Chapter 17 Nova #3
I tried to turn, but his arms only tightened.
His face pressed into my hair, the heat of his breath shuddering against my neck.
“I didn’t want you to hate me for something I couldn’t control,” he whispered.
“Didn’t want to lose my spot next to you.
I didn't want to see you regret me. I couldn’t handle knowing the thing I wanted most was never real to begin with. ”
His body trembled behind me, but his arms never gave up.
“I wanted to stay by your side forever,” he went on, his voice stripped bare.
“But to do that, I had to learn control. It was the only way I could be by your side again. I never wanted to hurt…” He faltered, breath stuttering against my skin. “My mate like that again.”
The word mate hit me like a surprise fist in the face.
He admitted it. He fucking knew.
I tore myself from his grip, and this time, he didn’t stop me. When I turned, the sight of him gutted me. His face was a battlefield, agony shadowing every line, regret bleeding through each trembling breath he tried to steady.
“You knew?” The words escaped in a whisper sharp enough to wound.
He flinched but managed a single nod.
“Since when?” The words were half-accusation, half-plea, wishing for his admittance not to be real.
His throat bobbed as he swallowed. “I didn’t know for sure until after you made me your second.
That night, my horns grew when I was… thinking about you as I pleasured myself.
” A shaky smile ghosted across his mouth, gone as quickly as it came.
“But if I’m honest, I think I’ve always known.
Felt it in here,” he said, pressing his hand to his chest, “since the moment I laid eyes on you.”
His eyes softened, those turquoise orbs reaching out for me.“I know you know it, too,” he said quietly. “Last night… I saw your mate-blocking tattoo light up. Just for a second. I saw it, and I knew you felt it, too.” He took a step closer. “Just like your sister, we can break it.”
My gaze fell to my wrist, to the dull ache that pulsed there. Once it had burned like wildfire—now it just throbbed, muted and sad.
I shook my head, trying to reason with myself, to breathe past the storm clawing inside me, but years of hurt and rejection fortified the door to that part of me I’d kept locked up for so long.
“So… what, then?” I shrugged, tired of feeling like this with him. “You didn’t confess after I got the tattoo, so what was the plan, Zeth? What were you going to do once you realized your mate had chosen to block you?”
He straightened, shoulders squared and strong.
“You’re my boss,” he said simply. “I had no right to challenge your decision, so I decided I would settle our working relationship first. Make things steady here before I tried to win you back, slowly. Turn our friendship into something more until it felt natural. And when it did…” His voice softened, a sad smile flickering over his lips. “I was going to ask you to marry me.”
My breath caught.
He must’ve seen the shock on my face because his mouth curved slightly, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t need a bond to know we belong together,” he said quietly, glancing at my wrist. “That tattoo? It wasn’t going to stop me. Not from you. Not from us.”
For a moment, my wolf howled with joy inside me, wild, euphoric, but the darker part of me, the part that still remembered the day he’d walked away, split open instead. Every piece of pain I’d buried came roaring back, and this time, it didn’t just ache.
It burned.
“Do you have any idea how much I’ve agonized over this? How painful your rejection was? How hard it’s been to cage those feelings?” The words ripped out of me, leaving me shaky, exposed, and before I could stop myself, a growl rolled through the room.
I closed the distance between us, my heart pounding so hard it hurt, then I shoved him back. The chair caught his legs, and he crashed into it, eyes wide as he rolled back.
“Can you even imagine what it felt like when my best friend, the person I knew was my mate, vanished for a year?” My voice cracked, but I didn’t stop.
“Do you know what it’s like when your wolf cries in your head over and over for someone who’s gone, and you have no choice but to live with that sound? ”
Zeth didn’t answer. The muscles under his shirt twitched as I said each word, but he kept his eyes on me, chest heaving like he couldn’t breathe. Regret, love, guilt, and pain swirled in his eyes, everything tangled up, just like me.
I leaned in until I could see the gold flecks trembling in his eyes, then my voice lashed out in a violent whisper. “You’re the reason I got this fucking tattoo. I thought if I’ve already been rejected by my mate, why the hell would I ever hope for another?”
The hit landed. I saw it when his eyes flinched, his mouth opening and shutting before he bowed his head to me. My chest burned, air coming too fast, yet I still couldn’t stop. It wasn't enough. I wanted him to hurt, to feel a small amount of the pain I’d felt for years.
Crossing my arms over the ache in my chest, the words slipped through my teeth before I could stop them. “Turns out, you’re not my only possible mate. I’ve found others.”
His head snapped up. The tension in his face shifted from shock to agony. The chair creaked as his hands gripped the arm rests, his lips pressed shut. The pain in his eyes was deep, bruised, the kind that crawled beneath your skin and stayed there.
I’d wanted to hurt him, and I’d succeeded… but it felt like I was bleeding out.
Mom’s voice drifted through my head, sharp as ever. Don’t fight angry. But if you do, win it. This didn’t feel like winning.
Something cracked, and Zeth surged up from the chair. My mouth dropped as his horns tore through his scalp, black and gleaming, and for the first time, I saw the true demon instead of the man. “Who?” The word came out rough, animalistic. His aura darkened, shadows curling along his shoulders.
I didn’t move, didn't speak. Just closed my mouth and caught myself as my body swayed toward him. This side of him was… alluring. I wanted to touch his horns, see if it really was an erogenous zone.
“Who is it, Nova!?” His hands clamped on my shoulders, trembling, not from fury but from how hard he was holding himself back.
I tore myself away, tilting my chin up in defiance that barely masked my shaking voice. “Conrad,” I bit out. His eyes flared. “And Nick.”
The roar that followed wasn’t just anger, it was heartbreak turned monstrous. He spun, driving his fist through the wall with a sound that made my heart jump. Dust rained down as he shook his hand free.
I forced a bitter laugh. “Great. Add that to my to-do list.” My voice wavered despite my attempt at sarcasm. The broken furniture, the scuffed-up wood flooring, the shaking in my hands, it all felt too fitting. Two people who’d finally come apart after pretending they never would.
“Look,” I said, my voice rough, “we need time. Space. To think.” I gestured between us, the word us having all the sharpness of glass in my mouth. “Separately.”
His jaw clenched so tight I could hear it. “How do you know?” The question came out half-yell, half-plea.
I lifted my brow at him, eyes flicking between the fist-sized hole and him. He closed his eyes and took a breath. After a few seconds, his horns retracted. His chest heaved like he’d just run a marathon, and when he finally lifted his gaze to me, I saw the sheen of tears he refused to let fall.
“When I was with you last night,” I said, touching the spot on my wrist, “the mark flared up.” Hope flickered in his eyes, small, fragile. I needed to be honest with him. It was the only way we could get through this, whatever this was.
“But it did with them, too.”
He froze, breath stuttering before escaping in a jagged exhale. His hope shattered so visibly I felt it in my bones.
“I haven’t told them yet,” I went on quietly, “but I will. My wolf… she responds to them, and she’s never responded to anyone but you.”
That undid him. His shoulders slumped, his body folding in on itself. Every trace of power bled out of him until he was a ruin of the man I knew. He pressed a hand over his heart, and, for one dizzy second, I almost reached out. Almost took back the words that had hurt him so.
Instead, I turned away, building that boss mask up brick by brick until I felt safe again, letting all the hurt and pain slide down my back as I straightened it.
“I’m working from home today,” I said, the words steady but quiet. “Someone’s out there tampering with supe DNA in my land. That’s what matters right now. The rest—” I waved at the wreckage “—can wait.”
I turned to the door, looking back toward him as I asked, “Can you focus on this? Or do I need to call on someone else?”
Footsteps shifted behind me. He stopped just short of touching me, his breath brushing my shoulder before he stepped back. “I got it, Boss.” The words came out hoarse, threaded with grief.
I nodded once, then left before my mask could crack. Through the gym, I kept my stride even, chin up, face unreadable. I could feel the heat of his gaze on my back, heavy with everything we didn’t say.
Outside, the cool air hit me like a slap. My throat burned, my chest tight. But no tears fell. I refused to let them.
I was a Rossey, and Rosseys didn’t shed tears, didn't show disappointment or sadness.
That was when the wolves descended and ate the weak, and I wasn't weak. I was fucking Syndicate.
* You Broke Me First by Tate McRae