CHAPTER 83
PRESENT
After listening to all the things, Prakram also has tears in his eyes, but he is hiding those tears from Avishka only because she is still hugging him and talking continuously, and he is not able to keep her quiet at all. He doesn't want to do it because he wants to hear her. He is eager to hear everything she has to share with him, as he is aware of how long she has harbored these feelings within herself and the pain they have caused her. Listening to everything he says makes her feel a little comfortable. He wants to provide some relief, which may be challenging, but if he can, he is doing just that.
“I had to kill them all like I had killed Rajeev, but Papa's voice kept telling me that if they caught you again, are you ready for that? To ruin yourself again, I was ready to die... I was ready to die, but I could not throw myself into that quagmire again. I miss my family; I am all alone, so I preferred to die. But God had something else in mind. I don't know how I came to Punjab from Guwahati, but when I opened my eyes, I found myself in the hospital. Padma Ma and Vishu Uncle were sitting next to me, and I felt their love as if my parents were with me. They looked so worried for me. I wanted to die, but they did not leave me alone, even for a moment. They used to sit near me day and night to ensure that I did not do anything wrong. We were complete strangers, but they took me to their home. Padma Ma used to feed me food with her own hands; Baba used to talk very lovingly; and my father's voice was heard again and again, saying that he is with me and will remain with me till the end, till I don't become happy. He has chosen much of my happiness, so he wants to see me with happiness only. I couldn't understand why I was alive. At one point, I thought of going again and killing that man completely, but then I started feeling scared again. I started feeling scared of myself. I wanted to hide myself. I didn't want anyone to see me; I didn't even want to be in front of anyone. I want to ruin my beauty. I hate this beauty."
She raises her gaze to Prakram, who is focusing solely on her. She comes out of the circle of his protective arms and sits in front of him.
"I hated myself—not only hated but disgusted with myself—and didn't understand what to do, but gradually I got buried under the love that those two great-hearted strangers were giving me without asking for anything in return. I saw them in a terrible situation, so I thought of doing something for them. If I can't do anything else, at least I can do this much for them to help them. Baba would bring flowers, and I used to make garlands of them as much as I could so that he could earn as much as possible. Both of them were not able to earn that much, due to which they were worried. I wanted to spend my time here because I was afraid of going back. I was not able to muster the courage. It seemed as if God had suddenly taken away all the courage from me. My parents had taken away the courage that I had. My brother moved away from me, who always stood like a shield. Although he was younger than me, his presence made it seem as though I didn't need anyone else. My entire world crumbled in an instant, as my family had been my pillar of strength. I was completely broken, and I just didn't want to see them in that situation again, so I couldn't go punish that monster. I suffer a lot every night. Remembering all those things, perhaps if I went back, it would bring back more bad memories."
Prakram is looking at Avishka, and tears are flowing from his eyes too. This is what Avishka says while looking into Prakram's eye.
"Then suddenly, one day, I met Aashi, and from that very day on, she became my life. She used to come to the temple once a week with her grandmother, and I used to wait for her for an entire week, not knowing when that week would end. I used to be very happy with this little happiness. I found a new life in Aashi's smile, and in the meantime, our meeting, our marriage, and many other things happened. I thought many times that I should tell you everything because I did not want to deceive you, but I did not have the courage, and gradually, I don't know why suddenly love for you started awakening in my heart, and along with it, fear also started increasing. I'm not sure what emotion remained within me after all this, or what triggered my heart to begin beating for you, but I find myself gravitating towards you. I started loving you... I want to love you, but I know I am deceiving... By hiding my past."
Prakram sits on his knees and starts coming closer to her, but she immediately moves back and tells him
"I forced myself to forget everything because I thought it was my past and that it would be better for me to forget... I want to be selfish because I love you, and if I hide everything from you, I will continue to love you, even though I know I have betrayed you. I am not worthy of your love. I AM TAINTED. I don't know how many people have touched me."
On hearing this, Prakram immediately pulls her towards himself and makes her lie down on the same stones, and he himself goes over her, strangles her in a tight grip, and tells her.
"I have told you before that I don't want to hear this nonsense. For me, you are too pure; you can never be tainted because your heart is not tainted, and I am proud of myself that I am your husband."
Avishka starts looking at Prakram, who is looking into her eyes. He immediately places his lips on her lips and gives her perfect proof of his rights over her. He keeps kissing her constantly, so that she completely stops breathing. Forget this nonsense and forget all her worries. Avishka is looking at Prakram and taking a deep breath. Her breathing has become so heavy that it is touching Prakram's chest with each breath, as she is desperately gasping for oxygen. Prakram immediately picks her up with a jerk, throws her on his shoulder, and takes her inside the tent. Makes her lie down on the bed.
"You are mine, and you have no right to say a single wrong word about my Avishka. And as far as Sanjeev is concerned, I will not leave him."
On hearing the name Sanjeev, a shiver starts running through Avishka's body. She can only see Aashi's face because she is so scared of all these things that, despite being very courageous, she can't stop herself from shivering. She finds it impossible to distance herself from him; she begins to cry and rejects Prakram with a shake of her head. Prakram understands her situation very well, so he immediately comes near her, holds her face lovingly, and tells her
"No Avi…. They will have to give an answer to everything that those people have done. I won't abandon them lightly. They have snatched everything of yours from you. They will have nothing to claim as their own. This is my promise to you."
But Avishka is continuously shaking her head and crying. Prakram understands her worries and past trauma very well, so he just hugs her and starts caressing her hair, but after remembering everything and telling him everything, Avishka is not in good condition. Prakram has understood very well that it is very important for her to sleep soundly for some time; hence, he forcefully holds her jaw and gives her the medicine, so that she should stay away from these things.
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.
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As soon as Avishka's eyes open, she sees Prakram sitting next to her, who is just looking at her. They have come back home, and at this time, he is wearing Prakram's shirt. Suddenly, he looks at Prakram. Avishka turns her eyes to the other side, due to which Prakram comes close to her and tells her.
"I have told you that your eyes should look only towards me; you do not have the right to turn them to the other side."
"Ram, I want to be alone."
"You are not allowed."
Tears start flowing from Avishka's eyes because she can feel Prakram's love very well, but the way she is trying her best to get out of all these things, she is getting trapped again and again in the swamp of those memories. It is neither allowing her to live fully nor allowing her to die. Prakram comes near her, turns her face towards him, looks into her eyes, and tells him
"You may have forgotten my words, and I am ready to remind you as many times as you forget. You wanted to die, and I was ready to do it with you. I gave you every opportunity to die, but your destiny does not include death with me. And when you have lost the chance given to you, then this life is mine. I will decide how long you have to live this life. First of all, I am not allowed to see you anywhere. When I am in front of you, whatever you have to do, look at me only. Look into the eyes and say, "As if you are always doing it; no hesitation or any problem should come between you."
Avishka starts looking into his eyes and placing her forehead on his forehead. He tells her.
"Nothing has changed between us. I love you and will always love you. All this does not diminish my love for you in the least."
Avishka listens to his words and tries to smile lightly, but there are many fears due to which she had at times started loving his words but started loving Prakram wholeheartedly; hence, somewhere she hides everything and lives her life quietly. Because she wanted to live, but it had become very difficult to hide everything, so now that she has told him, she is finding it a little difficult to face Prakram with all those things, and at the same time, there are many other things. She immediately tells Prakram.
"When mom and dad come to know everything,"
"There is no need for mom and dad to know anything; this is a matter between us, and it should remain between us. They should only know what is important to them; you do not need to think about all of these things. As long as I'm here."
Avishka gets upset while smiling. Prakram immediately hugs her and says, while caressing her,
"I also have something to tell you that is very important for you to know."
Avishka immediately sits down, and Prakram caresses her hair and says, smiling lightly and touching her cheeks with his knuckle.
“First we take a bath and have breakfast; after that, I have a lot of things to discuss that are very important. Mom and Dad have gone to mom's parents' house, and Aashi is also with them, so today we have the whole day to discuss a lot of things. Come on up, because I want to carry my queen to a relaxing bath."
Prakram and Avishka go to the washroom. Prakram is still giving the bath with the same love as he always did, and there is no change in his behavior, due to which Avishka immediately holds his hand. She tells him this as she wraps herself around you.
"Hide me forever, please."
"With me, no one can cast an evil eye on you; I will drive out those eyes of whoever tried to cast an evil eye on you."
Avishka wants to live only by smiling at him because it is very beautiful and forces her to live very happily. After breakfast, Prakram takes her to the balcony, where he sits her comfortably in front of him, holds her hand, and tells her what to do.
"When you came here as Aashi's nanny, I could not appoint anyone to be Aashi's nanny just like that. For me, it is not a big task to make any inquiry about anyone; the thing should be revealed; hence, I also made an inquiry about you too."
Avishka understands that Prakram's position allows him to access a wealth of information about her, and she has no issues with this. Prakram confirms this information by kissing her palm.
"After finding out all these things, I want to tell you something that I have come to know. They found Rajeev's decomposed body in the river seven days after the accident. Half of his body was missing because the fish in the water or some water animals had eaten his body, and it was cremated as soon as possible. No postmortem was given, and it was assumed that your dead body might have gone somewhere far away because even Rajeev's corpse took time to find it, but Sanjeev was too stubborn to accept it, and he too was searching for you everywhere."
After hearing him, she suddenly feels numb.