23. Slider
23
SLIDER
“So…how long are you going to avoid her?” Rae asked, typing away on her computer.
I snapped my gaze from the hallway and brought my attention back to where it was supposed to be. “What?”
Her lips twitched in amusement. God, I was fucking pathetic. They knew it. I knew it. It was only a matter of time before I gave in. I scrubbed a hand down my face and prayed for mercy. That woman was going to kill me. Hell, I didn’t even know her. It was all physical attraction, and that was not worth throwing everything away for.
“Staying out here is not going to help the situation.”
“It most definitely is,” I grumbled. “If I go in there, we both know what will happen.”
“Yeah, we do.”
“Then why would you even ask?”
She finally stopped working and looked over at me. “Because we all know eventually it will happen. It’s just a question of when.”
“Not really. This thing between us is nothing more than sexual attraction. I can fight that. It’s not like I’m in love with her or anything. Hell, I don’t even know her.”
“And you really shouldn’t. That’s where it all goes downhill.”
“Believe me. I know it,” I muttered. It was time for a change of subject. I wasn’t about to continue talking about this with anyone. There was no need when there were more important things to think about. “Any updates?”
“You mean since the last time you asked me a half hour ago?”
Right. I was being a pain in the ass. Fuck, I just wanted this to be over. I could go back to my life and forget this woman ever existed. The last thing my cock needed was to be tormented by a woman I knew I couldn’t have.
“You’re just ignoring the truth.”
Rae had a way of putting people in their place, and that just pissed me off. “I’m not ignoring anything.”
“Other than the fact that you like her.”
“Sure, I like her. That doesn’t mean I should be around her,” I argued.
She scoffed, shaking her head. “Men.”
“Excuse me?”
She stopped again and placed her elbows on the table. “You heard me. What is it with men? You can’t admit that you like a woman, so you’re avoiding her? Why can’t you just admit the truth? It’s right in front of your face.”
“She’s a client,” I snapped. “Why the hell would you even encourage this?”
“Because you only live once. And you wouldn’t be the first one to fall for a woman he was protecting.”
“And that’s the difference. I’m not falling. I don’t even know her. Yeah, my dick likes her. That’s a hell of a lot different than feeling some connection to her.”
She rolled her eyes at me. “Sure. Lie to yourself.”
“Like you are?” I snapped.
Her eyes narrowed dangerously at me. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about,” I said, keeping my voice low. “You don’t want to admit the truth, but it’s staring you in the face.”
She shook her head slowly, but the anger was building inside. I could feel the tension pulling tight like a rubber band about to snap. “You’re just talking out of your ass.”
“I’m one of the only people thinking about this logically. And if you would open your eyes and recognize the situation with Cash for what it is, then maybe you’d see the bigger picture.”
“Stop,” she croaked out.
“Stop because you don’t want to hear the truth? Or stop because you can’t handle it if your boss isn’t the perfect man you’ve made him out to be in your head.”
Her face paled as she stared at her computer. I knew I was pushing her, but she needed to hear this. We all needed to open our eyes and consider all the possibilities. None of us wanted to think that Cash could do half the shit I was entertaining in my mind, but after what he had gone through, who could blame him for taking a swan dive off the deep end?
And that right there was the kicker, the one fucking thing that really grated on my nerves. The shitshow at the end of this black and white rainbow. Nobody fucking told you what this job did to you or the potential it had to fuck with your head. Once you were out, you figured the bullshit was over. The nightmares would go away and the belief that you would never truly be able to have a stable relationship would finally ease up.
But that wasn’t the case. If anything, what happened with Cash only assured me that being in this line of work only increased the odds of never being able to have the stability that any random citizen had. I had made that choice a long time ago, and I didn’t necessarily regret it, but any dream of another life was long gone.
I shoved back from the table, needing to get some space. “You’re telling me to face the facts about what’s going on with Audrey. Maybe it’s time you thought about what kind of man Cash is now. If you can’t admit that he’s changed, then you won’t be prepared when this all comes crashing down.”
As I stormed out of the room, Thumper grabbed my arm. “That was harsh.”
“It was necessary.”
“To who?”
“You said it yourself, something else is going on. No one’s going to figure it out if we don’t look at the bigger picture. So let’s look at the bigger fucking picture.”
His jaw tightened and he nodded, releasing my arm. I headed outside for some space to clear my head. I needed to pull my shit together. This wasn’t about Audrey. Hell, my cock could think whatever it wanted, but this shit with Cash was pushing all of us to our limits. Some of us were just better at hiding it.
The door opened behind me and a familiar scent filled the night air. I clenched my jaw, not really in the mood to fight off my desire for her. I was too angry, too pissed that I had lost my shit on Rae. Yes, I knew what I said was true and she needed to hear it, but that wasn’t me. I was never cruel, and what I said in there felt unnecessarily harsh.
“So, any chance you’ll forget about my earlier attempt to escape?”
I hung my head and sighed, not in the mood to deal with any bullshit right now. “What is it you want, Audrey?”
“I could go for a shower.”
“Then go take a fucking shower.”
She hummed lightly. “Yeah, I would, but it seems I’ve got some mud in some rather unfortunate places.”
Resting my forearms on the railing, I stared out into the night, wishing I could escape this fucking place. This was never what I had wanted, and it was times like this when it was so fucking clear to me that I should have followed my heart instead of my head.
Her hand slid over my back in a soothing gesture. There was nothing sexual about this, and that made me question her motives even more. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw the seduction in her eyes masking something else entirely.
Curiosity? No. Understanding.
“So, do you think you could help me out?” She gave a flirtatious wink, but that mask was still in place. I didn’t know if it was for her benefit or for mine, but now I was curious as hell to find out what she was hiding—if anything.
I told myself it was important to the job as I took her hand and followed her inside. There was the possibility I could drag information out of her. Or maybe there was something she didn’t realize was important. Yeah, that’s what I told myself as the door to the bathroom shut and she started stripping my clothes off.
Soft fingers skimmed over my abs as she slowly drew my shirt up over my head, her eyes taking in every inch of my body. It did nothing to help the ache growing in my cock, or the need constantly building inside. Her eyes glided up my chest, over my pec as her nails swirled around my nipple and up my neck. Fuck, I wanted to kiss her so fucking much.
When her eyes connected with mine, I only lasted a second before I stepped into her space, grasping the back of her neck in my hand and taking her mouth in a harsh kiss that I knew changed everything. Spinning her around, I backed her up against the door, my body molding to hers in an attempt to be as fucking close as possible, to feel every inch of her smooth skin against mine.
Her pulse fluttered under my fingers as I slid my hand around the front of her neck, holding her in place as I deepened the kiss. I needed to step back, to get some fucking control, but the feel of her in my arms and the taste of her on my lips was just too fucking tempting. I couldn’t tear myself away from her body if the whole fucking house was on fire.
“Slider,” she panted.
My tongue slid to her neck, sucking the sensitive patch of skin beneath her ear. “Fuck, I love my name on your lips,” I groaned, pressing my cock against her. My hand trailed down her curves, tightening on her hip before I yanked the waistband down, pushing it out of my way. I cupped her ass, my thumb brushing circles over her skin as I dug my fingers in, wishing I was inside her right now.
I dragged the waistband down with my other hand, pushing them off of her, and then my fingers were at her entrance, pushing through her heat. My head rolled back as I groaned. “Fuck. You’re so wet.”
She cried out as I pumped my fingers into her, holding onto my shoulders as I brushed my thumb over her clit. As much as I wanted to kiss her and swallow every moan, I kept my eyes on her, memorizing the way her mouth formed that perfect O as I drove her over the edge. Her eyes fluttered right before she came. Her pussy tightened around my fingers and her nails dug into my shoulders. Then she was screaming my name, fucking killing me with that sweet voice.
I pressed my lips to hers, softly kissing those plump lips as she trembled from falling over the edge and calling my name while doing it. My heart hammered hard in my chest as I waited for those gorgeous eyes to open and look at me, to see that sated expression on her face.
Her body jerked as I brushed my thumb back and forth over her clit, unable to stop touching her for even a second. But she was a client. And I’d just crossed a line I could never come back from. Fuck.
I slid my fingers from her pussy, regretting it the second I left her warmth. Her eyes opened and she knew instantly, the second she saw me back away. Fuck, I felt like just an asshole.
“Audrey…”
“Don’t,” she whispered, shaking her head.
“I can’t—It’s not right.”
“You already crossed that line,” she laughed humorlessly. “Doesn’t seem to matter anymore.”
“It does,” I argued. “More than you realize.”
But her eyes wouldn’t meet mine anymore. She stepped forward and reached for the door, but missed the handle completely. “I need a shower.”
“I’ll leave you alone.”
I bent over, snatching my shirt off the floor as she stared at the ground, still refusing to look at me. Fuck, I never should have come in here. If I had stayed away, I could at least say that I had done the right thing, but this…
This was fucking wrong.
She stepped away from me, gripping the counter as I grabbed the handle and yanked the door open. “I’ll find someplace else to sleep tonight.”
A laugh escaped her lips. “Afraid I’ll maul you in your sleep?”
“It’s the opposite, actually.”
“Well, you fucked that up,” Thumper sighed.
“Don’t start,” I grumbled, sitting on the front porch as I stared out into the darkness.
“Why would you start something if you weren’t going to finish it?”
I snapped my head in his direction and scowled. “What did I just say?”
“I mean, you had her in there. We all fucking heard you. It was impossible not to,” he cringed. “Thanks for that, by the way. A live porno wasn’t on my schedule for this trip. And somehow, you managed to fuck that up, too.”
“Seriously, do you understand the point of privacy?”
“Maybe I would understand if Spencer was an issue, but they’re clearly just friends.”
I sighed and rolled my head toward the sky. I was never going to get him to shut up about this.
“How do you screw it up when she’s offering?”
“It wasn’t right,” I snapped.
“In what way?”
“She’s a fucking client!”
“Only for us. The rest of us aren’t doing any fucking. Well, you aren’t either, apparently,” he joked.
I turned to face him, trying to figure out why they were all pushing on this. “Why? This is none of your goddamn business, but you’re so interested. I don’t get it. We have rules, and one of those rules is to not get involved, yet all of you are practically shoving me toward her. I don’t even fucking know her!”
“You’re attracted to her,” he argued. “Where the hell do we get a chance to meet anyone in our line of work? The grocery store?” he scoffed. “Seriously, this job makes it fucking impossible to date anyone, let alone find the person you’re supposed to be with. And with everything that’s going on?—”
He cut himself off, shaking his head with a sigh. Now I was fucking curious as hell as to what he was talking about.
“What were you going to say?”
“Just…take a chance. With all the shit going on with Cash…look at where that got him. And then there’s Kavanaugh—shot at his old man’s funeral and nearly died. He thought he found someone and lost her. Why? Because of the fucking job.”
I wasn’t entirely sure that was accurate, but it definitely played a part.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love this job. Working for OPS is great and I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but…out there, normal people are walking around living life and doing regular shit. They date, they go to the fucking movies…everything is done without a care in the world. And then there’s us. Always looking over our shoulders. Always wondering if someone’s coming for us. We can’t sit in a fucking bar without one of Lock’s seating charts,” he scoffed.
I understood what he was saying, and I respected him for looking out for me, but I couldn’t dive into something with Audrey when there was nothing between us but lust. Not just for a good fuck. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.
“I really appreciate you looking out for my dick.”
He chuckled at that.
“Look, this isn’t about finding Mrs. Right. I won’t drag myself into those kinds of twisted feelings when I know it’s not going anywhere. That’s just not how I see her.”
“You don’t know her.”
“Exactly,” I nodded. “I’m not like you guys. I can’t just jump in. Screwing around is one thing, but if those feelings develop into something more, what happens then?”
“Then you see where it goes,” he said, turning to me curiously.
“For you, that would be great. You knew you were falling for Bree. You wanted that life with her. It was an easy choice. Yeah, I like Audrey. She’s nice. Nice is not love. And in the end, she’s got her own life. She’s an actress in Hollywood and I’m a protection agent in fucking Kansas. Even if I wanted to try to make something work, we’d never have the time to try.” I shrugged lightly. “Like I said, I’m not the type to take that leap.”
He nodded, sighing heavily. “I get it.”
“So stop pushing her at me. It’s not gonna happen.”
I stood and headed back inside. IRIS was just coming on for the night and Rae…I headed into the kitchen and found her where I’d left her, furiously typing away at her keyboard.
“Rae.”
She glanced up at me, her eyes barely making contact before going back to her screen.
“It was a shitty thing to say. I’m sorry.”
I heard the faint pause of her fingers on the keys, but other than that, she gave no sign that she heard me.
“For your sake, I hope you’re right about Cash.”
I turned to leave, ready to hit the rack.
“I hope I am, too. But you’re right. Things have changed.”
That was all she said before she went back to work. I took that as an olive branch and headed down the hall to the bedroom.
I didn’t want to sleep in the same room as Spencer, but going into Audrey’s room…Sighing, I headed down the hall, choosing to go left instead of right. Spencer was sitting up in bed, reading a book that had been left behind from the last job.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I cleared my throat uncomfortably. “So, listen. Any chance you want to bunk with Audrey tonight?”
He barked out a laugh at that. “Yeah, that’s funny.”
“Why is that funny?”
“Because Audrey is not a woman I would sleep with.”
This had to be some kind of joke. “You’re best friends. This should be no big deal for you.”
He chuckled at that. “Yeah, it is. You know,” he said, shooting me a pointed look.
“Uh…no, I don’t.”
“She sleeps like a monkey. I can’t sleep with someone wrapped around me all night. I need my space.”
“She’s my client. I can’t sleep with her.”
“You did last night, and I heard what happened in the bathroom.”
“Yeah, and it got out of hand,” I snapped. “It’s unethical.”
“So, you almost slept together. Who cares?”
“I care! I have to work. Look, just stay over there and?—”
“Nope, not happening.”
It was clear I wasn’t getting anywhere with him. “Fine, then I’ll sleep on this side of the bed,” I said, walking around to the other side.
“Uh…what?”
“We’ll have to build a barricade or something.”
“No,” he laughed. “That’s not happening.”
“Yes, it is. There are only two beds in this house. We all have to make sacrifices.”
“It looks like I’m the only one doing that,” he grumbled.
“Hey, Thumper’s on the fucking couch. He has a bionic leg that he has to take off every night, but you don’t see him bitching.”
His eyebrows shot up in surprise at my admission. “Seriously? He’s like the Terminator?”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t let him hear you say that. He’ll never let me hear the end of it.” I grabbed two extra pillows and placed them in the middle of the bed, hoping that was enough to keep us fully separated. I started undoing my pants when Spencer coughed loudly.
“Whoa, um…not cool.”
“What’s not?”
“You can’t take your pants off!”
“I’m going to bed. Of course I can.”
“Not with another man,” he argued.
“It’s not like I’m taking my underwear off. I’m getting comfortable.”
I shucked my pants and tossed them over the chair. I was beat and needed a good night’s sleep to get my head on straight. All this talk about relationships with Thumper was fucking with my head. We needed to figure out what the fuck was going on and end this assignment.
Climbing under the covers, I tugged the covers up and closed my eyes.
“You should have just stayed away,” Spencer muttered.
“What?”
“From Audrey. If you were only going to walk away, why the hell did you even go near her?”
Another person I had to explain myself to. Fucking great. “It’s not your business.”
“She’s my best friend, so it’s absolutely my business. She doesn’t deserve that kind of shit. Not now.”
I was about to brush him off when his words hit me. “What does that mean?”
“What does what mean?”
“You said not now. Why would you say that?”
“Because you shouldn’t be fucking with her head,” he snapped.
“Yeah, but you said not now, implying that something’s going on,” I pushed.
He rolled to his side, blocking me out. But now there was no way I would get to sleep.
“You can’t just say something like that and then go to sleep.”
“Oh my God, I didn’t mean anything by it, other than she’s dealing with enough right now.”
“Because something else is going on,” I hedged.
“No! We just finished a movie. We needed a break and instead got kidnapped. Now we have to go do another movie that she’s not ready for?—”
“Ha! See? Right there! She’s not ready for— Why is she not ready for it?”
“Because we need a fucking break!” Spencer shouted.
No, there was more to this. I knew it. My gut was screaming at me. “I’m not buying it. There’s something else going on. What the fuck aren’t you telling me?”
Spencer rolled back over and sat up, glaring at me. “Do you really want to know what’s going on? She’s fucking stressed. She thought we’d be getting out of action movies to turn to theater, and instead, we got signed up for another fucking movie. Do you have any idea how stressful it is to have no control over your life? To have someone else dictate what you’re going to do?”
“Yeah, I was in the military,” I retorted.
“So, you can see how this isn’t the time to screw with her head.” He sighed heavily and punched his pillow. “Can we let this go now?”
I grunted as he turned out the light on his nightstand. Maybe he was right. Then again, he said that she wanted to go into the theater, but when I met Audrey, she told me Spencer was the one who wanted to go into the theater and she liked doing action movies. So either Audrey was lying to Spencer or Spencer was lying to me.