Chapter 18 Maeve #2
Which is a bit terrifying considering Adrian and Helen have their own plans for me.
I’ve met his parents a handful of times, and other than the normal anxiety, I never felt worse. They’re vipers and extremely fucking vicious, but I wasn’t… afraid. Maybe I’m just a fucking idiot.
My chromius curls around herself smugly in agreement.
But they were always… polite. Polite enough, anyway. Formal, never too involved, and never alone. Clearly, that was by design.
At the time, I thought they just weren’t interested in me and my traumatic backstory.
But now I’m not so sure I read things correctly.
How am I meant to decide whether Adrian and Helen’s schemes are worse than the cruelty of Adrian’s parents without surviving them both?
Sure, I’d prefer neither, but that’s never an option for me.
He sighs. “Yeah, that fucking tracks.”
“Do we need to talk about them?” I ask carefully.
Lucifer’s eyes flicker to black for a brief second before he gains control over his imp. “Not tonight, princess. We’re all due some sleep.”
I sneer at him. “Sleep? I don’t think the unknown is going to do anything but give me nightmares. I suppose it doesn’t matter as long as you get your beauty rest, though, right?”
He groans, stepping closer to us. Usually, he’d sit, but I know he doesn’t feel welcome. That I am making him feel that way.
Why the fuck he’s listening this time when he hasn’t before, I’ll never know.
But you do, though, don’t you? The taunt from my inner bitch pisses me off.
“We’ll talk about this tomorrow. The flat is clear, the windows are all locked, and—”
“What happens if we’re too warm?” I demand.
Ari groans, shaking her head. “Maeve, you’ve never once opened a window in here.”
“Maybe I want to now that we’re closer to summer.”
Lucifer laughs, but it’s a dry sound, not one full of humour. “If that’s the case, give me a call, and I’ll monitor it for you all night long. Sacrificing my beauty rest for yours. Now, be a good girl and get yourself some sleep.”
I sneer at him, and with a two-fingered salute, he leaves. I don’t bother to follow him, knowing he’ll lock up properly after himself, and instead, I blow out a breath of air, trying to gather the will to go shower.
“You know, if I didn’t know better, I’d say the two of you fucked, and it’s now in that awkward limbo stage where you need to talk.”
I flush, and her eyes widen.
“Maeve Marvellous Quinn—”
“Not my middle name.” I grimace, sitting up properly. “We didn’t. Not even a little bit. But there was an argument… and I… I don’t know. Things are weird. I feel weird.”
“I think he does, too,” Ari offers. “Want to talk about it?”
I look at the bottle of water on the coffee table in front of me, watching the few drops of condensation drip down the plastic. It’s better than looking at Ari’s inquisitive gaze.
“I was angry with him. I thought he hated them all, but he likes Helen. Says she’s the reason he got free from that family—from that fucking place,” I murmur.
Ari doesn’t gasp or show any signs of shock. Instead her brows draw together, and she nods slowly. “And do you know why that made you angry?”
Curling my lip, I nod, trying not to let her see anything other than my anger.
I can’t have the piteous feelings my chromius harbours being noticed.
I’d rather die.
“Lucifer’s not like the rest of them,” I explain, finally voicing the thoughts that have been plaguing my brain for the last couple of days. “Draven’s my boss. He never chose me, never chose to care or be involved. It was just an expectation.”
My chromius twists up inside me, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t fully form the usual mental block between the two of us.
Bitch.
“Julian is a liar and is getting close to me because of Adrian. He doesn’t truly care about me and has no interest in anything beyond what his family expects. It’s manufactured interest, pretend care, fake feelings.
“I guarantee Hadrian is the same, a second prong to try what his brother failed. He’s never once tried to hide his disdain, and, sure, he’s far more… malleable now, but there’s still that underlying pretence that keeps me safe from his manipulation.
“All three of them have had an ulterior motive in getting close to me. They’re obvious in it, and it’s made it so easy to keep my guard up, to not let them in.”
The snarl from my chromius is proof of their delusions working on her. They’ve succeeded in tricking the desperate creature, and it’s getting harder to convince her otherwise.
But that doesn’t matter to me because I know the truth. I know their care is a lie, and that, one day, they’ll be out of my life, moving onto better people.
Worthy people.
Clean people.
“Didn’t Lucifer have this same ulterior motive, though? You know how much I like our devil, but…” Ari trails off, trying her hardest not to offend him.
Cute, but I’d prefer she was vicious in her attacks on his character.
“Sure. He did it as a fuck-you to his family. His motive was one we were in agreement on. I knew it upfront, and this was the only one I actively chose, too.”
I shrug, trying not to let her see how much this is bothering me. Can’t she understand my upset?
Can she not see how much his deception has hurt?
“From the moment he agreed to be my… bodyguard, we have been on the same page. Until we went to the compound.”
“Oh, Maeve.”
“Lucifer claims he didn’t tell me about Helen because he wanted me to have someone on my side.”
“But all he did was delay the inevitable,” she whispers.
I nod, blinking back the tears. I won’t fall apart.
Not over a man’s lies.
Not over a Graves’s lies.
I can’t be that weak.
But, fucking hell, it’s hard to not let it hurt.
“We talked. I understand.”
“But understanding doesn’t mean you don’t hurt,” Ari says, and I can hear the sympathy in her voice.
Let’s all pity the worthless mess who was once again taken for a fool by a Graves man offering pretty promises.
I stare at the water bottle until the condensation slows. Ari doesn’t push. She just waits and offers her presence as comfort.
But she doesn’t understand the depths of my depravity.
The darkness that taints my soul.
Ari’s not like me.
Not like Lucifer.
He understands the way the shadows drape over me, and how the monsters are drawn like a moth to a flame.
Lucifer knew me. He knows me.
So, how did he not predict this betrayal?
Why did he think it was okay to lie to me?
Why does he still care for her?
“What does this say about me, that I’d deny him the one good person in his life that cares?” I snap, shoving the bottle of water away, ignoring how it rolls off the table onto the floor.
My anger isn’t directed at her but at myself. I’m weak.
Selfish.
Disgusting.
And so fucking angry.
“How can I complain about the shitty life I have, and then condemn him for having one good thing? One person who cares. One person who loves him,” I continue.
My eyes are stinging, my cheeks wet as my tears drop from my chin.
“He called her Hel, like it’s a cute little nickname. Like they’re… like—” I gag, shaking my head and stepping back as Ari reaches for me.
“Oh, my love,” she whispers, and I can hear the pain in her voice, the worry for me, the concern over my panic.
But there’s no judgement.
No condemnation.
Why can’t she just hate me like the rest of the world?
“Lucifer fucked up, and I don’t think he even understands how much he broke,” Ari says softly. “I know that he didn’t tell you because he thought he was protecting you.”
I huff a weak laugh as my heart continues to race erratically. Thumping so painfully against my ribs. “That seems to be a running theme, and it’s never a good enough excuse. Telling the truth hurts… but lying? It hurts a thousand times over.”
“You’re right. Regardless of his methods, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t still wrong.”
I nod as the tears continue to fall. My face is uncomfortable—wet, tight, and disgusting.
Where I see betrayal, my chromius has kept reminding me that just because he made a mistake doesn’t mean he was malicious.
He wanted to help me, not harm me.
But right now, I need things to be simple. Our world is a mess, and I don’t know what’s going to happen.
I moved on. Well… I’ve tried to move on.
But it’s very fucking hard.
“I can handle it,” I lie, the words tasting like ash.
Ari tilts her head. “How?”
“By not caring.”
The falsification of my feelings is easily done.
“I’m a responsibility to him. Nothing more.”
My chromius bristles, truly angry with me, but she doesn’t fight me. She doesn’t have the energy.
“He’s seen me as a piece on the board, just like the rest of his family,” I continue, blinking away the last of my tears. “Pieces don’t have feelings—they can’t.”
Ari’s gaze softens, her icy grey eyes full of an emotion I can’t recognise.
One I won’t acknowledge.
“Maeve—”
“I’m tired,” I interrupt.
She hesitates, then nods, moving her blanket as she stands up.
“Okay. Let’s get you showered and in bed. We can deal with everything else tomorrow.”
I close my eyes, just for a moment, and breathe.
Somewhere deep inside, beneath the exhaustion and the logic and the lies I tell myself to breathe, something old and instinctive whispers that I’m wrong, that I can trust Lucifer, that he’s only ever done what is best for me.
Something that feels like hope. That’s likened to trust.
Something… something that feels like my soul.
Tonight, I choose not to listen.
But maybe one day, I might brave this next life.