8. Delilah
DELILAH
Cain was out for a full two weeks after I found him in that room of nightmares. But when he came back, all of his classes were changed. And worst of all? He wouldn’t look at me.
The rock I’d leaned on to get me through the days had crumbled, and it was all my fault.
If I had simply minded my own business and kept to myself, he wouldn’t have felt the need to protect me.
I knew we couldn’t be anything now, knew it was impossible to even hope, but I had stupidly given into that curiosity.
To that desire I felt low in my gut every time I saw him.
It was foolish and naive. And now I felt more alone than ever.
To cope with the loss, I focused on my schoolwork, ignoring the jabs of my roommates who found it hilarious that Cain wanted nothing to do with me.
I watched sullenly as they threw themselves at him when the monitors weren’t looking.
Pretending like it didn’t bother me. If he did manage to look at me, it was brief and his eyes were full of something I couldn’t name.
It looked like regret, but my brain interpreted it as hatred. I wouldn’t blame him if he did hate me.
We were edging closer to the end of the school year, and I wondered what it would feel like to be back home with my parents.
Back in the room I was taken from. I hadn’t seen or spoken to them since I got here.
Was mom still wearing her hair in that bob that cut right at her angular chin?
The same chin I inherited from her. Was dad still setting the tone of the house with his ever-changing mood, making her pay for his bad days?
Had she taken my place at the edge of his fists?
Did they care that they’d missed my birthday?
A large yard stick came down hard with a smack, making my desk vibrate and my body flinch.
At the other end of the stick was Pastor John, looking at me with a mix of malice and glee.
You would think those two emotions couldn’t be portrayed together, but he managed to pull it off effortlessly.
While his mouth pulled into a cruel, tilted smile, his eyes shone with amusement at causing me visible discomfort.
I’d become an expert in reading him, but my distress over Cain had me distracted.
Pastor John leaned over onto my desk, his muscled forearm flexing with the movement. With him so close, I could smell his gut-churning cologne and a hint of coffee breath.
I focused on the shine of his black polished shoes, trying my best to look contrite for whatever supposed sin I’d committed this time. Since Cain had been moved to another class time, Pastor John seemed to focus more and more of his attention on me. And none of it was good.
Every day that I walked to this room had my body feeling like I was hooked up to a constant electrical current.
My skin buzzed and twitched, and it took all my energy to stay upright, fighting against the urge to run.
Everything in me was warning me not to go into this room, and yet there was no escape.
No way to avoid the danger. I was locked in with the monsters.
Forced to sit, and listen, and exist. To be constantly told that I was a worthless sinner and that my only value came from my ability to birth children to a future husband who would most likely treat me just like I had been my entire life. Fuck, I was so sick of it.
“What do we do to girls who can’t listen, Eve?”
“You punish them,” I said, in a submissive tone, though internally all I wanted to do was scream and claw his eyes out.
“That’s right. You’re catching on,” he praised, unhooking his belt from his pants and sliding it through the loops slowly. The malice etched into his face like a second skin told me he was enjoying every second of my torment .
I knew what was coming and submitted to my fate as I choked back the tears that were threatening to spill over my lashes. I wouldn’t let him see me break.
My arm was snatched from around the bicep by his powerful hand, feeling the metal part of his belt digging into my flesh.
As he pulled, my feet slipped on the tile.
Pastor John held onto me even harder and scoffed like I was an irritation to him.
He hauled me over to the front of the class, breathing hard.
Out of habit, my eyes landed on the desk that Cain used to occupy, but it was empty.
My stomach sank to my feet as I was forced onto my knees in penance for my sins. God, I hated this man and I hoped karma would find his address soon.
My hands were tied tightly behind my back with his black leather belt while my face was pressed down into the dirty linoleum floor.
It smelled like old lemons and bleach. My skirt became bunched up over my hips unceremoniously, showing off my ass to the entire classroom.
I could feel their eyes on me. Watching with bated breath to see my humiliation.
At least the black underwear I chose was clean. As usual, he made no move to cover me up but left me there on display like the pervert he was.
Breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth helped me pass the time as that familiar numbness settled into my limbs.
He rambled on about the kingdom of heaven and the punishments of hell, emphasizing how it was our job to save humanity from itself.
“We’ll never get to those golden lain streets if we don’t spread the gospel far and wide. And it’s our responsibility to tell the world the good news! That we are unconditionally loved by the one true king!”
I wanted to tune him out. To cover my ears and not hear this man speak about good news and love when he treated people like this. What a twisted and sick way to use the word unconditional. Like it was fine to act horribly because big old sky daddy was going to forgive you for it anyway.
Only a few more minutes now .
I wiggled my toes and then my fingers, trying to get the blood moving, but that was a mistake. It caught the attention of Pastor John.
“You enjoying yourself down there, Eve?”
Eve. I hated that he called all the girls that. The boys never were called Adam. Or maybe Lucifer would have been fitting, but he never did.
Black polished shoes appeared in front of my face, their shine reflecting a distorted image of myself back to me. I looked fucking pathetic.
Silence was one of my only tools I had in my arsenal, and I knew how to use it well. But unfortunately, Pastor John was in a punishing mood and was looking for any excuse to exercise his inner demons.
Some men just like to break whatever they can get their hands on, thinking that it proved they’re somehow superior. That in doing so made them more of a man. In reality, it only showed how insecure and small they were.
“Eve, you’ll respond to me when I’m talking to you. Do you understand?”
I opened my mouth, but I was too late. He was already moving, pulling the pale-yellow yardstick off his desk and swatting me on my exposed behind.
I ground my teeth together on impact, feeling the sting reverberate into my bones.
Tears prickled at the corners of my eyes, and no matter how much I didn’t want to cry in front of him, and the whole class, they fell anyway splashing onto the tile below my face and creating a small puddle against my cheek.
“I asked if you understand. First, you ignore my teachings and now you’re being insubordinate to boot?”
Another smack of the stick landed across my bottom. A chorus of snickers reached my ears.
Just as he was about to land a third blow, the bell rang and I let out a whimper of relief.
“Not so fast, Ms. Booker. I think we need to have a little chat after class about your… behavior.”
The way he said that sent chills down my spine and my heart into overdrive. He’d never had me stay after class before. And today, it was just Pastor John. Pastor Big C had called in sick and the thought of being alone with him filled me with so much dread, I feared I would throw up on the spot.
Several more laughs at my expense could be heard as the class filed out of the room.
I could scarcely make out who it came from, but one person seemed to linger near the door, though I could only make out from below the knee.
I deduced it was a boy from the pleated pants and standard issue dress shoes.
The belt that was wrapped around my wrists was digging painfully into my flesh and the welts on my butt burned. I wouldn’t be able to sit properly for the rest of the day. And by the looks of things, it appeared I was going to be late for my next class.
“Mr. Montgomery, did you need something?” Pastor John asked, sounding irritated to be held up. Montgomery.
Cain was here?
My already erratic heartbeat increased.
“I wanted to talk to you about my grade on the last test… are you just going to leave her like that?” he asked.
My stomach squeezed. He did still care. But now I was worried what Pastor John would do to him. The last time he intervened, he nearly died.
“Are you questioning my teaching methods?” I knew that tone. Every nerve in my body coiled in on itself hearing the cold, detached way he spoke, knowing how volatile Pastor John could turn once he sounded like that.
“She just looks like?—”
“What she looks like is none of your concern. Now get to your next class before I throw you back onto the cross, boy.”
He seemed to stall for a moment, thinking over the consequences.
Please, Cain , I pleaded in my mind feeling a rouge tear slip over my nose, please don’t get hurt again. Not for me.
Then, the door slammed and I was left shivering, alone with Pastor John.