Chapter 16 Amos
Amos
I woke at five to the sight of them still locked together. Mattaniah's back was pressed against Dominic's chest with my thumb still loosely held between the Omega's lips, my Alpha awake and watching the both of us.
His eyes met mine over Mattaniah's shoulder and I knew immediately he hadn't slept, that he'd spent the entire night holding still inside the Omega while Mattaniah's body pulsed gently around him.
Dominic has never done that with me. In all the years we’ve been together, he has never stayed inside me through the night.
He finishes, he cleans up, he holds me, and he sleeps.
The fact that he gave Mattaniah something he's never given me doesn't sting the way it probably should because I watched his face while he did it, and what I saw there wasn't strategy.
He pulled out carefully around five thirty.
Mattaniah stirred at the loss and made a soft sound of protest, his hips pressing back into the empty space where Dominic had been.
Dominic's jaw tightened so hard I heard his teeth click but he merely pressed his mouth against Mattaniah's hair and whispered something I couldn't hear before climbing out of bed.
Now Dominic has been gone for an hour and I'm running bathwater for an Omega whose body is covered in bruises from the Alpha I love.
The bathroom fills with steam while I adjust the water temperature for the third time, testing it against the inside of my wrist. Too hot will shock his system after the night we had.
Too cold will make the shivering worse. I find the narrow band between the two and let the tub fill while Mattaniah sits on the closed toilet lid wrapped in the comforter from his bed, his eyes fixed on the tile floor without really seeing it.
"Niah." I crouch in front of him and rest my hands on his knees. The comforter swallows him whole, only his face and his curls and his bare feet visible beneath the fabric. His eyes find mine slowly. "The bath is ready. Can you stand?"
"I think so." He pushes himself up and sways as I catch his elbow and guide him to the tub with a grip firm enough that he leans into it instead of fighting it. The comforter drops to the floor revealing the marks we left last night. Possessiveness flares in my chest at the claim we’ve left, but Dominic’s are much darker than mine.
Mattaniah steps into the water with a hiss, lowering himself in increments until he's settled and I can climb in behind him.
My legs fit on either side of his body, the Omega tensing for a second before his back presses against my chest. His head drops onto my shoulder, the exhaustion rolling off of him.
"This is... you don't have to do this." His voice sounds scraped raw.
"I know I don't have to." I reach for the cup on the edge of the tub and fill it with warm water, then pour it slowly over his hair. His curls darken as the water soaks through them and a shudder runs through his frame. "Lean your head back a little."
He tips his chin up and I work shampoo through his curls, scratching gently against his scalp. His eyes close and the tension in his shoulders releases one degree at a time.
"Amos?"
"Mm."
"The thing Dominic did. After the... after it went wrong.
" He pauses, the water lapping against the sides of the tub while he searches for words.
"When he was inside me and I fell asleep.
I really liked that." His voice drops to barely audible on the last three words and his face flushes beneath the steam.
I keep my hands moving through his hair.
"I know you did." I rinse the shampoo with careful pours from the cup. "Your scent was the most settled I've ever smelled it."
"It felt like being held from the inside." He shifts against my chest. "I've never felt anything like it. My body just went quiet for the first time in weeks. And the thumb thing? I don’t know what that is either. But I really like that too." His last sentence is barely above a whisper.
"Dominic noticed. He didn't sleep. He stayed awake the entire night to make sure you were comfortable."
Mattaniah is quiet for a long moment. "He did?"
"All night."
"That's..." He trails off. His fingers trace patterns in the water and I can feel him working through something, his body tensing and releasing against my chest in small cycles.
"Maybe I should stop fighting this," he mutters, almost too quiet to catch.
"Maybe I should just... let it happen and stop hating myself for wanting it. "
"You don't have to hate yourself for wanting anything, Niah."
"You don't know my mother." A bitter edge creeps into his voice.
"If she finds out about any of this, if she finds out I'm sleeping between two Alphas and purring and letting one of them put his cock inside me so I can fall asleep.
.." He shudders, his over-explanation oddly heartwarming.
"She would take me apart. She'd tell Richard everything and burn the whole house down before she'd let me have something she didn't arrange. "
"Then she doesn't find out."
"She always finds out." His hand comes up and grips my forearm where it rests across my chest. "She always finds out because that's what she does, Amos. She watches and she waits until she finds the thing you're trying to protect, and then she uses it."
"She hasn't found out yet."
"It's been two weeks."
"It's been two weeks and you've been sleeping in our bed and wearing our clothes and your scent has changed so much that every Alpha in the building can smell the difference.
" I pour another cup of water through his hair.
"If she hasn't confronted you yet, either she doesn't know or she's choosing not to act. "
His grip on my forearm loosens and his body settles deeper against my chest, the warm water doing its work on his muscles.
"I don't want to stop," he whispers. "That's what scares me.
I used to be able to talk myself out of wanting things.
My mother taught me how to shut it down, how to look at an Alpha and see the angles instead of the person.
I can't do that with you two anymore." His thumb traces a circle on my wrist. "I look at Dominic and I don't see angles. I just see him."
I press my mouth against his temple because my voice isn't reliable right now.
"Amos?"
"Mm."
"What happened to me?" His voice is small against the echo of the bathroom tile. "The thing that happened after Dominic... I know you tried to explain it, but I couldn't hold onto the words. Can you tell me again?"
I rinse the last of the shampoo with a few more pours from the cup, making sure the water runs back instead of into his eyes.
"Your body decided it was safe enough to let go completely.
When an Omega trusts a dominant Alpha deeply enough, sometimes the conscious mind just steps aside.
Your brain stopped trying to stay in control and dropped you somewhere deep. "
"That's why I couldn't talk."
"Yes. Your motor functions went offline. Speech, voluntary movement, sometimes even your ability to track what's happening around you." I set the cup down. "It's not dangerous when the Alpha involved recognizes what's happening and adjusts."
Mattaniah is quiet for a beat. His fingers grip my forearms beneath the water.
"Dominic didn't recognize it," he says.
"No. He didn't."
"He kept telling me to answer him." His fingers tighten on my forearms beneath the water. "I wanted to. I could hear his voice and I wanted to respond, but the connection between my brain and my mouth was just gone. It felt like someone cut a wire."
"I know." My chin rests on the top of his head. "He didn't understand what was happening. Dominic's instinct when someone doesn't respond to his authority is to push harder, and pushing harder was exactly the wrong thing to do here."
"You stopped him." Mattaniah turns his head enough that I can see his profile against my chest. "You told him to stop and he listened to you."
"He always listens to me." I smooth a wet curl off his temple. "Even when he doesn't want to."
Mattaniah hums at that bit of information and I can’t tell if he’s still terrified of that moment or curious to know more.
Realizing how easily Mattaniah falls into that headspace isn’t a surprise but I had no idea it would happen when Dominic was being so rough.
I for sure thought Mattaniah would push back, the same way he does with everything else, that push and pull we’ve come to enjoy.
"I'm getting pruny," he murmurs, breaking the silence.
A chuckle rumbles through my chest. "Then let's get you dried off."
I climb out first and help him stand, wrapping him in the largest towel I can find.
He lets me dry his hair and his shoulders and his back without flinching.
Three days ago he would have snatched the towel from my hands and done it himself while apologizing for being a burden.
Tonight, he stands still and lets me take care of him.
I guide him back to the bedroom and change the sheets while he sits wrapped in the towel on the edge of the mattress.
The damp ones go in a pile by the door and fresh sheets go on along with an extra blanket from the closet, because his body temperature will keep dropping as the adrenaline wears off.
When I finish making the bed, he reaches for the pillow on the left side and then stops, his hand hovering.
"What is it?"
"Can I..." He trails off, then reaches past the pillow to something folded on the nightstand chair.
My sweater, the gray one I wore yesterday that I left draped over the back after dinner.
He pulls it into his lap and presses it against his face, breathing in.
"I wasn't going to steal it," he says into the fabric. "I just wanted..."
"Keep it." His eyes find mine over the top of the shirt, wide and startled. "Keep it, Niah. Put it in the bed."
He tucks fabric under his pillow, smoothing it flat before settling the pillow back over it. I watch him arrange it with the careful precision of someone who doesn't realize what his instincts are telling him to do.
I settle him under the covers and climb in beside him. His body curls into mine immediately, his face pressing against my chest, his cold feet tangling with my warm ones. His breathing evens out within minutes and I think he's asleep when his voice comes through, muffled against my shirt.
"Amos?"
"Hm?"
"Thank you for catching me."
I press my mouth against the top of his head and hold him tighter.
His breathing deepens as his body goes heavy with sleep.
I'm lying there watching the moonlight shift across the ceiling when the door opens.
Dominic stands in the doorway for a long moment, his silhouette backlit by the hallway light.
Then he crosses the room and does something I have never seen him do.
He drops to both knees on the carpet beside Mattaniah's side of the bed.
His hands rest on the mattress edge, his face is level with the sleeping Omega's.
The hallway light catches his expression and the controlled, commanding Alpha I've loved since we were teenagers is nowhere in it.
He looks terrified of what he's capable of.
"Is he okay?" His voice is barely above a whisper.
"He will be." I keep my own voice low to avoid waking Mattaniah. "I explained what happened. He understands."
"He shouldn't have to understand." Dominic's hand reaches toward Mattaniah's face and stops an inch from his cheek.
He's afraid to touch him. "I should have been paying attention.
I know what subspace looks like, Amos. I just..
." He stops. "I wasn't watching his face.
I was in my own head and I wasn't watching. "
"I know."
"I hurt him."
"You scared him. The bruises will heal. What matters is what happens next."
Mattaniah stirs between us. His eyes open, focusing on Dominic kneeling beside the bed. For a moment, neither of them moves. Then Mattaniah's hand slides out from under the blanket and touches Dominic's face.
The Alpha flinches.
"You stopped when Amos told you to." Mattaniah's voice is thick with sleep but the words are clear. "You stopped."
"I should have known before he needed to tell me."
"But you did stop." Mattaniah's thumb traces Dominic's cheekbone, a mirror of the gesture Dominic uses on him. "You're here. You came back. You're kneeling next to my bed at..." He squints at the clock on the nightstand. "Six fifteen in the morning."
"I needed to see that you were okay."
"I'm okay." His thumb moves to the corner of Dominic's mouth, tracing his lower lip. Dominic's eyes close at the touch. "I'm okay, Dominic."
Dominic turns his head and presses his lips against Mattaniah's palm. When he opens his eyes they're wet. Fuck, I’ve never seen him cry. This Omega truly is breaking us apart piece by piece.
"Get in the bed, Dom." My voice comes out rough. "He needs you on his other side."
Dominic stands and rounds the bed. He climbs in behind Mattaniah and fits himself against the Omega's back, his arm draping over Mattaniah's waist, his face pressing into the curls at the back of his neck. Every movement is careful, deliberate, gentle in a way I've never seen from him.
Mattaniah's hand finds Dominic's and pulls his arm tighter around his waist. Dominic's thumb comes up and traces Mattaniah's lower lip, offered instead of imposed. Mattaniah's mouth opens and takes it in without hesitation. His eyes close and the tension drains from his body in a single exhale.
Dominic's breathing stutters against the back of Mattaniah's neck.
"He's going to be fine," I whisper.