Chapter 8 #2
My eyes widen, and my heart beats fast as everyone watches without saying a word. I’m still holding the bottle as we stare at each other.
Myles’s lip twitches and his nostrils flare.
It’s been years, but somehow I can still read his actions like an open book. All the times we played together rush back, and the way I can see the wheels turning in his head tells me he won’t let me get away with dousing him in the face.
“No, don’t,” I whisper, stepping away.
He snaps at my voice, jumping up from the table.
I run.
But he’s too quick.
I make it all of three feet away before his hands wrap around my waist.
I shriek. “Don’t you dare!”
He spins me around with a sour expression and fire in his eyes, and lifts me into the air. He throws me over his shoulder despite my flailing arms and legs.
“Put me down!” My hair falls into my face as I continue to beat my fists into his back.
He doesn’t stop. He keeps walking, determined and unwavering, with his arms over my legs, locking me in place like a rag doll. I don’t remember him being this strong. I can’t break free.
“I’m serious, Myles! Put me down!”
He walks out of the cafeteria.
“Where are you taking me?” I yell.
“To touch grass!”
I slap his shoulder and gasp. “You jerk!”
He rounds the corner of the hallway and roughly sets me down on my feet. “I’m the jerk?” He points at himself. “You’re the one off in la la land, spewing nonsense like you’re high.”
I fumble to sweep my hair out of my face to clear my view. “I’m not high. You’re going to hurt Mallory and I’m trying to stop you.”
He holds up his hands, curling in his fingers by his face. “Do you hear yourself? You sound like you’ve completely lost it.”
“I’m just trying to figure out the truth.”
“I already told you.” He inches closer. “There’s nothing going on.”
I should push him away, but I don’t. “I know you. You’re lying.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t know anything about me. Even back when we were kids, you only cared about yourself.”
“That’s not true!”
He tugs at his hair and grimaces when he touches the wet locks. He shakes his hand out, flinging the water in my face. “Why are you so bent on ruining my life?”
“Me? You have no idea what you’re talking about—”
“You hit my dog with a freaking car!”
My blood goes cold with the numbing image of Duke in my mind. The way the dog lay limp in Myles’s arms, and the way Myles looked at me, stunned and hurt. My hatred of him now doesn’t lessen the guilt I feel for what I did then.
Myles steps back and shakes his head. “I’m not doing this. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I can’t . . .”
My nose tingles and my eyes sting, but I’ve never cried in front of Myles and I’m not about to start now.
Three years ago we stood in front of my garage while the rain poured down, and I held out the key to my dad’s car. The divorce papers had just been served. I couldn’t accept it, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell Myles about it either because I was afraid I’d cry.
He shook his head, his curls sticking to his forehead. “We’re not doing this.”
“Come on. You have to!” My lip wobbled and my clothes felt too tight, like they were going to suffocate me, but I forced a smile. I needed to be confident to convince him.
“We can’t steal your dad’s car. How could you even ask me to do that? I don’t have a license, and neither do you.”
He was fourteen, and I was thirteen. We didn’t even have our permits yet.
His brow furrowed as he stood in the dim light of the night, his new school uniform clinging to his chest. “We’re going to get hurt.”
“We’ll be fine. I promise.”
He stepped back. He didn’t believe me.
Myles didn’t look the same as he did the first day I met him. He wasn’t the same scared boy in Bermuda shorts. He had grown into his curls. He was in high school, and because I was still in middle school, we hadn’t seen each other as often. He always seemed to be busy.
He had changed. He wasn’t afraid to tell me no anymore. But he didn’t understand. He didn’t know why I desperately needed to do this.
I just wanted to see my mom again and this was the only way. I needed to do something outrageous enough that she'd come back. Maybe I’d be arrested and she’d come to the police station, or maybe I’d get hurt and she’d come to the hospital. Either way, she’d come back. I knew she would.
“I won’t go,” he said, stepping closer.
“Fine. Then I’ll do it myself.”
He reached for the key, but I ran.
He chased after me. “I swear, Emma, if you do this, I won’t save you this time.”
I yanked the car door open and slipped inside, locking it behind me.
He pounded on the window. “Get out of the car, Emma! You’re going to get hurt or hurt someone else!”
I rolled my eyes and laughed. “I’ll be fine!”
I laughed because I wanted to believe my world wasn’t falling apart.
He ran in front of the car, with his hands on the hood, like he could stop it from going forward. “Get out!”
I started the car, but I didn’t know how to drive. I didn’t know how much pressure I needed to put on the gas to make it go forward, and I didn’t know how quickly I needed to step on the brake to get the car to stop.
I put my foot on the gas pedal and the car lurched forward. Myles jumped out of the way, and the car accelerated as Myles screamed.
Not even a second later, I noticed gold fur out of the corner of my eye. Duke ran straight in front of me, probably trying to get to Myles because he knew something was wrong. Before I could move, the car slammed right into him.
I can still hear his yelp. The pain and hurt wrapped into one little sound that’s haunted me for years.
I couldn’t breathe as I fumbled to put the car back into park. My heart was in my throat as shock took over my body.
I jumped out of the car and time stood still. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t do anything but watch the tears streaming down Myles’s face as he held Duke in his arms. The dog’s body was limp and I didn’t have to step closer to know how badly I’d messed up.
Myles buried his face into Duke’s fur. “Do something! Call someone!” he cried.
But I knew there wasn’t anyone we could call to fix what I’d done.