33. Delilah
DELILAH
John was being released from the hospital tomorrow and that internal voice of worry was getting even louder now.
It felt like someone had started a countdown I wasn’t aware of.
One that was going to drag me back to his clutches.
But this time, I wouldn’t let that happen without a fight.
We’d been training every single day, though it looked like Cain didn’t need it.
He’d been preparing for this since he’d been incarcerated.
I, however, felt like death warmed over with every burpee he had us do.
If Kingston wanted people to believe in the devil, they should make people do those, because if there was an exercise invented by some evil deity, that was the one.
I ran my hand over my buzz cut, still getting used to the feel of it.
Eventually, I would grow my hair back out, but when I did, there wouldn’t be a strand present that John had touched.
“It’s going to be okay. We’ve got this,” Cain promised.
I nodded my head in agreement, but he couldn’t know that for sure. He didn’t know John like I did. Or his connections.
Going after him felt foolish, but what was the alternative?
Let him keep hurting people. Even if Cain and I picked up today and made a run for it, he would still be out there.
Searching for us. Inflicting himself on the innocent people around him.
And if I could stop another person from experiencing what I had to endure, I would.
Even if that meant I wouldn’t make it in the process of trying.
However this turned out, at least I would know what life could have been like.
The air had taken on a bitter cold bite over the last day, snatching the warmth away with the changing of the seasons. Summer was giving way to fall, and I felt the shift deep in my bones.
“You want to go over it one more time?” Cain asked, nudging my shoulder and bringing back from my internal thoughts.
“Yeah, sorry,” I said, reflexively.
“You don’t have anything to apologize for.”
I tucked my lower lip behind my top teeth, “Habit,” I replied.
The plan was simple. Grab John when he got home from the hospital, knock him out, transport him in a rented van, and then kill him in the church. I knew where the spare key was hidden, and knew all the best spots to hide, and I knew that if I didn’t do this, I would regret it my entire life.
Cain had cameras placed all over the town, which is what he was showing me now. The two of us were hunched over the screens, surveying the feed from all different angles. It was eerie seeing Kingston like this. All black and white and grainy.
“Holy fuck. That’s my mom,” I said, sitting up and pointing at one of the screens.
She was pushing a shopping cart full of groceries, lips pursed and blonde bob swaying.
I hadn’t seen her since my wedding day. She hadn’t even reached out to me to see how I was.
Seeing her now, you’d think I would feel sad or angry, but all I felt was pity.
Imagine raising a daughter and then choosing not to know her, or be there for her, or stand up for her when she needed it.
If I ever had kids, I knew I would do it differently.
Those kids would never be left questioning their worth.
Cain watched me instead of the screen. “Want to add her to our revenge list?”
I turned to look at him, eyes tracking that prominent scar that was carved across his face. “No. She’s not worth it. I want her to live with the consequences of her shitty choices. ”
He nodded. “We could always leave a skunk on her property though.”
I laughed. “Where are we going to find a skunk? The only wildlife I’ve seen here is that crazy squirrel that keeps attacking the porch.”
“I’ve been meaning to put those traps out,” he said, scratching at his chin.
“Well, you’ve been busy,” I said, wiggling my eyebrows.
He growled. “Fuck, yeah I have been.” He pulled my chair over to him and nipped at my earlobe making me squeal.
“Stop, we have to focus,” I said, swatting at him.
And then we both heard it. That fucking squirrel.
“Oh my God, you summoned him,” Cain said, with a groan before leaping up to go investigate.
I was hot on his heels, following him outside onto the porch. “Leave that little rascal alone! He’s not hurting anybody,” I pleaded as Cain shooed the little guy away. The squirrel seemed unfazed by Cain’s antics though and continued to chew on the edge of the porch.
“He’s hurting my porch,” Cain said, with his hands on his hips.
“He probably just needs some nuts to nibble on.”
Cain’s eyebrows rose. “Well, he’s not getting anywhere near mine.”
I threw him an annoyed look, but there was a hint of a smile pulling at my lips.
This man, I swear. He knew exactly how to make me smile.
How to get me to trust myself. How to push me and accept me for who I was.
He’d waited all those years, found me, and yanked me out of the hell I’d been living in.
As he smiled back at me, I realized that I was in love with him.
“What’s that look for?” he asked.
“What look?” I asked, suddenly full of nerves at my revelation. What if he didn’t feel the same? What if I was just a means to his revenge scheme? Nothing more?
“The one on your face that looks like you just smelled a rotten egg. If you really want me to leave the squirrel alone, I will.”
“It’s not about the squirrel,” I said quickly, turning to go inside.
He followed me. “So it was for a reason.” He grabbed my elbow and spun me around. “Where are you running off to, angel? ”
He was so close that his minty breath hit my face. His eyes roamed over me— eyebrows pulled in concern. “You can tell me.”
I let out a humorless laugh feeling a wave of anxiety crash into my stomach.
The thing was, I knew I could tell Cain anything, but I didn’t know if I was ready to vocalize it.
Love hadn’t ever been kind to me. The people who were supposed to love me, didn’t.
And it had felt more like a weapon than an emotion to be celebrated and cherished.
“You’re safe with me,” he promised, planting a soft kiss on my forehead, and that broke me.
“I love you,” I said. The words rushed out before I had any more time to overthink it. Panic boiled over in my chest waiting for his response.
His mouth dropped open and his emerald, green eyes went wide.
“You have no idea how many times I pictured you saying that to me.” He took his hand and cupped my cheek. “I’ve loved you since the day you walked into Ms. Planchard’s Chemistry class. You had that bruise on your cheek, and I felt the need to murder whoever did that to you.”
I looked down taking a steadying breath. He tipped my chin up and peered down at me. His pupils looked blown out and his thumb tugged on my lower lip. “I love you, Delilah. I always have, and I always fucking will.”
He pulled me to him, lips crashing down on mine.
This was different than the other times we’d kissed. This was tender and full of unspoken promises that tasted like possibility. When he pulled away, his eyes shone like he was nearly about to cry. I don’t know what it was about a man unafraid to show his emotions, but I found it hot as hell.
“I know that tomorrow is a big deal, but if you’ve changed your mind, we can stop. Forget the revenge, forget Kingston. Whatever you want.”
I worried my bottom lip. While I was nervous at what we were about to do, I’d come too far to go back now. Shaking my head no, I said “I want to. Actually, I need to. He has to pay and I don’t trust that if we were to leave any kind of justice would happen. We have to do this. ”
“If we get caught, you blame this all on me, okay? I’ve survived prison once already. I don’t want that for you.”
For some reason this had started to feel like we were saying goodbye. I didn’t like that. I’d only just found him again. The thought of losing him was unbearable. I pressed my palm to his chest, feeling his heart beat against it.
“I watched you get carried away from me once. Don’t ask me to do it again. I would rather die. If it looks like either of us is going to be captured, I’ll end myself.”
“Don’t say that.” He gripped my biceps. “Don’t you fucking say that. I won’t let that happen. This is going to work. Don’t ask me to exist in a world without you.”
“Don’t ask me to go back to that life. I won’t do it, Cain.”
He tilted his head back and looked up at the ceiling like he was asking the heavens to help him. “I would never ask that of you, Delilah.”
Deep down, I knew that. Maybe I was self-sabotaging. Too scared of my past, and terrified that the future I wanted wouldn’t be mine.
“Let’s not worry about this now,” I said. “The important thing right now is that we’re ready. And whatever tomorrow brings, nothing can take away the time we’ve had. You have no idea what it’s meant to me being here with you.”
His forehead pressed against mine. The tension and high-strung emotions between us were palpable.
“Fuck, Delilah. I know this is crazy. And I know there’s no guarantee that everything is going to be alright.
But I won’t let anything happen to you. Not again.
I couldn’t live with myself. I’ve had five years to plan this.
And while I like to think that I’ve thought of every angle, something could go wrong.
We trained for this though. He has no idea we’re coming. Show me that punch I taught you.”
I lifted my arm and gave a weak punch into his waiting hand.
He rolled his eyes and raised his hand again. “Hit me, Delilah.”
I did, again. This time harder.
“Come on. I know you can hit harder than that.”
I channeled all the rage, all the resentment, all the fear that was coursing through my veins and let it rip. When my fist met his open palm, I felt the bones in both our hands vibrate.
“That’s my girl,” he said with a wide as fuck smile. “We’re going to give him hell tomorrow.” His words held so much conviction, that I believed him. Fuck all the insecurities and the doubts. Tomorrow, I would kill my husband or die trying.