Chapter 12
Lilly
I hover my finger over the screen of my phone, reread the content of the email I’m about to send and press send.
The message goes along with the attachments I linked to it, straight to the admissions department at The Aurora.
That was it. My first real step toward getting my life back on track.
Yes… the whole financial aspect of it comes into play too.
It absolutely does because I can’t do anything without money, but there’s no sense imagining getting myself back on stage and dancing with the Aurora Dance Company then not doing anything about it.
Applications to join the company opened today and I just applied.
Last year I’d just missed the deadline for applications when Rosie and I got back to the states.
I was sad but not too sad because I wasn’t in the right frame of mind then to do anything.
I wasn’t even practicing or thinking about dancing.
As time went by, I slowly got back to that place in my mind where I knew I had to find my way back to the stage.
The date was saved on every calendar in the places I stayed at since and my phone. And in my heart.
There was no way I’d miss it, and even if I don’t get in the fact that I tried is what will count.
It was always my goal to dance with them, but they take the absolute best who already have a substantial amount of experience under their belt.
Even with my four-year absence from the dance world I have that now.
I look up as the barista approaches me with a smile. It’s early but late enough for the morning crowd to have vacated the coffeehouse leaving the best booths free.
“Can I get you something while you wait?” she asks with a kind smile.
“No, my…friend will be here soon. I’ll wait until then,” I answer. Calling Mimi a friend feels weird since I haven’t known her that long and it feels strange to my ears to refer to anyone as a friend. Miguel didn’t allow me friends.
“Okay, I’m Helen. Just give me a shout when she gets here,” Helen says with a nod.
“Thank you,” I answer, and she saunters away.
It’s nice here. I’ve been here a few times, but it wouldn’t be my first pick because it comes with a heavy price tag. To me it’s more of a treat. I’ve come here with Rosie. She likes the muffins. I’ve tried to replicate them for her, but I suck at baking. I’m a better cook.
At least I’m good at something that will be of benefit to her in some way, something she can remember me for.
I pray she never knows I had to work at The Dark Odyssey and that she never finds out I failed in every way to keep her safe and happy in these early years.
The last few nights with Christian were… I don’t know what to call them. Last night was the most intense because we were in bed the whole time.
I left at the crack of dawn because I thought I should, and I didn’t want to feel any hope that he would book me again. I thought the worse thing would be expecting it and then him not saying anything, so I left.
I’m fairly sure he got his fill of me last night and I don’t want to feel hurt when the fascination fades.
The task now is to push him out of my mind. Even if I see him tonight.
It’s not fair to want him to save me night after night.
I know all too well that I shouldn’t allow myself to be drawn to him in anyway and I’m not his problem to deal with.
The door to the coffee house opens with a little jingle and in comes Mimi. Like me she’s short and even has the same hair color. The first thing I thought when I met her was that our similar appearances could make us related.
She’s wearing a little top and Levi’s and looks like a million dollars even though her baby is six months old. There’s no way I’d guess she’d given birth six months ago or that she has another child.
I stand to greet her as she approaches, and she gives me a hug. As we hug, she does feel like a friend.
“You’re smiling, that’s a good thing,” she bubbles and the ends of her ponytail bounce.
I smile wider. “Thank you. I’m glad.”
She sits and I sit opposite her. “Thanks for meeting me. I hope it was okay to meet.”
“Yes, I got a sitter for my little girl.” Mimi messaged me just before I got to Jenny’s so I asked Jenny if she could watch Rosie a little longer. It was no problem.
“Perfect. I won’t take up too much time, I just want to make sure you’re okay and meet you outside of work, somewhere you could talk to me without the pressure.”
As she looks at me, I get that feeling again like she can see I’m not really okay.
“Thank you, and it’s fine. I have a really nice person looking after my Rosie. I trust her and she does a good job.”
“Oh good. So, are you really okay?”
“I’m okay. It’s been an interesting couple of nights.”
“Lilly people are raving about you. I was there from the club opened and I know people go to the club for one thing. You seem to be another. I feel awful that I haven’t seen your performance.
That man of mine is crazy. He’ll only allow me to go to the club if he’s there too, he’s just protective and thinks I should be wrapped in a bubble. His bubble.”
I chuckle. “But that’s nice, to have him take care of you like that.” I saw Salvatore a few times in my training and he’s exactly as she described. Protective.
She rolls her eyes at me and shakes her head. “The man has been like it since we were kids.”
“Really?”
“Hmmm hmm, granted I will admit to giving him cause to worry and yes there have been an occasion or two where I needed to be saved, but he can be totally over the top, especially with our kids. But… me aside, I do genuinely want to talk to you about how you are. And please, this isn’t about work. Are you really okay?”
No. I’m not okay. I don’t think I’ll ever be but I’m trying…
That’s what I want to say but I can’t.
“Yeah. I am.”
“I hope you don’t think I’m overstepping or crossing a line by sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong. Please feel free to tell me to fuck off if I am. I just recognize when people look troubled. You did when we met, and I sensed you’d been through something.”
My cheeks flush and I blink unable to keep my nerves steady. “I went through a bad spell. But I’m trying to sort things out,” I decide to tell her.
She gives me a little smile. “Well, I’m here if you need to talk. I mean that.”
“Thank you. It’s nice to have someone to talk to.” Even if I can’t tell her everything.
I’m not stupid and neither is she. She takes care of the girls at the club and I get the feeling she knows what to look out for with the troubled.
“Did you sign up for your audition?” she asks changing the subject, subtly.
I welcome the subject change but I’m surprised she remembers. I mentioned it in my interview.
“Yes, I’m looking forward to it. It’s been awhile. I hope I get the chance. It would be perfect because all their shows are done in Chicago.”
“Well from what I hear they’d be missing out if they don’t pick you, so I hope they do. I admire you for following your dreams and getting back out there after your moms’ death.”
That was what I told her, what I told everyone. No one who doesn’t know needs to know Mom died before I left the stage. She took her last breath believing I was married to a man who would take care of me. Thank God she never knew how that turned out.
“Yes, it’s been hard,” I agree.
We start talking about our lives and I almost feel at ease. Talking however, reminds me of how much tiptoeing I have to do around the truth. Living in Colombia is something I don’t really want anyone knowing. When I left, I shed Miguel’s name and that life.
I just have to stay focused to get over this hurdle and then I’ll be where I want to be.
* * *
I pick Rosie up a few hours later and we play on the swings in the park.
I always try to play with her. I know it must be disruptive to her sleep and surroundings to stay over with Jenny.
“Mama, can we get ice cream?” Rosie says kicking her little legs on the swing.
I still place her in the baby swings. She’s just at that in between stage but still a little too small for the bigger swings.
I smile at her. I can’t get the fancy ice cream she likes just yet. I’m keeping to a strict budget. However, the convenient store around the corner does some cool chocolate popsicles the owner makes herself. Rosie likes those.
“We can get some chocicles,” I suggest and she gives me a look of uncertainty that makes me laugh.
“I don’t know Mama, those don’t taste that nice,” she wrinkles her cute little nose. Her eyes sparkle in the sunlight and inside them I see Miguel again.
“Okay, how about we get marshmallows and I can make us some hot chocolate,” I suggest and her little face lights up.
“Yes, please Mama, I would love that.”
I bend down to pick her up and that’s when I get a prickling sensation run down my spine, like someone’s watching me. I straighten and look behind me, but there’s no one there.
We’re alone in the little park and there isn’t anyone walking on the street.
I scan over the apartment block, looking to see if anyone’s watching through the windows.
There’s no one. Not on the balconies either.
God… Am I being paranoid?
Maybe it’s Brent, or Lev sent someone to scare me.
I wouldn’t put it past either of them to watch me playing with my child. Lying in wait to get me.
I hoped that having Rosie around would deter him. Most men don’t go for single moms, and I don’t know any who would offer up sex right in front of a child the way Brent did.
I don’t want to see that asshole again. The things he said still run through my mind with the warning to move the hell out as soon as I can.
I pick Rosie up, deciding to head straight up to our apartment and improvise on the hot chocolate.
The door closes when we walk through, but the feeling comes back to me and I turn just in time to see a man with a hooded sweatshirt walk down the alleyway.
He glances back at me before he turns the corner.
I can’t see his face, but I know he’s not Brent.
Brent is taller and bigger in body and muscle.
That man was definitely watching me.
Who was he?