to Ray, and he wipes himself as clean as he can.
He can’t let anyone else see the remnants of what just happened.
He really was, actually, truthfully, physically intimate with Gene.
Ray barely even had two drinks; he can’t consider what he did ‘getting carried away while drunk’.
No, he knows he’s been fantasizing about Gene even while sober. And that’s what fucking scares him.
He can’t believe he’s so fucking weak, giving in to his cravings so easily like that.
He throws the cum-drenched paper into the toilet, and shoves his softening cock back into his swim bottoms. Gene does the same, covering himself up as well, then he flushes the evidence away and moves onto washing his hands in the sink.
Not only is Ray weak, he’s also a giant piece of shit.
All these months of dating Carol, trying to do better—and he has been better, he really has—only for it to all go down the drain.
He hasn’t changed at all since his time with Harriet.
No, he’s still just a cheating asshole, not giving a fuck at all about the consequences or how his girlfriend would feel when she finds out.
If she finds out.
No one has to know. That’s why Gene wanted them alone in the first place, right? He knows how risky this all is, too. Yet he took a chance and pulled a stunt to get Ray in here anyway. It almost makes Ray want to laugh—maybe Gene is just as weak as he is. That’s why they’re such close friends.
Friends. That’s all they can ever be.
Ray moves to wash his hands too, as Gene dries his with the paper towels from the dispenser.
The mirror in front of him reflects a scene he never would have believed to be true: Ray, lips swollen, skin flushed red and sweaty from orgasm, with none other than his best friend behind himself, coming closer to rest his palms on Ray’s shoulders.
Them both together in the mirror like this reminds him of a scene he’s seen before—the poses in the photos Maurice took of the two of them.
The same sort of warmth, except more intimate.
Gene tilts his head to kiss the shell of Ray’s ear, but before his lips touch, Ray turns his head away.
“Ray?” Gene asks, his tone faltering.
“We should… we should go,” he says.
Gene gulps. “I…” He sighs. “I guess so…”
“Look, don’t get me wrong, Gene, that all felt wonderful.” He shuts off the water and turns around, looking Gene in the eyes. “But we can’t keep doing this. We shouldn’t let this happen again.”
Gene’s face stretches in surprise, as if someone had struck a knife through his chest. “W-we shouldn’t?”
“What do you think?” He tries to keep his tone calm—especially since he doesn’t want anyone outside to hear him—but he can’t stop his heart from beating madly.
“Carol’s out there waiting for me. Not to mention Santiago’s out there too; how do you think he would feel if he knew what just happened?
I just cheated on my girlfriend with you, and, if any of this gets out, it could ruin the band. What do you think we should do?”
Gene’s bottom lip quivers. He makes fists at his sides, over and over, clasping his hands repeatedly. Ray watches the rise, and fall, and rise again of his chest. It makes his own heart hurt, unbearably so.
“I’m sorry, Gene.” He shakes his head, a frown on his face, eyelids heavy.
“No, it’s okay, I get it.” Gene bites his lip and looks down to the floor. “I’m sorry, too. I don’t mean to put the band in jeopardy over this. I just—I don’t know. I couldn’t fucking control myself, I guess.”
“Well, neither could I. It’s not completely your fault. Mine too.” That gets Gene to make eye contact with him again. “B-but we need to get out of here. Don’t wanna make everyone wonder why we’ve been taking so long.”
Gene swallows again. “Yeah. You’re right.”
Ray steps around Gene to grab some paper towels, wiping the water off his hands, and throws them in the trash once he’s done.
“Actually, um, you can go on out there without me,” Gene says. “I wanna stay in here for a sec. Just tell them I wanted a moment to myself after vomiting, I guess. But I’ll leave the door unlocked.”
“Are you sure?”
“Y-yeah, I’ll be fine.”
“Alright.”
Gene looks down at the floor again, his eyes shimmering, as if tears are about to spill.
Ray feels a similar pressure behind his own eyes.
His heart won’t stop banging in his chest, so, so utterly guilty for everything that had just happened, worry clawing his insides, wondering what’ll happen from here.
But he can’t ignore his best friend’s feelings.
Yes, it fucking hurts, but not everything that comes out of this has to be bad, right?
“Gene?”
He lifts his head, and Ray notices a tear rolling down his cheek. “Hmm?”
“No matter what happens, you’re still my best friend, okay?” He gives him a soft smile. “Don’t you forget that.”
Gene smiles back, huffing out what seems to be a mix between a chuckle and a sob. “Don’t worry. I won’t.”
Ray nods, a small one, and he puts his hand on the doorknob. “I’ll see you out there.”
“Alright. See you there.”
He turns the knob, unlocking it, and he steps out into the lounge, shutting the door behind himself. The clicking sound instantly grabs Santiago and Carol’s attention, perking their heads up from the couches, and they stand up, walking in a hurry toward Ray.
“Is Gene alright?” Santi rushes his words out. “What’s he still doing in there?”
“He’s fine! He’s fine.” Ray waves his hand in reassurance. “Just a little shook up. But he’s alright.”
“You were in there with him for quite a while,” Carol says. “How come your nose is all red?”
Ray’s heart thuds madly, making his chest feel hot. “I just—just got a little stuffy in there, that’s all. I was just making sure he was okay. But yeah, everything’s fine. He just wanted a second to himself after vomiting and all that, but he’ll be right out.”
“You sure?” Santi raises an eyebrow.
“Yes, I’m sure!” Ray chuckles. “He only had three drinks—just drank them all too fast and had to barf ’em out.”
“Alright, alright.” Santi smiles, shaking his head. “Well, I think we should still all wait here until he comes out. Just to make sure, y’know?”
“Yeah, definitely. He left the door unlocked in case we need to go in there and check up on him, but it should be fine. He’s doing okay.”
“That’s good.” Santi nods.
“Let’s sit down then, shall we?” Carol suggests, grabbing Ray’s hand. Her touch sends an uncomfortable chill down his spine.
“Yeah, let’s,” Ray says.
Carol can never find out what he just did with Gene.
She’d be furious—as his girlfriend, she should be Ray’s one-and-only.
Why the hell is he being sexual with someone else?
She’d be mad not just at the fact he cheated on her, but also that he chose Gene over her.
A man, his best friend, and not a woman like her—someone who could give him a family, a stable life, a respectable future.
It’s not that he doesn’t like her; of course he fucking likes her.
But there’s something about Gene where he can’t help but give in…
Oh my god, what the hell is wrong with me?
He keeps on a straight face, trying his best to not appear troubled, and he sits down with her and Santiago, back to where they once were.
Gene stands alone in the bathroom, hearing the click of the knob as Ray shuts the door and goes out to the lounge.
His mind is whirling, not only from being slightly drunk, but also trying to wrap his head around what just happened.
He leans his back against the wall—the same wall where he had pinned Ray, stroking both their cocks together, and having the best orgasm of his life.
Fuck, it’s so bizarre that he even went through with it—it really did happen—and then in an instant it was already over, just like that.
And now, Gene’s emotions are paying the price.
He couldn’t go out there with Ray just yet. He fucking couldn’t, not with Carol out there. He didn’t want to see Ray give her any attention, holding her hand and calling her ‘babe’ like he usually does. Not when he’s the one who wants Ray’s affections like that. Why, oh why can’t that be me?
A quiet sob escapes him, tears rolling down his cheeks. He reaches up, grabbing his hair, pulling it away from his face.
He knows perfectly well why. They’re both men, and they live in a cruel world. That’s all there really is to it.
Well, not only that. There’s the very obvious fact that Ray has already chosen Carol as his romantic partner.
They’ve been steady ever since the last tour.
He’s tied to her—as he should be, a man in a relationship with a woman.
What was Gene expecting, for Ray to break up with Carol then and there? Of course that wouldn’t fucking happen.
Gene lets go of his hair, letting it flop over his face, strands getting wet from the tears on his cheeks.
What the hell is wrong with him? Desiring Ray so desperately, so much that he took action and snuck them both in here, as if he couldn’t go another minute without Ray’s kisses.
He’s being irresponsible, that’s what. Irresponsible for pulling Ray away from Carol like that, trying to take him for himself, when it’s not like Ray is Gene’s by any means. Not like that, anyway.
If he wants to be responsible, he should find a girl of his own instead of trying to get with his bandmate, his best friend, who’s a man. It’s not that he doesn’t like women. He likes both men and women, and the person who’s currently consuming his thoughts is a man.
But Ray is right—they can’t keep doing this.
It would ruin the band. They can’t let it happen again.
Even if it pains him, he needs to figure out how to move on.
Maybe he should take that last thought more seriously: finding a girl for himself, just like how Ray has Carol.
Perhaps if he had someone to call his own, someone who he could actually be in a relationship with, he could distract himself…
‘No matter what happens, you’re still my best friend, okay?’
But for now, when he plans to go back into the motel room, he’s going to wash away his sorrows doing what he knows works best: smoking some hash and letting his mind drift along on a kaleidoscopic river.