9. Jaxson
CHAPTER 9
Jaxson
W hen I was young and living on the streets taking care of my little brother, I’d often pass by this large, impressive church near downtown LA. Its huge vaulted pillars, large ornate doorway, and colorful stained-glass windows made the church feel like something straight out of my imagination.
I remember being afraid of it, but feeling so drawn that on Sunday mornings, I’d walk my brother closer, then we’d sit on the bus bench across the street as families left the church after the service.
I’d wanted so badly to be one of them. To be someone who could belong in a place like that. And I had been so young that I didn’t realize it’s exactly where I belonged. That even though I felt terrified and alone, I wasn’t.
Even though my dad bailed on me, my Father didn’t.
It wasn’t until I met Lance that I started really looking for my faith and trying to build my relationship with God .
Yet here I sit, trying to understand how He could allow something like this to happen. Because even though I know it’s people who drive the terrible things that happen in the world, it’s so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that Lanetti is out there somewhere, suffering.
“Lanetti is one of us,” Pastor Redding says as he stands behind his podium. “She’s a daughter of Hope Springs. A sister. A friend.” He looks sympathetically at her mother who is sitting a few pews in front of me. “And as we close today, I want to remind everyone that when everything feels like it’s falling apart around us, all we can do is turn to the Lord and fall to our knees. Because the greatest battles are fought through prayer.” He’s silent a few moments, then bows his head. “Let us pray. Heavenly Father, please be with us as we go into this week. Please remind us to always keep our eyes on You, and that even when things are at their bleakest, we need to reach to You for comfort. Please, God, be with Lanetti and her family. Please bring her home safely, Lord. In Your Heavenly name we pray, Amen.” He looks up again and closes with, “Go in peace.”
People begin to file out of pews, but I stay where I am, my mind going a million miles a minute. I got very little sleep last night because I’d been so focused on trying to figure out where Lanetti could have been taken.
Morah would have made contact by now. He would have left us with some puzzle that we’d have to solve in order to find her, even though his previous killings would tell us she was dead within hours of being taken .
I close my eyes, and bile rises in my gut. Please, God, don’t let her be dead.
“How are you?” Lance slides onto the pew beside me and Eliza joins him, their daughter in her arms. The little girl is only a few weeks old and already stealing the hearts of everyone who sees her.
It hurts my heart a little, to know that I will likely never have a child of my own. I’d wanted kids—so badly—but Rosalie said they weren’t in the cards for her.
Then she went and got pregnant and is having someone else’s child. Likely another reason she wants to talk to me. So she can rub it in my face and take what’s left of my dignity.
“Tired,” I admit. “I was up all night reviewing what little facts we have. Any word from Sheriff Vick on the tip line?”
“Not so far.” Lance looks nearly as exhausted as I am, though I imagine that’s because of the little one currently sleeping in her mother’s arms and not the case, though it could be both. “I spent a few hours last night and again this morning reviewing the security footage from our cameras throughout town. If we caught something by chance, I haven’t found it yet.”
“Hey, Jaxson.”
I nearly jolt to my feet at the sound of Matty. He’s dressed in slacks and a button-down blue shirt, his mother in a beautiful floral dress nearly the same shade. Her dark hair is curled loose around her face, and the sight of her steals my breath. “Hey, Matty. How’s it going? ”
“Good. Mom and I are heading to the diner, and I wanted to see if you would join us. Then maybe we can play some chess after? I’d love to show you another thing or two. You can come, too, Mr. and Mrs. Knight.”
“I like to think you just got lucky,” I retort, trying to keep my tone friendly despite the storm raging within me.
He grins, and it’s such a beautifully rare thing to see him smile that I decide right here in this moment that I want to do whatever I need to do to keep this kid happy and on the straight and narrow.
“Let’s do it,” I say, then head out after him. “You two coming?” I ask Lance.
“We need to get Mable down for her nap,” he says. “But next time for sure.” He clasps Matty on the shoulder, then guides Eliza out of the church.
We’re just about to follow them out when Chad steps through the crowd and right into our paths. The pungent stench of alcohol turns my stomach and triggers an anger I thought I’d long since buried.
Bradley Payne drank like this, and he’d nearly beaten me to death when I’d questioned him.
I look at Matty. The shift in his demeanor is instant. Gone is the sweet, happy boy who’d been standing in front of me mere seconds ago, replaced by a shell of a teenager. He’s angrier than any one person—especially a kid—should be.
“Hi, son. It’s good to see you. You look good.” Chad reaches out to touch him, and Matty jerks away .
“This is not the time or place, Chad,” Margot snaps, trying to keep her tone low.
“I beg to differ. You may have gotten the town in the divorce at first, Margot, but church is a public place, and I have just as much a right as you do to be here.”
“Please go,” Margot urges. “Matty doesn’t want to see you.”
“Your mother decide that for you?” Chad asks.
I push forward, placing myself right beside Matty. “You need to move, Chad. We’re leaving, and you’re in the way. You may be allowed to be in the church, but preventing us from leaving is something else entirely.”
He glares at me, then takes a step forward, putting himself directly in my path. Given that he’s a few inches shorter than me, I have to tilt my head to look down at him.
Rage burns through my veins, but the cop in me keeps it in check.
I would love to level this guy, especially given my current stress load, but it won’t solve anything.
“You can’t tell me what to do,” he growls at me. “Keep trying, and you and I are going to have a problem."
“I’m not going to fight you, Chad. But you’re making a fool of yourself right now.”
Chad doesn’t look away from me. “You’re moving in on something that isn’t yours. This is my family. My wife. My son.”
“That’s it!” Matty explodes, planting both hands on Chad’s chest and shoving him back .
He’s caught off guard and stumbles back into a church pew. By the time he recovers, his cheeks are crimson. “You disrespectful little—” He starts toward Matty, and I yank the kid behind me, stepping right in Chad’s path.
All of the anger I’ve carried with me since I was a kid boils to the surface, and I have to clench my hands into fists at my sides and actively force myself not to use them. “Touch him. I dare you. There isn’t a force in this world that will keep me from tearing you apart if you put your hands on that kid. I will end you. ” I snarl the words, hoping Margot’s ex-husband sees the threat of violence clearly enough.
Chad glares at me, then looks around me to Matty and Margot. “This isn’t over.”
“I think it is,” Pastor Redding says as he comes to stand beside me. “You can leave now, Chad. Violence is not welcome in God’s house. Certainly not against a child. You’re more than welcome to return when you can respect the boundaries of those who come here to worship.”
Chad continues staring up at me, then turns on his heel and leaves.
“I am so sorry,” Margot says.
I turn to see her with her arms wrapped around Matty, who is visibly shaken. Without responding to her, I bend down to get on Matty’s level. “No one gets to treat you or your mom that way, you understand? You just stood up to him like a man would, and you should be proud of that.”
He sniffles, then uses the back of his hand to wipe his eyes. “I’m sorry for the scene, Pastor,” he says .
“Don’t be.” Pastor Redding pats him on the back. “You’re always safe when you’re here. Remember that.”
“I want to go home, Mom. Please.”
“Of course.” Margot offers me a tight smile.
“Let me walk you to your car. Make sure he isn’t waiting for you at the B&B.”
“Can I come in?”
I glance over my shoulder at Margot as she stands in the partially open doorway of my apartment. I’d left it cracked just in case she needed me. Though it seems silly now given I’m right upstairs and she has a B&B nearly full of people.
Matty ran to his room as soon as we got back, and seeing how upset he was made me want to go hunt his father down just so I can drag him here and make him apologize. Even if seeing his dad is what put him in the tailspin in the first place.
I just want to do something, anything to help.
I feel so absolutely helpless on all fronts right now.
My feelings for Margot.
Matty’s pain.
Lanetti’s disappearance.
I’m failing all the way around, and I desperately need to get this figured out so I can revisit what I’m feeling for the woman currently standing in the doorway of my apartment .
“Sure. Come on in.”
She smiles and pushes in further, then offers me a mug of steaming coffee. “I thought you could use a jolt.”
“Definitely wouldn’t hurt. Where’s yours?”
She laughs. “I’ve had more than my fair share of caffeine for the day.” Her gaze lands on the pages scattered on top of my bed. Images taken, notes made, a timeline of all the cards I’ve found so far as well as Kleo’s supposed hypoglycemia.
I can’t help but feel like it’s all tied together. Even though the facts are saying otherwise, and I’ve yet to find the ace of hearts card, my gut tells me it’s all connected. And I’ve learned to listen to it above the noise.
“So, listen. About today.”
I take a drink of my coffee, remaining silent as she begins to pace around the room, toying with her hands. She’s so stunningly beautiful.
“You defended Matty, and I can’t even begin to thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me. Matty deserves better.”
“I agree. And to have you come to his defense like that—even with as distraught as he was—you have to know that it meant a lot.”
“I’m glad. Chad has no right to talk to either of you that way.” And if he’d put his hands on the boy, I would have dragged him outside and made him regret every moment of it. Though I keep that part to myself because letting Margot know just how much rage I have bottled up isn’t what she needs .
She needs stability. Safety. Not anger. This woman and her son have seen enough of that for lifetimes.
“He certainly seems to think he can.” She shakes her head. “Anyway, I just wanted to thank you again. You didn’t have to do that, and you stepped up in a big way.”
“I won’t ever let anyone speak to you or Matty that way.”
She smiles, and the bell downstairs dings. Margot glances over her shoulder, and I hate that I know she’s about to walk away from me. But before she does, she crosses over and stretches up to press her lips to my cheek.
I’m stunned.
Frozen in place.
My stomach twists into knots, and as she pulls away, I have to actively fight the desire to reach forward and crush her body against mine as I steal the kiss I’ve desperately wanted from the moment I first laid eyes on her.
But before I can respond, she’s already gone, shutting my door gently behind her.