36. A Lot Of Close Calls
THIRTY-SIX
A LOT OF CLOSE CALLS
Jack
S even turned and walked out of the cabin. I stood so fast that the chair behind me groaned against the rough floor and almost toppled.
“Give her a moment,” Clay said, not taking his eyes off the fire.
I paused. “Is there any way you can get us out of here before tomorrow night?” I asked. But I already knew the answer. That it wouldn’t matter where we went. We couldn’t outrun the full moon. And my blood wasn’t just calling now. It was fucking screaming for her. For more of what we’d been doing.
For everything we were yet to do.
I sank back into my seat, ignoring the itch under my skin. She was only on the porch, and already I felt the loss of her.
It will continue this way until you Join with her , the monster told me.
And then it’ll get a thousand fucking times worse , I argued.
“Why are you and Blossom avoiding the Join?” Clay asked bluntly. I wondered for a second whether he could somehow hear my conversation with the monster.
“How … what do you mean?” I asked, hoping I didn’t sound as suss as I felt.
“You were naked together in my bathtub. And forgive me, but I arrived quite some time ago, and when I first got here, you had her against the wall.”
I started from my chair, fury pulsing in my veins. He’d fucking watched me eating her? Her sucking me off?
“Calm down,” Clay said, giving me a look that stopped me in my tracks. Like he was totally used to dealing with volatile, almost-immortal Shifters on a daily basis, and he could put me in my place without blinking. “I only saw enough to realize it was not something I wanted to watch, and then I sat down out here to wait. Eventually, it got to a point where I realized that I’d be outside all night if I didn’t interrupt.”
I sat, biting back my angry growl, clenching my fists against the urge to claw his face for witnessing something so … important.
We’re trespassing in his cabin , I reminded myself. He didn’t intend to creep on us.
“What I’m saying is a couple with a blood call as strong as you two … resisting the urge to complete the Join, that takes a shitload of willpower. And I just don’t understand why anyone would do it.”
Neither do I , the monster added dryly.
Fucking shut up , I grouched. Not the time .
“I’ve seen how bad it can go,” I muttered, knowing I needed to give him some sort of answer. “My best friend found hers recently, and they … completed the Join. But he had to leave her soon after, and the pain she went through … that’s not something I want to experience, or put Se—Blossom through.”
Clay’s brow furrowed. “Why did he leave? Did they not find somewhere quiet to nest? To enjoy the new Join until it settles?”
I snorted. Roman was an idiot for leaving her the way he did, but it wasn’t like he’d been in a situation where he could just take Blaire and hide away and fuck for however long it took for the Join to settle, whatever the fuck that meant.
And neither were Seven or I when it came down to it. Just another reason Joining with her was all kinds of stupid. It promised pain, suffering, and weakness when we were about to head straight back into the lion’s den. And who the fuck knew what was coming after that.
Clay watched me, his eyes staring deep into my fucking soul. “Well, I hope you know that it’s not the norm for Joined to leave one another in the early years. It’s not normal for us to experience those sorts of pains. Didn’t your parents talk to you about this?”
I snorted again. Fuck, I wanted so badly to tell this dude exactly the extent of my Shifter mating ritual knowledge. Hell, I guess my dead dad had told me about it. I had the letter to prove it.
But I clenched my jaw and turned to watch out the door. The only evidence that Seven was still out there was a wisp of her red-brown hair floating in the breeze.
“What happens tomorrow night?” I asked him, mesmerized by those dancing strands of hair in the deepening purple of dusk.
Clay shrugged. “Well, my Joined will arrive early in the morning to help get everything ready. The rest of the pack generally starts filtering in throughout the day. We drink, we dance … we fuck. Just your standard Shifter Full Moon party when it comes down to it.”
“Sounds nothing like the last Full Moon party I attended,” I muttered under my breath. Clay’s expression sharpened. “What I meant was, what happens to … to Blossom and me, tomorrow night?”
Clay pulled his charred meat from the fire and turned to face me properly. “Well, you can try to resist it. If that’s truly what you want, then you should get far away from one another before moonrise. As far as you can tolerate, in any case. Because the only way you’re not Joining tomorrow night is if you can’t physically reach each other under the light of the moon.”
Well. We were royally fucked.
As if to punctuate that sentiment, the sky lit with a giant flash of lightning, accompanied by a thunderous boom that shook the cabin. The easing rain returned in a violent downpour.
My heart sped, an echoing thunderous boom in my chest.
Only it wasn’t my heart that was out of control. It was hers.
Or maybe it was both of us.
I strode out the door. There she was, back pressed against the wall, claws digging into the timber. Her chest heaved, her eyes trained into the distance with unnerving focus.
“What’s wrong?” I breathed, reaching for her, untangling her claws from the wall. Her eyes flicked to mine, then back to the same spot.
I followed her gaze. On the far side of the clearing, a tree glowed. The tip was blackened. Even through the downpour, the flames were visible, licking up the trunk. Steam and smoke billowed.
“That’s where the lightning hit. Well, that was a close call,” I murmured lightly. I pulled her away from the wall, leaning against it myself and pressing her back to my chest. Taking both her hands in mine, I massaged her knuckles until her claws shifted back into perfect, short pink nails.
“There have been a lot of close calls today,” she replied, her voice an awed whisper as she watched the tree burn.
“Hmmm,” was all I could manage. Because suddenly all I could think about was her body on mine in the bath … the feeling of my dick slipping along her … so close …
I bit a fucking hole in my lip, trying to stop myself from getting hard at the memory. She sucked in a breath in the same instant my blood hit my tongue.
“Jack,” she muttered, and there was defeat in her voice. She knew as well as I did that we were balanced on a razor edge, and the full moon tomorrow was going to ruin everything.
“We only Join if we … if I’m inside you while we both drink from one another. All we have to do is get through tomorrow night without doing that, and then we can get Clay to take us to Healy, and hopefully we can get in touch with Blaire—”
She stiffened in my arms.
She’s jealous , the monster reminded me.
Emotion bubbled up, filling my chest. There was no reason for her to be jealous—that much was clear as fucking crystal to me now.
“Blossom,” I murmured, reaching up to tug the hair away from her neck, letting my nose graze along the softness there. Her skin pebbled under my touch, her breaths going shallow. And fuck. She smelled like everything I’d ever wanted. She smelled like … like hope. Like that first hint of spring and knowing that something new was coming. A new life.
A new life with her.
Take it! the monster urged. Take her and take this new life!
No. Not yet. But I gave in just enough to run my tongue where my nose had just been. Some of that stiffness in her eased, her body relaxing against mine. I took a deep breath.
“What I … what I thought I felt for Blaire. That wasn’t real,” I whispered. When she said nothing, I realized she was waiting for more.
“I thought it was real. But I was just a kid, and she was … always there. And she knew me. Knew all my secrets. It felt like it was meant to be her, you know? It took her finding Roman for me to finally pull my head out of my ass and see that what I’d thought was there … it just wasn’t.
“But with you,” I continued, my palms finding her waist and circling it, squeezing gently. She sucked in a tiny breath. “It feels different. And it’s more than just this blood call, or whatever. It’s how brave you are. How you survived years of abuse in that fucking place and came out the other side with strength and determination. It’s how you escaped it all, but you want to go back to make sure others don’t have to keep going through the shit you did. And it’s how you don’t put up with the monster’s shit when he’s trying it on.”
He growled in my mind, but I ignored him. The air felt charged with everything I was saying but not quite saying. Seven had barely moved since I started talking.
“And I … I’ve never been with a girl … not properly,” I added, then winced. Why the fuck had I said that? “I mean, I never went there, with Blaire … with anyone.”
She didn’t say a word. Shit. I’d made a total fucking fool of myself. What the fuck was I doing, admitting I was a fucking virgin!
“And also, you’re hot as fuck,” I added quickly like those words had the power to wipe out my stupidity.
Not likely , the monster remarked in disgust. Now you’re stupid AND crass. Good job.
She pulled out of my arms. Thunder rumbled, but it was further away now. The storm was moving through as fast as it had arrived, leaving nothing but twilight rain.
I sighed, prepared to let her walk off, to be disgusted with me elsewhere.
“I’ve never been with a … male. Properly,” she confessed quietly, turning to face me, tucking her hands into mine, head bowed.
It was my turn to suck in a breath.
“But,” I mumbled. “But Baxter said, back in that—”
“Oh … the physical act of it, that’s happened to me … too many times to count. Although I did keep a count on the wall of my cell. I don’t even want to think about the number I was at.” Her hands slid up my arms, across my shoulders, under the ruins of the back of my jumpsuit, where my wings had ripped the fabric so we could escape the place where she’d been raped. Over and over again.
I held back my growl. I needed to hold that anger in, to save it, let it build up into something too big to contain when I was finally face to face with the fuckers who deserved to feel every painful moment of my fury.
“But …” she continued, her fingers finding the bare skin of my back. The heat of them seared me. She looked up, her eyes dark, and glittery, and serious. “I never wanted them to do it to me. Not once have I wanted … sex. I was certain I would never want a male to touch me like that, not after what they did to me. Until I met you. Now, I know what wanting feels like.”
Holy. Fucking. Shit.
I pressed my forehead to hers. “Blossom … Seven … do you have any fucking idea how hard it is to resist you when you say things like that?”
She tilted her head, nuzzling her cheek against mine, even as she pressed her body into me. “I have some idea how hard it is,” she murmured cheekily. The smell of her arousal bloomed.
My dick jerked between us, and I hissed. Because all I wanted was to open the flap on her jumpsuit, and tear myself out of mine, and sink into her.
“No sex. No biting. No sex while biting,” I rumbled against the top of her head.
“Not even if the wanting is so bad, I feel dizzy?” she asked.
I pressed her back, putting a little space between our bodies. “Blossom, do you know what it’s like for freshly Joined couples?”
Her mouth twisted. “I have a fair idea,” she muttered, her eyes darkening.
“You do?” I asked, then shook my head. Not the time. “Anyway … you feel the itch, now, when I’m out of reach, yeah?”
She nodded, her hands toying with the collar of my jumpsuit. Distracting me. But this was important.
“Imagine that, but instead of an itch, it’s the worst fucking pain you’ve ever been in. And then add in, if one of us gets hurt … the other one starts bleeding, too.”
A hoarse gasp ripped out of her. “That’s how they lost it.”
I wasn’t sure what she was talking about, but it didn’t change what I was trying to say.
“We have to get the other hybrids out of that hell. We can’t do that if we’re Joined.” I pulled her close again, hoping my dick had settled down enough. I wrapped her in a hug, pressing my lips to the top of her head.
“I never thought I’d want the Join. I wanted to be able to choose who I ended up with, not be stuck with whatever the universe threw at me. But maybe the universe knows what it’s doing.”
She lifted her eyes to mine, a little smile tilting her lips. “Maybe.”
“So … I’m not saying never,” I finished, adding, “But I am saying not yet.”
She nodded, and fuck, I wanted to kiss her like nothing else. But if I started, it wouldn’t stay just kissing, not with the heat blooming in every fucking fiber of my being.
“So,” she began, businesslike now, pulling out of my arms and taking a step back. As if she could feel it, too. The danger of being close but not close enough. “What do we do about tomorrow night? I heard you talking to him in there … I don’t want to separate, to put distance between us.”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t think that’s safe, for either of us. We’re away from Taiga, but we’re not that far. I don’t want you out of my sight.”
I shrugged, flashing her a cocky grin. “Hey, we’ve avoided it this long, that shows some real strength of character … Resisting the full moon? Piece of cake.”
Seven nodded, but she looked a bit queasy. We both knew I was lying through my teeth. But there was no way I was letting her race off into the forest, alone. Away from me.
She’s Mine .
You finally acknowledge the truth , the monster said. Now can we please act on it?
If he was a physical being, I would have fucking punched him.
Did you hear anything we just discussed? Even your fucking miniscule brain can see how stupid that would be!
We share a brain, you know , he snarked. You’re insulting yourself when you say that.
If you try to fuck us over tomorrow night, I’ll never forgive you , I warned him. Stay in your cage, monster.
His silence did not fill me with confidence.