13. Slider
13
SLIDER
“How do you fucking lose a client?” Thumper yelled at me for the fiftieth time.
“I was watching two of them in different bathrooms!” I shouted. “I had to piss. It wasn’t like either of you came in to help out.”
“You were taking her to the bathroom. Not on a four day holiday,” he retorted.
“And obviously backup was needed.”
“ Obviously . Clearly ,” IRIS chuckled from the back seat. “Man, we’re getting into all the good stuff today.”
“And where were you?” I asked, spinning in my seat to glare at him.
“I was getting shit.”
“Shit? You were getting shit?”
“Groceries! That’s what I told you.”
“Yeah, so I could cook for you. I’m supposed to be close protection and do all the cooking.”
“Yeah, while Thumper and I risk our lives on the perimeter. We’re the last line of defense.”
“That’s me, asshole. I’m the last line of defense because I’m right beside the fucking client!”
IRIS grinned at me. “You were right beside the client. Then you went to the bathroom.”
I was gonna strangle that fucker. Actually leap into the back seat and wrap my hands around his fucking throat and throttle him to death.
“I don’t get it,” Spencer said, breaking his silence. “If the first guys didn’t take her, and you’re not the actual bad guys, then who is after us?”
“That’s a really fucking good question,” Thumper muttered. “Know of anyone who wants the both of you dead?”
“More like Audrey,” I corrected. “They only took her.”
Thumper glanced over at me. “That’s a good point. Why would they take only her?”
“Because I was in the bathroom with Spencer. She was the easier target. Taking one is better than taking none.”
“Or she was the target all along and he was just collateral damage,” Thumper speculated.
I turned back to Spencer, hoping to pull some answers out of him. He’d basically been staring out the window for the past two hours. I was lucky he wasn’t in a catatonic state.
“What about old boyfriends? Anyone who might have a grudge against her?”
“Audrey isn’t exactly the type to let anyone in.”
“Not trusting?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Nah. She was always more focused on work.”
This was getting us nowhere fast. I glanced at my phone, willing it to ring with an update from Rae, anything to tell us where the fuck Audrey had been taken. Hours had passed without a word. I had never fucked up so badly on an assignment before. Hell, at any time in my life, and I knew I was about to pay for it.
A text chimed on my phone from her. “Finally,” I muttered, opening the message.
Five miles ahead. Exit 63. Windstar Motel. Room 118.
“We have a location,” I said, breathing a sigh of relief. “Exit 63.”
“Who has her?” Thumper asked.
“No fucking clue. Rae just gave the location.”
He frowned, glancing over at me. “That’s kind of strange. She didn’t send along any other information?”
I shrugged. Yeah, it was freaking weird for her, but maybe she was fucking with us because she knew how badly we’d screwed up. How badly I’d screwed up.
Spencer leaned forward, keeping his voice low. “Any chance you guys could just stick me on a plane and send me home?”
“Not until we know the threat against you is gone,” Thumper answered.
“Right. That makes sense.”
I was a little surprised he didn’t argue with us. Most clients wouldn’t stop fighting until they got their way or until they were shot at for the fifth time in one day.
“That’s it? You’re not going to argue?”
“Nope,” he shook his head. “I am one hundred percent on the side of staying alive. If you tell me to sit, I sit. If you tell me to run, I run.”
“I thought you were an action hero?” IRIS asked.
He shrugged. “I really prefer the theater.”
I snorted in amusement. “Don’t let him near Fox.”
“So…all this shoot ‘em up stuff…”
“I just got pulled into it,” Spencer sighed. “I fit the role because of my looks. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be put into a box because of your looks?”
“Yeah, we know a thing or two about that,” IRIS laughed.
“And the thing is, I have this great thing going for me. I’m kind and respectful. When I take a lady out, I show her a good time. I’m a gentleman, you know? But do they like that?”
“Fuck no,” I muttered.
“Nope, they want another version of me. They want him ,” Spencer stressed. “The action star. The bad boy.”
Thumper snorted. “Fucking mechanics.”
“What’s that?” Spencer asked.
Thumper glanced in the rearview mirror at him. “It’s like with us. You’d think all the ladies would be after us, right? We’re good at our jobs. We’re protectors. We take care of our women.”
“The ladies don’t want you?”
“He has a woman,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“That’s not the fucking point, and you know it,” Thumper snapped.
“What does your job have to do with mechanics?”
“Because they can carry tires!” Thumper shouted. “Fucking tires! They have the coveralls and the grease.”
“And the wrenches,” I added.
“Fucking wrenches,” Thumper muttered. “The ladies are obsessed with how a mechanic’s forearms look when they twist that wrench. And me? What am I, chopped liver? All I did was save her life, but that mechanic walks through the door and suddenly, she’s a puddle on the floor.”
I was beginning to think something had happened that I didn’t know about. “Did Bree cheat on you with a mechanic?”
He snorted. “That would never happen.”
“Then why are you so fucking pissed.”
He huffed out a sigh. “You know Bowie’s working at the shop.”
“Yeah.”
“Well, ever since he pushed Riley out of the way of that fucking car, all she can do is gush over him. How he put his life on the line for her. And get this…he’s a fucking mechanic,” he said, swinging his gaze to meet mine. “Did you know?”
“Of course I knew.”
“So did I, but now she’s amazingly aware of it, as are all the other ladies at OPS.”
“Fucking mechanics,” I muttered, shaking my head. “And you did that whole crash into a door with your head thing for her.”
“You smashed your head into a door?” Spencer asked, his face wide with wonder.
“It’s not like I did it on purpose,” he said, almost like he was siding with her.
“Still, that’s some dedication. I’ve never even given a woman jewelry.”
“And now, just because he’s a fucking mechanic, what does he have?” I asked.
“A kid at home with a wife I love, who loves to look at a fucking mechanic.”
IRIS snorted. “You guys are so insecure.”
“That’s what you say. Just wait until you see Jane looking through the window with her nose smooshed up against the glass.”
“That would never happen.”
I cocked my eyebrow at him. “You wanna bet money on that?”
I never got my answer. We pulled up to the motel and immediately switched gears as Rae stepped out of the room, smirking at us. “Fucking hell, if she has Audrey…”
“What?” Spencer whispered. “What does that mean?”
“It means we’ll never hear the end of it,” IRIS sighed. “Ready to get your balls handed to you?”
“But…she’s only like…a small woman,” Spencer pointed out.
“I wouldn’t let her hear you say that,” I told him as I got out of the vehicle.
My eyes scanned the parking lot for threats even though I knew Rae had already taken care of security. There was no way in hell she’d be out in the open if she thought there was a chance anyone was around.
“So, you lost a client already. You just can’t do anything without me,” she grinned.
“That’s really funny. Tell me you found her,” I said, cutting to the chase.
“Who do you think I am?” she asked, spinning on her heel and heading inside.
I grabbed Spencer’s arm and pulled him inside with us. Rae was already set up, her computer running and her gear spread out on the bed.
“I found your woman on the interstate.”
“Then why didn’t you just give us the coordinates?” Thumper asked.
“Well, she escaped the men she was with.”
“Then let’s go get her,” I said, walking toward the door.
“But you can’t just go get her,” Rae called out, stopping me in my tracks.
“Why the hell not?” IRIS snapped.
“Because she was in one hell of an accident and—wait for it…” she grinned. “Kidnapped.”
“Again?” I asked, my shock evident.
“Christ, how many people are going to kidnap this woman?” IRIS asked. Then he turned to Spencer. “You have to know something.”
“Me?”
“Of course, you,” Thumper said irritatedly.
“Why would I know anything?”
“Because you work with her,” I snapped. “You’re in every movie with her. There has to be a reason someone would want to kidnap this woman!”
“Boys! Boys!” Rae shouted. “Aren’t you at all interested who she was in an accident with?”
“Tell me what’s on your mind, Wayne,” IRIS smirked.
“Who’s Wayne?” Spencer asked.
“Rae,” I answered. “She’s John Wayne.”
“But she’s a girl,” he replied slowly.
“John Wayne is a can opener,” I explained.
Still, he stared at me in confusion. I pinched the bridge of my nose. I wasn’t used to having to explain this shit to people.
“John Wayne is a can opener because of its toughness and durability.”
“Okay, so you call her a can opener because…”
“Because she opens a can of worms,” IRIS sighed. “Can we move on now?”
“Huh,” he said, cocking his head to the side. “I would have named her something else.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Something girly. I mean, she’s a girl.”
Thumper chuckled, taking a seat on the bed. “You don’t get a nickname because of your gender. It’s because of what you do.”
“Like you eating rabbits,” Spencer nodded.
“You told him you eat rabbits?” Rae asked.
“It’s better than Slider telling everyone he’s nicknamed after a Top Gun character.”
I glared at Thumper for putting words in my mouth. “I never said that.”
“Why did they name you Slider?” Rae asked, her lips pursed in a tight smile.
Fuck, she already knew and she was screwing with me. I clenched my jaw and refused to say a word. It would only get me in trouble for years to come.
“That’s classified,” I growled.
“Right,” IRIS snorted.
“Is there something I’m missing?” Spencer asked. “Why would a nickname be classified?” Then he turned to me. “Is it because of your bald head?”
Now, that was just offensive. “Do I mock you for your fancy hair and your prissy suit?”
“There’s nothing wrong with my suit,” he said defensively.
“You know male pattern baldness is a growing epidemic. A genetic predisposition. I can’t help it if my family has bad genes!” I retorted.
“I didn’t?—”
“Oh, you think you’re so special with your thick, luscious hair and your GQ smile. Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Hotshot Hollywood actor. I would take you and your hair any day of the week and twice on Sunday.”
“Isn’t it Friday?” Spencer asked.
I clenched my jaw, ready to kick his ass, and I would have if it wasn’t for IRIS tugging me to the side and flinging his arm around my shoulder.
“Cool off, man. You’re letting him get to you for no reason.”
“Can you believe that shit? He thinks I was named Slider because of my bald head?”
“That’s just fucking ridiculous,” he scoffed.
“Exactly.”
“Everyone knows it’s because…”
“Nice try. I’m not giving that up.”
He sighed, releasing me. “Well, it was worth a shot. So, Rae. Who are these elusive characters you found our lovely lady with?”
“I’m so glad you asked.”
And by the smirk on her face, I knew we were more than fucked.