Chapter 24 #2
Santi shrugs. “Eh, there was one girl in Chicago, if you remember, and then another in Texas. They were lovely, of course, but I’m thinking I wanna find someone who’ll stick around, y’know?
Honestly, I’m kinda jealous of Ray. How he found a girl that wanted to go steady with him, and they’re actually sticking to it.
That’s not to say I haven’t been having fun, but…
I think my heart is telling me I should strive for more. You get me?”
“Yeah, I get you.” Gene takes another sip, finishing off the glass. He understands a little too well, also being jealous, but not in the same way Santi describes. “Having… having a partner would be nice.”
“Maybe she’s just out there, waiting for me.” Santi smiles, staring off at the sea of people. “The more we travel, the more likely I might run into her, I guess. My lucky mystery woman.”
“Maybe.” Gene smiles as well. He wonders if the same is true for him.
If he and Ray aren’t supposed to be together like that, then maybe the right person who he’s truly meant to be with is still out there, yet to be discovered.
But even if he does find a woman, he figures that doesn’t change the fact he still is attracted to Ray, and possibly men in general, being bisexual.
He doesn’t really think he’d want to be in a relationship with any other man aside from Ray, but his head starts to swirl from the vodka, and he’s curious about Santi’s thoughts, and if he himself has had any experience with same-sex attraction.
With how much his mind has been pestering him, causing him distress, he feels like he needs to talk to someone about it—albeit without mentioning Ray outright. He can’t keep everything bottled up.
“You mind if I ask you a weird question?” Gene says.
“Go ahead, man.” Santi sets his glass down on the cement ground. “What’s on your mind?”
He sets his own glass down too and then clasps his hands together, rubbing off the sweat. “Have you ever… Have you ever kissed a guy before?”
If Santi had any liquid in his mouth, he would’ve spit it all over himself with how he chuffs a harsh breath out his lips. “You’re right, that is a weird question,” he chuckles.
“Well, have you?” Gene chuckles back. He figures he should simply ask about kissing rather than, well, jacking off with another guy. Like what happened with Ray.
“Okay, okay, if you really wanna know…” Santi smirks. “I did, once.”
“What, really?” Gene sits up straighter. “When?”
“It was… a few years ago, before we moved in together. But I think it was after I’d already met you.
” Santi rubs under his nose, messing around with his moustache.
“Wait, yeah, it was a Halloween party my brothers were hosting. But we were all drunk, and one of my brothers dared me to kiss one of his friends that was over. So, not wanting to look like a coward, I did.” He shrugs.
“And… that was that?”
“Yeah. That was that. It’s not like I had any feelings for the guy or anything. Why do you ask?” He tilts his head in a playful manner.
“Oh, uh…” Gene bites his lip, then rubs his palms over his forearm sleeves, wiping off even more excess sweat. “I was just curious.”
“Curious, huh?” Santiago raises a brow, and a huge, devilish grin spreads on his face. “Why, were you thinking of kissing a guy? You weren’t thinking of kissing me, were you?”
“What? No! No!” Gene laughs. “I love you, man, but not like that.”
“Glad we’re on the same page.” Santi laughs as well. “Okay, so maybe not me, but are there any other guys you were thinking of kissing? Or…” He gasps. “Someone you already have kissed?”
Gene doesn’t know how to answer that. Yes, there is a guy he’s kissed—and has done even more than that with—but he can’t reveal that it was Ray. He fidgets with his sleeves some more, his breathing feeling heavy, heart thudding like mad. He looks to the ground, mind spinning. He stays silent.
“Hey, Gene, it’s okay.” He looks up, and Santi’s giving him a pleasant smile. “Sorry to pry. I’m just curious, too, but if it’s not something you wanna talk about, that’s okay.”
Gene takes a deep breath, in, and out. “Thanks, Santi.”
“No problem, man. Hey, look, I just wanna say, if you are into men, that’s cool.
I don’t mind. I mean, you can see that pretty easily with how I’m cool with Maurice, y’know.
” Santi purses his lips, thinking for a moment.
“But you’d need to be careful with being public about that sort of thing; you know most of the population isn’t as relaxed about gay people as I am—actually, it’s quite the opposite.
I know that’s why Maurice isn’t so public about his own relationship with Kenneth.
But if any of us in the band were gay, if people knew about it, it could get really nasty, especially with us getting more famous—”
“No, Santi, it’s fine!” Gene laughs, trying to cover up his nerves. “I mean, I’m not really gay, so I don’t think I’ll need to worry about that. I still like women. I was just, uh… thinking about things.”
“Things?”
“Hey, you said if I don’t wanna talk about it, it’s fine. I’m gonna leave it there.”
Santiago chuckles, shrugging. “Okay, okay, fine. Did I help with easing your mind about anything, at least?”
Gene pauses for a moment. “I guess so. Now I know a little bit more about you.”
“And I think I know a little bit more about you too, Gene.” Santi winks.
“Don’t. Say. Anything.” Gene laughs. “Keep this between us, okay?”
“For sure.” Santi’s teeth shine bright in a grin. “Anyway, you want some more vodka? I could fill up your cup.”
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
Gene picks up his empty cup and Santiago grabs the bottle, opening it and filling Gene’s glass with the liquid.
As he sips, he looks around again, taking in the sights of people coming and going.
Stefan seems to have disappeared with the woman he was talking to, and Dennis looks to be having fun floating in the pool.
Pat is nowhere to be found, but neither is Maurice, so they’re likely both hanging out in their shared room.
Off in the corner, surrounded by potted palm trees, he spots Nicky, who’s talking to an East Asian man in a black business suit who Gene’s never seen before. And next to that man is…
An East Asian woman with such immense beauty, it takes Gene by surprise.
She has blonde hair cut in a bob reaching almost to her shoulders, possibly a wig, but such a thing doesn’t matter to Gene.
He’s more focused on what he can see of her pretty face, her slim figure, her exquisite sense of style.
She’s dressed in a sleeveless mod shift dress, designed in a stark multi-colored block pattern by Yves Saint Laurent, a style even Gene recognizes.
The way she holds herself, covering her mouth as she laughs, legs crossed so elegantly—it mesmerizes him.
He’s seen beautiful women before, he’s even been with Carol, but none have ever instantly captivated him like her.
“Hey, Santi, look over there,” Gene says, pointing vaguely in her general direction. “Have you ever seen her before?”
Santiago peers over his glass, looking at the person in question. “No, can’t say I have. Wow, she is gorgeous, though.”
“Right?” Gene smiles. “She must know English. I mean, she and the cat she’s with are talking to Nicky, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know how to speak any Asian languages.”
“Yeah, I think he only knows English,” Santi chuckles. “I wonder if she’s a movie star or something? She certainly looks it, with how posh she seems. You never see someone like that where we’re from in Michigan.”
“That’s true. If she is a movie star, I’d like to know what movies she’s in.” Gene takes another sip from his drink.
“Sounds like you wanna go talk to her.” Santi smirks.
“I guess I could, couldn’t I?” Gene purses his lips to one side of his mouth.
Now that he’s becoming a rockstar himself, out here on the roof of the Hyatt House, he supposes he can converse with the likes of other famous people right here in LA.
It’s all within his grasp. It excites him tremendously, making his blood rush through his veins.
Maybe this is exactly what he needs. He can’t stay moping about Ray forever, wishing things were different between them.
He and Ray are still best friends anyway, as they always will be.
That should be enough for him. Gene would adore Ray as a lover, too, but the reality is, it can never truly be that way.
And with Gene feeling excitement for a woman, it raises his spirits.
If Ray chose Carol as his lover, perhaps Gene needs a woman as a lover like that, too.
“What if that cat with her is her boyfriend, though?” Santiago says. “It might be a lost cause.”
“Well, it’s not like I’ll ever know unless I go over there and ask.” Gene shrugs.
“Ease into it, though, man,” Santi warns. “Don’t just be like, ‘Hey, are you guys dating?’”
“I know, I know.” Gene chuckles, taking another sip of his vodka. “I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna go over and talk with her.”
“Really, now!” Santi laughs. “This is so surprising of you. I’ve never seen you want to pursue a chick like this. What, have you turned into Ray?”
“Naw, man.” He shakes his head with a smile. “I’m just feeling motivated, I guess.”
“Whatever happened to the guy you wanted to kiss?”
“Shut up, man.” Gene laughs, taking one more sip and setting his glass down next to his chair. “Shouldn’t you be happy for me? Rooting for me?”
“Okay, okay, fine. Go for it, Gene.”
“Thanks, Santi.” He stands up. “Alright. Here goes nothin’.”
Gene walks around the pool, behind the chairs of other hotel guests, and makes his way to where Nicky and the two others are.
At least he’s friends with Nicky, so he can ease his way into conversation that way, rather than popping in at random.
Lord knows he would be too shy for that.
As he approaches the small group sitting under the palm trees, Nicky spots him and turns his head to face him.