34
Anthony
Holding the Embers – We Came as Romans
I t’s New Year’s Eve and I haven’t stopped numbing my feelings since finally leaving Colorado and Ashlynn behind. I decided to have a huge party at my house for the New Years. There are so many people here that I don’t even know who most of them are. That’s what happens when you invite people and tell them to also invite people. As long as cops aren’t called, we will be good.
I am having a good time with the team and a few skaters that live in Greenville. After a while, Nick and Neha show up, which puts a damper on the party for me because I am sure Neha will want to talk about what happened. Something I am trying to drink away. They come over and say hi to me. I am surprised Neha even acknowledges me, but she does. “Anthony, how are you doing? I haven’t seen you in a while.”
I take a swig of my rum and coke, “Yeah, things are whatever. I guess I’m doing okay.” Neha gives me a look that I can’t try to bullshit with her because she knows better. After I catch up with Nick, Jax comes over to have me go play beer pong with him against some girls from town.
I get over to the ping pong table and look over at the two girls we are playing against. They are cute, I guess. Either one will do if I decide to take her upstairs and maybe have some fun for the night. My judgment has been skewed lately. I agree to several games of beer pong, though beer has changed into shots, with these two girls and the bets continue to get out of hand, with the current one, that I can take one of them upstairs. Both seem all too eager to get into my bedroom. Jax and I win; we turn our backs to the girls; deciding which one I get and which one Jax gets. I take the blonde with brown eyes and take her hand to lead her to my room. Like I said, she’s way too eager to go with me.
Once I have the door closed, she tries to pull my mouth down to hers for a kiss, but I don’t budge and tell her, “I’m not kissing you. You can get naked and get on the bed, so we can start this.”
She huffs out an annoyed sigh that I don’t want to kiss her, but she does what I tell her. I watch as she undresses and have no feelings about it. All I can think is she doesn’t hold a flame to Ashlynn’s curves, tan skin, brown hair that I would wrap around my fist and piercing hazel eyes that I feel deep in me. She moves and lays down, trying to be sexy, and it’s just not working. “Get on your hands and knees.”
I snap at her as I unzip my jeans; I pump my cock once, twice, before I line it up to her. I can feel her heat on the head of my cock. I am just standing there, when suddenly, I start swaying, and my legs become unsteady. She looks back at me. “Is there a problem?”
I give her a drunk smirk. “No problem, my cock is hard as fuck, but you’re not her.” I put myself back in my jeans. “Get dressed and get the fuck out of here.”
Once she finishes dressing, she turns to me to tell me off. I can see it all over her face and that’s when it happens: I start vomiting on the floor and get a little on her heels she is wearing. She lets out a scream and I somehow manage to tell her, “They are ugly heels, anyway!”
Last thing I hear is my room door slam shut to the point that it shakes the pictures on my wall, and I black out.
Opening my eyes, I feel like death. Somehow, I made it into my bed. As I glance down, I see vomit on the floor and a trash can filled with more. Closing my eyes again, I roll over, clutching my head, only to bump into another body. My eyes snap open. “NEHA! Why are you in my bed? We didn’t–please tell me that this isn’t what I think?”
She scoffs at me, “Easy there, killer, we most definitely did not do anything. That rando you brought up with you last night came down upset and said you were getting sick.”
Oh god, I did bring a girl up here last night, fuck me. I got out of hand with my drinking. Breaking me out of my self-pity, Neha starts to talk. “Nick and I took turns checking up on you through the night, making sure you would be okay, asshole.”
There is an uncomfortable silence between us when the door opens and Nick walks in. “Ah, he lives. Here’s some water and medicine for you.”
I take both and quickly down the pills. After that, I manage to get out of bed and clean up my mess, thankful for my hardwood flooring. I am exhausted after that bit of movement and crash again.
It’s around 7PM when I finally manage to get out of bed and shower. I still feel horrible and slightly embarrassed by how I acted last night. I have never blacked out before and that is crossing the line. I don’t remember all of it. I ignore everyone still at the house, which is only the team, Nick, and Neha. I go out and sit on the deck of one of my ramps; this is a place I come when I need to try and calm the storm that is in my head. Once sitting on the deck, I look at my phone and feel my stomach start turning, right there when I open my phone. I sent a text message to Ashlynn, right at midnight, telling her Happy New Years and I hope she is happy that Joanna broke us. I blame that solely on the alcohol. I have fought the urge to reach out to Ashlynn and plead with her to just take me back and to apologize to her, but that’s what I decided to tell her. My message, though, shows as unread, which is a slight relief.
I slide down from the deck and lay on the curve of the ramp, just looking up at the night sky. That’s when I hear footsteps heading my way. I sit up and see that Neha is heading right to me. “Did you come out here to call me an asshole again?”
Stopping right at the ramp and crossing her arms, she says, “That depends if you are going to act like one?”
I don’t even know what I did for her to call me an asshole, but I did something apparently. “Neha, I’m sorry if I was an asshole to you. This morning, I freaked out because I thought you and I messed around. I would NEVER do something like that to Nick…”
“Or Ashlynn,” Neha whispers.
My voice catches trying to say her name. “Or Ash…,” I have to look away, with my voice shaky. “Or Ashlynn,” I finally say, while wiping away a tear that slipped out.
She walks on the ramp and sits down next to me. We are both quiet when Neha asks me the one question I was hoping wouldn’t come up. “Anthony, what did you say to her? Why did you split with Ashlynn?”
I sit up and swing my head in her direction. “She didn’t talk to you about it?”
I get a quick head shake. “She won’t talk to me or Heath about it. Whenever we have brought it up, she shuts down and says she can’t talk about it.”
I lay back down, “I can’t either, Neha. I’m sorry. I have so much guilt for what I did. I already did something she told me not to do and texted her this morning. It’s still unread, so I guess it doesn’t matter.”
Neha takes a deep breath. “Anthony, you can’t keep doing this. You need to get yourself together because this isn’t you, drinking until you black out and taking random girls to your room. Get back to the Anthony she wants.”
I rest my elbows on my knees and think about what Neha just said–the Anthony she wants.
It’s been a few hours since Neha and I talked. I am still laying on my ramp trying to decipher the cryptic message she left me with. The Anthony she wants. Does that mean there is possible hope for me to get my girl back? I can’t face her with how I have been acting. Neha is right, this isn’t me, all the drinking I have done in the past month and a half, having parties at the house, and bringing random girls to my room. She’s also right that I need to get myself together and become a better version of myself before I can go after Ashlynn. She wouldn’t even recognize me or what I let myself become. Before I can think better of it, I make up my mind and send her another text message, because I for one know Joanna did not ruin us. I ruined us.
On the first weekend of the new year, we have a two-day competition to go to, down in Florida. This one is all street, no dirt. So, Clay and Grady don’t come, since they are strictly the dirt riders of the team. I ride on day two. I drop-in for my first run for street, and I am able to pull off a backflip, but on my next trick I case my back tire, crashing down the ramp. Getting back on deck, I start my second run. Once I drop-in for this one, I go and do a clean decade over the hip and once I come down on the landing, my chain breaks. I pick up my bike and walk off with my head down. I should have checked my chain before the start, but I figured my bike was fine and I was good to go. It doesn’t even make me angry that I didn’t make it in one of the top three spots. In fact, I feel nothing.
After the competition in Florida, I fly home for a week before the next one I have on my schedule. I don’t think about my riding I just did in Florida because Neha’s words keep repeating in my mind–the Anthony she wants. I want to call her and ask what she means by it, but deep down, I already know. Ashlynn still has feelings for me. It’s at that moment I decided to leave Greenville. Even if she decides not to take me back, I can at least make things right with her.
The only person I let know that I am leaving is Chase. He is not thrilled with my decision, but accepts it and agrees to pull me out of all upcoming competitions. I know I should tell my whole team and Nick about where I am going, but I need to be left alone to pull myself back together. I pack up my bags, throw my two bikes in the back of my truck, and get on the interstate to start on my 1,7-mile drive back to Colorado.