Chapter 39 #2
She bites her lip and shakes her head. I’m not sure if I’m imagining it or not, but her eyes seem to be strained. “Come on. We were already drifting apart.”
I think back to my freshman year and how little we saw each other. Was she right? Was our relationship already ruined by that point? “I thought you didn’t want me around.”
Her eyes water and she looks up at the ceiling. “I didn’t know how to handle my mom leaving, and I didn’t know how to talk to you about it.”
The conversation I overheard yesterday replays in my head. My heart aches when I think about how much her mom hurt her. She’s been carrying so many negative feelings with her these past years, and it’s starting to make sense.
“You should've told me,” I say. There’s an ache in my chest, wishing I could comfort her better, but nothing I can say will change the past.
“I thought you’d be happier without me.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Are you sure? You seem fine. When you went to high school, you moved on and made new friends. Back then I felt guilty when you spent time with me because you’d act all awkward and uninterested, like you’d rather be somewhere else. We probably would’ve drifted apart anyway.”
“I wasn’t acting that way because I didn’t want to be around you,” I say.
“Then why?”
My cheeks burn, heat rising to my face as my heart pounds. How could she possibly think I didn’t want to be around her? She’s all I thought about. Her smile. Her laugh. Her.
“Because I liked you,” I say. “And that scared me.”
Her head snaps up.
I have her attention now. Her face pales and her eyes widen like a deer in the headlights. She searches me with her eyes in a frantic way, never staying fixed on one point for very long.
“Say something,” I whisper.
She blinks, then she takes a deep breath.
The wait is agonizing because for the first time I’m fully exposed. All of my feelings are sprawled out in front of her, and the only thing I can do is sit here.
“How could you like me?”
“Are you serious?”
“I was a mess. I still am, and I always will be.”
I hit the floor. “Stop talking about yourself like that.”
“But it’s true.”
I throw my head back. “I swear, Emma, you’re impossible. You are the most stubborn, strong-headed person I’ve ever met.”
“Wow, thanks,” she mumbles.
“Let me finish.”
She shuts her mouth.
“Do you realize how boring my childhood would’ve been without you?
You pushed me to do things I would have never tried.
There isn’t a second that goes by that I regret meeting you.
You may not think you’re enough, but you’re wrong.
You don’t need to change yourself to be like everyone else.
I liked you because you were different. I liked that you were loud and unapologetically yourself.
Every day was an adventure with you, and no matter how much you want me to hate you, I’ve spent every day since then missing you. ”
She shakes her head, eyes up at the ceiling. “That can’t be true.”
“Look at me. Am I lying?”
There’s a tear that slips down her cheek when she looks at me.
“Am I?” I ask.
Her lips wobble, pinching together before she says, “No.”
“My life is not better without you.”
She wipes her face with the back of her sleeve. “But so much time has gone by. We’re different now, and I don’t think I can forgive myself for what I did. I hate myself for hurting you.”
“Don’t you miss me?”
Her face is lit up by the glow of the sunset as her watery eyes focus on me. “Every day.”
“Are you sorry?”
Her tears pour out like a waterfall. “I’m so sorry for everything.”
“Then stop punishing yourself. I forgive you.”
“Just like that?”
“We’re not meant to be apart, Emma.” I touch her hand and hold my breath. “Please come back to me.”
She looks at my hand on hers, and I can feel the weight of her stare. It sends goosebumps up my arm, and I ache for her to want me.
“Are you sure?” she asks.
“More than anything.”
She kicks her feet out and opens her arms, holding them up in the air. “Then hug me already.”
I smile.
There she is. My Emma.
I wrap my arms around her and she does the same. Relief floods through me when she touches me. It’s a feeling I can’t quite describe. It’s like I’ve been missing a part of myself and I’m finally whole again.
“You smell different,” she says, laughing through her tears.
“Is that a bad thing?”
She pulls away, and for a moment I’m afraid I’ll have to beg her to touch me again. It was too quick. I’m not ready to let her go.
But then she puts her hand on my face, turning it from side to side. “And since when do you shave?”
My face grows hot as she examines me, and I stay perfectly still because I don’t want to scare her off. “I grew up.”
She pouts. “I don’t know how I feel about that.”
“What do you want me to do about it?” I ask, still in shock that we’re having a real conversation. It’s bizarre how easy it is.
“I don’t know. I’ll have to get used to it.”
“Well, you can stare at me as long as you want.”
Her eyes widen and a pink hue covers her cheeks. “Since when do you talk like that?”
“It’s fun to make you blush.”
“I think you’re blushing more than I am,” she says, patting my face.
“I doubt that.”
She tilts her head and gives me a look. “I’ll prove it. Give me your phone and I’ll take a picture.”
“I don’t have my phone.”
She covers her mouth.
“What?”
“I don’t have mine either.” She scurries back over to the opening in the floor and stares at the useless ladder on the grass. “How are we going to call for help?”
“We could yell.”
She scratches her head and doesn’t seem too confident in that plan. “What if that doesn’t work?”
I’m not worried. I’m with Emma Adler, after all.
The corner of my mouth turns up. “Looks like we’ve found our first adventure.”