Blaire
BLAIRE
Later, as lay awake on his chest, his breaths deep and even in sleep, the words she’d barely heard as he was filling her started echoing around her brain.
What did he think was going to happen?
Was he hoping to leave her behind, safe and stranded in the Vault, while he went off to save the day?
Or was he worried that there would be danger no matter where she was left? Because if he got hurt, she would too. If he took a fatal injury, she wouldn’t survive. Not until she fully transitioned. And they had no idea when that would be. It wasn’t like they could just wait around, leaving Jack and Jude stuck in there. And her parents, too. Although, who knew whether they were there willingly or not?
Her mom had been shot at.
Would that be forgiven? Were they that deep in whatever Operation Stranger was up to, that she would just brush it aside, and keep up whatever work she was doing for them?
But this wasn’t what she needed to be worrying about.
The most likely answer was that he was planning to lock her up. So he didn’t have to worry about her. He was far more likely to get hurt because he was distracted trying to protect her.
Well, he had another thing coming. There was no fucking way was being left behind for this one.
She extricated herself from his arms, holding her breath when he grunted and rolled towards her. But he flung his arm out, tugging the blanket she’d been laying on closer and settling back into deep sleep. Letting out her breath in a slow, silent stream, she backed away from their little sleeping nook.
tiptoed through the dark rows of books. The place felt eerily silent when Farida was sleeping. Almost as if the whole vault went into stasis without her.
It creeped her the fuck out.
But she was determined to push past the fear. She had to find Raoul. Given he lurked alone most of the time and that the Vault had a habit of … changing … it wouldn’t be a simple task. The best place to look, reasoned, was as far away from the den where Farida slept.
This was exactly why Raoul was the person she needed to talk to. He knew things about Farida. Things that, for whatever reason, Roman didn’t want to divulge.
Silly old bloodsucker , she thought, chuckling to herself. Thinks keeping me in the dark is the best way to protect me.
Which it probably was, when she thought about what she’d seen in that clearing on Greenrock … and those men lurking in her house …
“I don’t often see you out of Roman’s sight.”
jumped, covering her mouth to stifle the squeal. She turned, finding Raoul watching her from across the aisle, arms folded over his chest, eyes intent on her.
“I was looking for you,” she managed, feeling like a teenager creeping out of her boyfriend’s house after a night of debauchery and getting caught by his dad as she tried to climb out a window.
Which, to be fair, wasn’t all that far from the truth. She blushed.
“Oh?” Raoul murmured, shifting from one foot to the other but not approaching. “Does Roman know you’re looking for me?”
She shook her head, swallowing back her nerves. Steeling her backbone.
“Why do you hate Farida so much?” she asked.
Raoul tilted his head, his expression giving nothing away.
“Who said I hate her?” he asked.
snorted. “Um, literally everything about the way you are! You can barely stand to look at her; you avoid being anywhere she is. You don’t get involved in the plans we’re making. Besides, Roman told me that you have reasons not to trust her. And I want to know what they are.”
“Why haven’t you asked Roman?” he countered.
grimaced. “Roman wants to protect me.”
“Have you considered that maybe he’s right not to tell you everything?” Raoul asked.
watched him, eyes narrowed. “I didn’t ask to be dragged into this mess. I didn’t ask to be his, but I am, and that means I’m involved in whatever the hell is going on with all of you and the Coalition and all of it. Whether he likes that or not. I wouldn’t change meeting Roman, not for anything, but I don’t want to be treated like a fragile little girl.”
Raoul chuckled darkly. “But you are a fragile little girl,” he argued. “Not yet past your teen years, still a good several years away from your immortality. Think of Roman. Think what his life would be like if you died.”
Something about the way Raoul said those words made stop in her tracks. She’d never considered it from that point of view before. She’d been prepared to risk herself, going into the house at Forest Lake. She hadn’t thought what it would do to him if things went wrong.
“I … I don’t want to put myself in danger. But I feel like I should have the chance to know the full story, to know what he needs to protect me from.”
Raoul studied her. She met his gaze. He did look very much like Roman. Tall, dark-haired, his eyes were more gray than green. But it was the expression in them that differed so wildly from Roman’s. Or the lack of expression, more to the point.
If eyes were a window to the soul, then Raoul was dead inside.
shivered.
“Do you know, I used to be Fortis’s second?” Raoul began, leaning against the bookshelf behind him, almost as if saying those words took the strength out of his legs.
“I … no I didn’t,” mumbled. “I knew you were … close with him, but I didn’t realize that you were that close.”
Raoul nodded. “For centuries, I was the one at Fortis’s side. I helped him to found the Coalition. He promised us all that he was making a better world for Drinkers and Shifters alike.”
Raoul grunted, his face turning bitter. “What he really meant, though, was that he wanted to make our world the way he desired it. No living peacefully alongside humankind. He saw them as weak, worthy of nothing but blood slavery … and as his personal playthings.”
clenched her teeth to stop from making a sound. She didn’t want anything to stop Raoul talking.
“Fortis kept me around because I was Joined. He liked the … benefits of having a Joined second. Namely that he had a quick retreat should he lose the upper hand in a confrontation. He hates the Join, sees it as a weakness. He resents as much as he covets some aspects of it, like the zip. He cannot zip because his parents are both dead, and he has no Joined. Claimed not to want to be Joined.
“So, he used me, used my Tilda. Any time he wanted to go somewhere he perceived as dangerous, she would be sent to a safe location. And I would go with him. Even when our Join was early, and being that far from her was … agony.”
swallowed hard. She knew that agony, had experienced it firsthand. She couldn’t imagine doing it over and over again.
“I hated it, but I did it. Because I thought Fortis’s protection was worth the pain.”
wondered what any of this had to do with his reasons for hating Farida, but she was too afraid to interrupt him.
“He claimed to want to broker peace with the Candies. He claimed the only reason it wasn’t happening was because of their ongoing acts of aggression towards our kind. So, I did what I thought was the right thing. I penned the treaty that is still in effect to this day … the one that Fortis continues to flout at every opportunity. I didn’t tell him I was putting it together. I thought, as his second, it was my duty to get things done when he was too busy to handle them himself.”
“What … how did Fortis react?” asked, her voice tight.
Raoul’s smile was horrifying. “Oh, outwardly, he was approving; he sang my praises to the masses. He saw how most of our kind was relieved to not have to constantly look over our shoulders when we went out in human places. Most were happy to forego Candy blood. Or at least seek it out in the places that it was still legal under the treaty.”
took a step back. “There are places where it’s legal to drink from humans?” she repeated. Raoul nodded.
“A number of them, in fact. But behind closed doors, Fortis showed me exactly what he thought of my treaty. By making me watch Tilly be tortured in … unspeakable ways.”
Raoul stopped talking, looking down at the floor. His shoulders rose and fell violently. Was he crying? Or trying to control his rage?
Fucking Fortis! Was there anyone in his orbit he hadn’t hurt? She’d heard nothing but horror stories about him, and yet he was still the leader of the Coalition. What the fuck was wrong with these immortals, letting a psychopath like him be in charge? Why in all these centuries had no one just snuck up behind him and snapped his head off his neck?
“I should have taken her and run, then,” Raoul continued. “But at the time, I thought that Fortis would get over his tantrum, and things would get better. And then Tilly got pregnant with Roman.”
’s eyes shot to Raoul. “Fortis didn’t … torture her while she was pregnant, did he?”
Raoul shook his head. “He left her well alone during that time. And while Roman was young, too, before he started to transition. Fortis let them remain in a safe place, knowing he could use me to zip there, to remove him from danger, if it was required. He even brought Ellis to us, claimed she was a foundling, and needed a mother figure. Tilly loved Ellis like she was her own daughter, and Roman loved having a little sister. We’d been trying so hard for another … fertility is something immortals struggle with.
“When Roman came of age, when he began to show signs of the transition, he was expected to begin his tithe to Fortis. Tilly didn’t want him to go. She begged me to run with her and the children. To turn renegade, to leave the relative safety of the Coalition.”
could barely breathe. She knew that Roman had tithed because that was where he met Farida. And she knew that he himself had turned renegade when he escaped with her and with Ellis, rather than letting Ellis do what was expected of her.
“We tried. We left. We got out of the Stronghold. I thought that, finally, we were free of him. Even if it meant I wouldn’t have the protection of the Coalition, should we run afoul of humans. We didn’t want to cause trouble, didn’t want to feed from humans; we had each other to feed from. There was nothing stopping us from living our lives exactly how we wanted.”
Raoul scrubbed a hand over his face. “But I’d forgotten to factor in the witch.”
couldn’t hold her horrified gasp in. “You mean …”
Raoul nodded, his face grim. “Farida. I’d seen what she could do. Seen the devastation she could cause. You’ve seen it too, that night on Greenrock. Now, imagine that sort of destruction turned on your own people. I’d seen her do it. Seen her execute hundreds at Fortis’s behest.”
wanted to argue. Wanted to tell him that Farida hadn’t had any choice, that she’d been forced to do Fortis’s will the same way he had been forced. But she kept silent, frightened of not seeing this story out to wherever it was headed.
“She … she tracked us. She’s very good at that, you know. Fortis sent her after us.”
Raoul scrubbed a palm over his face. “She didn’t say a word. Didn’t ask us to change our minds. Didn’t even let us explain. Tilly was carrying Ellis—she was only five at the time … Roman was sixteen.”
“What did she do?” asked, her voice a breathy, terrified rasp.
“She vaporized Tilly. The way she vaporized those Shifters, and the Operation soldiers, and whoever Fortis left behind of his Troops, in that clearing on Greenrock.”
’s hand flew to her mouth. But Raoul wasn’t finished, his voice hoarse, his eyes glistening.
“Tilly collapsed into dust, and Ellis, who had been safe in her mother’s arms, fell to the ground.” His voice turned ragged. “I can still hear her crying, ‘Mommy, where did Mommy go?’”
couldn’t hold in her sobbing gasp.
“She grabbed Ellis, held her by the throat. Told me that if I didn’t let her leave with Roman, she’d do the same to her. I … I couldn’t even think. My Joined, my Tilly, was nothing but ash, scattering in the breeze.
“I had no choice,” he muttered, shaking his head. As if he still wasn’t convinced. “I told her to give Ellis to me, and we’d leave peacefully. Roman, he … he didn’t want to be separated. He tried to protest. Farida silenced him. The way she did to you not so long ago.”
rubbed at her throat, a ghost of that awful sensation creeping back on her.
“While Roman was panicking about his voice, Farida spoke … her voice was different. Deeper and … there was power in it that made me so cold. It was like she was thralling me … except Drinkers are immune to the thrall.”
“What did she say?” whispered.
“I told him that he couldn’t take his own life.”
That cold feeling that Raoul had just described crashed like an icy wave over , and she turned slowly to find Farida standing under a bare lightbulb, looking tired but resolute.
“I told Raoul that he must continue to care for his foster daughter. That he couldn’t tell her, or Roman, of what had happened to their mother. That he would remain in service to Fortis, and he would allow both his children to tithe with no complaint.”
“But …”
Farida held up a hand, and snapped her mouth shut. But Raoul growled.
“Yes, and you made both my children forget their mother! You wiped their memories of what you did to my Tilly!” he snarled. “You gave them the relief of not knowing they had lost her. But you left me with every awful memory, and no one to grieve with!”
“It was better for them to believe they had never known her, than to live with that memory,” Farida said simply. “I did them a favor.”
wanted to launch herself at the other Drinker, to scratch at that impassive expression on her face.
“Why kill Tilly in the first place?” demanded, her voice a harsh whisper.
“Because, just like Raoul, I had a vested interest in not getting on the wrong side of Fortis.”
stared at the female in horrified disbelief. Farida’s face was a blank mask, but there was something in her eyes. Something was sure Farida was fighting very hard to keep hidden.
“You forced me to give my children up to that monster, knowing what he did to tithes. You forced me to sit by and witness the monstrosities he ordered … the things you did in his name! And then you left, taking my children with you, the children who resented me, but somehow trusted you. And only then was I finally able to break free of your thrall and escape myself!”
Farida’s jaw twitched at his words, her eyes flashing, but the expression was gone too quickly for to decipher it.
“From that night onwards, everything I did was for them,” Farida said, her voice low. “I protected them as best I could, under the constraints of my position.”
“You could have just let us escape, let us live our lives with our family intact! Instead, you decided whatever leverage Fortis had on you was worth more than my Tilly’s life!”
“And what would you have done, if your Joined was the one being threatened should you not comply with Fortis’s orders?” Farida snapped back. “I think you have some idea of what that feels like. That impossible decision, with only one inevitable outcome.”
’s jaw dropped.
“Your Joined?” she repeated.
Farida nodded, but her eyes were on Raoul, who watched her with a look of consternation.
“You were never Joined,” Raoul muttered.
Farida chuckled darkly. “Just because you never saw him, doesn’t mean he didn’t exist. Fortis excelled at keeping him very safe. After all, you can’t threaten someone with damaging their loved ones unless you have those loved ones close by at all times.”
Raoul laughed bitterly. “And where is your Joined now, then? Safe somewhere? Did he escape with you? Do you keep him out of harm’s way now, while you continue to risk my children?”
“Well, he’s dead, so …”
The silence that followed those words chilled to the bone. She wanted nothing more than to run back to Roman, to bury her face in his chest, to let his arms warm her.
But how could she look at him, knowing what she knew? Knowing what Farida had done? No matter what the reason behind her decision, Farida had murdered his mother, and had made him forget he’d ever known her.
“Do you want me to make you forget this conversation, too, ?” Farida asked, her tone weary, resigned. “Will that help you sleep better at night?”
seriously considered it for a second.
“No,” she replied. “I don’t. But I can’t guarantee he won’t hear me thinking about it.”
“I can help with that,” Farida murmured, taking a small step closer. Almost as if she thought might run.
thought she might run.
“I can set up a barrier, around the memory of this conversation, so that even if you’re thinking about it, Roman won’t be able to hear those thoughts.”
It felt like the ultimate betrayal, to hide this from him. But …
“Is this to protect him, to let him continue to have his peaceful memories? Or is it to protect you? To keep him from hating you?” asked, eyes narrowing on the dark female.
Farida shrugged, already reaching towards ’s head, as if she knew ’s decision.
“Can it not be both?”