45. Someone old, something new
CHAPTER 45
SOMEONE OLD, SOMETHING NEW
EMMA
I have to hand it to my mother.
She demanded Violet’s apology in the form of a very generous donation and send-off, and she didn’t back down an inch.
To my everlasting relief, it’s only a small affair. Harvey has shown me the account receipts proving that the costs have already been paid by Logan’s parents. It’s being billed as a “generous thank-you” for all of my parents’ contributions over the years. Honestly, I don’t care what they call it, as long as it doesn’t cost my parents a cent. The champagne is decent, though.
The sun’s turned out in all its glory, as though personally invited. As I soak up every hill and valley, it takes everything in me not to get emotional. The terrace is dressed beautifully, adorned for the last time. Come tomorrow, the house will be under new ownership.
I flag down a fresh glass of Cristal and blink back the tears.
“Heads up,” Ivy whispers behind her glass. “Ex at three o’clock.”
My heart skips a beat, and I don’t even pretend to be subtle about looking. But in the next second, my stomach sinks. It’s not Charlie.
Ivy winces. “Sorry, I should have said it was the other one.”
Logan lifts his chin, trying to catch my eye, but I turn back to the view. It’s all too reminiscent of the last time I was standing here. Of the man who was standing beside me.
This time, instead of Charlie, I have Ivy, and she’s giving me her patented “You know what you want; what are you going to do about it?” look.
“We’re not broken up,” I repeat for the third time. “Charlie’s just being…” Infuriating. Ridiculous. Scared.
“Have you seen him this week?” she asks.
My shoulders fall. “Not even his shadow.” For so long, I couldn’t escape him. But ever since he moved back to Operations, he’s been a ghost.
She squeezes my hand. “He’ll come to his senses. I’m sure of it. You didn’t see the way he looked at you.”
But I did see it. Which is what makes it hurt so much.
I want to call him, ask him how his day went, ask about Reese. I want to storm over to his apartment and lock us inside until he comes to his senses.
Hell, I’d settle for him telling me to go fuck myself if it meant hearing his voice.
Morning, sunshine.
I miss it. I miss him. I kind of want to punch him.
How is it even possible to be this mad at a person I love so much?
Work is awful without him. I can’t even enjoy the peace of Roberts’s absence, because every time I look up, I expect to see Charlie’s sparkling blue eyes, only to find an empty space.
I’ve drafted an email to HR asking for a desk change, but I haven’t sent it. I have no idea how to phrase “I get sad every time I see the desk of the guy I was sleeping with, and oops, we were meant to disclose that but didn’t, sorry.”
“Where did your parents disappear to?” Ivy asks.
Oh god, for a blissful few minutes, I’d actually forgotten why I came out here. “They are presently saying goodbye to their bedroom. Biblically.”
Ivy’s jaw drops, looking scandalized, which is exactly what I was fifteen minutes ago when I went looking for them. At least she didn’t have to hear it.
“Tell me they’re not.”
I tip back the last mouthful of champagne in my glass, but unfortunately, the bubbles don’t erase my memory. “They are.”
She covers her mouth and shakes with giggles. “Oh my god. Cheers to Mr. and Mrs. Conway.”
It’s so ridiculous I can’t help but smile. This is why Ivy is one of my favorite people. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
She sets her empty glass down. “Not as glad as I am. Ciara hasn’t stopped calling me since Mom moved in to help with the baby, like she didn’t ask her to. If only we could harness our parents’ powers for good, we could solve anything, or at least exhaust whoever opposes us until they give up.”
I chuckle. “Remember that when it’s your turn.”
“I’m warning you now, if I ever get married, I plan on eloping. In the middle of the night. In another country.”
It’s so her I can’t picture it happening any other way. “As long as you’re prepared to be called on as a witness when my parents find out I don’t want children.”
“To frustrating our parents,” she toasts with a laugh.
“If you’re conspiring,” says a familiar British accent from behind me, “I’d like to offer my services.”
Well, well, well. Here’s a face I haven’t seen in a while. “Lincoln Bartholomew Reeves, how did you get past security?”
With a laugh, he wraps me up in a tight hug. “That might be your worst guess yet.” In the years since I last saw him, he’s grown his hair out and gained a tan. Probably skippering a boat around the isles, knowing Lincoln. “As if I was going to miss your parents’ last hoorah.”
I turn to Ivy. “Lincoln’s the closest thing to a brother I have. His family owns the estate next door, but he’s been MIA for the last few years.”
“More like an older cousin you still talk to,” he says, all his attention on Ivy as he holds a hand out to her. “And the pleasure is all mine.”
“We’ll see” is all Ivy says. She slips her hand into his, but she doesn’t give her name. She’s regarding Lincoln like he’s an abstract painting and she’s trying to work out whether he’s been hung upside down.
I file that away for later.
It takes Logan another hour, where he does little else except watch us, before he extricates himself and walks over. Whatever game he’s playing, it makes no difference to me. The result is the same.
I’ve moved on.
I give Ivy the okay, and she heads off in search of another drink.
“I believe a happy birthday is in order,” he says as he passes me a glass of red wine. I make a mental note to throw it into the planter beside me when he’s distracted.
“How are you?” The shorter this exchange is, the better.
“Honestly, I’ve been feeling a little neglected,” he pouts. “You’re a hard person to get a hold of lately.”
“I’ve already told you multiple times; I’m not interested.”
Logan is the same as he’s ever been. Still charming, rich, personable.
But he’s not who I want anymore.
He doesn’t make me laugh the way Charlie does, doesn’t challenge me, or debate with me about the moral implications of eating an animal cookie head first.
He never loved me the way Charlie does.
“You have,” he says, “but I think you should reconsider.”
I’m head over heels for Charlie, even if the short-sighted asshole would rather bury his head in the sand than touch an emotion.
But all problems have solutions, right? And Charlie’s always telling me what a great problem-solver I am.
“Logan,” I sigh.
I’ve tried letting him down gently. I expected it to be quick, the same as when he dumped me. Instead, he keeps trying to debate it, as if he can bargain his way back into a relationship with me.
Without asking, he clasps my elbow and steers me through the crowd into the house. “I think it’s better if we have this conversation in private.”
It won’t matter where we have it, but I can appreciate him not wanting an audience.
He doesn’t stop walking until we reach the wine cellar. As we descend the steps, I’m struck with déjà vu. But I push it out of my mind.
“All right,” I say, keeping a few feet of distance between us. “You’ve gotten me here, so say what you came here to say, and let’s put this to rest.”
“You can’t deny we make sense on paper, Emma. I like that you’re different from the other girls my parents set me up with. I’m not ready to settle down, and you’re still preoccupied with your career, so it’s ideal. I can wait out your little hobby, and when I’m ready, you can step away from your job. You can’t honestly say you’d rather be with that loser you brought last time, and you’re not exactly in a financial position to be turning me down.”
I’m five seconds away from putting my heel through his liver.
Logan has the audacity to stroke my cheek. “I know I had a problem with it before, but I’m willing to accept you even if you’re broken.”
Heart lurching, I pull away.
I have no interest in a man who wants to break me in, overpower me, or make me his prize.
I need a partner who will stand by my side. Equal. Who recognizes my worth and my power and celebrates it.
Who holds his own just as well during a storm as while it’s calm.
Who reflects the breadth of my love in equal measure.
Logan isn’t that man.
He lives to be heard. The right answer is always his, even if it’s fed to him.
There’s a platinum card where his heart should be.
But Charlie…
He raises the bar for me. He’s never asked me to lower myself, and he isn’t afraid to push me either.
I stare at Logan, seeing the truth now. How he preferred his place to mine, how I made him feel inadequate. “I’ll never be able to be less than perfect with you.”
“That’s ridiculous. You’re hardly perfect,” he says. Instantly, his eyes go wide, and he backtracks. “You know what I mean.”
I bite back a scoff. Does he really expect this to win me over?
“Work isn’t a phase, Logan. It’s not temporary, and it’s not a silly little hobby I’m keeping up for fun. Even if I didn’t need the money, I enjoy it. My parents understand that; why can’t you?”
“What will happen when you have kids? You can’t expect to do both.”
“You’re right. I don’t expect to do both.” I do a mental recap of our relationship using this new insight, and I’m left with more questions. “I thought you liked that I had a job.”
“Please,” he taunts, and I guess we’ve reached the mask-off portion of the evening. “I only entertained this charade because it meant I was off the hook to propose for a few years. All my other girlfriends have been obsessed with the ring, but not you. You were too distracted playing assistant. I know you like feeling important, but it’s degrading. We both knew you’d end up back here.”
“I should throw this in your face,” I grit out, anger flooding me, “but I don’t want to waste top-shelf wine on a bottom-shelf man.” Within the confines of my heart, the piece of him I’ve been holding on to falls away, leaving me lighter. The shackles of promises made, the fantasy I held of our future, all of it, gone. “You lied to me.”
“I softened the truth.”
Footsteps descend the stairs. Probably a server looking for more wine. Good. I’m ready to be done with both this conversation and the man in front of me.
“I care for you, Emma. I always have.”