4. Delilah
DELILAH
“Did you see the way Cain was looking at her?” One of the girls’ voices came through the door.
I was standing outside my room, hand hovering over the knob as I tried to find the courage to go inside.
The first day at this school was a blur of rules, body aches, and expectations that I would never live up to.
I saw at least three people punished in ways that chilled my soul.
Some far worse than what I went through.
My wrists still hurt from the bindings Pastor John had used in theology and I hoped I wouldn’t have nightmares from the experience.
But now, I was too fucking tired to go into my room where my new mean girl roommates were waiting for me. I’d been dragged out of my bed, tossed into this school, and it all had me feeling like I was fighting against a rip tide that wanted nothing more than to see me drown.
With all the resolve I could muster, I forced my hand to turn the doorknob and enter the den of vipers who all turned to look at me with malicious smiles and daggers in their eyes.
“New girl! We were just talking about you,” the one on the bottom of my bunk said. She flipped the ends of her honey blonde hair over her shoulder as she talked. That smile of hers was unwavering and sharklike. She was waiting for me to take the bait she had set, ready to pounce .
I didn’t say anything though. Instead, I dropped the pile of supplies I’d been given by a staff member on a shelf and blew out a breath as if that would help steel my fraying nerves.
“It’s Dolores, right?” The one on the bottom bunk continued.
When I turned, I met her stare and finally responded.
“No, it’s Delilah.”
The three girls all looked at each other like they were all in on some kind of inside joke as they silently communicated with their expressions. It made my chest constrict, not knowing what their deal was with me.
At my last school, there were cliques of people that acted the same as these girls were right now.
And what I’d learned was the more attention you gave them, the more they attacked because at the end of the day, they were looking for a reaction.
It made them feel more important if you got emotional or lashed out.
They’d revel in being able to hurt you. It didn’t matter if what they said was true or not.
What mattered to them was how they were perceived.
And being mean and loud made them look powerful.
I started climbing up the rungs of the ladder when something hard hit my back.
“Whoops. My hairbrush got away from me,” the girl on the opposite end of the room said. There was no remorse in her words, but I kept climbing, wanting nothing more than to be left the fuck alone.
“Bethany, you’re such a klutz,” the one below me said with a laugh.
“What? It slipped! You know how I am, Lauren,” Bethany said with a playful lilt to her words.
My back ached from where the brush had met my spine, but I ignored it all, hoisting my leg over the bed.
“I heard your first day was rough. Pastor John, right?” The last girl asked.
I knew in my bones these were not the girls I could confide in. That if I were to openly complain, they’d run right to him and inform him of my words.
“I think he’s hot. Don’t you think he’s hot, Abigail?” Lauren said.
“Oh my goodness! You would,” Abigail replied .
“She’s not wrong. Objectively, he’s a ten. But, Delilah, what do you think?” Lauren pressed.
I broke. “About how hot he is or his class?”
The three of them shrieked with laughter.
“So, you think he’s hot too?” Bethany asked, her mouth turned up on both corners looking like the grinch when he’d concocted a dastardly plan.
Shit. I walked right into that one. Chalk it up to my exhausted brain.
As they laughed at my expense, I felt my stomach churn remembering the lustful way Pastor John had looked at me.
The way his hands lingered on my body. I didn’t like it.
There was a callousness that lurked inside him that was palpable.
When I looked at the pastor, I didn’t see an alluring, good-looking man. I saw evil.
“Delilah and Pastor John, ooh that is a scandal,” Lauren crooned.
I turned over in my bed wishing I hadn’t said anything at all. These girls would twist anything that they could for the sake of their own entertainment.
“What about Cain?” I heard Bethany ask, with a slight, but noticeable shift to her tone. “He sure seemed interested in you.”
Cain had been unexpected. There was a softness to him that I could see in the way he talked to me, but there was also a wall that he’d put up that I wondered what was hidden beyond what he let everyone else see.
Something told me we were more alike than I realized, and the way he made sure I was okay after what Pastor John did to me, warmed my battered heart.
No one had ever checked on me before.
Not my mom after a fight with my dad.
Not my teachers when I would show up visibly bruised.
Not my pastor at church when he noticed the same mottled bruises that stained my skin.
But Cain? He took one look at me, and it was like the world stopped. This stranger had cared more about me in the span of ten minutes than all the people who were supposed to. I didn’t know what to do with that or how to feel about it .
“Maybe she likes him too. Delilah, are you a slut?”
When I didn’t respond, they moved on to complaining about their hair, and pores, and cuticles. I tuned them out focusing on the white painted wall, picturing a life I didn’t have until it everything around me faded away.
The first few weeks at this new school weren’t anything like I anticipated. Rules seemed to change on a whim, and you were better off looking contrite and afraid than you were speaking or starring at anyone or anything too long.
Out of all my teachers, I loathed Pastor John the most. When we weren’t being pushed to the brink of fear, he had us holed up in a classroom, reciting Bible verses by heart. I felt like I could regurgitate the entire thing by now in my sleep.
Punishments were a regular occurrence. I became familiar with the feel of the ground on my face and a sheen of embarrassment that settled about my shoulders as if it were a coat I could wear.
But while I endured, the anger inside me grew.
As did my resolve to make it out of this town.
The moment I turned eighteen, I would find a way out of here.
Though, without money, that felt more like a pipe dream than a possibility.
I’d become an expert at avoiding my roommates when I could, though they still attempted to torment me at every opportunity.
Most kids here were able to contact their parents nightly. Lining up for their time to call home. My parents had yet to reach out to see how I was doing, and a part of me was relieved to have the space from them. Though, the alternative was being here.
The only thing that made my time bearable, was seeing Cain every day.
I snuck a glance over at him and caught him looking right at me.
My stomach flipped and I quickly averted my gaze, feeling my cheeks heat.
We had this little flirtation going. Nothing serious, but enough that had me wondering…
what if. It wasn’t like we could actually date he re though.
Even being too close to someone had them punishing people.
It was like they couldn’t stand the idea that we were real people with our own thoughts and feelings and not some robot who they could easily program and control.
“Job had lost everything. His family. His wealth. Even his health. But through it all, he remained faithful,” Pastor John said.
He held a worn black bible open in his hands as he sat on the edge of his desk.
His ankles were crossed over each other and he looked and sounded relaxed.
This version of him was a direct contrast to the one who screamed at us during the faith testing exercises.
The fact that he could slip into either version at a moment’s notice was unsettling.
While some of the other girls swooned at him for being a handsome, strong man of faith—I recoiled. Especially since I could feel his lingering gaze on me more times than was appropriate.
My pen sat lightly in between my fingers as I scribbled down notes absentmindedly, knowing that if I appeared studious and busy, he was more likely to leave me alone.
But today, I had no such luck, because a moment later, he pushed off the desk, closed the Bible and started walking. His shadow sliced across my desk as dark and ominous as the clouds outside looked.
“Are you finding this lecture particularly interesting that you need to take notes?”
My pulse skyrocketed knowing that if I answered incorrectly, I was looking at being restrained and humiliated again.
“I thought—” lightning streaked across the sky and stole my focus. The lights inside the classroom flickered and the thunder rumbled beneath our feet. The sight made Pastor John take on a sinister hue. The shadows cutting across his face revealing his true nature.
He smiled then. One lacking in warmth and filled with malice.
“You know what I think?” He asked then, not waiting for my explanation. “I think it’s time the class take a little trip outside and test our faith.”
My breath caught in my chest. Rain was pelting the windows and the storm looked downright deadly. He was out of his fucking mind.
“What’s the matter, Eve? Don’t you know that God will protect us?” He asked as lightning flashed again plunging the classroom into total darkness.
We headed out into the storm altogether, following the deranged whims of a man that would willingly put us in danger, all to test the limits of his faith and ours.
We were so fucked.