21. Teeny
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Teeny
NOW
There’s been a cloud hanging over my head for the past few days. It isn’t dark or menacing, but it’s more just there. Gray and lingering, following me around like a bundle of balloons tied to my wrist. I’d been calling in a lot of my work, corresponding with my clients via email, making sure Roberta’s first batch of furniture arrived at the hotel without a hitch. I returned to Allegra’s gallery, unable to walk all the way to the back to see my painting, and purchased some pieces with her receptionist, linking my selections with Eric for his approval.
I took Sadie shopping for her dress for the wedding, the one she’d wear while she sang “Unchained Melody” accompanied by the baby grand piano Mina arranged to have at the reception. I listened to her practice and practice in her room, perfecting her already performance-ready voice to sound angelic. We were ready to celebrate yet another union within our family.
Picturing my brother and Mina swaying in the candlelight and the romantic ambiance of their rustic wedding brought on an entire onslaught of my past. There was so much of myself that I buried when I let go of the idea of me and Everett. Something in me died, snuffed there alongside those glimmers of hope I reserved for love. I convinced myself that love isn’t real. That it’s an illusion. Something for people’s hearts to feel warm and fuzzy around. But the true ideology of love? It’s all a lie.
But is it? Is love really a lie? Because if it is, what is Everett doing here? After all these years, why is he here if not for love? And if not for love, then what am I doing letting him back in?
I shove all those questions, swirling in my head like a torrent, aside as I pull to the curb in front of James’s house. Sadie has a box of Sprinkles cupcakes on her lap, and she exits the car carefully as we both round the hood to walk up the driveway.
“Hey,” James answers the door, a pink elephant plush in his hand and a look of confusion on his face. “What are you guys doing here?”
“I texted Kendall to see if we could stop by.”
He opens the door wider to let us in. “Come on in,” he says, eyeing the box in Sadie’s hands. “Sophia just woke up.”
We walk in, carefully tiptoeing through the hallway littered with baby things. A folded stroller, stacked diaper boxes, an activity table out of its original packaging with parts of it not yet completely built. As soon as we enter the living room, I catch Kendall leaning back on the sofa. She has Sophia resting on her chest, a burp cloth hooked over her shoulder, with her hand lightly rubbing Sophia’s back.
“Hey,” she calls softly as Sadie curls up to Kendall’s side, her face inches from Sophia’s. “Are those for us?”
Sadie hands her the cupcakes. “Yup. Can Sophia have some yet?”
Kendall laughs. “How about we start with some pureed carrots first.” She looks at me over her shoulder. “You want some tea? Coffee?”
“Coffee sounds great.”
She starts to stand, but James stops her. “I got it.” She smiles gratefully at him, and James presses a kiss on Kendall’s temple before walking into the kitchen.
“Can you get Sophia’s bottle too please?” she calls after him.
“I’ll see if he needs any help,” I tell Kendall. “Still not sure if he can do two things at once.”
“I heard that,” I hear from the kitchen. I leave Sadie cooing at Sophia to follow my brother. “You take cream and sugar?”
“Yeah,” I answer. I watch him reach into the fridge for a bottle of creamer, and I sit on one of the barstools surrounding the island. “Leo came by the other day.”
“Yeah?”
I nod. “He mentioned you told him about Vegas?”
“Yeah,” he answers, his focus on filling the coffee maker. “We went out for a couple of drinks, and it came up.”
“Yeah, well, he got pretty upset.”
His face twists in disapproval. “Why?”
“Because Everett was there.”
“Oh my god. That’s outrageous.” I stay quiet, fidgeting with a silicone teether resting on the counter. “I mean, you two are married. He has nothing to worry about.”
“You know, I had that same thought at one point,” I say, a sarcastic undertone beneath my words.
He looks at me, pressing the brew button and letting the machine garble as the water inside heats. “Yeah, I know.” He pauses, watching me with his hands braced on the counter. His lips twist to one side and his brow furrows. “I mean, he has nothing to worry about, right?”
I answer with more silence.
“Teeny, don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what?”
“Don’t use Everett to get back at Leo,” he says, the tone in his voice annoyed as if he assumes I’ve already considered this.
“I’m not.”
“Look, I’ve been trying to stay out of this because it’s really none of my business,” he says, that annoyance gone and in its place a voice of reason and genuine concern. “But if you’re going to end it, then end it. Don’t drag it out to punish Leo, and don’t involve Everett.”
“I’m not dragging it out, and I’m not punishing Leo,” I argue. “But these things take time. A divorce isn’t like online shopping. There’s a process.”
“So, you’re going through with it? The divorce?”
I look away, my focus on the bumpy edges of the teether made for soothing irritated baby gums. “It’s been over, James. This affair was just…It’s not worth looking past. I don’t have any fight left in me.”
The kitchen starts to fill with the warm, chocolaty smell of the coffee dripping into the glass pot. “And Everett?”
My knee jerk reaction is to deny what he’s insinuating. Even get upset that he’d question something that feels so absurd. But I realize how un -absurd his assumption is. “I don’t know.”
“Teen, what’s going on?”
I shake my head, the sting of tears hitting the bridge of my nose.
“Did something happen with you and Everett?”
I don’t know how to deny it, so I look at him just as the first tear trails down my cheek. He lets out a heavy sigh, showing how concerned he is for me. “Teeny,” he says, his voice void of judgment. “I’m not opposed to this whole thing with Everett because you’re married or whatever the fuck. I know what Leo did and…it’s inexcusable. But Everett…”
I reach for a napkin and dab at the corner of my eyes, unable to stop the tears as they flow freely. I draw in a loud sniff, and I feel it in my chest. How much of my pain has resurfaced. How those old wounds never healed. They didn’t even scab or scar. They’re still fresh.
“Does he know?”
I shake my head. “I never told him.”
“Teeny, what he did…” His voice trails. “And you were so damn young. I honestly don’t think I would’ve let that shit go if Leo hadn’t come around. But I did. Because Leo stepped in and he…he brought you back.
“I think you need to talk to Everett. He needs to know the truth.”
I nod, unsure if I can even utter the truth to myself let alone to the man who’s held on to the weight of my past for the last twenty years.