Chapter 30
Massimo
Not long after dawn, Evelyn stirs in my arms. She twitches and lets out a soft whine.
I shake her gently, waking her before she relives the nightmare in her sleep.
“You’re safe,” I promise, kissing her temple.
She shivers and curls into a tight ball, protecting herself.
From me?
“I will never hurt you,” I swear, ragged and desperate. “Look at me.”
She peeks up at me, her eyes cautious.
“I’ve got you.”
I pull her closer, wrapping my arms around her as though that’s enough to bind her to me.
“I know,” she whispers, but she isn’t reassured. The words are soft with horror.
So, she does see me as her captor, not her savior.
“Why?” I beseech. “Why did you try to leave me? I thought you wanted to be with me.”
Was it all a lie? A careful deception so that I’d leave her unguarded and give her the opportunity to slip away from me?
The prospect makes my chest ache.
Her delicate features tighten with pain. “You made me think you cared. And then you set me aside. Why would I stay when I’m nothing more to you than a possession, a plaything?”
Confusion pinches my brow. “What are you talking about? Of course I care.”
I care so deeply that it terrifies me. I almost lost her last night. Maybe I already have lost her in all the ways that truly matter.
Her expression is shuttered, her eyes guarded.
“You bought that girl,” she says, her lips twisting with disgust. “And then you asked your drug lord friend to take me away. I wasn’t going to wait around for you to come back and manipulate me into your bed. I won’t be fooled again.”
My insides twist. She has it all wrong, but the damage might be irreparable.
“I did it to save her,” I insist. “She’s safe with Adrián now. I set her free and made sure no one could touch her.”
She blinks, her cautious gaze searching mine. She isn’t sure if she can trust me anymore.
“I can call him if you want. He can put you in contact with her, and she’ll tell you what happened last night. She’s safe, Evelyn. I wasn’t going to allow anything to happen to her. She’s innocent.”
Her lips part in a soft inhale at my final words. That seems to sway her more than anything, but her eyes are still dark with doubt. She’s scared to trust me.
“Why didn’t you just tell me instead of dismissing me?”
Fuck. I’m not accustomed to explaining myself to anyone. It hadn’t even occurred to me that Evelyn might require an explanation. All I’d cared about was removing her from the awful scene and getting her to safety. I didn’t stop to consider how she might perceive the situation.
“I’m sorry,” I confess, meaning it with every fiber of my being. “I should’ve told you what was happening.”
She mulls it over for a minute, deciding whether or not she believes me.
“Yes,” she says quietly. “You should’ve told me. I’m a person, Massimo. Not a possession. You can’t just put me wherever you want me and keep me locked away.”
I lift my chin. “I will do anything to protect you. Even if you don’t like it.”
She shakes her head. “I’ve never doubted that you’ll protect me. What I want is your respect.”
I clasp her hand in mine and hold it over my heart. “I do respect you, Evelyn. You’re brave and kind and far better than I deserve. I fucked up, but I won’t make the same mistake again. I’ll explain myself in future.”
Something like longing sparks in her eyes. She wants to believe me.
“I didn’t want you to see what happened after the auction ended,” I continue, needing to explain my reasoning. “All I could think about was shielding you from that.”
She pales.
“And what happened after I left the club?” she asks, a soft challenge.
I grind my teeth, holding in the admission. She was horrified by my violence. I don’t want to admit how I slaughtered the lecherous men.
She wants honesty, but if I tell her what I did, she might look at me with revulsion again.
“I did what was necessary to save her,” I hedge.
She shivers. “Just like you saved me?”
My stomach turns.
“I’ve killed for you several times,” I remind her, defensive. “You know that. You didn’t look at me like that before.”
“Like what?”
“Like I’m evil,” I growl.
My mother’s final expression of horror plays through my mind in a sickening loop, blurring with the memory of Evelyn’s fearful, blood-splattered face.
My fault.
My mother’s death was my fault, just like Evelyn’s plight was caused by my actions. She ran away because I was too arrogant and controlling to bother explaining myself to her.
And my parents…
They were gunned down because I provoked the gang. I wanted to be one of those boys. My parents tried to teach me that violence wasn’t the only path open to me, but I disdained their worldview. I always wanted to be dangerous, powerful.
Now, I am.
And the only innocent, good hearted people who’ve ever cared about me have suffered for it. My mother and father are dead. Evelyn was assaulted.
I bury my face in my hands as the revelations crush me.
I’ve never doubted myself before, never questioned my choices. I take what I want and do what’s necessary to live.
But I didn’t just survive Le Vele; I’ve thrived in my criminal underworld. I’ve loved the freedom my violent lifestyle affords me, and I’ve never stopped to think about who might become collateral damage to my selfishness.
My code of honor dictates that I don’t harm innocents, but I’ve managed to hurt the people closest to me. The ones who deserved my protection the most have suffered because of my choices.
Evelyn’s soft fingertips touch my hair in a tentative stroke, barely brushing the dark strands. I lean into her touch with a low groan, desperate for more tender contact. I’m addicted to her, and even though I don’t deserve her, I crave her nearness. Her forgiveness.
The absolution only she can offer.
“You scared me last night,” she says gently. “But I’m not afraid of you, Massimo.”
My heart leaps into my throat, cutting off my ability to speak.
“Talk to me,” she urges. “You promised you would explain yourself to me. Tell me what you’re feeling.”
My hands drop from my face so that I can meet her lovely eyes. They shine with compassion, her awful fear finally chased away by concern for me.
I cradle her delicate face in my hands like she’s the most precious treasure in the world.
“This is all my fault,” I confess. “You were hurt because of me. And my parents…” My throat works, but I couldn’t force out the words.
Tears glitter on her lashes. Tears for me.
“You said they were killed in front of you. I’m sorry. But you saved me. I’m right here, Massimo. I’m alive.”
“They were killed because of me,” I correct her, the truth drawn from me like poison from a wound.
“I provoked the gang that murdered them. I wanted to join them, and I resented my parents for sheltering me. So, I put them at risk for my own gain. I wanted a life of violence, and they died for it. I got what I wanted.”
She trails her fingers through my hair again, her touch sure and soothing.
“You’re not responsible,” she counters softly. “The boy who shot them took their lives, not you. You were just a child in a difficult situation.”
“I tried to kill the boy,” I admit, continuing my terrible confession. “The last thing my mother ever saw was his blood on my hands. It broke her right before she died.”
Even now, I wish the bastard were dead. I should’ve killed him years ago, but he joined a rival Camorra clan, and murdering him would start a war.
One day, I’ll exact my revenge. I’ve craved it for so long that I’m sure how to live without my vendetta.
It’s given me purpose. Once I’m powerful enough, I’ll put him in the ground.
My mother would be ashamed of the man I’ve become.
Evelyn shushes me gently.
“You’re not responsible,” my angel repeats, a firm promise. “The boy who shot them is the only one to be blamed for their deaths. You tried to defend your family, just like you defended me.”
I look at her with awe. “You’re not afraid of me after what you saw me do to those men?”
She shivers, but her gaze is steady and earnest on mine.
“No, I’m not afraid of you, Massimo. I never want to see anything like that again, but you protected me. You saved me.”
As long as she’s with me, I can’t promise that she’ll never witness violence.
But I can’t let her go, not even now that I realize the depth of my sins. She’s looking at me like I’m a good man. I’ll do anything to keep her, to make her mine again.
Evelyn belongs to me, body and soul. In time, she’ll surrender her heart willingly. I’ll settle for nothing less.